Brooke Romney, author of 52 Modern Manners for Today's Teenagers, takes us beyond basic etiquette to understand how manners shape important life skills and awareness in teenagers. We discover why manners matter more than ever in the digital age and post-Covid worldIf you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Brooke Romney, author of <a href="https://amzn.to/3OAqarp" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">52 Modern Manners for Today's Teenagers</a>, takes us beyond basic etiquette to understand how manners shape important life skills and awareness in teenagers. We discover why manners matter more than ever in the digital age and post-Covid world If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 254: Life Skills for Connecting with Others

Dr. Caroline Leaf, author and clinical neuroscientist, shares wisdom from her years of study and practice helping kids develop healthy minds. She offers us practical tips on what parents can do to help their teens build mental resilience for years to come.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Dr. Caroline Leaf, author and clinical neuroscientist, shares wisdom from her years of study and practice helping kids develop healthy minds. She offers us practical tips on what parents can do to help their teens build mental resilience for years to come. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 253: How to Clean Up a Mental Mess

Tanith Cary, author of Feeling Blah?, clues us in on the science behind anhedonia, the technical term for “feeling blah.” Teens are reporting high levels of depression and anhedonia—we explore what parents can do to combat it. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Tanith Cary, author of <a href="https://amzn.to/3QlhB6w" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Feeling Blah?</a>, clues us in on the science behind anhedonia, the technical term for “feeling blah.” Teens are reporting high levels of depression and anhedonia—we explore what parents can do to combat it.  If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 252: Feeling Blah? Recapture Life's Highs

Sam LaCrosse, author of Value Economics, unveils principles for fostering strong values in teenagers. We also dive into an examination of helping teens build a sense of identity, and the impact of going too far with positivity.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Sam LaCrosse, author of Value Economics, unveils principles for fostering strong values in teenagers. We also dive into an examination of helping teens build a sense of identity, and the impact of going too far with positivity. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 251: Shaping Identity with Values

Catherine Read, author of The Genius of Home, helps us compare the advantages and challenges of homeschooling with traditional school, and how to handle the transition from one to the other and vice versa!If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Catherine Read, author of <a href="https://amzn.to/3pQBsPX" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Genius of Home</a>, helps us compare the advantages and challenges of homeschooling with traditional school, and how to handle the transition from one to the other and vice versa! If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 250: Homeschool vs Traditional School

Selena Rezvani, author of Quick Confidence, joins us to discuss misperceptions around confidence and resilience. We learn the counterintuitive role vulnerability and authenticity have in raising confident teens.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Selena Rezvani, author of <a href="https://amzn.to/3D0isS3" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Quick Confidence</a>, joins us to discuss misperceptions around confidence and resilience. We learn the counterintuitive role vulnerability and authenticity have in raising confident teens. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 249: The Keys to Instilling Confidence 

John Schlimm, author of What Would Gen-Z Do, clues us in onto what’s going on with Gen Z. What does the next generation do well, struggle with, and care about most? If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

John Schlimm, author of What Would Gen-Z Do, clues us in onto what’s going on with Gen Z. What does the next generation do well, struggle with, and care about most?  If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 248: What Would Gen-Z Do?

Pam Lobley, author of Why Can’t We Just Play?, tells the story of how she got her family’s summer schedule under control and created a stronger bond with her kids by embracing the notion of “doing nothing.” If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Pam Lobley, author of <a href="https://amzn.to/3qTUxkk" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Why Can’t We Just Play?</a>, tells the story of how she got her family’s summer schedule under control and created a stronger bond with her kids by embracing the notion of “doing nothing.”  If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 247: The Surprising Benefits of an Idle Summer

Jonah Berger, author of Magic Words, teaches us techniques for what to say to get our way. An expert on influencing techniques, Dr Berger clues us in on the six types of language and which to use to get through to stubborn teens.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Jonah Berger, author of <a href="https://amzn.to/42RnmeC" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Magic Words</a>, teaches us techniques for what to say to get our way. An expert on influencing techniques, Dr Berger clues us in on the six types of language and which to use to get through to stubborn teens. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 246: What to Say to Get Your Way

Dr. Brock and Dr. Fernette Eide, authors of The Dyslexic Advantage, delve into the intricacies of the dyslexic brain. We cover the incredible, though often hidden, strengths of a dyslexic brain, and advocating for better learning environments for all learners.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Dr. Brock and Dr. Fernette Eide, authors of <a href="https://amzn.to/3Nkl5nH" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Dyslexic Advantage</a>, delve into the intricacies of the dyslexic brain. We cover the incredible, though often hidden, strengths of a dyslexic brain, and advocating for better learning environments for all learners. If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 245: The Dyslexic Advantage

Parent-teen researcher Andy Earle talks with various experts about the art and science of parenting teenagers. Find more at www.talkingtoteens.com

What an incredible mix of experts! I greatly appreciated the interview with Tim about How to Be Happy.  Huge golden nugget was the social outcome of :The more time people spend on Social Media the less they feel actually connected to people . Tim hit on several facts that desperately need to be heard, especially by our Youth who are severely addicted to social media and by parents such as: It&#39;s not the parents responsibiltiy to make their children happy. I really appreciate  Andy&#39;s genuine enthusiasm! Thank you for the gold.

Great Truth Revealed!

Each episode keeps getting better, keep up the awesome work. My relationship with my daughter has improved so much since binging every ep. Thanks Andy!

Love the show

Parent-teen researcher Andy Earle talks with various experts about the art and science of parenting teenagers. Find more at <a href="http://www.talkingtoteens.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.talkingtoteens.com</a>

Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episodeAre you dealing with a self absorbed teenager? What is the best way for parents to handle self centered teenage problems?I interviewed Wendy Behary, one of the leading experts on narcissism, and asked her about exactly this issue. What she came up with blew me away.One of the big topics covered in this episode is how to tell a self absorbed teenager that something they are doing is not OK. How can you confront a teenager without making them feel like they are being attacked?Teens have a tendency to turn these kinds of talks into arguments. But as a parent it is important to be able to communicate to teens that they absolutely need to stop behaving in a given way.An Expert on Self Absorbed Teenager PsychologyWendy Behary is the ideal individual to teach us how to handle self centered teenage problems. The author of Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed, Wendy is one of the world's leading authorities on dealing with narcissism.She taught me a few powerful techniques for telling a self absorbed teenager that his or her actions are not acceptable. My favorite is something she calls "empathic confrontation".More Self Centered Teenage Problems...We also talk about triggering. Wendy says that what initially got her interested in studying narcissism is that she found herself in her therapy practice being triggered by a particularly narcissistic client.Parents are triggered by their teens' behavior all the time. It is easy to find yourself yelling at your teen and getting worked up. Wendy explained that these moments when you catch yourself getting triggered are actually important opportunities to help your teen grow.But you have to know how to respond properly in the moment.Wendy explains how to do it in this episode. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! <a href="https://talkingtoteens.com/wendy-behary/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episode</a>Are you dealing with a self absorbed teenager? What is the best way for parents to handle self centered teenage problems?I interviewed Wendy Behary, one of the leading experts on narcissism, and asked her about exactly this issue. What she came up with blew me away.One of the big topics covered in this episode is how to tell a self absorbed teenager that something they are doing is not OK. How can you confront a teenager without making them feel like they are being attacked?Teens have a tendency to turn these kinds of talks into arguments. But as a parent it is important to be able to communicate to teens that they absolutely need to stop behaving in a given way.An Expert on Self Absorbed Teenager PsychologyWendy Behary is the ideal individual to teach us how to handle self centered teenage problems. The author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1608827607/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=1608827607&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=k5063-20&amp;linkId=1198ab663df6fd2c0e8c5ef5c8eb1ed2" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed</a>, Wendy is one of the world's leading authorities on dealing with narcissism.She taught me a few powerful techniques for telling a self absorbed teenager that his or her actions are not acceptable. My favorite is something she calls "empathic confrontation".More Self Centered Teenage Problems...We also talk about triggering. Wendy says that what initially got her interested in studying narcissism is that she found herself in her therapy practice being triggered by a particularly narcissistic client.Parents are triggered by their teens' behavior all the time. It is easy to find yourself yelling at your teen and getting worked up. Wendy explained that these moments when you catch yourself getting triggered are actually important opportunities to help your teen grow.But you have to know how to respond properly in the moment.Wendy explains how to do it in this episode. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 3: Handling Self-Centered Teenagers

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episodeIf your teen is using drugs or alcohol, what can you do to get them to stop? Should you punish them?Punishing teens for drug or alcohol use will often drive them to increase their use even further. And, even if that doesn't happen, your teen is definitely not going to feel like they can talk to you freely about drugs if you are always punishing them for drug use.Studies show that tough love doesn't work, despite what the "old wisdom" says. And, when it comes to teenagers, this is especially true.With teenagers, parents are slowly becoming less important in their lives and it can feel hopeless. But it isn't hopeless!This week's podcast guest, Dr. Robert J. Meyers, has spent his career studying the best ways for people to get their loved ones to stop using drugs and alcohol. And he has found strategies that are insanely effective.In hist studies, people come to him because they are unable to get their loved one to enter drug or alcohol treatment and about 70% of the time he is able to help them get the individual into treatment successfully.The key comes in Robert's ability to teach people to use their power more effectively.Robert's book, Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening, is a masterpiece and is considered to be a classic text on the subject. He is one of the top experts in the world on how to get friends and family members to stop using drugs and alcohol.He explained that his approach centers on mapping out the times when your teen is using drugs or alcohol and map out alternative activities during those times that don't involve the drug. Then, when your teen does use the drug and comes home intoxicated, you need to understand how to respond properly. Robert has identified subtle things you can say in these moments to get your teen to start questioning their use.How, exactly, to do that is the subject of this podcast episode. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! <a href="https://talkingtoteens.com/drug-and-alcohol-conversations/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episode</a>If your teen is using drugs or alcohol, what can you do to get them to stop? Should you punish them?Punishing teens for drug or alcohol use will often drive them to increase their use even further. And, even if that doesn't happen, your teen is definitely not going to feel like they can talk to you freely about drugs if you are always punishing them for drug use.Studies show that tough love doesn't work, despite what the "old wisdom" says. And, when it comes to teenagers, this is especially true.With teenagers, parents are slowly becoming less important in their lives and it can feel hopeless. But it isn't hopeless!This week's podcast guest, Dr. Robert J. Meyers, has spent his career studying the best ways for people to get their loved ones to stop using drugs and alcohol. And he has found strategies that are insanely effective.In hist studies, people come to him because they are unable to get their loved one to enter drug or alcohol treatment and about 70% of the time he is able to help them get the individual into treatment successfully.The key comes in Robert's ability to teach people to use their power more effectively.Robert's book, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1592850812/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=1592850812&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=k5063-20&amp;linkId=42386605fe29de2bd8c05c82d129fd85" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening</a>, is a masterpiece and is considered to be a classic text on the subject. He is one of the top experts in the world on how to get friends and family members to stop using drugs and alcohol.He explained that his approach centers on mapping out the times when your teen is using drugs or alcohol and map out alternative activities during those times that don't involve the drug. Then, when your teen does use the drug and comes home intoxicated, you need to understand how to respond properly. Robert has identified subtle things you can say in these moments to get your teen to start questioning their use.How, exactly, to do that is the subject of this podcast episode. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 34: Drug and Alcohol Conversations

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episodeWant your teenager to start doing more chores? Good idea.Studies show that requiring teens to pitch in around the house and community for the benefit of the greater good has all kinds of positive benefits.But, of course, it isn't so easy to actually convince your teen to take on more responsibility. What's the answer?Dr. G, author of Get the Behavior You Want Without Being the Parent You Hate, is a national expert on raising responsible, respectful kids.In this podcast episode she talks at length about how to instill responsibility and a strong work ethic in teenagers. She reveals how, exactly, you should ask teens to do their chores, what you should do about allowance, tips on getting teens into volunteer work, and much more.Re-Thinking the Definition of ChoresAn important question is: what chores should your teen even be doing? Cleaning their room? Doing their own laundry?Actually, no. These aren't even true chores. Yes, your teen should, of course, be doing all of these things.But chores, Dr. G explains, must be things that teens do for the greater good, not just for themselves. This means cooking dinner for the family, washing everyone's laundry, cleaning out the stable, doing the family grocery shopping, etc.And how much of this stuff should you expect your teen to do? Probably more than you think. Dr. G has found that teens need to be doing chores every single day... Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! <a href="https://talkingtoteens.com/chores-responsibility-helping/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episode</a>Want your teenager to start doing more chores? Good idea.Studies show that requiring teens to pitch in around the house and community for the benefit of the greater good has all kinds of positive benefits.But, of course, it isn't so easy to actually convince your teen to take on more responsibility. What's the answer?Dr. G, author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/193630371X/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=193630371X&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=k5063-20&amp;linkId=aa9998ee171d6df86defc9a6b28b5e33" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Get the Behavior You Want Without Being the Parent You Hate</a>, is a national expert on raising responsible, respectful kids.In this podcast episode she talks at length about how to instill responsibility and a strong work ethic in teenagers. She reveals how, exactly, you should ask teens to do their chores, what you should do about allowance, tips on getting teens into volunteer work, and much more.Re-Thinking the Definition of ChoresAn important question is: what chores should your teen even be doing? Cleaning their room? Doing their own laundry?Actually, no. These aren't even true chores. Yes, your teen should, of course, be doing all of these things.But chores, Dr. G explains, must be things that teens do for the greater good, not just for themselves. This means cooking dinner for the family, washing everyone's laundry, cleaning out the stable, doing the family grocery shopping, etc.And how much of this stuff should you expect your teen to do? Probably more than you think. Dr. G has found that teens need to be doing chores every single day... Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 14: Chores and Responsibility

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episodeLet's face it: conflict is a way of life when you have a teenager in the house. They can often seem to be Jedi Masters at turning every small thing into an argument. But in this episode, Lianna Tsangarides points out that there are also significant inner conflicts that teens are struggling to deal with. For instance, on one hand they want independence and autonomy but on the other hand they still need help from their parents.Lianna teaches us how you can reduce this external type of conflict as a parent by understanding more about the inner type of conflict.She works through a specific example of how you could handle a conflict with a teenager and explains that there are different levels of validation. To stop conflict in its tracks, use the deepest level of validation at the start of an important conversation. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! <a href="https://talkingtoteens.com/resolving-conflicts-with-teens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episode</a>Let's face it: conflict is a way of life when you have a teenager in the house. They can often seem to be Jedi Masters at turning every small thing into an argument. But in this episode, Lianna Tsangarides points out that there are also significant inner conflicts that teens are struggling to deal with. For instance, on one hand they want independence and autonomy but on the other hand they still need help from their parents.Lianna teaches us how you can reduce this external type of conflict as a parent by understanding more about the inner type of conflict.She works through a specific example of how you could handle a conflict with a teenager and explains that there are different levels of validation. To stop conflict in its tracks, use the deepest level of validation at the start of an important conversation. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 5: Resolving Conflicts with Teenagers FAST

