Clarity is kind   It’s been months since I’ve shared a podcast episode with you.   I had to get clear with myself on how I wanted to move forward before I could communicate it clearly to you.   Post-sabbatical, I still felt drained and like I had so little to give.   I’ve spent a lot of time feeling discouraged by the results of my podcast. But it finally hit me that even if I make $8k on the podcast, I spent $7k on the podcast.   As I told you in January, my vision for this year is “less is more” and “simplify.” In an effort to follow that vision and promise, this will be my final podcast episode (potentially ever).     Here’s what staying in touch looks like moving forward…   Patreon    patreon.com/therefinedcollective   You can join for $5/mo (or $5/mo if you want access to the book club)   We have four events each month:    Exclusive video (this month I’m talking about the Barbie movie)   Coaching Q+A video (you ask questions, I answer them)   Connection call (this month, we’re chatting about embodiment)   Book club (this month, we’re reading Shameless by Nadia Bolz-Weber)     Coaching    I still offer coaching in my shop! You can purchase individual or bundles of coaching calls therefinedwoman.com/coaching.   

Clarity is kind <ul> <li> It’s been months since I’ve shared a podcast episode with you. </li> <li> I had to get clear with myself on how I wanted to move forward before I could communicate it clearly to you. </li> <li> Post-sabbatical, I still felt drained and like I had so little to give. </li> <li> I’ve spent a lot of time feeling discouraged by the results of my podcast. But it finally hit me that even if I make $8k on the podcast, I spent $7k on the podcast. </li> <li> As I told you in January, my vision for this year is “less is more” and “simplify.” In an effort to follow that vision and promise, this will be my final podcast episode (potentially ever). </li> </ul> Here’s what staying in touch looks like moving forward… <ul> <li> Patreon </li> <ul> <li> <a href="https://www.patreon.com/therefinedcollective" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">patreon.com/therefinedcollective</a> </li> <li> You can join for $5/mo (or $5/mo if you want access to the book club) </li> <li> We have four events each month: </li> <ul> <li> Exclusive video (this month I’m talking about the Barbie movie) </li> <li> Coaching Q+A video (you ask questions, I answer them) </li> <li> Connection call (this month, we’re chatting about embodiment) </li> <li> Book club (this month, we’re reading Shameless by Nadia Bolz-Weber) </li> </ul> </ul> <li> Coaching </li> <ul> <li> I still offer coaching in my shop! You can purchase individual or bundles of coaching calls <a href="https://therefinedwoman.com/coaching" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">therefinedwoman.com/coaching</a>. </li> </ul> </ul>

Sorry For Ghosting You

I feel like I start every episode with “this week’s episode, I’m doing things a little differently,” and that’s because I’m really just playing around with what feels good! Since before my sabbatical, I’ve felt lost as to what to share on the podcast. So this week, I decided to do something I thought would be fun (and maybe you’ll think it’s fun too)... an episode where I talk about five things I’m LOVING right now. Are you ready? Resources   Join Patreon here and sign up for book club! This month is Falling Upward by Richard Rohr.   Go to link.primallypure.com/therefinedwoman and use code TRW10 for 10% off. P.S. if you want 25% off, follow me on IG and keep an eye out for a code on May 11th. The code will only be valid on May 11th!  

I feel like I start every episode with “this week’s episode, I’m doing things a little differently,” and that’s because I’m really just playing around with what feels good! Since before my sabbatical, I’ve felt lost as to what to share on the podcast. So this week, I decided to do something I thought would be fun (and maybe you’ll think it’s fun too)... an episode where I talk about five things I’m LOVING right now. Are you ready? Resources <ul> <li> Join Patreon <a href="http://patreon.com/therefinedcollective" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a> and sign up for book club! This month is <a href="https://amzn.to/42iDXZp" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Falling Upward by Richard Rohr</a>. </li> <li> Go to <a href="https://link.primallypure.com/therefinedwoman" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">link.primallypure.com/therefinedwoman</a> and use code TRW10 for 10% off. P.S. if you want 25% off, follow me on IG and keep an eye out for a code on May 11th. The code will only be valid on May 11th! </li> </ul>

