When your husband dies you are thrown into a world you no longer recognise and you have no idea how you’re going to get through the next five minutes, let alone the next five days.   So what do you do now? This is the big question and something I want to talk about here in this episode.   There really are few things in life as painful as the death of a spouse and there will be times when you won’t know how you are going to survive this, or even if you want to some days.   Grief is an umbrella term for the amalgamation of the most powerful and painful emotions. It will affect you physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually, but I want you to know that everything you experience is natural and valid.   Do what feels right for you. Full stop.   Find people that you can grieve with, people that can hold space for your loss and witness your grief, this is a fundamental need but often doesn't get met.   Let your feelings guide, they are information if you can listen to them.   Be kind to yourself, you will hear this a lot so let’s explore what this means a little.   You won’t want to hear this bit, but this is all going to take a lot longer than you expect it to, or even want it to. You’re not doing it wrong, this is grief sadly.

When your husband dies you are thrown into a world you no longer recognise and you have no idea how you’re going to get through the next five minutes, let alone the next five days. So what do you do now? This is the big question and something I want to talk about here in this episode. There really are few things in life as painful as the death of a spouse and there will be times when you won’t know how you are going to survive this, or even if you want to some days. Grief is an umbrella term for the amalgamation of the most powerful and painful emotions. It will affect you physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually, but I want you to know that everything you experience is natural and valid. Do what feels right for you. Full stop. Find people that you can grieve with, people that can hold space for your loss and witness your grief, this is a fundamental need but often doesn't get met. Let your feelings guide, they are information if you can listen to them. Be kind to yourself, you will hear this a lot so let’s explore what this means a little. You won’t want to hear this bit, but this is all going to take a lot longer than you expect it to, or even want it to. You’re not doing it wrong, this is grief sadly.

My husband died - Now what?

I speak to so many people and read so many posts where people talk about the fact they hate having to call themselves a widow.   It wasn’t long after Simon died that I realised I was a widow myself, at 39, but I did not feel hatred for the term, even though it meant my husband was dead.   The term widow does not define who you are, it is a label that describes a part of your life, not your whole life.   I am actually proud to be a widow, I feel honoured to be Simon’s widow, it is an absolute privilege.   If you struggle with the word widow, if it adds more discomfort to your grieving journey that you just don’t need, take a listen to this podcast and learn how to think of it in a different way. 

I speak to so many people and read so many posts where people talk about the fact they hate having to call themselves a widow. It wasn’t long after Simon died that I realised I was a widow myself, at 39, but I did not feel hatred for the term, even though it meant my husband was dead. The term widow does not define who you are, it is a label that describes a part of your life, not your whole life. I am actually proud to be a widow, I feel honoured to be Simon’s widow, it is an absolute privilege. If you struggle with the word widow, if it adds more discomfort to your grieving journey that you just don’t need, take a listen to this podcast and learn how to think of it in a different way.

Being a Widow does not define you!

Heather Quisel

You are going to love this conversation, Heather is so honest and open in this episode and shares so much wisdom you will have a few aha moments I’m sure. Heather shares her story of loss from when her husband, and childhood sweetheart, Larry died in 2018. Heather had to believe that her life could be good again after Larry died, the alternative was not an option for her. Heather believes we have to reframe our reality and redefine things now we are widows. Everything is so different after we lose a life partner, we are different, so how do we rebuild and re-invent ourselves and our lives so we can feel good again.  This can feel like a daunting idea, accepting that our lives will be different and we will be different. It is uncomfortable and it fills us with fear, so how do we overcome this? How do we intentionally create feelings that will move us forward rather than perpetuating our suffering, how do we make choices that allow us to live again? As a widow we are constantly navigating so many decisions in our lives, from the grocery shopping to the finances, from which side of the bed to sleep on to what we do with the ashes, from how do we be both mum and dad to how do I get some peace? It’s relentless, no wonder we’re exhausted. Heather gets it, she understands and she has the tools to help us reframe our reality, so we can reduce our suffering and be that strong independent person we were before we were thrown into the world of grief. Enjoy xx If you want to follow Heather you can find her here on Instagram;

You are going to love this conversation, Heather is so honest and open in this episode and shares so much wisdom you will have a few aha moments I’m sure. Heather shares her story of loss from when her husband, and childhood sweetheart, Larry died in 2018. Heather had to believe that her life could be good again after Larry died, the alternative was not an option for her. Heather believes we have to reframe our reality and redefine things now we are widows. Everything is so different after we lose a life partner, we are different, so how do we rebuild and re-invent ourselves and our lives so we can feel good again.  This can feel like a daunting idea, accepting that our lives will be different and we will be different. It is uncomfortable and it fills us with fear, so how do we overcome this? How do we intentionally create feelings that will move us forward rather than perpetuating our suffering, how do we make choices that allow us to live again? As a widow we are constantly navigating so many decisions in our lives, from the grocery shopping to the finances, from which side of the bed to sleep on to what we do with the ashes, from how do we be both mum and dad to how do I get some peace? It’s relentless, no wonder we’re exhausted. Heather gets it, she understands and she has the tools to help us reframe our reality, so we can reduce our suffering and be that strong independent person we were before we were thrown into the world of grief. Enjoy xx If you want to follow Heather you can find her here on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/heatherquisel/?hl=en" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram</a>;

Reframing our Reality with Heather Quisel

This week's episode is a conversation about blending life as a remarried widow and how it works for Jess and her husband Don. Jess’s first husband Justin died tragically in 2014 when their son Jax was just three days old. Jess moved back in with her parents and sold the family home whilst she worked through grief and being a new mum. Around sixteen months after Justin died Jess decided to dip her toe in the dating pond, which led her to meet her now husband Don, about two years after Justin died. We talk about the challenges of dating as a widow and also what kind of a person you need to be to open your heart to dating a widow. Jess shares the importance of knowing your worth and having that inner confidence and belief that you can find someone good again. She shares the challenges her and Don have faced and how to blend parenting in a new relationship. Meeting someone new is learning to love two people at once, it’s not always easy but it’s worth it for sure.