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Click here for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episodeParents yelling at kids is nothing new. When you live under the same roof as another human being for so many years (especially an immature human being) you are going to get on each other's nerves. But it never feels good to fly off the handle and lose your cool. Yelling at kids is unsatisfying because it makes you feel bad about yourself and it damages your relationship with your child.We all know this. Thousands of parents search Google for "how to stop yelling at kids" each month. It's not that we enjoy yelling or we think it's good for our family, we just can't help it. You kid does something that makes you furious and you lose it.Your kids are pushing your buttons. And they are really good at it.Parenting expert Bonnie Harris has been leading workshops with groups of parents for over 30 years. When she first started, she noticed something interesting. A few weeks into every class, parents would report that they were feeling worse than ever because now they knew what they were supposed to do but they still couldn't do it. They wanted to use the techniques Bonnie was teaching them but, instead, they were still yelling at kids and losing their cool.That's when Bonnie had an epiphany. She realized that these parents were getting triggered by their kids. The kids were pushing the parents' buttons.Inspired by this realization, Bonnie started researching the phenomenon. What, exactly, causes parents to lose it and start yelling at kids? She interviewed parents at her workshops and combined this knowledge with her psychology background and was able to map out exactly why our buttons get pushed and how to prevent it from happening.And, of course, she field tested all of the techniques at home on her own daughter, Molly, who was a master button-pusher.Bonnie's methods eventually became the basis for her bestselling book When Your Kids Push Your Buttons. She ultimately discovered 8 different types of buttons and she figured out exactly how kids push each one of them. Understanding your own buttons is the secret to stop yelling at kids.Two Reasons for Yelling at KidsEvery time a parents loses it and starts yelling at kids, Bonnie discovered, there are two things happening below the surface. First, the parent has a Standard that has been violated by the child. Second, the parent begins to have negative assumptions about the child based on the violated Standard.For example, you might have a Standard that a child should always speak respectfully to adults. Most likely, this Standard ties to your own childhood. Maybe you were raised in a home where you would never dare speak disrespectfully to your parents. When you hear kids talk to you disrespectfully, it violates your Standard, making you feel furious and start yelling at kids.Assumptions are the thoughts you have about the kids as a result of the Standard being violated. Most of the time, parents don't even realize we are making these Assumptions, but these black-and-white thoughts about what the violation means are what really cause you to start yelling at kids. For instance, when kids speak disrespectfully to you, it violates your standard that kids should always respect adults. This might lead you to think to yourself, "these kids have no respect at all," and "they are spoiled, entitled, and arrogant."And that's when you fly off the handle and start yelling at kids. Your button has just been pushed.In this episode, Bonnie shares her incredible knowledge and walks through exactly what parents can do to uncover the psychology behind your own buttons and how they are getting pushed. Then she explains what you can do to stop yelling at kids and start responding to them with empathy and love.Don't miss this superb advice from an international parenting expert. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! <a href="https://talkingtoteens.com/how-to-stop-yelling-at-kids/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click here for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episode</a>Parents yelling at kids is nothing new. When you live under the same roof as another human being for so many years (especially an immature human being) you are going to get on each other's nerves. But it never feels good to fly off the handle and lose your cool. Yelling at kids is unsatisfying because it makes you feel bad about yourself and it damages your relationship with your child.We all know this. Thousands of parents search Google for "how to stop yelling at kids" each month. It's not that we enjoy yelling or we think it's good for our family, we just can't help it. You kid does something that makes you furious and you lose it.Your kids are pushing your buttons. And they are really good at it.Parenting expert Bonnie Harris has been leading workshops with groups of parents for over 30 years. When she first started, she noticed something interesting. A few weeks into every class, parents would report that they were feeling worse than ever because now they knew what they were supposed to do but they still couldn't do it. They wanted to use the techniques Bonnie was teaching them but, instead, they were still yelling at kids and losing their cool.That's when Bonnie had an epiphany. She realized that these parents were getting triggered by their kids. The kids were pushing the parents' buttons.Inspired by this realization, Bonnie started researching the phenomenon. What, exactly, causes parents to lose it and start yelling at kids? She interviewed parents at her workshops and combined this knowledge with her psychology background and was able to map out exactly why our buttons get pushed and how to prevent it from happening.And, of course, she field tested all of the techniques at home on her own daughter, Molly, who was a master button-pusher.Bonnie's methods eventually became the basis for her bestselling book <a href="https://amzn.to/2Wz31g8" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">When Your Kids Push Your Buttons</a>. She ultimately discovered 8 different types of buttons and she figured out exactly how kids push each one of them. Understanding your own buttons is the secret to stop yelling at kids.Two Reasons for Yelling at KidsEvery time a parents loses it and starts yelling at kids, Bonnie discovered, there are two things happening below the surface. First, the parent has a Standard that has been violated by the child. Second, the parent begins to have negative assumptions about the child based on the violated Standard.For example, you might have a Standard that a child should always speak respectfully to adults. Most likely, this Standard ties to your own childhood. Maybe you were raised in a home where you would never dare speak disrespectfully to your parents. When you hear kids talk to you disrespectfully, it violates your Standard, making you feel furious and start yelling at kids.Assumptions are the thoughts you have about the kids as a result of the Standard being violated. Most of the time, parents don't even realize we are making these Assumptions, but these black-and-white thoughts about what the violation means are what really cause you to start yelling at kids. For instance, when kids speak disrespectfully to you, it violates your standard that kids should always respect adults. This might lead you to think to yourself, "these kids have no respect at all," and "they are spoiled, entitled, and arrogant."And that's when you fly off the handle and start yelling at kids. Your button has just been pushed.In this episode, Bonnie shares her incredible knowledge and walks through exactly what parents can do to uncover the psychology behind your own buttons and how they are getting pushed. Then she explains what you can do to stop yelling at kids and start responding to them with empathy and love.Don't miss this superb advice from an international parenting expert. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 43: How to Stop Yelling at Kids

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episodeParents today know that we're not supposed to act like complete dictators and that kids do better when they have some say over the household policies and are able to negotiate and talk things through a bit. Sure, sounds good.But there's a problem.What if your teenager is a great negotiator and wins the negotiation? Many parents are getting pushed around by teens in these situations and it leaves you in a tough spot. Yes, confidence and the ability to speak up for yourself are important things for teens to learn. But having firm rules and boundaries is also important.How do you make sure that when your teen tries to negotiate something you win?We got some answers from the former Lead International Kidnapping Negotiator for the FBI, Chris Voss. Chris is the author of the hugely popular bestseller Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on it and a leading expert in the science of negotiation.In this episode, Chris walks step-by-step through how to prepare for and triumph in a negotiation with your teen.He reveals: How to use the "Ackerman Model" to end at the exact result you want while making your teen feel like they won The science behind Tactical Empathy, and how you can use it during negotiationsA simple, 7-word phrase to instantly disarm your teenager and make them feel understood What most parents get wrong when they try even a simple negotiation How to use Emotional Labeling or "tagging" effectively Why it is so hard for parents and teenagers to get along in the first place, according to Chris Your teen has probably been giving you the "Fake Yes"--learn what to do about it  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! <a href="https://talkingtoteens.com/negotiating-rules-and-limits-with-your-teenager/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episode</a>Parents today know that we're not supposed to act like complete dictators and that kids do better when they have some say over the household policies and are able to negotiate and talk things through a bit. Sure, sounds good.But there's a problem.What if your teenager is a great negotiator and wins the negotiation? Many parents are getting pushed around by teens in these situations and it leaves you in a tough spot. Yes, confidence and the ability to speak up for yourself are important things for teens to learn. But having firm rules and boundaries is also important.How do you make sure that when your teen tries to negotiate something you win?We got some answers from the former Lead International Kidnapping Negotiator for the FBI, Chris Voss. Chris is the author of the hugely popular bestseller <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062407805/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=0062407805&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=k5063-20&amp;linkId=42f491d07554b9d5e931334e318531fa" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on it</a> and a leading expert in the science of negotiation.In this episode, Chris walks step-by-step through how to prepare for and triumph in a negotiation with your teen.He reveals:<ul> <li>How to use the "Ackerman Model" to end at the exact result you want while making your teen feel like they won</li> <li>The science behind Tactical Empathy, and how you can use it during negotiations A simple, 7-word phrase to instantly disarm your teenager and make them feel understood</li> <li>What most parents get wrong when they try even a simple negotiation</li> <li>How to use Emotional Labeling or "tagging" effectively</li> <li>Why it is so hard for parents and teenagers to get along in the first place, according to Chris</li> <li>Your teen has probably been giving you the "Fake Yes"--learn what to do about it</li> </ul> Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 22: Negotiating Rules and Limits

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Click here for word-for-word parenting scripts and exercises from this interview!Teenagers don't ask for advice all that often. So when those moments do come up and your teen wants your guidance, parents need to make the most of these rare occurrences.In past episodes, like my interview with Ned and Bill (the authors of The Self-Driven Child), I've talked about the importance of not giving teens advice that they didn't ask for. If you don't at least get their permission before giving them advice, it is never going to work.But what about those times when your teen does ask you a question or expresses an interest in hearing how they could do something better? When these situations arise, you don't want to mess it up and say the wrong thing! After all, it might be months before another golden opportunity pops up again.How can you make sure to say the right thing?This week, I got some advice on how to give advice to a teenager from Annie Fox. She's the author of 12 books including Teaching Kids to Be Good People, The Girl's Q&amp;A Book on Friendship, and the Middle School Confidential series. For many years, Annie has maintained an anonymous advice column for teenagers and she's answered thousands and thousands of questions from teens all over the world.So she's a complete expert on giving advice to teenagers.Annie has uncovered some amazing tactics. One thing I found really interesting is that she doesn't tell the teens what to do in her responses. Wait, isn't telling people what to do the whole point of giving advice?Not exactly. Most of the time, teens already know what the right thing to do is. They aren't looking for a lecture, just someone to listen to them and help them work out the best way to do what their heart is telling them to do.Sound complicated? Actually, Annie makes it surprisingly simple in this episode.The 24-minute public version is free to listen to, and the 42-minute extended version, packed with extra goodies, is reserved for site members. Log in or sign up to access everything our site has to offer!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! <a href="https://talkingtoteens.com/giving-advice-to-teenagers/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click here for word-for-word parenting scripts and exercises from this interview!</a>Teenagers don't ask for advice all that often. So when those moments do come up and your teen wants your guidance, parents need to make the most of these rare occurrences.In past episodes, like <a href="https://talkingtoteens.com/self-motivation/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">my interview with Ned and Bill</a> (the authors of <a href="https://amzn.to/2IbIcRS" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Self-Driven Child</a>), I've talked about the importance of not giving teens advice that they didn't ask for. If you don't at least get their permission before giving them advice, it is never going to work.But what about those times when your teen does ask you a question or expresses an interest in hearing how they could do something better? When these situations arise, you don't want to mess it up and say the wrong thing! After all, it might be months before another golden opportunity pops up again.How can you make sure to say the right thing?This week, I got some advice on how to give advice to a teenager from Annie Fox. She's the author of 12 books including <a href="https://amzn.to/2TRad2q" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Teaching Kids to Be Good People</a>, <a href="https://amzn.to/2V0CmEj" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Girl's Q&amp;A Book on Friendship</a>, and the <a href="https://amzn.to/2IhtqJo" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Middle School Confidential</a> series. For many years, Annie has maintained an anonymous advice column for teenagers and she's answered thousands and thousands of questions from teens all over the world.So she's a complete expert on giving advice to teenagers.Annie has uncovered some amazing tactics. One thing I found really interesting is that she doesn't tell the teens what to do in her responses. Wait, isn't telling people what to do the whole point of giving advice?Not exactly. Most of the time, teens already know what the right thing to do is. They aren't looking for a lecture, just someone to listen to them and help them work out the best way to do what their heart is telling them to do.Sound complicated? Actually, Annie makes it surprisingly simple in this episode. The 24-minute public version is free to listen to, and the 42-minute extended version, packed with extra goodies, is reserved for site members. <a href="https://www.talkingtoteens.com/login/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Log in</a> or <a href="https://www.talkingtoteens.com/register" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">sign up</a> to access everything our site has to offer!  Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 38: Giving Advice to Teenagers

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episodeWe all experience some level of anxiety but for 1 out of every 8 kids it is a serious struggle. An uneasy feeling in their stomach on the way to school. A pounding heartbeat as they sit down for an exam. Sweaty hands when they’re asked to speak up in front of their peers.What can parents do to help teens cope with anxiety?This week on the podcast I got some incredible insights from Karen Young. Karen spent years working as a therapist and helping families and individuals cope with anxiety. Now she runs the immensely popular website, www.heysigmund.com, where her articles have been read by millions of parents and teenagers around the world.Karen said that we need to start by listening to our teens and not trying to convince them that they will be OK or that their feelings are “no big deal”. Then we should teach them about why they are feeling anxious by explaining how anxiety works.Finally, we can help teens learn strategies for coping with the anxiety.This sequence is crucial, Karen stressed. Don’t start offering solutions until you have given teens information. They need to know why the solutions work.In this episode Karen lays out exactly how to do this with a teen in your life. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! <a href="https://talkingtoteens.com/teenagers-parents-anxiety/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episode</a>We all experience some level of anxiety but for 1 out of every 8 kids it is a serious struggle. An uneasy feeling in their stomach on the way to school. A pounding heartbeat as they sit down for an exam. Sweaty hands when they’re asked to speak up in front of their peers.What can parents do to help teens cope with anxiety?This week on the podcast I got some incredible insights from Karen Young. Karen spent years working as a therapist and helping families and individuals cope with anxiety. Now she runs the immensely popular website, <a href="http://www.heysigmund.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.heysigmund.com</a>, where her articles have been read by millions of parents and teenagers around the world.Karen said that we need to start by listening to our teens and not trying to convince them that they will be OK or that their feelings are “no big deal”. Then we should teach them about why they are feeling anxious by explaining how anxiety works.Finally, we can help teens learn strategies for coping with the anxiety.This sequence is crucial, Karen stressed. Don’t start offering solutions until you have given teens information. They need to know why the solutions work.In this episode Karen lays out exactly how to do this with a teen in your life. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 10: Help Teens Cope with Anxiety