5 Things I’m Currently Loving

Kobe Campbell

This week, we’re doing something a little different and very exciting: Kobe Campbell is guest hosting an episode of The Refined Collective with her husband Kyle (the hosts of  The Healing Circle Podcast). In this episode, Kobe will be breaking down the different types of traumas, the nuances of each, and what they can look like in your life.   Trauma Myth   We can sometimes have this perspective of “Trauma” and “trauma” where we have an idea that one is worse than the other. But that is NOT the case!   There are boulders (acute trauma) and pebbles (chronic trauma), and even though pebbles are smaller, they become a large mass as the number of pebbles grow.   “Our body processes emotional pain almost identically to the way it processes physical pain.” - Kobe Campbell     Acute Trauma   A single traumatic incident.    This is what most people think of when they think of trauma. This includes major traumatic events like getting hit by a car, being sexually assaulted, or your house catching on fire.   Even going through the pandemic can be considered an acute trauma.     Chronic Trauma   Prolonged and ongoing abuse or pain.   This might be the fact that your feelings were always dismissed by your parents growing up.   “If your internal voice is mimicking the external invalidation you’ve heard your entire life, you’ve experienced chronic emotional trauma.” - Kobe Campbell     Complex Trauma   A combination of acute and chronic trauma and/or several acute traumas or several chronic traumas.   “Trauma freezes you in time… There are a lot of 9-year-olds trapped in 50-year-old bodies.” - Kobe Campbell   Kobe’s husband, Kyle, shares his own story of complex trauma.     Resources   Join Patreon here and listen to another Kobe episode!   Order Kobe’s book Why Am I Like This?   Work with Kobe Campbell.   Join Kobe’s inner circle.   Listen to  The Healing Circle Podcast.   Listen to Kobe on  TRC ep 174 “Is It The Holy Spirit Or My Trauma?”   Listen to Kobe on  TRC ep 150 “When Is It Time To Go To Therapy?”  

This week, we’re doing something a little different and very exciting: <a href="https://kobecampbell.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Kobe Campbell</a> is guest hosting an episode of The Refined Collective with her husband Kyle (the hosts of <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-healing-circle-podcast/id1448504061" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> The Healing Circle Podcast</a>). In this episode, Kobe will be breaking down the different types of traumas, the nuances of each, and what they can look like in your life. Trauma Myth <ul> <li> We can sometimes have this perspective of “Trauma” and “trauma” where we have an idea that one is worse than the other. But that is NOT the case! </li> <li> There are boulders (acute trauma) and pebbles (chronic trauma), and even though pebbles are smaller, they become a large mass as the number of pebbles grow. </li> <li> “Our body processes emotional pain almost identically to the way it processes physical pain.” - Kobe Campbell </li> </ul> Acute Trauma <ul> <li> A single traumatic incident.  </li> <li> This is what most people think of when they think of trauma. This includes major traumatic events like getting hit by a car, being sexually assaulted, or your house catching on fire. </li> <li> Even going through the pandemic can be considered an acute trauma. </li> </ul> Chronic Trauma <ul> <li> Prolonged and ongoing abuse or pain. </li> <li> This might be the fact that your feelings were always dismissed by your parents growing up. </li> <li> “If your internal voice is mimicking the external invalidation you’ve heard your entire life, you’ve experienced chronic emotional trauma.” - Kobe Campbell </li> </ul> Complex Trauma <ul> <li> A combination of acute and chronic trauma and/or several acute traumas or several chronic traumas. </li> <li> “Trauma freezes you in time… There are a lot of 9-year-olds trapped in 50-year-old bodies.” - Kobe Campbell </li> <li> Kobe’s husband, Kyle, shares his own story of complex trauma. </li> </ul> Resources <ul> <li> Join Patreon <a href="http://patreon.com/therefinedcollective" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a> and listen to another Kobe episode! </li> <li> Order Kobe’s book <a href="https://kobecampbell.com/book" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Why Am I Like This?</a> </li> <li> Work with <a href="https://kobecampbell.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Kobe Campbell</a>. </li> <li> Join Kobe’s <a href="https://kobecampbell.ck.page/19f421c81c" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">inner circle</a>. </li> <li> Listen to <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-healing-circle-podcast/id1448504061" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> The Healing Circle Podcast</a>. </li> <li> Listen to Kobe on <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/is-it-the-holy-spirit-or-my-trauma-with-kobe-campbell/id1348034641?i=1000539128555" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> TRC ep 174 “Is It The Holy Spirit Or My Trauma?”</a> </li> <li> Listen to Kobe on <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/when-is-it-time-to-go-to-therapy-with-kobe-campbell/id1348034641?i=1000520173989" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> TRC ep 150 “When Is It Time To Go To Therapy?”</a> </li> </ul>

What Kind of Trauma Do You Have? with Kobe Campbell

Mike Maeshiro

Mike Maeshiro is the founder of Numa, an organization that supports people in deconstruction, spirituality, and faith. Mike is gay, an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community, and a queer theology enthusiast. He is a life coach, speaker and thought leader. In this episode, Mike shares his story of coming out, the beliefs that kept him in the closet for so long, and why he still believes in God as a gay person.