This week's episode is a conversation about blending life as a remarried widow and how it works for Jess and her husband Don. Jess’s first husband Justin died tragically in 2014 when their son Jax was just three days old. Jess moved back in with her parents and sold the family home whilst she worked through grief and being a new mum. Around sixteen months after Justin died Jess decided to dip her toe in the dating pond, which led her to meet her now husband Don, about two years after Justin died. We talk about the challenges of dating as a widow and also what kind of a person you need to be to open your heart to dating a widow. Jess shares the importance of knowing your worth and having that inner confidence and belief that you can find someone good again. She shares the challenges her and Don have faced and how to blend parenting in a new relationship. Meeting someone new is learning to love two people at once, it’s not always easy but it’s worth it for sure.

Navigating love and marriage as a widow with Jess Ayres AKA The Singing Widow

This is honestly such a powerful and meaningful conversation, I cannot wait for you to hear it. Marie and I talk about how we discover who we are after the loss of a life partner and it is so good, Marie blows me away in parts. This conversation left me absolutely buzzing, so much wisdom, honesty and mind blowing thoughts are shared, you will walk away feeling richer and more empowered for having listened. Marie is the owner and founder of Empowered Through Grief gaining her over 30k followers on Instagram. Her ability to put into words what we all feel and experience is awe-inspiring. Marie shares with us in this conversation how the changes she felt happening within her grief felt natural, that they revealed who she is at her core.  Marie went on to say that she followed what felt right throughout her journey, and still does. Not to say she gets it all right, but that she goes with what her instincts tell her, her inner knowing, it’s something we could all learn to do more of for sure. We discuss; -The importance of self awareness -Creating a meaningful life -How we define ourselves -The difference between our values and our roles and identities -How to reduce our guilt around living -How to cultivate a life that feels good -Processing the complexity of grief This conversation is rich with compassion, empathy and inspiration, take your time to really listen, and then listen again.

This is honestly such a powerful and meaningful conversation, I cannot wait for you to hear it. Marie and I talk about how we discover who we are after the loss of a life partner and it is so good, Marie blows me away in parts. This conversation left me absolutely buzzing, so much wisdom, honesty and mind blowing thoughts are shared, you will walk away feeling richer and more empowered for having listened. Marie is the owner and founder of Empowered Through Grief gaining her over 30k followers on Instagram. Her ability to put into words what we all feel and experience is awe-inspiring. Marie shares with us in this conversation how the changes she felt happening within her grief felt natural, that they revealed who she is at her core.  Marie went on to say that she followed what felt right throughout her journey, and still does. Not to say she gets it all right, but that she goes with what her instincts tell her, her inner knowing, it’s something we could all learn to do more of for sure. We discuss; -The importance of self awareness -Creating a meaningful life -How we define ourselves -The difference between our values and our roles and identities -How to reduce our guilt around living -How to cultivate a life that feels good -Processing the complexity of grief This conversation is rich with compassion, empathy and inspiration, take your time to really listen, and then listen again.

Discovering You with Special Guest Marie

Jo Betz

I am so thrilled to be able to share this conversation with you, Jo is such a beautiful soul and I absolutely love talking to her, I could have carried on for hours. I feel like Jo is a kindred spirit, her energy is so warm and full of optimism. I just wish we lived closer and could be friends in real life. Jo’s husband Craig died at home in the middle of the night from an asthma attack in 2017. Jo talks very openly and honestly about how she navigated that  first year of her grief, and how differently she tells her story now compared to then. After fighting the inevitable changes loss brings to our lives, Jo shares how she learnt to surrender and allow what was to be, ultimately learning how to grow around her grief and open her heart to new possibilities and opportunities. We talk about the challenges of supporting grieving children, how relationships with our children change and the strong bond we can sometimes feel that may not have previously been there. Jo tells us about how she learnt to trust herself and her ability to make decisions again, how she dealt with the identity crisis we all face and how she finds Joy in her life now. So much of what Jo said in this conversation resonated so deeply with me, It was like she was talking about me at times, so I know you’ll feel the same. If you want to follow Jo on instagram you can find her here; https://www.instagram.com/jo.betz/?hl=en And if you’d like to buy, or gift somebody, a copy of Jo’s journal here is the link; https://www.jobetz.com.au/products/grief-a-guided-journal

I am so thrilled to be able to share this conversation with you, Jo is such a beautiful soul and I absolutely love talking to her, I could have carried on for hours. I feel like Jo is a kindred spirit, her energy is so warm and full of optimism. I just wish we lived closer and could be friends in real life. Jo’s husband Craig died at home in the middle of the night from an asthma attack in 2017. Jo talks very openly and honestly about how she navigated that  first year of her grief, and how differently she tells her story now compared to then. After fighting the inevitable changes loss brings to our lives, Jo shares how she learnt to surrender and allow what was to be, ultimately learning how to grow around her grief and open her heart to new possibilities and opportunities. We talk about the challenges of supporting grieving children, how relationships with our children change and the strong bond we can sometimes feel that may not have previously been there. Jo tells us about how she learnt to trust herself and her ability to make decisions again, how she dealt with the identity crisis we all face and how she finds Joy in her life now. So much of what Jo said in this conversation resonated so deeply with me, It was like she was talking about me at times, so I know you’ll feel the same. If you want to follow Jo on instagram you can find her here; <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jo.betz/?hl=en" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://www.instagram.com/jo.betz/?hl=en</a> And if you’d like to buy, or gift somebody, a copy of Jo’s journal here is the link; <a href="https://www.jobetz.com.au/products/grief-a-guided-journal" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://www.jobetz.com.au/products/grief-a-guided-journal</a>