Joanna Guest shares the lessons she (re)learned about meaningfully connecting with your kids while curating her book, Folded Wisdom, a collection of the best of Joanna’s dad’s 4775 notes to her and her brother. An inspiring story packed with parenting take-aways.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesDo you ever feel like the week goes by and you haven’t really connected with your teen? You might look back to find that every conversation was about getting somewhere on time, making a plan for dinner, or providing reminders about something that needs to get done. Maybe you had the best intentions–you sincerely planned to bring up a touchy subject or share something deep–but life just got in the way. You’re not alone.Connecting with kids can be hard. It’s a common complaint from parents in today’s busy, over-scheduled, technology-driven world that they haven’t had the time to build a more meaningful relationship. So how can you connect with your teen on an intimate level when life is passing by too quickly? That’s the subject of this week’s Talking to Teens podcast episode, “Make Meaningful Connections.”This week I spoke with Joanna Guest about what parents can do to break out of the mundane industrious pace of life, start connecting with kids, and develop positive, memorable, and real moments with your family. Joanna is the author of Folded Wisdom: Notes from Dad on Life, Love, and Growing Up, a beautiful and heartwarming book about how her father made meaningful connections with her.When Joanna’s younger brother, Theo, showed no interest in reading, a teacher suggested their dad write notes to pique the little guy’s curiosity. Joanna’s dad took the idea and ran with it, writing both Theo and Joanna a note with an illustration every single morning to take to school. And he kept it up for 14 years, ultimately writing 4775 letters. If anyone knows about staying committed to connecting with kids, it’s the Guest family.While this practice is proof of a father’s deep commitment to his children, these daily messages also demonstrate the true path to connecting with kids: a willingness to be vulnerable. Unlike his daily communication, which often felt routine and rushed, the notes hit on deep topics, life lessons, and – when he couldn’t find time to connect – small doses of openness made all the difference. In the podcast, we talk about how sharing vulnerability helps you maintain a deep relationship with your kids by way of three tangible virtues: Truthful Communication Personal Touches Intimate Lessons The bond that Joanna and her father display in this book is unique but that doesn't mean it can't help us implement these impactful parenting elements in our own lives. Here's how it works:Let’s Talk About Truthful CommunicationSpeaking truthfully is when you simply authentically express what emotions you’re feeling in your heart. When you focus these thoughts on what’s between you your teen, you're displaying a personal and intimate reflection of the relationship and how you feel about them. The good news is, honest communication doesn’t even have to be particularly profound or complex to be effective. With his notes, Joanna’s father achieved this simply by writing “I love you” on a folded piece of paper when the family didn’t have time to convene on weekday mornings.Communicating truthfully demonstrates a willingness to show vulnerability because it is an act of sharing yourself, flaws and all. When you speak your truth, the point is not to always provide a polished answer for your teen. You don’t want connecting with kids to be a fake process. A common parenting myth is that you always have to have an answer for everything; you must constantly be prepared for everything that comes your way, 24/7. But speaking truthfully from your own standpoint with your teen can help pull back the curtain and let them know you’re only human.If your child approaches you with a particularly challenging problem, responding with “I don’t know” is a valid opportunity for you to connect with your teen. When you speak truthfully about your inability to find a solution, instead of providing an exact answer, you’re displaying that you’re both vulnerable to whatever this problem is. Connecting with kids also means relating to them, and when you speak honestly about common issues, you’re conveying solidarity.Whether it’s dealing with a breakup, a tricky math problem, or deciding on college options, speaking honestly will clue your teen in to your presence. Once this happens, you can solve whatever problem they’re facing together.Truth and PrioritiesSpeaking truthfully also helps parents connecting with kids by informing teens about who you are, specifically, what you prioritize in life. For example, if you’re work-life is too demanding, teens can interpret a busy parent as someone who doesn’t have an investment in their life. The limited time you do have to spend with your teen might seem second hand, like solely exists around necessary family tasks (i.e. eating meals or school drop-off), and so they might feel the need to build connections elsewhere.If you speak honestly and address genuine concerns about how your parenting is perceived, you’re displaying vulnerability to criticism, asking your teen for insight, and prioritizing your interest in who they are. You might say something like, “I we could spend more time together” or “I would like to get to know you better.” Small declarations of truth like these make up the more meaningful selection of notes featured in Joanna’s book. When you’re truthful with your teen, it might help them understand what is going on in your life more clearly and they’re more likely to respond in kind.Honesty When There’s No Time for Connecting with KidsIn the book, Joanna’s father was able to write a note every single day, and it’s sweet because it demonstrates the longevity of the act. But not everyone has the time or creativity to pull off this kind of practice when connecting with kids. Truthful communication helps you connect with your teen because there isn’t any planning or artificiality in the act; you can develop a genuine bond with brief interactions that are made meaningful because there’s no filter.One of the most effective means of honest communication that we talk about is when Joanna’s father reached out with a note after they got into a fight when she was younger. He simply wrote down the next morning, “I hope you can find a way not to be angry. I love you.” Even when you don’t have anything to say, you can simply just communicate how you feel about your child.As a parent, you want to communicate how you feel, and letting your child know you love them and just want what’s best can emphasize that you’re a supporting figure in their life. These small moments of truth are how Joanna’s father brought in simplicity to her complicated life as a teenager, providing uncomplicated access to an emotional positivity. This honesty can foster trust and demonstrate care, deepening how you’re connecting with kids.To hear about how Personal Touches and Intimate Lessons play into connecting with kids, don’t tune in to listen to the whole episode!I was blown away at how wise and poignant Joanna’s advice was for parents of teenagers today. Among other things, she told me: How to teach lessons without being so “teach-y” (a major turn-off for teens) What the A.C.E. system of Attitude, Concentration, and Effort can do for your teen’s self-confidence Why a “practice” can foster stronger communication How exploring your child’s interests opens up possibilities If you are looking for how to start connecting with kids in meaningful ways while imparting valuable life lessons, you will not want to miss this episode. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Joanna Guest shares the lessons she (re)learned about meaningfully connecting with your kids while curating her book, <a href="https://amzn.to/2pU0iiA" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Folded Wisdom</a>, a collection of the best of Joanna’s dad’s 4775 notes to her and her brother. An inspiring story packed with parenting take-aways.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesDo you ever feel like the week goes by and you haven’t really connected with your teen? You might look back to find that every conversation was about getting somewhere on time, making a plan for dinner, or providing reminders about something that needs to get done. Maybe you had the best intentions–you sincerely planned to bring up a touchy subject or share something deep–but life just got in the way. You’re not alone.Connecting with kids can be hard. It’s a common complaint from parents in today’s busy, over-scheduled, technology-driven world that they haven’t had the time to build a more meaningful relationship. So how can you connect with your teen on an intimate level when life is passing by too quickly? That’s the subject of this week’s Talking to Teens podcast episode, “Make Meaningful Connections.”This week I spoke with Joanna Guest about what parents can do to break out of the mundane industrious pace of life, start connecting with kids, and develop positive, memorable, and real moments with your family. Joanna is the author of <a href="https://amzn.to/2pU0iiA" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Folded Wisdom: Notes from Dad on Life, Love, and Growing Up</a>, a beautiful and heartwarming book about how her father made meaningful connections with her.When Joanna’s younger brother, Theo, showed no interest in reading, a teacher suggested their dad write notes to pique the little guy’s curiosity. Joanna’s dad took the idea and ran with it, writing both Theo and Joanna a note with an illustration every single morning to take to school. And he kept it up for 14 years, ultimately writing 4775 letters. If anyone knows about staying committed to connecting with kids, it’s the Guest family.While this practice is proof of a father’s deep commitment to his children, these daily messages also demonstrate the true path to connecting with kids: a willingness to be vulnerable. Unlike his daily communication, which often felt routine and rushed, the notes hit on deep topics, life lessons, and – when he couldn’t find time to connect – small doses of openness made all the difference. In the podcast, we talk about how sharing vulnerability helps you maintain a deep relationship with your kids by way of three tangible virtues:<ol> <li>Truthful Communication</li> <li>Personal Touches</li> <li>Intimate Lessons</li> </ol>The bond that Joanna and her father display in this book is unique but that doesn't mean it can't help us implement these impactful parenting elements in our own lives. Here's how it works:Let’s Talk About Truthful CommunicationSpeaking truthfully is when you simply authentically express what emotions you’re feeling in your heart. When you focus these thoughts on what’s between you your teen, you're displaying a personal and intimate reflection of the relationship and how you feel about them. The good news is, honest communication doesn’t even have to be particularly profound or complex to be effective. With his notes, Joanna’s father achieved this simply by writing “I love you” on a folded piece of paper when the family didn’t have time to convene on weekday mornings.Communicating truthfully demonstrates a willingness to show vulnerability because it is an act of sharing yourself, flaws and all. When you speak your truth, the point is not to always provide a polished answer for your teen. You don’t want connecting with kids to be a fake process. A common parenting myth is that you always have to have an answer for everything; you must constantly be prepared for everything that comes your way, 24/7. But speaking truthfully from your own standpoint with your teen can help pull back the curtain and let them know you’re only human.If your child approaches you with a particularly challenging problem, responding with “I don’t know” is a valid opportunity for you to connect with your teen. When you speak truthfully about your inability to find a solution, instead of providing an exact answer, you’re displaying that you’re both vulnerable to whatever this problem is. Connecting with kids also means relating to them, and when you speak honestly about common issues, you’re conveying solidarity.Whether it’s dealing with a breakup, a tricky math problem, or deciding on college options, speaking honestly will clue your teen in to your presence. Once this happens, you can solve whatever problem they’re facing together.Truth and PrioritiesSpeaking truthfully also helps parents connecting with kids by informing teens about who you are, specifically, what you prioritize in life. For example, if you’re work-life is too demanding, teens can interpret a busy parent as someone who doesn’t have an investment in their life. The limited time you do have to spend with your teen might seem second hand, like solely exists around necessary family tasks (i.e. eating meals or school drop-off), and so they might feel the need to build connections elsewhere.If you speak honestly and address genuine concerns about how your parenting is perceived, you’re displaying vulnerability to criticism, asking your teen for insight, and prioritizing your interest in who they are. You might say something like, “I we could spend more time together” or “I would like to get to know you better.” Small declarations of truth like these make up the more meaningful selection of notes featured in Joanna’s book. When you’re truthful with your teen, it might help them understand what is going on in your life more clearly and they’re more likely to respond in kind.Honesty When There’s No Time for Connecting with KidsIn the book, Joanna’s father was able to write a note every single day, and it’s sweet because it demonstrates the longevity of the act. But not everyone has the time or creativity to pull off this kind of practice when connecting with kids. Truthful communication helps you connect with your teen because there isn’t any planning or artificiality in the act; you can develop a genuine bond with brief interactions that are made meaningful because there’s no filter.One of the most effective means of honest communication that we talk about is when Joanna’s father reached out with a note after they got into a fight when she was younger. He simply wrote down the next morning, “I hope you can find a way not to be angry. I love you.” Even when you don’t have anything to say, you can simply just communicate how you feel about your child.As a parent, you want to communicate how you feel, and letting your child know you love them and just want what’s best can emphasize that you’re a supporting figure in their life. These small moments of truth are how Joanna’s father brought in simplicity to her complicated life as a teenager, providing uncomplicated access to an emotional positivity. This honesty can foster trust and demonstrate care, deepening how you’re connecting with kids.To hear about how Personal Touches and Intimate Lessons play into connecting with kids, don’t tune in to listen to the whole episode!I was blown away at how wise and poignant Joanna’s advice was for parents of teenagers today. Among other things, she told me:<ul> <li>How to teach lessons without being so “teach-y” (a major turn-off for teens)</li> <li>What the A.C.E. system of Attitude, Concentration, and Effort can do for your teen’s self-confidence</li> <li>Why a “practice” can foster stronger communication</li> <li>How exploring your child’s interests opens up possibilities</li> </ul>If you are looking for how to start connecting with kids in meaningful ways while imparting valuable life lessons, you will not want to miss this episode. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep. 56: Make Meaningful Connections

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Click here for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episodeDo you ever have trouble getting kids to listen to you and do what you ask them to do? How to deal with teenagers who won't listen to the rules is the most common question parents have when they find my website.The problem, according to neuroscience, is that around age 12 kids stop listening to you merely because you are their parent. They want a better reason. Getting kids to listen is a whole lot tougher after this point.The "I'm counting to three" technique becomes completely useless by this age unless you back it up with some extremely heavy consequences. But that just backfires and creates resentment that is hard to undo.Here's how to deal with teenagers who don't respect your authority: you have to sell them on whatever it is you want them to do.This episode of the podcast is all about how to get kids to listen to your requests and follow them.I spoke with Chris Smith and worked through a step-by-step plan that will teach you exactly how to get kids to listen. Chris is the bestselling author of The Conversion Code, and the Co-Founder of Curaytor, one of the fastest-growing companies in America. He's an expert at selling products over the phone and he's trained thousands of salespeople around the world how to do this.In this episode, we go through an in-depth, step-by-step example of how to deal with teenagers who don't want to clean their room. And Chris reveals some actual word-for-word scripts he's used on his own daughter to get her to clean her room too.The first step in getting kids to listen is to find something they want, Chris told me, and to uncover both the logical and the emotional reasons they want this thing. He uses a technique called "Digging Deep" to achieve this.Once you know what they want, here's how to get kids to listen: start the conversation with a Pattern Interrupt statement that grabs their attention and subtly establishes your dominance without making them feel threatened. Chris gives examples during out interview.Next, use the Five Yes technique followed by a Feature-Benefit Tie-Down and follow Chris' simple strategy for locking down the terms of the agreement.With this system, you sell the teen on what you want them to do rather than expecting them to do it because you are the parent and you told them to. This is how to deal with teenagers.The 29-minute public version is free to listen to, and the 46-minute extended version, packed with extra goodies, is reserved for site members. Log in or sign up to access everything our site has to offer! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! <a href="https://talkingtoteens.com/getting-kids-to-listen-to-you/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click here for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episode</a>Do you ever have trouble getting kids to listen to you and do what you ask them to do? How to deal with teenagers who won't listen to the rules is the most common question parents have when they find my website. The problem, according to neuroscience, is that around age 12 kids stop listening to you merely because you are their parent. They want a better reason. Getting kids to listen is a whole lot tougher after this point.The "I'm counting to three" technique becomes completely useless by this age unless you back it up with some extremely heavy consequences. But that just backfires and creates resentment that is hard to undo.Here's how to deal with teenagers who don't respect your authority: you have to sell them on whatever it is you want them to do.This episode of the podcast is all about how to get kids to listen to your requests and follow them.I spoke with Chris Smith and worked through a step-by-step plan that will teach you exactly how to get kids to listen. Chris is the bestselling author of The Conversion Code, and the Co-Founder of Curaytor, one of the fastest-growing companies in America. He's an expert at selling products over the phone and he's trained thousands of salespeople around the world how to do this.In this episode, we go through an in-depth, step-by-step example of how to deal with teenagers who don't want to clean their room. And Chris reveals some actual word-for-word scripts he's used on his own daughter to get her to clean her room too.The first step in getting kids to listen is to find something they want, Chris told me, and to uncover both the logical and the emotional reasons they want this thing. He uses a technique called "Digging Deep" to achieve this.Once you know what they want, here's how to get kids to listen: start the conversation with a Pattern Interrupt statement that grabs their attention and subtly establishes your dominance without making them feel threatened. Chris gives examples during out interview.Next, use the Five Yes technique followed by a Feature-Benefit Tie-Down and follow Chris' simple strategy for locking down the terms of the agreement.With this system, you sell the teen on what you want them to do rather than expecting them to do it because you are the parent and you told them to. This is how to deal with teenagers.The 29-minute public version is free to listen to, and the 46-minute extended version, packed with extra goodies, is reserved for site members. <a href="https://www.talkingtoteens.com/login/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Log in</a> or <a href="https://www.talkingtoteens.com/register" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">sign up</a> to access everything our site has to offer! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 39: Getting Kids to Listen to You