Mike Maeshiro is the founder of Numa, an organization that supports people in deconstruction, spirituality, and faith. Mike is gay, an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community, and a queer theology enthusiast. He is a life coach, speaker and thought leader. In this episode, Mike shares his story of coming out, the beliefs that kept him in the closet for so long, and why he still believes in God as a gay person.

Does God Want Me To Be Gay? with Mike Maeshiro

Language disclaimer: this episode includes explicit language so maybe listen with headphones if you’re around children.   As you all know, I took a sabbatical last fall. I needed that time to focus on my own growth and healing without having a microphone in my hand. One thing I knew I wanted to experience during my time away from The Refined Collective was a psilocybin journey (aka mushroom journey). I know there are a lot of immediate reactions that come to mind when someone hears something like that. And I know there are a million questions that you want answered. This episode is a deep dive into the 2-day guided mushroom journey, including why I felt at peace with the decision.   It is important to note that I am not a doctor and this experience is not for everybody. But I wanted to share with you what my experience was like.   My Background   I come from a family with addiction in it, and so I have always been careful about all substances. On top of that growing up Christian—I assumed anything drug related would be an open doorway for the demonic. For these reasons and so many more, I never thought a mushroom journey would be something I’d do.   A few years ago I started hearing rumblings of people I knew micro-dosing mushrooms to support things like PTSD, anxiety, and depression.  Out of curiosity, I started doing some research of my own.   Three years into my research, I was presented with an opportunity to take part in a guided journey and I felt ready to do it.     The Basics   I checked in with my therapist, my doctor, and my family. Everyone knew I was taking part in this experience.   The experience cost $500 and was led by three facilitators and there was a doctor on the premises as well. It felt incredibly safe.   The mushrooms themselves were put into a sort of hot chocolate.     The Breakthroughs   I felt so held by God during this experience. I knew God was there with me and that I was safe even in the unknown of what this experience would feel like.   There was a particular moment from childhood that came up and brought up some heavy and powerful physical reactions.     Resources   Join Patreon here!   Fantastic Fungi documentary on Netflix    How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan     The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk     Old episodes of TRC about anxiety   

Language disclaimer: this episode includes explicit language so maybe listen with headphones if you’re around children. As you all know, I took a sabbatical last fall. I needed that time to focus on my own growth and healing without having a microphone in my hand. One thing I knew I wanted to experience during my time away from The Refined Collective was a psilocybin journey (aka mushroom journey). I know there are a lot of immediate reactions that come to mind when someone hears something like that. And I know there are a million questions that you want answered. This episode is a deep dive into the 2-day guided mushroom journey, including why I felt at peace with the decision. It is important to note that I am not a doctor and this experience is not for everybody. But I wanted to share with you what my experience was like. My Background <ul> <li> I come from a family with addiction in it, and so I have always been careful about all substances. On top of that growing up Christian—I assumed anything drug related would be an open doorway for the demonic. For these reasons and so many more, I never thought a mushroom journey would be something I’d do. </li> <li> A few years ago I started hearing rumblings of people I knew micro-dosing mushrooms to support things like PTSD, anxiety, and depression.  Out of curiosity, I started doing some research of my own. </li> <li> Three years into my research, I was presented with an opportunity to take part in a guided journey and I felt ready to do it. </li> </ul> The Basics <ul> <li> I checked in with my therapist, my doctor, and my family. Everyone knew I was taking part in this experience. </li> <li> The experience cost $500 and was led by three facilitators and there was a doctor on the premises as well. It felt incredibly safe. </li> <li> The mushrooms themselves were put into a sort of hot chocolate. </li> </ul> The Breakthroughs <ul> <li> I felt so held by God during this experience. I knew God was there with me and that I was safe even in the unknown of what this experience would feel like. </li> <li> There was a particular moment from childhood that came up and brought up some heavy and powerful physical reactions. </li> </ul> Resources <ul> <li> Join Patreon <a href="http://patreon.com/therefinedcollective" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>! </li> <li> <a href="https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=840402076591488" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Fantastic Fungi documentary on Netflix </a> </li> <li> <a href="https://michaelpollan.com/books/how-to-change-your-mind/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan </a> </li> <li> <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748?linkCode=ssc&amp;tag=onamzthekatha-20&amp;creativeASIN=0143127748&amp;asc_item-id=amzn1.ideas.25SOVZ3ZJEM2Y&amp;ref_=aip_sf_list_spv_ofs_mixed_d_asin" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk </a> </li> <li> <a href="https://therefinedwoman.com/the-refined-woman/the-top-5-podcasts-you-have-to-listen-to-for-anxiety-relief" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Old episodes of TRC about anxiety </a> </li> </ul>