Giving Grief a Voice with Special Guest Jo Betz

I am thrilled to be able to share this conversation with you as it is so inspiring. Dana is a widow, cancer survivor and founder of The Forced Joy Project, and here she shares so much from her own journey through widowhood you can’t help but feel inspired by her. Dana’s husband Brad died in January 2017 and since then it has become Dana’s mission to inspire and empower others to find joy in the midst of grief, teaching people to embrace the joy, even during times of great sadness. The Forced Joy Project is a community of people who are willing to share in life’s brightest and darkest moments, which is something I love to do in my groups and what attracted me to Dana in the first place. Dana shares with us where the inspiration for The Forced Joy Project came from, how she dealt with her early grief and the changes she made in her life after Brad died. We talk about what Brad taught Dana and how she takes that forward with her honouring him in her new life, the importance of creating space for our grief and how it feels to be widowed with no children. We also discuss how we learn to trust our intuition, the choices we make in life and how we have to ‘do the work’ in grief, plus the world of dating!!!  It really is jam packed full of wisdom, hope and compassion, Dana is a woman I admire hugely and I know you’ll get so much from listening to this. Enjoy. If you want to follow Dana on Instagram click on the link below; https://www.instagram.com/forcedjoyproject/?hl=en And here is a link to her book of stories, https://www.forcedjoyproject.com/book-of-stories-intro

I am thrilled to be able to share this conversation with you as it is so inspiring. Dana is a widow, cancer survivor and founder of The Forced Joy Project, and here she shares so much from her own journey through widowhood you can’t help but feel inspired by her. Dana’s husband Brad died in January 2017 and since then it has become Dana’s mission to inspire and empower others to find joy in the midst of grief, teaching people to embrace the joy, even during times of great sadness. The Forced Joy Project is a community of people who are willing to share in life’s brightest and darkest moments, which is something I love to do in my groups and what attracted me to Dana in the first place. Dana shares with us where the inspiration for The Forced Joy Project came from, how she dealt with her early grief and the changes she made in her life after Brad died. We talk about what Brad taught Dana and how she takes that forward with her honouring him in her new life, the importance of creating space for our grief and how it feels to be widowed with no children. We also discuss how we learn to trust our intuition, the choices we make in life and how we have to ‘do the work’ in grief, plus the world of dating!!!  It really is jam packed full of wisdom, hope and compassion, Dana is a woman I admire hugely and I know you’ll get so much from listening to this. Enjoy. If you want to follow Dana on Instagram click on the link below; <a href="https://www.instagram.com/forcedjoyproject/?hl=en" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://www.instagram.com/forcedjoyproject/?hl=en</a> And here is a link to her book of stories, <a href="https://www.forcedjoyproject.com/book-of-stories-intro" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://www.forcedjoyproject.com/book-of-stories-intro</a>

Forced Joy Project with Special Guest Dana Frost

Dating in Widowhood

When we lose a life partner there are so many secondary losses but there’s one loss that often goes unnoticed and is hard to share with others, this can leave us feeling very alone and sometimes quite ashamed. The loss of intimacy is a real loss, being touched, hugged, kissed or sexually fulfilled leaves us with a huge void. We were in a loving relationship with our person and all of a sudden they’re no longer here, but our feelings are still very much alive. We have wants, needs and desires that are no longer being tended to. I wanted to talk about this important topic in this episode to help normalise these feelings, to open up the conversation, and to let you know that you are not alone in how you feel. Whether you decide to act on these desires or not is absolutely ok, but whatever you decide to do make sure it’s not adding to your suffering. Be aware of how you’re feeling and what’s driving you to make the choices you’re making, find somebody you can talk to that you trust, and know that all your feelings are completely valid. The worries you have about the possibility of another partner are common, the guilt you’re feeling towards your person when you have these desires, and wondering when the time is right to explore intimacy again is something we all think about. Learning to connect with ourselves and discover who we are is one of the most important factors I believe we need to work on. Building a healthy relationship with ourselves is at the heart of our healing journey, and it’s no different when it comes to the subject of intimacy.

When we lose a life partner there are so many secondary losses but there’s one loss that often goes unnoticed and is hard to share with others, this can leave us feeling very alone and sometimes quite ashamed. The loss of intimacy is a real loss, being touched, hugged, kissed or sexually fulfilled leaves us with a huge void. We were in a loving relationship with our person and all of a sudden they’re no longer here, but our feelings are still very much alive. We have wants, needs and desires that are no longer being tended to. I wanted to talk about this important topic in this episode to help normalise these feelings, to open up the conversation, and to let you know that you are not alone in how you feel. Whether you decide to act on these desires or not is absolutely ok, but whatever you decide to do make sure it’s not adding to your suffering. Be aware of how you’re feeling and what’s driving you to make the choices you’re making, find somebody you can talk to that you trust, and know that all your feelings are completely valid. The worries you have about the possibility of another partner are common, the guilt you’re feeling towards your person when you have these desires, and wondering when the time is right to explore intimacy again is something we all think about. Learning to connect with ourselves and discover who we are is one of the most important factors I believe we need to work on. Building a healthy relationship with ourselves is at the heart of our healing journey, and it’s no different when it comes to the subject of intimacy.