Dr. Laura Markham, author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, and Peaceful Parent, Happy Sibling, founded Aha! Parenting as a resource for parents who are struggling to control their disobedient, disrespectful, and/or depressive kid. Dr. Markham shares her secrets for how to flip punishment on its head and get the best possible results--and relationship--with your teen.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesYou caught your teen lying to you. He missed curfew, and the reason was NOT finishing a school project with his friend. One glance at his friend’s Instagram feed clearly shows the two of them at a party.Now you’re angry. Your teen has taken advantage of your trust, and you want justice. You might want to raise your voice and scream and yell. You might even want to punish him. But this is also where you might want to stop for a minute, and consider something about punishments for teenagers.More and more research is showing that coming up with punishments for teenagers doesn’t make them behave better. In fact, it’s more likely that punishing kids teaches them to become better liars. (More on that below!)If punishments for teenagers aren’t helping, though, what can parents do to enforce their own rules? To get some quality, scientifically-backed ideas, I spoke with Dr. Laura Markham.Dr. Markham is all about setting limits and enforcing boundaries without yelling or using punishments for teenagers. She earned her Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Columbia University, and is the founder of the website Aha! Parenting. She is a parenting expert, a researcher, and the author of the books Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings, and Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook. And as a mother, herself, she knows the value of having a strong, emotional connection with your kids.So what is the number one thing we can learn from this parenting expert?An Emotionally Stable RelationshipThe first thing Dr. Markham wants parents to understand is that parenting is NOT a set of strategies. Parenting is a relationship. She wants parents to have a comprehensive plan for connecting with their teen. For her, the goal is to build a strong, trusting, and lasting relationship without reverting to old-fashioned punishments for teenagers.According to Dr. Markham, the first step for parents is to learn how to regulate their own emotions. Your kids, especially teenagers, know how to push your buttons. Sometimes it can feel like a personal attack. In these scenarios, though, she says it’s vitally important to take a breath and ask yourself,“Why does my kid feel the need to treat me this way right now?”Likely, the answer is that your teen doesn’t feel understood. It might also be possible that your teen doesn’t feel like you’re listening. Instead of dishing out punishments for teenagers when they act out, Dr. Markham suggests that parents pause and ask their teens,“Hey, what’s going on? What’s making you want to treat me this way?”.When you withhold anger from your teen, you make it easier for your child to connect with you. This feeds into the second step, which is learning how to reinforce that connection.CommunicationIn any relationship, a consistent line of open communication is extremely healthy. Without healthy, open communication, there is no relationship. In this way, you want to make it as easy as possible for your teen to talk to you. Here’s how:If your teen is struggling with a serious problem, you want your teen to tell you about it. However, giving punishments for teenagers who mess up makes them less likely to be open about their troubles in the future. Teens won’t share bigger school or friendship problems if they are afraid you will get angry, or punish them.If you yell at your teen for missing one school assignment, what kind of reaction will your teen expect when they want to voice something more serious? They might be too afraid to share more complex problems, like a friend who is touching them inappropriately. We don’t want that.Coaching Your ChildIf you can regulate your own emotions and teach your child that they can trust you with their problems, you’re on the right track! In fact, you’re ready for the advanced techniques… Next, comes Dr. Markham’s third step: coaching your child to be his or her best self.Teens need guidance working through new emotions, and it’s a parent’s job to be an emotionally-stable coach. By demonstrating calm, attentive, connectedness with your teen, you can meet them where they’re at, and help them work through their problems. Dr. Markham says showing off your inner-zen can help your kids feel deeply understood. They may not even feel the need to act out!Imagine that! A relationship with your teenager where they don’t feel like pressing your buttons and making you mad! Wow! And no punishments for teenagers were involved in the making of this relationship!Not Punishing Your KidsDr. Markham explains that the parent-child relationship is like any other relationship. There should be mutual care and respect. There will of course be arguments, but in a caring relationship where one person respects the other, there is no reason to punish.Not using punishments for teenagers when they cross the line might sound like a novel concept to some parents. If you’re still skeptical, Dr. Markham asks you to think about your own teen years. How did you react when your parents punished you? Did you think about how you messed up, and how you were going to behave better in the future? Probably not! You probably reacted by thinking about how unfair your parents were! You probably thought they were being mean, and that they didn’t understand what you were going through.Dr. Markham points out that punishments for teenagers only perpetuate their anger and holds their focus on the power struggle. If a teen is being punished for lying, they aren’t motivated to stop lying in the future. They are just motivated to be better at getting away with it to avoid punishment. They become better liars!To be clear, kids still need discipline. A better way to approach bad behavior is to encourage teens to reflect on their wrongdoing. Dr. Markham wants parents to recognize that punishments can ruin a teen’s motivation to reflect. So how do you motivate your kid to reflect on their mistakes?Teaching Kids the Importance of Your RelationshipLet’s say you get an email from a teacher explaining that your teenager has fallen behind on homework. This might be a surprise, especially if you asked your teen a week ago how homework was going, and they said they had it under control. You are now understandably angry, but if you don’t implement punishments for teenagers, how do you get your child to learn from messing up?Dr. Markham says that first you have to listen to your kid. Extend that mutual respect by listening to their reasoning for messing up. They might have a weak excuse, but often, your teen has a valid reason for acting out! You won’t know unless you listen. Then, after listening, you can acknowledge what feelings led them to misbehave, how they feel now, and clarify what’s most important. (Hint: it’s your relationship!)For example, if your teen says they fell behind because they had already done hours of homework and wanted a break, you can check out our Parenting Scripts tab for word-for-word advice about how to make this disagreement about improving your relationship!Instead of blaming, shaming, or criticizing your kid for screwing up, repairing the relationship comes first. Dr. Markham suggests having your teen put a plan in writing to repair the relationship as a consequence.This is NOT a ‘get out of jail free’ card, but it’s also NOT a punishment. While using punishments for teenagers when they screw up, you are driving them away and straining the relationship. By framing the consequences around repairing the relationship, you are instead teaching your teen the value of trust and honesty with you.More From Dr. MarkhamCreating and sustaining a positive relationship with your teens is hard work, and there are all sorts of nuances to getting it right. Thankfully, Dr. Markham specializes in helping parents improve their relationships with their kids. We talk about punishments for teenagers and several additional topics from her books, such as: How to repair a punitive relationship with your teen Understanding prefrontal cortex development in teens Why parents do need to repeat themselves Setting and modeling basic rules in the home What to do when your teen is yelling at you Coaching teens in emotional regulation Encouraging Mastery - teaching kids to do things because they enjoy them Dr. Markham is an amazing resource for parents! She has so much knowledge and experience, and it’s all backed by research! I really hope you’ll take the time to learn a thing or two about punishments for teenagers from her. I certainly did. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Dr. Laura Markham, author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Peaceful-Parent-Happy-Kids-Connecting/dp/0399160280" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids</a>, and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Peaceful-Parent-Happy-Siblings-Fighting/dp/0399168451" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Peaceful Parent, Happy Sibling</a>, founded Aha! Parenting as a resource for parents who are struggling to control their disobedient, disrespectful, and/or depressive kid. Dr. Markham shares her secrets for how to flip punishment on its head and get the best possible results--and relationship--with your teen.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesYou caught your teen lying to you. He missed curfew, and the reason was NOT finishing a school project with his friend. One glance at his friend’s Instagram feed clearly shows the two of them at a party.Now you’re angry. Your teen has taken advantage of your trust, and you want justice. You might want to raise your voice and scream and yell. You might even want to punish him. But this is also where you might want to stop for a minute, and consider something about punishments for teenagers.More and more research is showing that coming up with punishments for teenagers doesn’t make them behave better. In fact, it’s more likely that punishing kids teaches them to become better liars. (More on that below!)If punishments for teenagers aren’t helping, though, what can parents do to enforce their own rules? To get some quality, scientifically-backed ideas, I spoke with Dr. Laura Markham.Dr. Markham is all about setting limits and enforcing boundaries without yelling or using punishments for teenagers. She earned her Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Columbia University, and is the founder of the website <a href="https://www.ahaparenting.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Aha! Parenting</a>. She is a parenting expert, a researcher, and the author of the books <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Peaceful-Parent-Happy-Kids-Connecting/dp/0399160280" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Peaceful-Parent-Happy-Siblings-Fighting/dp/0399168451" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings</a>, and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Peaceful-Parent-Happy-Kids-Workbook/dp/1683731158" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook</a>. And as a mother, herself, she knows the value of having a strong, emotional connection with your kids.So what is the number one thing we can learn from this parenting expert?An Emotionally Stable RelationshipThe first thing Dr. Markham wants parents to understand is that parenting is NOT a set of strategies. Parenting is a relationship. She wants parents to have a comprehensive plan for connecting with their teen. For her, the goal is to build a strong, trusting, and lasting relationship without reverting to old-fashioned punishments for teenagers.According to Dr. Markham, the first step for parents is to learn how to regulate their own emotions. Your kids, especially teenagers, know how to push your buttons. Sometimes it can feel like a personal attack. In these scenarios, though, she says it’s vitally important to take a breath and ask yourself,“Why does my kid feel the need to treat me this way right now?” Likely, the answer is that your teen doesn’t feel understood. It might also be possible that your teen doesn’t feel like you’re listening. Instead of dishing out punishments for teenagers when they act out, Dr. Markham suggests that parents pause and ask their teens,“Hey, what’s going on? What’s making you want to treat me this way?”.When you withhold anger from your teen, you make it easier for your child to connect with you. This feeds into the second step, which is learning how to reinforce that connection.CommunicationIn any relationship, a consistent line of open communication is extremely healthy. Without healthy, open communication, there is no relationship. In this way, you want to make it as easy as possible for your teen to talk to you. Here’s how:If your teen is struggling with a serious problem, you want your teen to tell you about it. However, giving punishments for teenagers who mess up makes them less likely to be open about their troubles in the future. Teens won’t share bigger school or friendship problems if they are afraid you will get angry, or punish them.If you yell at your teen for missing one school assignment, what kind of reaction will your teen expect when they want to voice something more serious? They might be too afraid to share more complex problems, like a friend who is touching them inappropriately. We don’t want that.Coaching Your ChildIf you can regulate your own emotions and teach your child that they can trust you with their problems, you’re on the right track! In fact, you’re ready for the advanced techniques… Next, comes Dr. Markham’s third step: coaching your child to be his or her best self.Teens need guidance working through new emotions, and it’s a parent’s job to be an emotionally-stable coach. By demonstrating calm, attentive, connectedness with your teen, you can meet them where they’re at, and help them work through their problems. Dr. Markham says showing off your inner-zen can help your kids feel deeply understood. They may not even feel the need to act out!Imagine that! A relationship with your teenager where they don’t feel like pressing your buttons and making you mad! Wow! And no punishments for teenagers were involved in the making of this relationship!Not Punishing Your KidsDr. Markham explains that the parent-child relationship is like any other relationship. There should be mutual care and respect. There will of course be arguments, but in a caring relationship where one person respects the other, there is no reason to punish.Not using punishments for teenagers when they cross the line might sound like a novel concept to some parents. If you’re still skeptical, Dr. Markham asks you to think about your own teen years. How did you react when your parents punished you? Did you think about how you messed up, and how you were going to behave better in the future? Probably not! You probably reacted by thinking about how unfair your parents were! You probably thought they were being mean, and that they didn’t understand what you were going through.Dr. Markham points out that punishments for teenagers only perpetuate their anger and holds their focus on the power struggle. If a teen is being punished for lying, they aren’t motivated to stop lying in the future. They are just motivated to be better at getting away with it to avoid punishment. They become better liars!To be clear, kids still need discipline. A better way to approach bad behavior is to encourage teens to reflect on their wrongdoing. Dr. Markham wants parents to recognize that punishments can ruin a teen’s motivation to reflect. So how do you motivate your kid to reflect on their mistakes?Teaching Kids the Importance of Your RelationshipLet’s say you get an email from a teacher explaining that your teenager has fallen behind on homework. This might be a surprise, especially if you asked your teen a week ago how homework was going, and they said they had it under control. You are now understandably angry, but if you don’t implement punishments for teenagers, how do you get your child to learn from messing up?Dr. Markham says that first you have to listen to your kid. Extend that mutual respect by listening to their reasoning for messing up. They might have a weak excuse, but often, your teen has a valid reason for acting out! You won’t know unless you listen. Then, after listening, you can acknowledge what feelings led them to misbehave, how they feel now, and clarify what’s most important. (Hint: it’s your relationship!)For example, if your teen says they fell behind because they had already done hours of homework and wanted a break, you can check out our Parenting Scripts tab for word-for-word advice about how to make this disagreement about improving your relationship!Instead of blaming, shaming, or criticizing your kid for screwing up, repairing the relationship comes first. Dr. Markham suggests having your teen put a plan in writing to repair the relationship as a consequence.This is NOT a ‘get out of jail free’ card, but it’s also NOT a punishment. While using punishments for teenagers when they screw up, you are driving them away and straining the relationship. By framing the consequences around repairing the relationship, you are instead teaching your teen the value of trust and honesty with you.More From Dr. MarkhamCreating and sustaining a positive relationship with your teens is hard work, and there are all sorts of nuances to getting it right. Thankfully, Dr. Markham specializes in helping parents improve their relationships with their kids. We talk about punishments for teenagers and several additional topics from her books, such as:<ul> <li>How to repair a punitive relationship with your teen</li> <li>Understanding prefrontal cortex development in teens</li> <li>Why parents do need to repeat themselves</li> <li>Setting and modeling basic rules in the home</li> <li>What to do when your teen is yelling at you</li> <li>Coaching teens in emotional regulation</li> <li>Encouraging Mastery - teaching kids to do things because they enjoy them</li> </ul>Dr. Markham is an amazing resource for parents! She has so much knowledge and experience, and it’s all backed by research! I really hope you’ll take the time to learn a thing or two about punishments for teenagers from her. I certainly did. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep. 65: 'Punishment' is a Trick Tactic