Doing Mushrooms May Have Saved My Faith

Language disclaimer: this episode includes explicit language so maybe listen with headphones if you’re around children.   You know how when you say something to your best friend it's not as scary as saying it to an audience of thousands of people so you feel free to be completely honest and vulnerable? Well my best friend and I recorded an episode that we didn't think we'd ever share, but here it is! We really just let ‘er rip in this convo. We talk about:     What if we gave ourselves the permission to feel anger?   Navigating disappointment in dating   Why is the bar set so low for men in dating right now?   Are our dating expectations too high?   Are we expecting our partner to meet needs for us they were never meant to need?   How do we process our disappointment in dating without turning into a bitter + cynical single woman (you know “that girl”...we’ve all met her!)   Why is voicing our needs in a romantic relationship so hard?   How owning my voice in dating has been as vulnerable as it has been liberating!     Feeling Frustrated   We share recent stories of being ghosted and stood up and how we felt about those situations and how we responded to them.   “It feels really vulnerable to put on a podcast because I get afraid that if I’m really honest about how disappointed I am with my experience with men, being a 37 year old woman, I become the ‘bitter single woman.’”     What We’re Working On   Tutti talks a lot about voicing her needs being something she wants to prioritize moving forward.   I share a breakthrough moment where I sent a text to a guy who stood me up— a text I wouldn’t have ever sent before.   What is something you are working on?     Moving Forward   Where do you think the disconnect is in these situations?    How did we get here?    How do you think we need to move forward?     Resources   Join Patreon here!    Listen to Dear Diary: Am I A Good Kisser?    Listen to Dear Diary: Excerpts from my Middle School Journal   Keep up with Tutti on Instagram at @tuttidelmonte   If you need a boudoir photographer, check out budoirbytutti.com  

Language disclaimer: this episode includes explicit language so maybe listen with headphones if you’re around children. You know how when you say something to your best friend it's not as scary as saying it to an audience of thousands of people so you feel free to be completely honest and vulnerable? Well my best friend and I recorded an episode that we didn't think we'd ever share, but here it is! We really just let ‘er rip in this convo. We talk about: <ul> <li> What if we gave ourselves the permission to feel anger? </li> <li> Navigating disappointment in dating </li> <li> Why is the bar set so low for men in dating right now? </li> <li> Are our dating expectations too high? </li> <li> Are we expecting our partner to meet needs for us they were never meant to need? </li> <li> How do we process our disappointment in dating without turning into a bitter + cynical single woman (you know “that girl”...we’ve all met her!) </li> <li> Why is voicing our needs in a romantic relationship so hard? </li> <li> How owning my voice in dating has been as vulnerable as it has been liberating! </li> </ul> Feeling Frustrated <ul> <li> We share recent stories of being ghosted and stood up and how we felt about those situations and how we responded to them. </li> <li> “It feels really vulnerable to put on a podcast because I get afraid that if I’m really honest about how disappointed I am with my experience with men, being a 37 year old woman, I become the ‘bitter single woman.’” </li> </ul> What We’re Working On <ul> <li> Tutti talks a lot about voicing her needs being something she wants to prioritize moving forward. </li> <li> I share a breakthrough moment where I sent a text to a guy who stood me up— a text I wouldn’t have ever sent before. </li> <li> What is something you are working on? </li> </ul> Moving Forward <ul> <li> Where do you think the disconnect is in these situations?  </li> <li> How did we get here?  </li> <li> How do you think we need to move forward? </li> </ul> Resources <ul> <li> Join Patreon <a href="http://patreon.com/therefinedcollective" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>! </li> <li> <a href="https://therefinedwoman.com/podcasts-all/dear-diary-am-i-a-good-kisser-with-tutti-del-monte" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Listen to Dear Diary: Am I A Good Kisser?</a> </li> <li> <a href="https://therefinedwoman.com/podcasts-all/dear-diary-excerpts-from-my-middle-school-journal-with-tutti-del-monte" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Listen to Dear Diary: Excerpts from my Middle School Journal</a> </li> <li> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/tuttidelmonte/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Keep up with Tutti on Instagram at @tuttidelmonte</a> </li> <li> If you need a boudoir photographer, <a href="https://www.boudoirbytutti.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">check out budoirbytutti.com</a> </li> </ul>