Loss of Intimacy

Hormones and Grief with Special Guest Cat Armor

The Widow Podcast promises to be a mix of honest conversations about all things widowhood alongside practical tips, tools and strategies to help you find a more positive way through your grief. Widowhood is tough and it can feel incredibly isolating, let's come together and shine some light in a very dark place. If you would like to learn more about how I can help you head over to www.karensutton.co.uk  Fall in love with life again.

I am so thrilled to be able to share this conversation with you as Lauren offers so much hope and wisdom from her own widow journey. I know a lot of it will resonate. Lauren has shared her story on her instagram page @imsorrywerefriends which is where I first met Lauren a couple of years ago and have continued to be inspired by her. Lauren's Husband Kevin was tragically killed whilst out cycling with friends in November 2019 and their son Lawson was only 14 months old at the time. In this conversation we talk about the shock and devastation brought on by the sudden loss of a life partner and how our grief evolves over time. Lauren tells us how there were times she felt claustrophobic in her own body, that nothing felt natural but how connecting with other widows helped her find her way, feeling seen, heard and understood. We talk about; Jealousy, Panic attacks and depression, Loneliness, Finding joy, Choosing to suffer, Honouring your person, Dating. Lauren spoke about so much in this episode that truly resonated with my own journey, discussing how we are able to grow through our grief and use the lessons to help us create a meaningful life after loss.

I am so thrilled to be able to share this conversation with you as Lauren offers so much hope and wisdom from her own widow journey. I know a lot of it will resonate. Lauren has shared her story on her instagram page @imsorrywerefriends which is where I first met Lauren a couple of years ago and have continued to be inspired by her. Lauren's Husband Kevin was tragically killed whilst out cycling with friends in November 2019 and their son Lawson was only 14 months old at the time. In this conversation we talk about the shock and devastation brought on by the sudden loss of a life partner and how our grief evolves over time. Lauren tells us how there were times she felt claustrophobic in her own body, that nothing felt natural but how connecting with other widows helped her find her way, feeling seen, heard and understood. We talk about; Jealousy, Panic attacks and depression, Loneliness, Finding joy, Choosing to suffer, Honouring your person, Dating. Lauren spoke about so much in this episode that truly resonated with my own journey, discussing how we are able to grow through our grief and use the lessons to help us create a meaningful life after loss.

I’m Sorry We’re Friends With Special Guest Lauren Lentz

Diane Evans

This week's episode is an especially poignant episode as I speak to a very brave and special lady about the reality of navigating death in life. Diane reached out to me as she has been listening to the podcast to give her the reassurance that after her own death, her husband, son and loved ones will be able to carve out a new and happy life for themselves. Diane is living with metastatic ovarian cancer and wanted to come and talk about the reality of living with cancer from her own lived experience, as the patient, and the grief and loss she is experiencing and what she wishes for her loved ones when her time comes. Diane openly shares how her work as a palliative care clinical nurse specialist, has helped her face her own diagnosis, and be able to talk about the things a lot of us would find very overwhelming and distressing. That’s not to say it’s easy for Diane, far from it, but it provides a coping strategy allowing Diane to talk about it in a professional capacity stepping back, for moments in time, from the reality she is talking about herself. However, in this podcast Diane shares a lot of her own grief within her diagnosis, how she feels about death and dying, and the reality of saying goodbye to those she loves dearly. We discuss; The different ways people grieve, Anticipatory grief, Guilt, New relationships in widowhood, The importance of communication, Hopelessness and depression, Existential crisis, The healing power of nature, living with uncertainty, What death looks like, And wishes for her loved ones in life after loss. I have to say, this is one of the most powerful conversations i’ve had, and one of the bravest. Diane is incredible, her wisdom, kindness and openness offers so much to so many and I feel honoured to have been able to share this time with her. As Diane so eloquently states, live life simply, find joy in simplicity, look for the good, find gratitude and always be kind. Wise words we could all learn from. Thank you so much for your time Diane, it has been an absolute pleasure.  If you wanted to reach out to Diane or find one of her support groups here are the links to all her offerings. Website: https://dianeevanswood.wordpress.com/ Podcast “Living with Ovarian Cancer Podcast” which is available on all usual podcast platforms:  https://anchor.fm/diane-evans-wood Cancer Support Group can be found on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1428310030743872/ Diane Evans-Wood on Facebook:  https://m.facebook.com/diane.evans.773 Instagram - Faery_realm:  https://www.instagram.com/faery_realm/