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episodeBiblical parenting can be especially hard for parents to maintain during the teenage years. Thankfully, when it comes to Christian parenting podcast guest Hanna Seymour is a true authority. She's been mentoring teenage girls all over the world through her Christian advice blog, Dear Hanna, for years.The Perfect Christian Parenting Podcast GuestHanna's book, The College Girl’s Survival Guide, is a collection of her responses to the top 52 questions teenage girls typically ask her relating to college. During our talk, I wanted to know what larger insights can be drawn from the book; what can we learn about biblical parenting?This Christian parenting podcast episode specifically dives into some biblical parenting techniques for dealing with your teenagers' friends. Hanna talks about how parents can make sure teens have good friends by staying involved in their social relationships.Biblical Parenting and Important ValuesOne strategy is to help teenagers to see that they aren't alone in their problems. This will ultimately build empathy and lead teens to more deeply understand the value of living to be a person for others.Hanna says that, when she was in college, her mother told her stories about some big mistakes she made in her teens. And Hanna really wishes her mom would have shared these stories earlier.But how do you know what is OK to share with your teen and what needs to stay secret? What is the best way to share something so that your teen won't think you are condoning immoral or illegal behavior?Listen to this Christian parenting podcast for answers from Hanna. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! <a href="https://talkingtoteens.com/christian-parenting-podcast-biblical-parenting/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episode</a>Biblical parenting can be especially hard for parents to maintain during the teenage years. Thankfully, when it comes to Christian parenting podcast guest Hanna Seymour is a true authority. She's been mentoring teenage girls all over the world through her Christian advice blog, Dear Hanna, for years.The Perfect Christian Parenting Podcast GuestHanna's book, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/147899357X/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=147899357X&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=k5063-20&amp;linkId=972a91af4a26dc32546454aff0909220" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The College Girl’s Survival Guide</a>, is a collection of her responses to the top 52 questions teenage girls typically ask her relating to college. During our talk, I wanted to know what larger insights can be drawn from the book; what can we learn about biblical parenting?This Christian parenting podcast episode specifically dives into some biblical parenting techniques for dealing with your teenagers' friends. Hanna talks about how parents can make sure teens have good friends by staying involved in their social relationships.Biblical Parenting and Important ValuesOne strategy is to help teenagers to see that they aren't alone in their problems. This will ultimately build empathy and lead teens to more deeply understand the value of living to be a person for others.Hanna says that, when she was in college, her mother told her stories about some big mistakes she made in her teens. And Hanna really wishes her mom would have shared these stories earlier.But how do you know what is OK to share with your teen and what needs to stay secret? What is the best way to share something so that your teen won't think you are condoning immoral or illegal behavior?Listen to this Christian parenting podcast for answers from Hanna. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 18: Christian Parenting Skills

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Click here for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episodeWow, wouldn't teenagers be delightful if we could just get them to stop giving us attitude and rebelling against everything we say? It's not such a fantasy as you might think. Actually, there is someone who has already figured out how to accomplish this using something called non-punitive parenting strategies. It's Canadian parenting expert and author of four parenting books, Judy Arnall.On this episode, Judy taught me some awesome non-punitive parenting strategies from her books Discipline without Distress and Parenting with Patience. You'll learn to: Reduce the reasons for rebelling Teach your teen to express their emotions calmly Manage your own anger at your teen Express your needs to your teenager more clearly Respond to swearing and foul language Use I-statements effectively Comfort your teen during emotional times There's a ton of great info on this episode.Judy explains the psychology behind why teens rebel and she shows you exactly what you can do to stop the process. Come along with me as I learn about non-punitive parenting strategies with Judy Arnall. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! <a href="https://talkingtoteens.com/non-punitive-parenting-strategies/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click here for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episode</a>Wow, wouldn't teenagers be delightful if we could just get them to stop giving us attitude and rebelling against everything we say? It's not such a fantasy as you might think. Actually, there is someone who has already figured out how to accomplish this using something called non-punitive parenting strategies. It's Canadian parenting expert and author of four parenting books, Judy Arnall.On this episode, Judy taught me some awesome non-punitive parenting strategies from her books <a href="https://amzn.to/31G3cpM" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Discipline without Distress</a> and <a href="https://amzn.to/31Da9YE" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Parenting with Patience</a>. You'll learn to:<ul> <li>Reduce the reasons for rebelling</li> <li>Teach your teen to express their emotions calmly</li> <li>Manage your own anger at your teen</li> <li>Express your needs to your teenager more clearly</li> <li>Respond to swearing and foul language</li> <li>Use I-statements effectively</li> <li>Comfort your teen during emotional times</li> </ul>There's a ton of great info on this episode.Judy explains the psychology behind why teens rebel and she shows you exactly what you can do to stop the process. Come along with me as I learn about non-punitive parenting strategies with Judy Arnall. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 44: Non-Punitive Parenting Strategies

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episodeTeenagers today are addicted to their electronic devices. They text during class, post on SnapChat while they do their homework, and browse Instagram until 2 or 3 AM when they are supposed to be sleeping. How should parents handle smartphones and social media?A big part of the problem is that the teenage brain is highly attuned to rewards. So the instant gratification that comes with the ping of Likes and new followers is nearly impossible to resist. Smartphones are specifically designed to be like candy to the teenage brain. Studies show that the notifications from social media produce a surge of activity in the teenage reward system.Parents need to be aware of this and help their teens learn how to put limits on screen time. Joani Geltman helps parents deal with issues like smartphones and social media all the time. She is the bestselling author of A Survival Guide to Parenting Teens.In this episode of the podcast, Joani outlines some simple and effective solutions.She also talks at length about vaping, and a related phenomenon called “juuling”, serious problems that many parents are worried about today. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! <a href="https://talkingtoteens.com/smartphones-social-media-texting/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episode</a>Teenagers today are addicted to their electronic devices. They text during class, post on SnapChat while they do their homework, and browse Instagram until 2 or 3 AM when they are supposed to be sleeping. How should parents handle smartphones and social media?A big part of the problem is that the <a href="https://www.talkingtoteens.com/about-your-teenager/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">teenage brain</a> is highly attuned to rewards. So the instant gratification that comes with the ping of Likes and new followers is nearly impossible to resist. Smartphones are specifically designed to be like candy to the teenage brain. Studies show that the notifications from social media produce a surge of activity in the teenage reward system.Parents need to be aware of this and help their teens learn how to put limits on screen time. Joani Geltman helps parents deal with issues like smartphones and social media all the time. She is the bestselling author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0814433669/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=0814433669&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=k5063-20&amp;linkId=5bea9fae34e3fb80c2e556992b41038e" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">A Survival Guide to Parenting Teens</a>.In this episode of the podcast, Joani outlines some simple and effective solutions.She also talks at length about vaping, and a related phenomenon called “juuling”, serious problems that many parents are worried about today. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 9: Smartphones, Social Media, and Texting

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episodeAt first, Neal Thompson was glad that his young boys had found an activity that was getting them outside, keeping them active, and helping them gain acceptance from peers. But, as the kids grew older, skateboarding started to show it's dark side: vandalism, drugs, alcohol, skipping classes, lying, and more.He wrote about the whole incredible story in his new book Kickflip Boys: A Memoir of Freedom, Rebellion, and the Chaos of Fatherhood. I spoke with him about it this week on the podcast.Through all of the drama, Neal learned some valuable lessons about how to deal with rebellious teenagers in a positive way. In the end, one of the big things he wishes he would have been able to do was to relax and stop worrying so much about the future.The thing that kept his family strong through it all? Neal says it was the ability to say "I love you" to his kids consistently and really mean it.He also shares some strategies that he uncovered by watching his wife and her natural way of getting the kids to open up. Neal noticed that she was often more effective than he was at this even though he spent a lot of time with the boys skateboarding. We explore her communication style in-dept during this episode. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! <a href="https://talkingtoteens.com/the-terror-of-teenage-rebellion/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episode</a>At first, Neal Thompson was glad that his young boys had found an activity that was getting them outside, keeping them active, and helping them gain acceptance from peers. But, as the kids grew older, skateboarding started to show it's dark side: vandalism, drugs, alcohol, skipping classes, lying, and more.He wrote about the whole incredible story in his new book <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062394347/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=0062394347&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=k5063-20&amp;linkId=d56eb8f7e31d884717676396070ac68f" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Kickflip Boys: A Memoir of Freedom, Rebellion, and the Chaos of Fatherhood</a>. I spoke with him about it this week on the podcast.Through all of the drama, Neal learned some valuable lessons about how to deal with rebellious teenagers in a positive way. In the end, one of the big things he wishes he would have been able to do was to relax and stop worrying so much about the future.The thing that kept his family strong through it all? Neal says it was the ability to say "I love you" to his kids consistently and really mean it.He also shares some strategies that he uncovered by watching his wife and her natural way of getting the kids to open up. Neal noticed that she was often more effective than he was at this even though he spent a lot of time with the boys skateboarding. We explore her communication style in-dept during this episode. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 23: The Terror of Teenage Rebellion