Dear Diary: Why is the Bar Set So Low? with Tutti del Monte

Welcome back to The Refined Collective Podcast!   I actually recorded this episode before I recorded last week’s episode, but decided I needed more time to figure out my path forward with the podcast. There’s so much to dive into in this episode. We’re talking about where I’m at, where I’m headed, and how things will look different around here. I hope in colliding with my story, you’ll give yourself permission to own your own story and color outside the lines a bit.   Breaking the insanity cycle I’ve been on the brink of burnout for years now. Add to that the pandemic, a book launch, a failed egg freezing, a faith crisis and more certainly did not help matters. For me taking a sabbatical was me pressing pause on the hamster wheel of social media and content creation. It was realizing I was giving from an empty cup.  It was me acknowledging that I could not move forward as things were. Sometimes you have to take drastic measures to interrupt your life and that was the sabbatical for me.   So what did I do with my time off? Well as much as I wanted to rush off to Bali and have my very own “Eat. Pray. Love” moment—that wasn’t in the cards for me. I still ran my full time photo biz.   But I did try some new things:  I took a 2-day psilocybin journey. Expanded my dating life quite a bit including dating an ethically non-monogamous guy. Bought a second property! And more…  Now remember, I’m only releasing two podcast episodes each month! So I’ll meet you back here on the first Wednesday of March, okay? In the meantime, I’ll be seeing my Patreon fam for the final two Wednesdays of February for a Zoom coaching call and a Zoom book club meeting focusing on Caste by Isabel Wilkerson.   Resources   Join Patreon here!   Listen to my podcast episode about why I took a sabbatical  here.   Listen to the teaser episode I released last week here.  Connect with Michelle Peterson here. 

Welcome back to The Refined Collective Podcast!   I actually recorded this episode before I recorded last week’s episode, but decided I needed more time to figure out my path forward with the podcast. There’s so much to dive into in this episode. We’re talking about where I’m at, where I’m headed, and how things will look different around here. I hope in colliding with my story, you’ll give yourself permission to own your own story and color outside the lines a bit.   Breaking the insanity cycle I’ve been on the brink of burnout for years now. Add to that the pandemic, a book launch, a failed egg freezing, a faith crisis and more certainly did not help matters. For me taking a sabbatical was me pressing pause on the hamster wheel of social media and content creation. It was realizing I was giving from an empty cup.  It was me acknowledging that I could not move forward as things were. Sometimes you have to take drastic measures to interrupt your life and that was the sabbatical for me.   So what did I do with my time off? Well as much as I wanted to rush off to Bali and have my very own “Eat. Pray. Love” moment—that wasn’t in the cards for me. I still ran my full time photo biz.   But I did try some new things: <ul> <li>I took a 2-day psilocybin journey.</li> <li>Expanded my dating life quite a bit including dating an ethically non-monogamous guy.</li> <li>Bought a second property!</li> <li>And more…</li> </ul> Now remember, I’m only releasing two podcast episodes each month! So I’ll meet you back here on the first Wednesday of March, okay? In the meantime, I’ll be seeing my Patreon fam for the final two Wednesdays of February for a Zoom coaching call and a Zoom book club meeting focusing on Caste by Isabel Wilkerson.   Resources <ul> <li> Join Patreon <a href="http://patreon.com/therefinedcollective" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>! </li> <li> Listen to my podcast episode about why I took a sabbatical <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-closed-door-leads-to-a-greater-yes/id1348034641?i=1000578120750" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> here</a>. </li> <li> Listen to the teaser episode I released last week <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/and-were-back/id1348034641?i=1000597659302" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. </li> <li>Connect with Michelle Peterson <a href="https://www.michelle-peterson.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>.</li> </ul>

What A Sabbatical Really Looks Like

It’s been about 5 months since I’ve come to you through your speakers, and I’m back (in a brand new way). This is my fifth year doing the podcast and releasing a podcast episode every week has been exhausting.   One of my main goals this year is to foster this community while also embracing this idea of “less is more." What does that mean for the podcast? Welp it means I’ll be releasing fewer episodes this year.   Here’s what you can expect from me:  Two TRC Podcast episodes a month.  The rest of my live content will publish to Patreon every month where I’ll be interesting most of my efforts to cultivate community + meaningful convos. Each month on patreon I’ll host a live group coaching call on Zoom. The final week of each month, I host a book club (this month’s book is Caste by Isabel Wilkerson).  I am committed to prioritizing creating community with you. So many of us are going through deconstruction with no real space to process everything we’re going through. I hope Patreon feels like a place where you can connect with others and reimagine a greater story together.   I’m so happy to be getting back into community with you and creating a safe close community in Patreon.   Next week on the podcast, I will be sharing a recap of my sabbatical (it may or may not include a 2-day psilocybin therapeutic journey). In the meantime, I hope you come join us over on Patreon! You can join at patreon.com/therefinedcollective.   Resources  Join Patreon here! Listen to my podcast episode about why I took a sabbatical here. 