This week's episode is an especially poignant episode as I speak to a very brave and special lady about the reality of navigating death in life. Diane reached out to me as she has been listening to the podcast to give her the reassurance that after her own death, her husband, son and loved ones will be able to carve out a new and happy life for themselves. Diane is living with metastatic ovarian cancer and wanted to come and talk about the reality of living with cancer from her own lived experience, as the patient, and the grief and loss she is experiencing and what she wishes for her loved ones when her time comes. Diane openly shares how her work as a palliative care clinical nurse specialist, has helped her face her own diagnosis, and be able to talk about the things a lot of us would find very overwhelming and distressing. That’s not to say it’s easy for Diane, far from it, but it provides a coping strategy allowing Diane to talk about it in a professional capacity stepping back, for moments in time, from the reality she is talking about herself. However, in this podcast Diane shares a lot of her own grief within her diagnosis, how she feels about death and dying, and the reality of saying goodbye to those she loves dearly. We discuss; The different ways people grieve, Anticipatory grief, Guilt, New relationships in widowhood, The importance of communication, Hopelessness and depression, Existential crisis, The healing power of nature, living with uncertainty, What death looks like, And wishes for her loved ones in life after loss. I have to say, this is one of the most powerful conversations i’ve had, and one of the bravest. Diane is incredible, her wisdom, kindness and openness offers so much to so many and I feel honoured to have been able to share this time with her. As Diane so eloquently states, live life simply, find joy in simplicity, look for the good, find gratitude and always be kind. Wise words we could all learn from. Thank you so much for your time Diane, it has been an absolute pleasure.  If you wanted to reach out to Diane or find one of her support groups here are the links to all her offerings. Website: <a href="https://dianeevanswood.wordpress.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://dianeevanswood.wordpress.com/</a> Podcast “Living with Ovarian Cancer Podcast” which is available on all usual podcast platforms:  <a href="https://anchor.fm/diane-evans-wood" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://anchor.fm/diane-evans-wood</a> Cancer Support Group can be found on Facebook here: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/1428310030743872/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://www.facebook.com/groups/1428310030743872/</a> Diane Evans-Wood on Facebook:  <a href="https://m.facebook.com/diane.evans.773" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://m.facebook.com/diane.evans.773</a> Instagram - Faery_realm:  <a href="https://www.instagram.com/faery_realm/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://www.instagram.com/faery_realm/</a>

Navigating Death in Life with Diane Evans- Wood

What we expect from ourselves and what is reality are often two very different things in grief, specifically widowhood. In this episode I explore some of the more common expectations we place on ourselves Vs what’s realistic. These are things I have learnt from my own journey, but also from what i’ve seen when working with widows in my groups and on a 1:1 basis. I talk about; How we expect life to carry on as it was, Expecting ourselves to have all the answers to everything, Expecting ourselves to be mum and dad, Expecting nobody to have a say on how you grieve, Expecting the grief to be better within a certain time period, Expecting those around you to know how best to support you, Expecting grief to always look like sadness and pain. We’re not always aware of the expectations we are placing on ourselves, they are subconscious. They are learnt from others but we take them on as our own beliefs without questioning them. What I want to do is help you bring awareness to some of your own beliefs and expectations, and ask yourself the questions, Are they realistic, are they fair, are they kind? Once we create this awareness we can learn how to be a lot kinder to ourselves in our grieving journey.

What we expect from ourselves and what is reality are often two very different things in grief, specifically widowhood. In this episode I explore some of the more common expectations we place on ourselves Vs what’s realistic. These are things I have learnt from my own journey, but also from what i’ve seen when working with widows in my groups and on a 1:1 basis. I talk about; How we expect life to carry on as it was, Expecting ourselves to have all the answers to everything, Expecting ourselves to be mum and dad, Expecting nobody to have a say on how you grieve, Expecting the grief to be better within a certain time period, Expecting those around you to know how best to support you, Expecting grief to always look like sadness and pain. We’re not always aware of the expectations we are placing on ourselves, they are subconscious. They are learnt from others but we take them on as our own beliefs without questioning them. What I want to do is help you bring awareness to some of your own beliefs and expectations, and ask yourself the questions, Are they realistic, are they fair, are they kind? Once we create this awareness we can learn how to be a lot kinder to ourselves in our grieving journey.

Expectation Vs Reality

In this week's episode of The Widow Podcast I am honoured to be talking to special guest Kendra Rinaldi. Kendra is the host of ‘Grief, Gratitude And The Gray In Between’ podcast, which explores grief that occurs at different times in our lives and the gratitude that can come from growing through it.  This is a podcast not just about death, but acknowledges all the changes and transitions that shift our life. Kendra Lives in Texas now but is originally from Columbia where she grew up as one of four siblings. At the age of 21 Kendra’s younger sister died suddenly in a tragic car accident shifting Kendras life and everything she knew. Ten years later in 2006 Kendra’s first pregnancy sadly ended in miscarriage, and then ten years after that in 2016 Kendra’s Mum died of pancreatic cancer, after being diagnosed nine months earlier. We talk about so much; Anticipatory grief, Continuing bonds, Beliefs around what happens next, Having our grief witnessed, allowing the emotions, Waves of grief, How others respond to our loss, What grief teaches us, Expectations, The importance of talking about our losses. We cover so much and to be honest I could have talked to Kendra for so much longer, I hope you enjoy listening to this conversation as much as I enjoyed having it.

In this week's episode of The Widow Podcast I am honoured to be talking to special guest Kendra Rinaldi. Kendra is the host of ‘Grief, Gratitude And The Gray In Between’ podcast, which explores grief that occurs at different times in our lives and the gratitude that can come from growing through it.  This is a podcast not just about death, but acknowledges all the changes and transitions that shift our life. Kendra Lives in Texas now but is originally from Columbia where she grew up as one of four siblings. At the age of 21 Kendra’s younger sister died suddenly in a tragic car accident shifting Kendras life and everything she knew. Ten years later in 2006 Kendra’s first pregnancy sadly ended in miscarriage, and then ten years after that in 2016 Kendra’s Mum died of pancreatic cancer, after being diagnosed nine months earlier. We talk about so much; Anticipatory grief, Continuing bonds, Beliefs around what happens next, Having our grief witnessed, allowing the emotions, Waves of grief, How others respond to our loss, What grief teaches us, Expectations, The importance of talking about our losses. We cover so much and to be honest I could have talked to Kendra for so much longer, I hope you enjoy listening to this conversation as much as I enjoyed having it.