Catherine Pearlman, author of Ignore It, explains how to make bad behavior stop by pretending you don't notice it. Discover Catherine's secret strategies for eliminating annoying behaviors on this episode. Learn what you can ignore and what you can't as well as how to re-engage after the behavior stops.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesParenting is a hard job on the best of days. It’s even harder when your child gets to an age when they know how to push all the buttons and elicit your worst responses. It seems like the older they get the more immature their tantrums become. You know you have to address their misconduct, but confrontation only aggravates the situation. You don’t want to exhaust yourself giving reprimands to a brick wall. Fortunately, there are teenage behavior management strategies that can help deter your teen’s bad behavior while actually saving you from aggravation.However, teenagers love to argue for their independence. It can be worrisome when they consistently neglect their simplest responsibilities, like cleaning their room or taking out the trash. When you attempt to address these discrepancies, they might become defensive about their ability to take care of themselves despite the evidence in question. You don’t want this bad behavior to continue, especially as they spend less time at home and eventually face the world as an adult. So, what teenager behavior management strategies can you use to correct your their bad behavior without getting irritated? That’s the topic of this week’s Talking to Teens episode, “Bad Behavior? Ignore It!”I was joined by Dr. Catherine Pearlman to discuss teenage behavior management strategies in her book, Ignore it! How Selectively Looking the Other Way Can Decrease Behavior Problems and Increase Parenting Satisfaction. After years of working intimately with young mothers as a social worker, Dr. Pearlman founded the Family Coach, a program where she visits family homes during the most stressful time of day and guides parents through problem-solving strategies.When it comes to these visits, her clients are often shocked by what their told to do about their teen’s reckless and rude behavior: Ignore it.“Did I Read That Right?!”You might be asking yourself, “How can that be beneficial? You want me to just ignore when my child acts out?” Actually, yes! You might think that such a request is absurd, but Catherine knows everything there is to know about unconventional, yet scientifically backed teenage behavior management strategies! She can help you enjoy spending more time with your kids using this technique like she’s done with so many other families.Her method of mitigating bad teenage behavior functions primarily by managing two things: Reward Systems Natural Consequences These two elements are at the core of her teenage behavior management strategies. Reward systems and natural consequences are already woven into how you communicate with your child. It’s just a matter of changing how you use them to create a more reciprocal environment. Here’s how you can start implementing these teenage behavior management strategies in your own home:Behavioral Reward SystemsBehavioral reward systems are when you consistently encourage a specific type of behavior with a correlated response. If there were a mantra for Catherine’s teenage behavior management strategies, it would be, “Behavior that has a reward is going to be repeated.” So, if teenagers pout or misbehave until you give in, they know to do it again in the future because it produces results. According to Dr. Pearlman, what happens immediately following their behavior will determine if it happens again.However, rewards come in many different forms; it doesn’t just mean that your teen gets what they want in the end. If you’re arguing about a curfew and your teen knows that you’ve already made up your mind, they might be tempted to use rude behavior to make you upset. If you’re provoked into arguing back or expressing unhappiness, this can be perceived as a reward, thus causing your teen to continue this kind of conduct in the future.Ignoring bad behavior means that you’re not giving it a reward. When your teen doesn’t get their way, they might try to get a rise out of you by raising their voice, resorting to name calling, or using swear words. If you use effective teenage behavior management strategies and don’t let these tactics affect you, your teen will eventually realize that this isn’t an effective way to communicate. They won’t get what they want, and they won’t get anything in response.At first, you might get some pushback to these teenage behavior management strategies, but that just means it’s working. If you’ve been negatively responding to your teen’s bad behavior in the past, they understand that throwing a tantrum will, at the very least, garner a negative response. They’ll try to increase the pressure when you start ignoring their tantrums, but without any results, they’ll realize they need to do something else to get their way. This is how you can use behavioral reward systems to mitigate bad behavior.Natural ConsequencesDefined as the logical result of an action, natural consequences work when your teen has an understanding of cause and effect. Dr. Pearlman describes this tactic as “the best thing that ever happened to parents” because you don’t have to do any punishing; the consequences of your child’s actions speak for themselves.Ignoring your child’s irritating conduct helps them connect the dots between “bad behavior” and “this isn’t working.” This teenage behavior management strategies can also be employed outside of arguments to curb bad behavior. For example, if your teen hasn’t cleaned their room and they’re inviting some friends over, they may ask you to do a quick sweep so things will look nice when they arrive. They might make outlandish statements like, “My life will be ruined if anybody sees my room like that!” If you give in and clean their room, agreeing that they need to get to it later, they’ll latch on to that reward in the moment. But if you let them face the consequences of their actions, your teen is more likely to learn from the negative consequences.Parents that are worried about the negative impact of natural consequences unfolding at crucial moments in their child’s life might be hesitant to use this approach. That’s why it’s important to apply teenage behavior management strategies like the ignoring method early on when the stakes are relatively low.When your teen forgets a minor homework assignment at home or neglects their chores so they can’t hang out with friends, these are good examples of “ignore it!” testing ground. If you start off small, your child will incorporate better behavior early on and be ready for more important tasks in the future.To Talk or To Ignore?One example of how rewards and natural consequences work in the “ignore it!” method to manage bad behavior is with negotiations. When you’ve made a firm decision, whether it’s limiting cell phone time or setting a curfew, you want to stick to it. Naturally, your teen will try to make their case to keep their phone or stay out later with friends.Dr. Pearlman advises to get input prior to when you make your decision so you know how everyone feels about an issue. You can have a formal family discussion or even start a group text to simplify things. She mentions that this is an aspect of teenage behavior management strategies that bring everyone’s opinion into the fold and bolster collaboration. Once you’ve heard them out and had a discussion, you should be able to reach a verdict and put the matter to rest. But if your teen is still unhappy with the final result and they start to argue, this could potentially set up a streak of acting out until they get their way.The problem here is that you want your directive to stand and arguing can be so exhausting. When your teenager doesn’t like a decision, they’ll use bad behavior to make you angry, which can be rewarding to them. One of Catherine’s teenage behavior management strategies is resisting any rude or combative conduct that comes your way. In other words, just ignore them!When they raise their voice or start to curse but they don’t receive any response, it will defeat the purpose of those actions altogether. This lets your teen know that their bad behavior isn’t going to get them anywhere, reifying the natural consequences of their actions in the moment. Ignoring the bad behavior informs your teen that behaving responsibly and respectfully is their only option left. Catherine’s approach is great because it’s noncombative and internalizes these teenage behavior management strategies, so it’s long-lasting. Because the natural consequences of bad behavior operate internally (meaning your child comes to the realization on their own), they’ll be able to carry this mindset to other conflicts in their life.What NOT to Ignore…However, you don’t want to ignore your child completely when they want to express themselves. Rewarding good behavior and engaging your teen in the right way is just as important! In the podcast, we discuss how to reengage your teen by rewarding good behavior, specific instances of when you should NOT ignore things, and applicable tactics to stick to the “ignore it!” method in the moment. There are so many more applications of Catherine’s teenage behavior management strategies that we talk about in the podcast. To hear more about these and related topics in the full episode!Speaking with Dr. Pearlman was so exciting and informative. Her teenage behavior management strategies are awe inspiring and her experience in behavioral sciences provides a grounded approach to family bonding! I learned so much listening to her, and I know you will, too! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Catherine Pearlman, author of <a href="https://www.amazon.ca/Ignore-Selectively-Behavioral-Parenting-Satisfaction/dp/0143130331" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Ignore It</a>, explains how to make bad behavior stop by pretending you don't notice it. Discover Catherine's secret strategies for eliminating annoying behaviors on this episode. Learn what you can ignore and what you can't as well as how to re-engage after the behavior stops.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesParenting is a hard job on the best of days. It’s even harder when your child gets to an age when they know how to push all the buttons and elicit your worst responses. It seems like the older they get the more immature their tantrums become. You know you have to address their misconduct, but confrontation only aggravates the situation. You don’t want to exhaust yourself giving reprimands to a brick wall. Fortunately, there are teenage behavior management strategies that can help deter your teen’s bad behavior while actually saving you from aggravation.However, teenagers love to argue for their independence. It can be worrisome when they consistently neglect their simplest responsibilities, like cleaning their room or taking out the trash. When you attempt to address these discrepancies, they might become defensive about their ability to take care of themselves despite the evidence in question. You don’t want this bad behavior to continue, especially as they spend less time at home and eventually face the world as an adult. So, what teenager behavior management strategies can you use to correct your their bad behavior without getting irritated? That’s the topic of this week’s Talking to Teens episode, “Bad Behavior? Ignore It!”I was joined by Dr. Catherine Pearlman to discuss teenage behavior management strategies in her book, <a href="https://www.amazon.ca/Ignore-Selectively-Behavioral-Parenting-Satisfaction/dp/0143130331" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Ignore it! How Selectively Looking the Other Way Can Decrease Behavior Problems and Increase Parenting Satisfaction</a>. After years of working intimately with young mothers as a social worker, Dr. Pearlman founded the Family Coach, a program where she visits family homes during the most stressful time of day and guides parents through problem-solving strategies.When it comes to these visits, her clients are often shocked by what their told to do about their teen’s reckless and rude behavior: Ignore it.“Did I Read That Right?!”You might be asking yourself, “How can that be beneficial? You want me to just ignore when my child acts out?” Actually, yes! You might think that such a request is absurd, but Catherine knows everything there is to know about unconventional, yet scientifically backed teenage behavior management strategies! She can help you enjoy spending more time with your kids using this technique like she’s done with so many other families.Her method of mitigating bad teenage behavior functions primarily by managing two things:<ol> <li>Reward Systems</li> <li>Natural Consequences</li> </ol>These two elements are at the core of her teenage behavior management strategies. Reward systems and natural consequences are already woven into how you communicate with your child. It’s just a matter of changing how you use them to create a more reciprocal environment. Here’s how you can start implementing these teenage behavior management strategies in your own home:Behavioral Reward SystemsBehavioral reward systems are when you consistently encourage a specific type of behavior with a correlated response. If there were a mantra for Catherine’s teenage behavior management strategies, it would be, “Behavior that has a reward is going to be repeated.” So, if teenagers pout or misbehave until you give in, they know to do it again in the future because it produces results. According to Dr. Pearlman, what happens immediately following their behavior will determine if it happens again.However, rewards come in many different forms; it doesn’t just mean that your teen gets what they want in the end. If you’re arguing about a curfew and your teen knows that you’ve already made up your mind, they might be tempted to use rude behavior to make you upset. If you’re provoked into arguing back or expressing unhappiness, this can be perceived as a reward, thus causing your teen to continue this kind of conduct in the future.Ignoring bad behavior means that you’re not giving it a reward. When your teen doesn’t get their way, they might try to get a rise out of you by raising their voice, resorting to name calling, or using swear words. If you use effective teenage behavior management strategies and don’t let these tactics affect you, your teen will eventually realize that this isn’t an effective way to communicate. They won’t get what they want, and they won’t get anything in response.At first, you might get some pushback to these teenage behavior management strategies, but that just means it’s working. If you’ve been negatively responding to your teen’s bad behavior in the past, they understand that throwing a tantrum will, at the very least, garner a negative response. They’ll try to increase the pressure when you start ignoring their tantrums, but without any results, they’ll realize they need to do something else to get their way. This is how you can use behavioral reward systems to mitigate bad behavior.Natural ConsequencesDefined as the logical result of an action, natural consequences work when your teen has an understanding of cause and effect. Dr. Pearlman describes this tactic as “the best thing that ever happened to parents” because you don’t have to do any punishing; the consequences of your child’s actions speak for themselves.Ignoring your child’s irritating conduct helps them connect the dots between “bad behavior” and “this isn’t working.” This teenage behavior management strategies can also be employed outside of arguments to curb bad behavior. For example, if your teen hasn’t cleaned their room and they’re inviting some friends over, they may ask you to do a quick sweep so things will look nice when they arrive. They might make outlandish statements like, “My life will be ruined if anybody sees my room like that!” If you give in and clean their room, agreeing that they need to get to it later, they’ll latch on to that reward in the moment. But if you let them face the consequences of their actions, your teen is more likely to learn from the negative consequences.Parents that are worried about the negative impact of natural consequences unfolding at crucial moments in their child’s life might be hesitant to use this approach. That’s why it’s important to apply teenage behavior management strategies like the ignoring method early on when the stakes are relatively low.When your teen forgets a minor homework assignment at home or neglects their chores so they can’t hang out with friends, these are good examples of “ignore it!” testing ground. If you start off small, your child will incorporate better behavior early on and be ready for more important tasks in the future.To Talk or To Ignore?One example of how rewards and natural consequences work in the “ignore it!” method to manage bad behavior is with negotiations. When you’ve made a firm decision, whether it’s limiting cell phone time or setting a curfew, you want to stick to it. Naturally, your teen will try to make their case to keep their phone or stay out later with friends.Dr. Pearlman advises to get input prior to when you make your decision so you know how everyone feels about an issue. You can have a formal family discussion or even start a group text to simplify things. She mentions that this is an aspect of teenage behavior management strategies that bring everyone’s opinion into the fold and bolster collaboration. Once you’ve heard them out and had a discussion, you should be able to reach a verdict and put the matter to rest. But if your teen is still unhappy with the final result and they start to argue, this could potentially set up a streak of acting out until they get their way.The problem here is that you want your directive to stand and arguing can be so exhausting. When your teenager doesn’t like a decision, they’ll use bad behavior to make you angry, which can be rewarding to them. One of Catherine’s teenage behavior management strategies is resisting any rude or combative conduct that comes your way. In other words, just ignore them!When they raise their voice or start to curse but they don’t receive any response, it will defeat the purpose of those actions altogether. This lets your teen know that their bad behavior isn’t going to get them anywhere, reifying the natural consequences of their actions in the moment. Ignoring the bad behavior informs your teen that behaving responsibly and respectfully is their only option left. Catherine’s approach is great because it’s noncombative and internalizes these teenage behavior management strategies, so it’s long-lasting. Because the natural consequences of bad behavior operate internally (meaning your child comes to the realization on their own), they’ll be able to carry this mindset to other conflicts in their life.What NOT to Ignore…However, you don’t want to ignore your child completely when they want to express themselves. Rewarding good behavior and engaging your teen in the right way is just as important! In the podcast, we discuss how to reengage your teen by rewarding good behavior, specific instances of when you should NOT ignore things, and applicable tactics to stick to the “ignore it!” method in the moment. There are so many more applications of Catherine’s teenage behavior management strategies that we talk about in the podcast. To hear more about these and related topics in the full episode!Speaking with Dr. Pearlman was so exciting and informative. Her teenage behavior management strategies are awe inspiring and her experience in behavioral sciences provides a grounded approach to family bonding! I learned so much listening to her, and I know you will, too! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 53: Bad Behavior? Ignore It!

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Click here for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episodeNed Johnson is an elite SAT tutor who specializes in developing self motivation for students who are preparing to take important exams. William Stixrud is a leading neuropsychologist, professor, and expert on the adolescent brain.Together, they wrote an incredible book called The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives.This week on the podcast I interviewed Ned and Bill about how parents can help teenagers develop self motivation.Ultimately, these experts stress that there are certain areas where most parents should actually be giving teens more freedom and others where most parents already need to be giving less. Bill and Ned break those down and explain how to use "collaborative problem solving" to impose stricter rules.Also, they reveal how to teach teens things and give teens advice in a way that they will accept. In order to teach teens how to develop self motivation you have to get past their defenses and that requires perfect timing. Learn how to make sure it happens just right. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! <a href="https://talkingtoteens.com/self-motivation/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click here for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episode</a>Ned Johnson is an elite SAT tutor who specializes in developing self motivation for students who are preparing to take important exams. William Stixrud is a leading neuropsychologist, professor, and expert on the adolescent brain.Together, they wrote an incredible book called <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0735222517/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=0735222517&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=k5063-20&amp;linkId=6750ff5a8f23f73d0cfcbd4a0f8d21eb" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives</a>.This week on the podcast I interviewed Ned and Bill about how parents can help teenagers develop self motivation.Ultimately, these experts stress that there are certain areas where most parents should actually be giving teens more freedom and others where most parents already need to be giving less. Bill and Ned break those down and explain how to use "collaborative problem solving" to impose stricter rules.Also, they reveal how to teach teens things and give teens advice in a way that they will accept. In order to teach teens how to develop self motivation you have to get past their defenses and that requires perfect timing. Learn how to make sure it happens just right. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 19: Teenagers and Self-Motivation

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Click here for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episodeJane Nelsen is famous for her Positive Discipline books and seminars, which teach parents how to control their children without using  punishments, threats, or other negative tactics. Her positive parenting strategies are used by thousands of parents around the world.But do these positive parenting strategies work on teenagers?This week on the podcast, I spoke with Jane Nelsen about how you can apply these strategies with today's tech-focused teenagers.She had some amazing tips.The foundation of Jane Nelsen's approach is the idea that all kids want to feel two things within their family: belonging and significance. When teens don't feel like they are loved and needed within the family, they check out and rebel. The positive parenting strategies Jane teaches in her workshops all focus on building a sense of belonging and significance in kids.Positive Parenting Solutions for TeensWhen teens act out, they are misbehaving because they mistakenly believe that doing so will help them feel a greater sense of belonging and significance within the family. Jane Nelsen refers to this as "mistaken goals". When you can understand which of these mistaken goals is driving your teenager to act out, the positive parenting solutions will make more sense to you.There are four different types of mistaken goals.1. Undue AttentionThese teens can make you feel annoyed, irritated, and guilty with their constant need for attention. They mistakenly believe that they are only significant to you when you are focusing your attention on them. They only feel like they belong when they are the center of attention.2. PowerThe second type of teen can make you feel angry, provoked, and threatened with their constant challenges and power struggles. They mistakenly believe they are only significant when they are the boss. They only feel like they belong when they are in charge and are getting their way.3. RevengeThe next type of mistaken goal that teens can pursue is revenge. These teens feel like it's your fault that they don't belong and aren't significant within their family. They mistakenly believe they have to get back at you for excluding them. These teens purposely try to hurt you.4. Assumed InadequacyThe final type of mistaken goal happens when a teen feels like they don't belong and aren't significant within their family because they are bad or because they are a failure. These teens have stopped trying to feel significance and belonging and have given up. They just want to be left alone.So, which type of mistaken goal does your teen most often display?These four mistaken goals are described in a lot more detail in Jane Nelsen's newest book, Positive Discipline for Today's Busy (and Overworked) Parent. She breaks down the psychology behind each of these mistaken goals and the positive parenting strategies that you can use to stop your teen from behaving in this way.Tips from Jane NelsenDuring our interview, Jane revealed some proven positive parenting strategies that work with every type of teenager. For instance, she told me how you can get teens to follow through with every commitment they set without making them angry. She also told me how to get teens doing more chores around the house by showing them how it will help them feel significant.Don't miss these powerful positive parenting strategies from Jane Nelsen, one of the top parenting experts alive today. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! <a href="https://talkingtoteens.com/positive-parenting-solutions/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Click here for full show notes, exercises, and word-for-word scripts from this episode</a>Jane Nelsen is famous for her <a href="https://amzn.to/2YRYF1g" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Positive Discipline</a> books and seminars, which teach parents how to control their children without using  punishments, threats, or other negative tactics. Her positive parenting strategies are used by thousands of parents around the world.But do these positive parenting strategies work on teenagers?This week on the podcast, I spoke with Jane Nelsen about how you can apply these strategies with today's tech-focused teenagers.She had some amazing tips.The foundation of Jane Nelsen's approach is the idea that all kids want to feel two things within their family: belonging and significance. When teens don't feel like they are loved and needed within the family, they check out and rebel. The positive parenting strategies Jane teaches in her workshops all focus on building a sense of belonging and significance in kids.Positive Parenting Solutions for TeensWhen teens act out, they are misbehaving because they mistakenly believe that doing so will help them feel a greater sense of belonging and significance within the family. Jane Nelsen refers to this as "mistaken goals". When you can understand which of these mistaken goals is driving your teenager to act out, the positive parenting solutions will make more sense to you.There are four different types of mistaken goals. 1. Undue Attention These teens can make you feel annoyed, irritated, and guilty with their constant need for attention. They mistakenly believe that they are only significant to you when you are focusing your attention on them. They only feel like they belong when they are the center of attention. 2. Power The second type of teen can make you feel angry, provoked, and threatened with their constant challenges and power struggles. They mistakenly believe they are only significant when they are the boss. They only feel like they belong when they are in charge and are getting their way. 3. Revenge The next type of mistaken goal that teens can pursue is revenge. These teens feel like it's your fault that they don't belong and aren't significant within their family. They mistakenly believe they have to get back at you for excluding them. These teens purposely try to hurt you. 4. Assumed Inadequacy The final type of mistaken goal happens when a teen feels like they don't belong and aren't significant within their family because they are bad or because they are a failure. These teens have stopped trying to feel significance and belonging and have given up. They just want to be left alone.So, which type of mistaken goal does your teen most often display?These four mistaken goals are described in a lot more detail in Jane Nelsen's newest book, <a href="https://amzn.to/2ExI2A4" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Positive Discipline for Today's Busy (and Overworked) Parent</a>. She breaks down the psychology behind each of these mistaken goals and the positive parenting strategies that you can use to stop your teen from behaving in this way.Tips from Jane NelsenDuring our interview, Jane revealed some proven positive parenting strategies that work with every type of teenager. For instance, she told me how you can get teens to follow through with every commitment they set without making them angry. She also told me how to get teens doing more chores around the house by showing them how it will help them feel significant.Don't miss these powerful positive parenting strategies from Jane Nelsen, one of the top parenting experts alive today. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 42: Positive Parenting Solutions