It’s been about 5 months since I’ve come to you through your speakers, and I’m back (in a brand new way). This is my fifth year doing the podcast and releasing a podcast episode every week has been exhausting.   One of my main goals this year is to foster this community while also embracing this idea of “less is more." What does that mean for the podcast? Welp it means I’ll be releasing fewer episodes this year.   Here’s what you can expect from me: <ul> <li>Two TRC Podcast episodes a month. </li> <li>The rest of my live content will publish to Patreon every month where I’ll be interesting most of my efforts to cultivate community + meaningful convos.</li> <li>Each month on patreon I’ll host a live group coaching call on Zoom. The final week of each month, I host a book club (this month’s book is Caste by Isabel Wilkerson).</li> </ul> I am committed to prioritizing creating community with you. So many of us are going through deconstruction with no real space to process everything we’re going through. I hope Patreon feels like a place where you can connect with others and reimagine a greater story together.   I’m so happy to be getting back into community with you and creating a safe close community in Patreon.   Next week on the podcast, I will be sharing a recap of my sabbatical (it may or may not include a 2-day psilocybin therapeutic journey). In the meantime, I hope you come join us over on Patreon! You can join at <a href="http://patreon.com/therefinedcollective" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" target="_blank">patreon.com/therefinedcollective</a>.   Resources <ul> <li>Join Patreon <a href="http://patreon.com/therefinedcollective" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>!</li> <li>Listen to my podcast episode about why I took a sabbatical <a href="https://therefinedwoman.com/podcasts-all/a-closed-door-leads-to-a-greater-yes" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>.</li> </ul>

And We're Back!!!

This is my final podcast episode of 2022! I can’t believe it! If you want to hear more about my decision to take a 4-month sabbatical from all things The Refined Woman, content creation, and social media,  check out this episode.  I’ve thought a lot about what I want to share with you in this episode, and what came to mind were 3 things that I’ve been learning in life, growing through, and healing from.   There is simply nothing better than a well-made + COMFORTABLE leather shoe. Get 20% off when you go to BedSTU.com and use code RC20 at checkout. Right now, The Risolve is offering our listeners an additional 20% off when you go to TheRisolve.com and use discount code REFINED20 at checkout!

This is my final podcast episode of 2022! I can’t believe it! If you want to hear more about my decision to take a 4-month sabbatical from all things The Refined Woman, content creation, and social media, <a href="https://therefinedwoman.com/podcasts-all/im-taking-a-sabbatical-heres-why" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> check out this episode</a>.  I’ve thought a lot about what I want to share with you in this episode, and what came to mind were 3 things that I’ve been learning in life, growing through, and healing from. There is simply nothing better than a well-made + COMFORTABLE leather shoe. Get 20% off when you go to <a href="http://bedstu.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">BedSTU.com</a> and use code RC20 at checkout. Right now, The Risolve is offering our listeners an additional 20% off when you go to <a href="http://therisolve.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TheRisolve.com</a> and use discount code REFINED20 at checkout!

A Closed Door Leads to a Greater Yes

Natalie Crawford

Dr. Natalie Crawford is co-founder of Fora Fertility, a boutique fertility practice in Austin, Texas and is board certified in both Obstetrics and Gynecology and Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility (REI). Early on in the pandemic I had her on the podcast to talk about egg freezing:  TRC Ep 91: “The Fertility Series: Egg Freezing 101”. Fast forward to 2022, I started my own egg freezing journey with Dr. Natalie (which you can hear all about here). Today, I brought her back on the podcast to talk about a really important issue: the overturning of Roe v Wade.   There is simply nothing better than a well-made + COMFORTABLE leather shoe. Get 20% off when you go to BedSTU.com and use code RC20 at checkout. Modern Fertility makes it easy to test your hormone levels at home. Modern Fertility is offering $20 off your test when you go to ModernFertility.com/refined.  Right now, The Risolve is offering our listeners an additional 20% off when you go to TheRisolve.com and use discount code REFINED20 at checkout!

Dr. Natalie Crawford is co-founder of <a href="https://www.forafertilityaustin.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Fora Fertility</a>, a boutique fertility practice in Austin, Texas and is board certified in both Obstetrics and Gynecology and Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility (REI). Early on in the pandemic I had her on the podcast to talk about egg freezing: <a href="https://therefinedwoman.com/podcasts-all/the-fertility-series-egg-freezing-101" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> TRC Ep 91: “The Fertility Series: Egg Freezing 101”</a>. Fast forward to 2022, I started my own egg freezing journey with Dr. Natalie (<a href="https://therefinedwoman.com/podcasts-all/my-egg-freezing-experience" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">which you can hear all about here</a>). Today, I brought her back on the podcast to talk about a really important issue: the overturning of Roe v Wade. There is simply nothing better than a well-made + COMFORTABLE leather shoe. Get 20% off when you go to <a href="http://bedstu.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">BedSTU.com</a> and use code RC20 at checkout. Modern Fertility makes it easy to test your hormone levels at home. Modern Fertility is offering $20 off your test when you go to <a href="http://modernfertility.com/refined" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">ModernFertility.com/refined</a>. Right now, The Risolve is offering our listeners an additional 20% off when you go to <a href="http://therisolve.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TheRisolve.com</a> and use discount code REFINED20 at checkout!