Grief & gratitude with special guest Kendra Rinaldi

Grieving positively is often a term people don’t understand. It is not about dismissing grief, or minimising it, on the contrary, grief is hard work and has to be felt. It’s about learning how to support ourselves, mentally, physically and emotionally in the best way that we can. As a society we are not good at meeting our needs, or caring for ourselves throughout life and its challenges. We keep on pushing through, we have ridiculously high expectations, and we can be our own worst enemies. The idea is not that there is a right way to do this, or that you have to be perfect at it, it’s about learning how to lean into your needs, and learn the tools to support yourself throughout your healing journey. There is no right or wrong way, there is only your way, and you have to learn how to find your way through your grief in the most positive way that you can Grief is now a companion for life and we need to learn how to nurture ourselves through it in a kinder way, without expecting ourselves to be perfect.

Grieving positively is often a term people don’t understand. It is not about dismissing grief, or minimising it, on the contrary, grief is hard work and has to be felt. It’s about learning how to support ourselves, mentally, physically and emotionally in the best way that we can. As a society we are not good at meeting our needs, or caring for ourselves throughout life and its challenges. We keep on pushing through, we have ridiculously high expectations, and we can be our own worst enemies. The idea is not that there is a right way to do this, or that you have to be perfect at it, it’s about learning how to lean into your needs, and learn the tools to support yourself throughout your healing journey. There is no right or wrong way, there is only your way, and you have to learn how to find your way through your grief in the most positive way that you can Grief is now a companion for life and we need to learn how to nurture ourselves through it in a kinder way, without expecting ourselves to be perfect.

Grieving Positively, Not Perfectly.

This week I had the privilege of speaking to the lovely Shalini Bhalla- Lucas who was widowed in 2016 when her husband Jeremy died after a two year battle with cancer. This propelled Shalini into a long battle with depression which led to her considering taking her own life. It was at her fathers funeral eighteen months later that Shalini realised two very important people in her life had fought so hard for their own lives, yet here she was not making the best of her own, so she decided to turn things around there and then. We talk about Shalini and Jeremy’s relationship and how that resulted in Shalini being estranged from her family for twelve years, the moment they were told there was nothing more that could be done for Jeremy, and how Shalini ensured Jeremy had a loving death allowing him to go peacefully. Shalini shares how she dealt with the first year of widowhood and how she leant heavily on alcohol, food and painkillers to numb the pain, but then went on to turn it all around by making different choices. We also cover;  Life lessons Is happiness a choice? Online dating Discovering you again Guilt Self judgement Giving yourself permission Making changes Finding love after loss Everything being different  Shalini has the most incredible and inspirational outlook now and wants to help those in the darkest of places see that there can be light again, but we have to work through the pain first. ‘We are able to find purpose and positivity in pain, and happiness can be cultivated if we want to create it, if we can give ourselves permission to let it in. If we can learn to open our heart, our mind and our soul, magical things can happen.’ This conversation will offer you hope, wherever you are in your journey, because we have to hold onto hope at every step, it will help guide you through and Shalini offers it in bucket loads here. If you would like to listen to Shalini’s Tedx talk, order one of her books or follow her on social media please click on the following links; TEDx  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEyLgHFAxTQ Engage https://youtu.be/3QbTM9cR94s Amazon Books https://www.justjhoom.co.uk/books/ Website: www.justjhoom.co.uk

This week I had the privilege of speaking to the lovely Shalini Bhalla- Lucas who was widowed in 2016 when her husband Jeremy died after a two year battle with cancer. This propelled Shalini into a long battle with depression which led to her considering taking her own life. It was at her fathers funeral eighteen months later that Shalini realised two very important people in her life had fought so hard for their own lives, yet here she was not making the best of her own, so she decided to turn things around there and then. We talk about Shalini and Jeremy’s relationship and how that resulted in Shalini being estranged from her family for twelve years, the moment they were told there was nothing more that could be done for Jeremy, and how Shalini ensured Jeremy had a loving death allowing him to go peacefully. Shalini shares how she dealt with the first year of widowhood and how she leant heavily on alcohol, food and painkillers to numb the pain, but then went on to turn it all around by making different choices. We also cover; <ul> <li>Life lessons</li> <li>Is happiness a choice?</li> <li>Online dating</li> <li>Discovering you again</li> <li>Guilt</li> <li>Self judgement</li> <li>Giving yourself permission</li> <li>Making changes</li> <li>Finding love after loss</li> <li>Everything being different</li> </ul> Shalini has the most incredible and inspirational outlook now and wants to help those in the darkest of places see that there can be light again, but we have to work through the pain first. ‘We are able to find purpose and positivity in pain, and happiness can be cultivated if we want to create it, if we can give ourselves permission to let it in. If we can learn to open our heart, our mind and our soul, magical things can happen.’ This conversation will offer you hope, wherever you are in your journey, because we have to hold onto hope at every step, it will help guide you through and Shalini offers it in bucket loads here. If you would like to listen to Shalini’s Tedx talk, order one of her books or follow her on social media please click on the following links; TEDx  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEyLgHFAxTQ" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEyLgHFAxTQ</a> Engage <a href="https://youtu.be/3QbTM9cR94s" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://youtu.be/3QbTM9cR94s</a> Amazon Books <a href="https://www.justjhoom.co.uk/books/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://www.justjhoom.co.uk/books/</a> Website: <a href="http://www.justjhoom.co.uk/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.justjhoom.co.uk</a>

Choosing You, Choosing Life with Special Guest Shalini Bhalla-Lucas

In this episode we are talking about our person's possessions. I get asked a lot, ‘When should I clear out their stuff’? This is something that adds a lot of confusion, upset and pressure onto us in our grieving journeys. Others tell us we ‘should’ clear out, or move their stuff because it’s been too long. However, as with everything in grief we have to remember that we are all different, and we should never feel pressured to do things a certain way or within a certain time period.  I share my own story in this episode of what I chose to do with Simon's possessions, not because that’s the right way, just because that was what felt right for me. What I've learned is that there’s only really one thing to consider when we are thinking about sorting through our person's belongings, and that is to ask ourselves whether it is serving a purpose or is it prolonging the pain? If seeing the slippers by the door, the toothbrush in the bathroom, or their wedding ring on your finger is bringing you some comfort, and helps you feel connected to your person then that’s a positive thing. However, if every time you see this it adds to your pain, causes you greater sadness or feels like a stark reminder of their absence then maybe it is time to reconsider.