Resilience

Author Katherine Lewis speaks with Andy about why kids lack resilience and capability more than ever. By rescuing kids from every micro stressor they may encounter, parents are doing more harm than good - and when it comes to behavior, we want the good stuff!If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesThere are teens out there that have NO idea how to do the laundry, cook a meal, manage their time, pay bills–the list goes on. And that’s not even mentioning the poor behavior and attitude they throw at their parents and other adults. It’s frustrating to say the least! But don’t worry, there are steps you can take to improve resilience and capability in teens.Despite the generational differences that you may have with your teen, it’s still possible to build character in your teenager and impart resilience and capability. But this problem requires updated methods. Today, a majority of teens have mood or behavioral disorders because they’ve grown up in a generation simultaneous loose structure and overparenting.In this day and age, there aren’t many opportunities to develop resilience and capability in teens. This has left teens in a state of poor mental health and dependency. You might be asking yourself, “When will my teen grow up? When will they listen?” Luckily, Katherine Lewis, my guest on this week’s podcast and author of The Good News About Bad Behavior, wondered the same thing.Katherine is an award-winning journalist, author, and speaker on topics including parenting, children, education, mental health in teens, relationships to technology, work culture, entrepreneurship, caregiving, equity, and inclusion. Her work addressing resilience and capability in teens, family conflicts, and building character- building has been featured in a number of publications, including The Atlantic, Bloomberg Businessweek, Fortune, and The New York Times.She first got involved with the problem of bad behavior and poor mental health in children after a run in with some rowdy boys on a playground. They were throwing a ball around without any regard to the safety of the little kids nearby. When she asked them to stop, she says they looked at her … and then carried on exactly what they were doing. She was shocked. If speaking to a child as an adult can’t instill resilience and capability in teens, what can? After more than a year of researching current adolescent developmental trends for her book, Katherine has some answers.One thing that stood out to Katherine in her research was that all the “saving” parents have been told to do is actually working against our kids. Rather than rescue them from stressful situations, the science shows that you should let them muster through conflict and minor trauma, to come out on the other side with more resilience and capability in teens.With enough practice dealing with conflicts on their own, teenagers will gain more responsibility and behave accordingly. That’s the basis of Katherine’s Apprenticeship Model of parenting, self-regulation. In her coaching sessions, Katherine helps parents shift their mindset and parenting practice toward helping their kids acquire skills and knowledge necessary for them to become happy, healthy, contributing adults.Using The Apprenticeship Model, Katherine argues that self-regulation prevents behavioral issues and mental disorders in teens and builds resilience and capability in teens. Self-regulation operates through three core disciplines: Connection Communication Competence In the podcast, Katherine walks me through how these elements can build character and strengthen resilience and capability in teens. Here’s how it works:ConnectionConnection doesn’t mean sitting with your teen on the couch watching Netflix twice a week and joining for meals regularly. More than that, connection is one-on-one time outside the purview of screens that you have with your teen, typically dedicated to an activity of your child’s choosing. When you connect with your child, you’re supplying intimacy and comradery that encourages them to follow through on the challenging things you ask of them.Essentially, being connected with your teen functions in self-regulation by showing your teen that they’re part of something bigger; they’re not just an island. When you show your teen that they’re part of a family and part of a relationship, that sense of belonging motivates them to maintain their responsibilities, boosting resilience and capability in teens to even go the extra mile and take on new commitments!If you spend quality time with your child going for walks, playing board games, or even just talking for moderate stretches of time, you’re exchanging personalities and investing one another. When it comes time to make dinner, it’ll make them happy to give you relief from doing this task after a long day of work. Choosing to do so is an act of self-regulation. Your shared happiness then becomes a reward and mitigates bad behavior.Being connected also means that your teen won’t want to hurt or disappoint you in any way, steadily implementing resilience and capability in teens. Even if you disagree, the exchange is more likely to be cordial and productive. The same innocuous sentiment extends toward mental health. When you’re not close with your teen, they could feel like an outsider to the family. If your teen feels like they can’t reach out to their parents, people that they’re supposed to confide in, it can lead to anxiety, depression, self-harm, substance addiction, and suicidal thoughts.Instilling resilience and capability in teens starts with having an interconnected relationship with their parents. Connection works to prevent these disorders in teens by providing your them with a support system and personal motivational as part of a group. In this way, your teen will share in your happiness and internalize your support when they lack confidence.Your teen won’t be able to function independently if they don’t feel self-assured and whole. Ironically, when your teen is connected to a larger group of people, this instills resilience and capability in teens, and they can better self-regulate their actions and responsibilities with more independence. To hear Katherine’s list of special connection time activities and best practices, you’ll have to tune in to the podcast!On the other hand, Katherine’s approach to communication is decidedly not emotional. When addressing your teen’s bad behavior, she says that you should only communicate around what’s needed. This provides resilience and capability in teens by focusing them on what is essential. While your teen does need to go through trials of learning as they grow up to understand the importance of their actions, it’ doesn’t mean you have to get dragged into preparing a lecture every time you want to communicate something important to your teen.If your teen forgets to do the dishes, you don’t want to shame your child or make them feel bad to become self-regulating. Parenting through shame actually diminishes resilience and capability in teens. Rather, you can save yourself some stress by simply pointing out the consequences of their actions, only communicating the cause and effect needed to get the job done. You might say something like, “You know we need dishes to be clean so we can eat on them later tonight. If you don’t do the dishes, we won’t be able to eat dinner.” This points out the consequences that are sure to follow when your teen doesn’t take their responsibilities seriously.Over time, these easy communication tactics contribute to building resilience and capability in teens and will instill the necessary lessons that your child needs to learn. When your teen develops a self-sufficient routine and divides their time and energy according to their various responsibilities, they’re less likely to argue when you point out something they need to do. Because they understand the logic of the situation, self-sufficiency mitigates bad behavior because they’re able to think logically.CommunicationSimilarly, communicating around what is needed can prevent poor mental health when you check in on the important issues. Rather than coddling your child with excessive parenting and overinvestment in their wellbeing, communicating with your teen about the essentials will alert them to what they need to keep an eye on. Resilience and capability in teens relies on this type of confrontation with truth. If they begin to experience a negative or harmful mindset, they’ll be able to self-regulate their emotions and address them with someone close or a medical professional.In the podcast, Katherine provides a helpful technique called “Say Nothing Week.” By communicating with your actions instead of your words, she says that you’ll be able to observe essential components of your teens behavior like what they know how to do, what they can do but don’t want to, and what your teen doesn’t know how to do. You can hear about the full methodology in the podcast.CompetenceOnce you’ve surmised your what your teen is capable of during the “Say Nothing Week,” you can start to bolster your teen’s competency. Competence functions in self-regulation by challenging your teen to do a bit more around the house, grow their social and emotional skills, and helping them manage their thoughts, behavior, and emotions.Katherine suggests that engaging your teen’s interests can actually get them to start helping around the house and learning how to take on important tasks that they’ll need to know as adults. When you attach tasks like doing laundry, managing finances, and dealing with car maintenance to the idea of privileges and independence, your teen will be more likely to engage in these activities. This newfound autonomy implements resilience and capability in teens’ daily lives and acts as motivation for more independence!At a time when teens are fighting tooth and nail to become more autonomous, it’s helpful to let them stumble and fall trying to complete difficult tasks while they’re still at home. Though they can always ask you for help for the serious problems, letting them figure out where they went wrong with the detergent or the vacuum settings will teach them how to find the solution on their own.These progressively difficult tasks will not only strengthen resilience and capability in teens, but being able to manage their needs can contribute to your teen’s time management skills, appreciation for other people’s labor, and overall self-worth. But there’s more to Katherine’s Apprenticeship Model than just connection, communication, and competence. In addition to walking me through the central elements of self-regulation, Katherine’s Apprenticeship Model for parenting will help you discover: Why minor traumas are good for your teen How to impose logical consequences when natural consequences aren’t an option The problem with Perceived Criticism Why teens should do homework on a timer How to draw out a reluctant teen I had a great time speaking with Katherine this week. Her passion for the subject matter allows her to speak from a perspective of experience and investment, making it even easier to adopt her approach to parenting. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Author Katherine Lewis speaks with Andy about why kids lack resilience and capability more than ever. By rescuing kids from every micro stressor they may encounter, parents are doing more harm than good - and when it comes to behavior, we want the good stuff!If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesThere are teens out there that have NO idea how to do the laundry, cook a meal, manage their time, pay bills–the list goes on. And that’s not even mentioning the poor behavior and attitude they throw at their parents and other adults. It’s frustrating to say the least! But don’t worry, there are steps you can take to improve resilience and capability in teens.Despite the generational differences that you may have with your teen, it’s still possible to build character in your teenager and impart resilience and capability. But this problem requires updated methods. Today, a majority of teens have mood or behavioral disorders because they’ve grown up in a generation simultaneous loose structure and overparenting.In this day and age, there aren’t many opportunities to develop resilience and capability in teens. This has left teens in a state of poor mental health and dependency. You might be asking yourself, “When will my teen grow up? When will they listen?” Luckily, Katherine Lewis, my guest on this week’s podcast and author of <a href="https://amzn.to/2J89tTl" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Good News About Bad Behavior</a>, wondered the same thing.Katherine is an award-winning journalist, author, and speaker on topics including parenting, children, education, mental health in teens, relationships to technology, work culture, entrepreneurship, caregiving, equity, and inclusion. Her work addressing resilience and capability in teens, family conflicts, and building character- building has been featured in a number of publications, including The Atlantic, Bloomberg Businessweek, Fortune, and The New York Times.She first got involved with the problem of bad behavior and poor mental health in children after a run in with some rowdy boys on a playground. They were throwing a ball around without any regard to the safety of the little kids nearby. When she asked them to stop, she says they looked at her … and then carried on exactly what they were doing. She was shocked. If speaking to a child as an adult can’t instill resilience and capability in teens, what can? After more than a year of researching current adolescent developmental trends for her book, Katherine has some answers.One thing that stood out to Katherine in her research was that all the “saving” parents have been told to do is actually working against our kids. Rather than rescue them from stressful situations, the science shows that you should let them muster through conflict and minor trauma, to come out on the other side with more resilience and capability in teens.With enough practice dealing with conflicts on their own, teenagers will gain more responsibility and behave accordingly. That’s the basis of Katherine’s Apprenticeship Model of parenting, self-regulation. In her coaching sessions, Katherine helps parents shift their mindset and parenting practice toward helping their kids acquire skills and knowledge necessary for them to become happy, healthy, contributing adults.Using The Apprenticeship Model, Katherine argues that self-regulation prevents behavioral issues and mental disorders in teens and builds resilience and capability in teens. Self-regulation operates through three core disciplines:<ol> <li>Connection</li> <li>Communication</li> <li>Competence</li> </ol>In the podcast, Katherine walks me through how these elements can build character and strengthen resilience and capability in teens. Here’s how it works:ConnectionConnection doesn’t mean sitting with your teen on the couch watching Netflix twice a week and joining for meals regularly. More than that, connection is one-on-one time outside the purview of screens that you have with your teen, typically dedicated to an activity of your child’s choosing. When you connect with your child, you’re supplying intimacy and comradery that encourages them to follow through on the challenging things you ask of them.Essentially, being connected with your teen functions in self-regulation by showing your teen that they’re part of something bigger; they’re not just an island. When you show your teen that they’re part of a family and part of a relationship, that sense of belonging motivates them to maintain their responsibilities, boosting resilience and capability in teens to even go the extra mile and take on new commitments!If you spend quality time with your child going for walks, playing board games, or even just talking for moderate stretches of time, you’re exchanging personalities and investing one another. When it comes time to make dinner, it’ll make them happy to give you relief from doing this task after a long day of work. Choosing to do so is an act of self-regulation. Your shared happiness then becomes a reward and mitigates bad behavior.Being connected also means that your teen won’t want to hurt or disappoint you in any way, steadily implementing resilience and capability in teens. Even if you disagree, the exchange is more likely to be cordial and productive. The same innocuous sentiment extends toward mental health. When you’re not close with your teen, they could feel like an outsider to the family. If your teen feels like they can’t reach out to their parents, people that they’re supposed to confide in, it can lead to anxiety, depression, self-harm, substance addiction, and suicidal thoughts.Instilling resilience and capability in teens starts with having an interconnected relationship with their parents. Connection works to prevent these disorders in teens by providing your them with a support system and personal motivational as part of a group. In this way, your teen will share in your happiness and internalize your support when they lack confidence.Your teen won’t be able to function independently if they don’t feel self-assured and whole. Ironically, when your teen is connected to a larger group of people, this instills resilience and capability in teens, and they can better self-regulate their actions and responsibilities with more independence. To hear Katherine’s list of special connection time activities and best practices, you’ll have to tune in to the podcast!On the other hand, Katherine’s approach to communication is decidedly not emotional. When addressing your teen’s bad behavior, she says that you should only communicate around what’s needed. This provides resilience and capability in teens by focusing them on what is essential. While your teen does need to go through trials of learning as they grow up to understand the importance of their actions, it’ doesn’t mean you have to get dragged into preparing a lecture every time you want to communicate something important to your teen.If your teen forgets to do the dishes, you don’t want to shame your child or make them feel bad to become self-regulating. Parenting through shame actually diminishes resilience and capability in teens. Rather, you can save yourself some stress by simply pointing out the consequences of their actions, only communicating the cause and effect needed to get the job done. You might say something like, “You know we need dishes to be clean so we can eat on them later tonight. If you don’t do the dishes, we won’t be able to eat dinner.” This points out the consequences that are sure to follow when your teen doesn’t take their responsibilities seriously.Over time, these easy communication tactics contribute to building resilience and capability in teens and will instill the necessary lessons that your child needs to learn. When your teen develops a self-sufficient routine and divides their time and energy according to their various responsibilities, they’re less likely to argue when you point out something they need to do. Because they understand the logic of the situation, self-sufficiency mitigates bad behavior because they’re able to think logically.CommunicationSimilarly, communicating around what is needed can prevent poor mental health when you check in on the important issues. Rather than coddling your child with excessive parenting and overinvestment in their wellbeing, communicating with your teen about the essentials will alert them to what they need to keep an eye on. Resilience and capability in teens relies on this type of confrontation with truth. If they begin to experience a negative or harmful mindset, they’ll be able to self-regulate their emotions and address them with someone close or a medical professional.In the podcast, Katherine provides a helpful technique called “Say Nothing Week.” By communicating with your actions instead of your words, she says that you’ll be able to observe essential components of your teens behavior like what they know how to do, what they can do but don’t want to, and what your teen doesn’t know how to do. You can hear about the full methodology in the podcast.CompetenceOnce you’ve surmised your what your teen is capable of during the “Say Nothing Week,” you can start to bolster your teen’s competency. Competence functions in self-regulation by challenging your teen to do a bit more around the house, grow their social and emotional skills, and helping them manage their thoughts, behavior, and emotions.Katherine suggests that engaging your teen’s interests can actually get them to start helping around the house and learning how to take on important tasks that they’ll need to know as adults. When you attach tasks like doing laundry, managing finances, and dealing with car maintenance to the idea of privileges and independence, your teen will be more likely to engage in these activities. This newfound autonomy implements resilience and capability in teens’ daily lives and acts as motivation for more independence!At a time when teens are fighting tooth and nail to become more autonomous, it’s helpful to let them stumble and fall trying to complete difficult tasks while they’re still at home. Though they can always ask you for help for the serious problems, letting them figure out where they went wrong with the detergent or the vacuum settings will teach them how to find the solution on their own.These progressively difficult tasks will not only strengthen resilience and capability in teens, but being able to manage their needs can contribute to your teen’s time management skills, appreciation for other people’s labor, and overall self-worth. But there’s more to Katherine’s Apprenticeship Model than just connection, communication, and competence. In addition to walking me through the central elements of self-regulation, Katherine’s Apprenticeship Model for parenting will help you discover:<ul> <li>Why minor traumas are good for your teen</li> <li>How to impose logical consequences when natural consequences aren’t an option</li> <li>The problem with Perceived Criticism</li> <li>Why teens should do homework on a timer</li> <li>How to draw out a reluctant teen</li> </ul>I had a great time speaking with Katherine this week. Her passion for the subject matter allows her to speak from a perspective of experience and investment, making it even easier to adopt her approach to parenting. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep 55: Build Resilience & Capability in Teens