Life in a Post-Roe World with Dr. Natalie Crawford

In The Refined Collective podcast, host and author of Sexless in the City, Kat Harris creates a safe space to have honest conversations around faith, sexuality, relationships, politics, identity, Christian culture, deconstruction, and more. *What does the Bible really say about sex? *How does our faith impact our politics? *Is Christianity at odds with science? *Is the Bible still relevant? From purity culture, to deconstruction, dating apps, and LGTBQ+ issues—there’s no topic that’s off the table. In this podcast Kat doesn’t pretend to be an expert, or to have all the answers about faith or Christianity. And though it’d be more convenient to have easy black-and-white answers, she invites you to discover God in the grey and unexpected spaces. Her hope is to look doubt in the face, be curious, seek God, and ask meaningful questions to address any ‘elephant in the room’ with openness, nuance and grace.

The Refined Collective Podcast is so relatable and always drops the best nuggets of wisdom and inspiration for so many facets of life. I recently went back and listened to Episode 72: Side hustles, career pivots and learning to listen to your audience with Stacey Tuschl. It was perfect timing to hear everything Stacey and Kat had to say on this topic as I pivot my career and they further confirmed that I needed to finally take action. Thank you Kat for blessing the world with your heart, passion and intentionality!

So relatable, Such a blessing!!!

Love, love this woman. Wise beyond her years.

Inspired

In The Refined Collective podcast, host and author of Sexless in the City, Kat Harris creates a safe space to have honest conversations around faith, sexuality, relationships, politics, identity, Christian culture, deconstruction, and more. *What does the Bible really say about sex? *How does our faith impact our politics? *Is Christianity at odds with science? *Is the Bible still relevant? From purity culture, to deconstruction, dating apps, and LGTBQ+ issues—there’s no topic that’s off the table. In this podcast Kat doesn’t pretend to be an expert, or to have all the answers about faith or Christianity. And though it’d be more convenient to have easy black-and-white answers, she invites you to discover God in the grey and unexpected spaces. Her hope is to look doubt in the face, be curious, seek God, and ask meaningful questions to address any ‘elephant in the room’ with openness, nuance and grace.

The Refined Collective Podcast

Celeste Holbrook

Are you a single woman of faith trying to figure out how to navigate dating in today’s hookup culture and online dating? I get it… it can be confusing and frustrating. This week I brought a Christian sexologist on the podcast to help navigate these murky waters. Dr. Celeste Holbrook’s goal in life is to create safe spaces for women to talk about sex. My hope is that this will encourage you to get curious about your own sexuality.   Growing Up In Purity Culture  Celeste grew up going to purity conferences and wearing a purity ring.  Her home was not shame-filled, but everyone around her was very conservative when it came to conversations about sex.    The Moment They Were Waiting For  When they first had sex, it was extremely painful and not enjoyable for her.  “I thought I was going to be rewarded with great sex.” This disconnect between Celeste and her husband began to erode their relationship. “I felt a lot of shame for not living up to what I thought I should be sexually.” She realized she never had good sex education. She decided to embark on a journey to unlearn shame, and to learn her body in a fresh way.    Deconstructing Sex And Shame  “I went through that process so that I could enter into a sexual space and feel worthy of pleasure and sex that felt good.” After experiencing breakthrough and pain-free sex, she made it her mission to help others in similar circumstances and pivoted from studying behavior to sexual behavior. “Although it’s a natural biological thing, it doesn’t come naturally. You have to learn how to do it just like riding a bike.” Madonna Whore Complex: “You’re shamed if you have too much sex and you’re shamed if you have no sex. There’s this pendulum that we can’t seem to step out of.”    What Is Sexuality?  Sexuality is way more than just sex, desire, or physical intimacy. “Sexuality is far more than that bottom layer of what it looks like biologically.”    What Is Sex?  A lot of single Christian women are wondering about physical boundaries in sex. 75% of women don’t climax from vaginal sex—they climax from clitoral stimulation. Freud told women that to have an orgasm through clitoral stimulation is to be infantile.  In 1998, neurologist Helen Connoll put the clitoris into the journal of sexual medicine.  “Limiting the term ‘sex’ to ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’ is marginalizing and produces shame.” Pleasure gets confused with hedonism, but pleasure is acknowledged in Matthew 6:26. “We can’t have the conversation about pleasure and spirituality without having a conversation about sensuality.”    What is Sensuality?  “When we think about us as sensual beings, we are literally experiencing the creation and the creator through all five of our senses.” Sensuality can be as simple as being in the moment. We can’t experience our senses in the past or future… only the present. What does celibacy mean to you when sensuality and sexuality are closely related? You can embrace sensuality in these smaller ways before we have sex.    Books To Read:   Sex Godby Rob Bell  Good Christian Sexby Bromleigh McCleneghan  Shamelessby Nadia Bolz-Weber  Come As You Areby Dr. Emily Nagoski    If any parts of this conversation have felt triggering for you, just know that whatever you’re feeling is valid. There is no judgement. Validate your feelings and then question why those feelings are coming up for you. “Our God is one that encourages curious questions and sincere questioning.” Celeste has so many resources for you, including 20 sex-enhancing questions for freeon her website. She also offers free30-minute discovery calls. If you have questions about anything we talked about today, go to her website and click on “30 Minute Discovery Call.” She also has coursesfor one on one consulting if that feels right for you.    If you are enjoying the podcast, I want to invite you to leave a rating and review on iTunes! We love hearing what your favorite episodes are and always welcome any general feedback! It also helps us be more visible in the iTunes world. If you want to leave a review but don’t know how, head over to @therefinedcollective on Instagram and find the “Review 101” under story highlights.   Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdatingtips to check it out! With you on the journey.   XO, Kat