In this episode we are talking about our person's possessions. I get asked a lot, ‘When should I clear out their stuff’? This is something that adds a lot of confusion, upset and pressure onto us in our grieving journeys. Others tell us we ‘should’ clear out, or move their stuff because it’s been too long. However, as with everything in grief we have to remember that we are all different, and we should never feel pressured to do things a certain way or within a certain time period.  I share my own story in this episode of what I chose to do with Simon's possessions, not because that’s the right way, just because that was what felt right for me. What I've learned is that there’s only really one thing to consider when we are thinking about sorting through our person's belongings, and that is to ask ourselves whether it is serving a purpose or is it prolonging the pain? If seeing the slippers by the door, the toothbrush in the bathroom, or their wedding ring on your finger is bringing you some comfort, and helps you feel connected to your person then that’s a positive thing. However, if every time you see this it adds to your pain, causes you greater sadness or feels like a stark reminder of their absence then maybe it is time to reconsider.

Wedding Rings, Slippers and Toothbrushes.

Debbie lost her husband Paul in March 2018 when he had a heart attack whilst at the local gym, he was 53 years old and left behind Debbie and their two daughters, Kelly and Jodie who were 23 &amp; 27. The shock and devastation catapulted them all into a life they did not know or understand, but Debbie’s incredible outlook, and sheer determination not to become a victim of this tragedy, has led Debbie to a place where she feels she can embrace her widowhood and what that brings. I have watched Debbie flourish over the last eighteen months and it has been incredible to see, she truly is an inspiration and so much of what she says resonates with me and my story, I felt compelled to ask her onto the podcast so she can share her story with you. You will learn a lot from this conversation. It is heartwarming and uplifting, offering hope, comfort and an understanding that what you are feeling right now is not permanent. Debbie shows us that it is possible to look forward, and believe that the future can be good again, whilst still loving and honouring your person.  We talk about embracing those around you Learning to build a relationship with your grief The power of journaling Figuring what works and what doesn’t Acceptance Being the sole keeper of shared memories  Secondary losses Hope What grief teaches us  As Debbies so eloquently put it, “People say time heals……. but I think healing takes time”. It really does, take a listen to this wonderful conversation so you too can learn how to use your time to help your healing journey. We can all learn from Debbie and I just know you’ll love her as much as I do.

Debbie lost her husband Paul in March 2018 when he had a heart attack whilst at the local gym, he was 53 years old and left behind Debbie and their two daughters, Kelly and Jodie who were 23 &amp; 27. The shock and devastation catapulted them all into a life they did not know or understand, but Debbie’s incredible outlook, and sheer determination not to become a victim of this tragedy, has led Debbie to a place where she feels she can embrace her widowhood and what that brings. I have watched Debbie flourish over the last eighteen months and it has been incredible to see, she truly is an inspiration and so much of what she says resonates with me and my story, I felt compelled to ask her onto the podcast so she can share her story with you. You will learn a lot from this conversation. It is heartwarming and uplifting, offering hope, comfort and an understanding that what you are feeling right now is not permanent. Debbie shows us that it is possible to look forward, and believe that the future can be good again, whilst still loving and honouring your person. <ul> <li>We talk about embracing those around you</li> <li>Learning to build a relationship with your grief</li> <li>The power of journaling</li> <li>Figuring what works and what doesn’t</li> <li>Acceptance</li> <li>Being the sole keeper of shared memories </li> <li>Secondary losses</li> <li>Hope</li> <li>What grief teaches us</li> </ul> As Debbies so eloquently put it, “People say time heals……. but I think healing takes time”. It really does, take a listen to this wonderful conversation so you too can learn how to use your time to help your healing journey. We can all learn from Debbie and I just know you’ll love her as much as I do.

'Looking forward' with fellow widow Debbie

I am delighted to share with you this week's podcast guest, straight-talking, no-nonsense, self-development coach Holly Matthews 🎙️ Holly is the founder of ‘The Happy Me Project’, helping you feel less crappy and more happy, and is absolutely brilliant at what she does 😊 Holly is a TV actress, Widow, mum to two gorgeous girls, and all-round amazing human. In this podcast, we talk about how Holly entered the world of self-development, her acting career, and how everything changed when her husband Ross got diagnosed with a brain tumour in 2014 🤍 This life altering event changed the trajectory of Hollys life, leading her to where she is today. Holly shares so many golden nuggets in this conversation, even I had a breakthrough! Every time you listen to Holly you break down more of the barriers you build in your own mind, she is so empowering and like a breath of fresh air We talk about so much in this episode including: 🌻 How the foundations of who we are shift after the loss of a life partner 🌻 Understanding what REALLY matters in life 🌻 What life teaches us 🌻 The science behind our thoughts 🌻 Resilience 🌻 Learned behaviour and what we can change 🌻 The power of finding the good 🌻 Allowing space for everything within our trauma and grief 🌻 Listening to what your body needs 🌻 Acknowledging how differently we all do grief 🌻 Solo parenting 🌻 Community and connection 🌻 Drowning out the noise of everyone else's thoughts/judgements 🌻 It’s ok to not have all the answers Since the death of her husband, Holly is on a mission to help more people deal with the challenges life throws at us, become more resilient, and ultimately take back control of their lives Holly offers 1:1 coaching, on-line courses, a membership programme and has her own podcast sharing so much of her wisdom, you really can learn so much from her. and if you’re not already following her on Instagram you absolutely must, her content is super powerful www.iamhollymatthews.com @iamhollymatthews