 Dr. Adam Price, author of He’s Not Lazy, shares the tricks and tips from his book. Dr. Price and Andy dive deep into all that Dr. Price has discovered about motivating “lazy” teens in during his 20+ years as a clinical psychologist.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notesTeens face more pressure today than ever before. At times, it seems like a teenager’s only path to success comes from a rigorous schedule of academics, sports, community service, and a generally overwhelming amount of extracurricular activities. Such a routine builds tremendous stress in teens—and in their parents.This can be alarming for parents whose teenagers are “lazy.” It’s no secret that what kids do in school every year counts toward their future opportunities. In a society where young people are expected to be hyperactive achievers, parents with unmotivated teens worry their teens are doomed to fail – it’s like they don’t care about anything at all!!! Luckily, there are a variety of ways to assist parents who don’t know how to motivate lazy teenagers. That’s the topic of this week’s Talking to Teens podcast episode, “Laziness Ends Here.”This week, I spoke with clinical psychologist and former Associate Director at Family Connections, Dr. Adam Price to understand exactly how to motivate lazy teenagers. He’s the author of He’s Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself and has published many articles on family and child therapy in issues of The Wall Street Journal and Family Circle. With more than 20 years in the practice and a specialization in adolescent males, Price has seen it all.Common CausesKnowing the common causes of uninspired behavior is half the battle of understanding how to motivate lazy teenagers. To Price, “lazy” teenage behavior stems from two places:First, there is the enormous amount of pressure on teens to always be above-and-beyond average. There are no longer “late bloomers,” despite a wide array of cognitive developmental rates in teens. Instead, we now label them as “underachievers.”Secondly, because they are made to feel that the stakes are so high at every stage, parents micromanage; they attempt to control their teen’s life by taking away the teen’s.It might seem like the pressure for teens to do well and ending up with overparenting are almost inevitable realities for teenagers who can’t seem to kick it into gear. If they shut down under pressure, then it’s up to their parents to shoulder that anxiety and make sure their child succeeds. But knowing how to motivate lazy teenagers counteracts both of these realities. According to Dr. Price, you can subvert the overwhelming pressure that your child is feeling and inspire them to get their life together by holding them accountable for their decisions.In order to address how to motivate lazy teenagers, Dr. Price focuses on the role that accountability plays in two major aspects of your child’s life: Personal Interest Autonomy By balancing accountability with these particular features, you can move your teen to react in accordance with their responsibilities. During our discussion, Dr. Price walked me through how to motivate lazy teenagers with comprehensible examples and scripts that you can apply in your home today! Here’s just a glimpse of how it works:Internalizing MotivationThere's a lot of material in school that kids just aren’t interested in. And who can blame them? Is it particularly relevant to your life that the mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell? Plus, the increased pressure that academics place on teenagers today can make studying or extracurriculars extra-daunting. However, when teens have a genuine interest in a given topic, that is where all their energy is redirected.In order to understand how to motivate lazy teenagers, you first need to know what your child is interested. Then you can look for ways to combine their interests with their responsibilities and potential career paths. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “It’s impossible to get my child excited about math. I don’t even like math!” Well, instead of trying to get your child excited about generic textbook material, you can look for things that your child is already interested! From there, you can try to extrapolate potential careers and applications of what they’re learning in school.You want to know how to motivate lazy teenagers in a way that is internalized so that their initiative is lasting, and you can be more hands-off. For example, if your teen holds an interest in rock-climbing and outdoor activities, you might direct their awareness to a career in environmental science and preservation. A good way to frame it is, “If you like spending time outdoors now, here’s how you can do more of that in the future!”. But make it clear that in order to find success, they’ll have to do well in their science classes and get into a good college. This internalizes their personal interests and motivates them to hold themselves accountable.When your teen conflates their personal interests with their responsibilities, they internalize the reward and are likely to follow through. Research finds that external rewards like good grades or even monetary prizes can actually reduce motivation if they aren’t linked to internal rewards. Personal interests are actually so transformative that they can negate the mental stakes of not doing well in school. Instead, they take advantage of your teens’ ambitions and motivate them to work harder.Dealing with ConsequencesAutonomy is about choices. When your teen makes a decision about their life, they are exercising control and self-governance. These choices can include everything from wanting to try out for the soccer team vs. staying at home to activities like hosting a sleepover the night before going to church the next morning. So what can your struggling teen’s autonomy do to help you understand how to motivate lazy teenagers?According to Dr. Price, increasing your child’s ability to make choices can help you discover how to motivate lazy teenagers by showing them the power of decision making, including neglecting their responsibilities. So, does this mean you should let your child do whatever they want? Not exactly. This is where accountability comes in.Accountability works with your teen’s autonomy by compelling them to live with the consequences of their decisions. For example, if your child decides they want to have a sleepover on a weeknight, that’s fine. If they can get all their schoolwork done and properly allocate their time, that’s great! But if they stay up until 4 am, then you have to hold them accountable by making sure they go to school the next day and still attend sports practice.Balancing accountability with your teen’s autonomy is all about boundaries; these are the limits you place on your child. And knowing how to motivate lazy teenagers is an evolving process. When your child is younger, you want their boundaries to be small enough that you can make sure they don’t get into trouble and that they can function on their own. As they start to grow into their teenage years, the boundaries grow with them. They start to take on more adult responsibilities and if you’re not there to micromanage, they’ll have to deal with the consequences of their own choices.There’s Much More!In my interview with Dr. Price, we cover a broad range of topics regarding how to motivate lazy teenagers, including: Developmental differences in boys and girls—and how they disadvantage learning in teens How to use the basic principles of motivational interviewing with teens The Paradoxical Response How to answer, “When am I ever gonna need to know this???” Deescalating parent/teen power struggles I’m so lucky to have had the opportunity to speak with Dr. Price and hear his advice on how to motivate lazy teenagers! And I have to admit, I even saw a bit of my own teenage self in the concepts and stories we discussed…! This episode is must-listen for any parent with a “lazy” teen under their roof! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok

Dr. Adam Price, author of <a href="https://amzn.to/38eVipV" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">He’s Not Lazy</a>, shares the tricks and tips from his book. Dr. Price and Andy dive deep into all that Dr. Price has discovered about motivating “lazy” teens in during his 20+ years as a clinical psychologist.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full show notes Teens face more pressure today than ever before. At times, it seems like a teenager’s only path to success comes from a rigorous schedule of academics, sports, community service, and a generally overwhelming amount of extracurricular activities. Such a routine builds tremendous stress in teens—and in their parents.This can be alarming for parents whose teenagers are “lazy.” It’s no secret that what kids do in school every year counts toward their future opportunities. In a society where young people are expected to be hyperactive achievers, parents with unmotivated teens worry their teens are doomed to fail – it’s like they don’t care about anything at all!!! Luckily, there are a variety of ways to assist parents who don’t know how to motivate lazy teenagers. That’s the topic of this week’s Talking to Teens podcast episode, “Laziness Ends Here.”This week, I spoke with clinical psychologist and former Associate Director at Family Connections, Dr. Adam Price to understand exactly how to motivate lazy teenagers. He’s the author of <a href="https://amzn.to/38eVipV" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">He’s Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself</a> and has published many articles on family and child therapy in issues of The Wall Street Journal and Family Circle. With more than 20 years in the practice and a specialization in adolescent males, Price has seen it all.Common CausesKnowing the common causes of uninspired behavior is half the battle of understanding how to motivate lazy teenagers. To Price, “lazy” teenage behavior stems from two places:First, there is the enormous amount of pressure on teens to always be above-and-beyond average. There are no longer “late bloomers,” despite a wide array of cognitive developmental rates in teens. Instead, we now label them as “underachievers.”Secondly, because they are made to feel that the stakes are so high at every stage, parents micromanage; they attempt to control their teen’s life by taking away the teen’s.It might seem like the pressure for teens to do well and ending up with overparenting are almost inevitable realities for teenagers who can’t seem to kick it into gear. If they shut down under pressure, then it’s up to their parents to shoulder that anxiety and make sure their child succeeds. But knowing how to motivate lazy teenagers counteracts both of these realities. According to Dr. Price, you can subvert the overwhelming pressure that your child is feeling and inspire them to get their life together by holding them accountable for their decisions.In order to address how to motivate lazy teenagers, Dr. Price focuses on the role that accountability plays in two major aspects of your child’s life:<ol> <li>Personal Interest</li> <li>Autonomy</li> </ol>By balancing accountability with these particular features, you can move your teen to react in accordance with their responsibilities. During our discussion, Dr. Price walked me through how to motivate lazy teenagers with comprehensible examples and scripts that you can apply in your home today! Here’s just a glimpse of how it works:Internalizing MotivationThere's a lot of material in school that kids just aren’t interested in. And who can blame them? Is it particularly relevant to your life that the mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell? Plus, the increased pressure that academics place on teenagers today can make studying or extracurriculars extra-daunting. However, when teens have a genuine interest in a given topic, that is where all their energy is redirected.In order to understand how to motivate lazy teenagers, you first need to know what your child is interested. Then you can look for ways to combine their interests with their responsibilities and potential career paths. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “It’s impossible to get my child excited about math. I don’t even like math!” Well, instead of trying to get your child excited about generic textbook material, you can look for things that your child is already interested! From there, you can try to extrapolate potential careers and applications of what they’re learning in school.You want to know how to motivate lazy teenagers in a way that is internalized so that their initiative is lasting, and you can be more hands-off. For example, if your teen holds an interest in rock-climbing and outdoor activities, you might direct their awareness to a career in environmental science and preservation. A good way to frame it is, “If you like spending time outdoors now, here’s how you can do more of that in the future!”. But make it clear that in order to find success, they’ll have to do well in their science classes and get into a good college. This internalizes their personal interests and motivates them to hold themselves accountable.When your teen conflates their personal interests with their responsibilities, they internalize the reward and are likely to follow through. Research finds that external rewards like good grades or even monetary prizes can actually reduce motivation if they aren’t linked to internal rewards. Personal interests are actually so transformative that they can negate the mental stakes of not doing well in school. Instead, they take advantage of your teens’ ambitions and motivate them to work harder.Dealing with ConsequencesAutonomy is about choices. When your teen makes a decision about their life, they are exercising control and self-governance. These choices can include everything from wanting to try out for the soccer team vs. staying at home to activities like hosting a sleepover the night before going to church the next morning. So what can your struggling teen’s autonomy do to help you understand how to motivate lazy teenagers?According to Dr. Price, increasing your child’s ability to make choices can help you discover how to motivate lazy teenagers by showing them the power of decision making, including neglecting their responsibilities. So, does this mean you should let your child do whatever they want? Not exactly. This is where accountability comes in.Accountability works with your teen’s autonomy by compelling them to live with the consequences of their decisions. For example, if your child decides they want to have a sleepover on a weeknight, that’s fine. If they can get all their schoolwork done and properly allocate their time, that’s great! But if they stay up until 4 am, then you have to hold them accountable by making sure they go to school the next day and still attend sports practice.Balancing accountability with your teen’s autonomy is all about boundaries; these are the limits you place on your child. And knowing how to motivate lazy teenagers is an evolving process. When your child is younger, you want their boundaries to be small enough that you can make sure they don’t get into trouble and that they can function on their own. As they start to grow into their teenage years, the boundaries grow with them. They start to take on more adult responsibilities and if you’re not there to micromanage, they’ll have to deal with the consequences of their own choices.There’s Much More!In my interview with Dr. Price, we cover a broad range of topics regarding how to motivate lazy teenagers, including:<ul> <li>Developmental differences in boys and girls—and how they disadvantage learning in teens</li> <li>How to use the basic principles of motivational interviewing with teens</li> <li>The Paradoxical Response</li> <li>How to answer, “When am I ever gonna need to know this???”</li> <li>Deescalating parent/teen power struggles</li> </ul>I’m so lucky to have had the opportunity to speak with Dr. Price and hear his advice on how to motivate lazy teenagers! And I have to admit, I even saw a bit of my own teenage self in the concepts and stories we discussed…! This episode is must-listen for any parent with a “lazy” teen under their roof! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/talkingtoteens/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram </a>and <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@talkingtoteens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TikTok</a>

Ep. 71: Laziness Ends Here

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