I am delighted to share with you this week's podcast guest, straight-talking, no-nonsense, self-development coach Holly Matthews 🎙️ Holly is the founder of ‘The Happy Me Project’, helping you feel less crappy and more happy, and is absolutely brilliant at what she does 😊 Holly is a TV actress, Widow, mum to two gorgeous girls, and all-round amazing human. In this podcast, we talk about how Holly entered the world of self-development, her acting career, and how everything changed when her husband Ross got diagnosed with a brain tumour in 2014 🤍 This life altering event changed the trajectory of Hollys life, leading her to where she is today. Holly shares so many golden nuggets in this conversation, even I had a breakthrough! Every time you listen to Holly you break down more of the barriers you build in your own mind, she is so empowering and like a breath of fresh air We talk about so much in this episode including: 🌻 How the foundations of who we are shift after the loss of a life partner 🌻 Understanding what REALLY matters in life 🌻 What life teaches us 🌻 The science behind our thoughts 🌻 Resilience 🌻 Learned behaviour and what we can change 🌻 The power of finding the good 🌻 Allowing space for everything within our trauma and grief 🌻 Listening to what your body needs 🌻 Acknowledging how differently we all do grief 🌻 Solo parenting 🌻 Community and connection 🌻 Drowning out the noise of everyone else's thoughts/judgements 🌻 It’s ok to not have all the answers Since the death of her husband, Holly is on a mission to help more people deal with the challenges life throws at us, become more resilient, and ultimately take back control of their lives Holly offers 1:1 coaching, on-line courses, a membership programme and has her own podcast sharing so much of her wisdom, you really can learn so much from her. and if you’re not already following her on Instagram you absolutely must, her content is super powerful <a href="http://www.iamhollymatthews.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.iamhollymatthews.com</a> @iamhollymatthews

Bouncing Back With Special Guest Holly Matthews

Gary Andrews

In this week’s episode of The Widow Podcast, I had the absolute pleasure and privilege of speaking with the inspirational Gary Andrews. 🎙️ 💛 We had such a heart-warming conversation filled with love, hope and Joy. ✏️ Gary is best known for his daily doodles on social media, illustrating his life after the death of his wife Joy in 2017. These wonderful drawings have amassed Gary a huge following, offering so much comfort and support to so many in their own grieving journeys 💛 They say a picture speaks 1000 words, and in this case it’s true. Gary found a unique way of coping on his grief journey, through his doodle diaries, which have now been made into the most heart warming book, Finding Joy. 🌈 Gary starting doodling prior to his Wife’s passing, but he has carried this on, a tradition he realises helps not only him but his family, friends, and followers too 💛 Over the years of following Gary myself, and listening to him speak, I have drawn so much strength and wisdom from him that I hope you’ll be able to do the same from listening to our conversation.  🌈 Gary has a wonderful and unique way of approaching grief, and life, that I believe we can all earn so much from him… 💛 We talk about a number of things including; The Grief Demon Releasing feelings and emotions The doodle diaries Solo parenting Support networks Trusting your instincts The importance of laughter What grief teaches us Finding love after loss Guilt Honouring your loved one in your new life  And much much more…….. ✨ There is so much in this conversation that will leave you feeling a little more hopeful and maybe inspired, that life after loss can still be beautiful  🙏🏻 As Gary says “you are not alone” 

In this week’s episode of The Widow Podcast, I had the absolute pleasure and privilege of speaking with the inspirational Gary Andrews. 🎙️ 💛 We had such a heart-warming conversation filled with love, hope and Joy. ✏️ Gary is best known for his daily doodles on social media, illustrating his life after the death of his wife Joy in 2017. These wonderful drawings have amassed Gary a huge following, offering so much comfort and support to so many in their own grieving journeys 💛 They say a picture speaks 1000 words, and in this case it’s true. Gary found a unique way of coping on his grief journey, through his doodle diaries, which have now been made into the most heart warming book, Finding Joy. 🌈 Gary starting doodling prior to his Wife’s passing, but he has carried this on, a tradition he realises helps not only him but his family, friends, and followers too 💛 Over the years of following Gary myself, and listening to him speak, I have drawn so much strength and wisdom from him that I hope you’ll be able to do the same from listening to our conversation.  🌈 Gary has a wonderful and unique way of approaching grief, and life, that I believe we can all earn so much from him… 💛 We talk about a number of things including; The Grief Demon Releasing feelings and emotions The doodle diaries Solo parenting Support networks Trusting your instincts The importance of laughter What grief teaches us Finding love after loss Guilt Honouring your loved one in your new life  And much much more…….. ✨ There is so much in this conversation that will leave you feeling a little more hopeful and maybe inspired, that life after loss can still be beautiful  🙏🏻 As Gary says “you are not alone”

Love After Loss With Special Guest Gary Andrews

The Widow Podcast promises to be a mix of honest conversations about all things widowhood alongside practical tips, tools and strategies to help you find a more positive way through your grief. Widowhood is tough and it can feel incredibly isolating, let's come together and shine some light in a very dark place. If you would like to learn more about how I can help you head over to <a href="http://www.karensutton.co.uk" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.karensutton.co.uk</a> Fall in love with life again.

The Widow Podcast

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