Are you a single woman of faith trying to figure out how to navigate dating in today’s hookup culture and online dating? I get it… it can be confusing and frustrating. This week I brought a Christian sexologist on the podcast to help navigate these murky waters. <a href="https://www.drcelesteholbrook.com/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Dr. Celeste Holbrook</a>’s goal in life is to create safe spaces for women to talk about sex. My hope is that this will encourage you to get curious about your own sexuality. Growing Up In Purity Culture <ul> <li>Celeste grew up going to purity conferences and wearing a purity ring. </li> <li>Her home was not shame-filled, but everyone around her was very conservative when it came to conversations about sex.</li> </ul> The Moment They Were Waiting For <ul> <li>When they first had sex, it was extremely painful and not enjoyable for her. </li> <li>“I thought I was going to be rewarded with great sex.”</li> <li>This disconnect between Celeste and her husband began to erode their relationship.</li> <li>“I felt a lot of shame for not living up to what I thought I should be sexually.”</li> <li>She realized she never had good sex education. She decided to embark on a journey to unlearn shame, and to learn her body in a fresh way.</li> </ul> Deconstructing Sex And Shame <ul> <li>“I went through that process so that I could enter into a sexual space and feel worthy of pleasure and sex that felt good.”</li> <li>After experiencing breakthrough and pain-free sex, she made it her mission to help others in similar circumstances and pivoted from studying behavior to sexual behavior.</li> <li>“Although it’s a natural biological thing, it doesn’t come naturally. You have to learn how to do it just like riding a bike.”</li> <li>Madonna Whore Complex: “You’re shamed if you have too much sex and you’re shamed if you have no sex. There’s this pendulum that we can’t seem to step out of.”</li> </ul> What Is Sexuality? <ul> <li>Sexuality is way more than just sex, desire, or physical intimacy. “Sexuality is far more than that bottom layer of what it looks like biologically.”</li> </ul> What Is Sex? <ul> <li>A lot of single Christian women are wondering about physical boundaries in sex.</li> <li>75% of women don’t climax from vaginal sex—they climax from clitoral stimulation.</li> <li>Freud told women that to have an orgasm through clitoral stimulation is to be infantile. </li> <li>In 1998, neurologist Helen Connoll put the clitoris into the journal of sexual medicine. </li> <li>“Limiting the term ‘sex’ to ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’ is marginalizing and produces shame.”</li> <li>Pleasure gets confused with hedonism, but pleasure is acknowledged in Matthew 6:26.</li> <li>“We can’t have the conversation about pleasure and spirituality without having a conversation about sensuality.”</li> </ul> What is Sensuality? <ul> <li>“When we think about us as sensual beings, we are literally experiencing the creation and the creator through all five of our senses.”</li> <li>Sensuality can be as simple as being in the moment. We can’t experience our senses in the past or future… only the present.</li> <li>What does celibacy mean to you when sensuality and sexuality are closely related? You can embrace sensuality in these smaller ways before we have sex.</li> </ul> Books To Read: <ul> <li><a href="https://robbell.com/sex-god/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> Sex God</a>by Rob Bell</li> <li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Good-Christian-Sex-Chastity-Option/dp/0062428594" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> Good Christian Sex</a>by Bromleigh McCleneghan</li> <li><a href="http://www.nadiabolzweber.com/book/shameless" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> Shameless</a>by Nadia Bolz-Weber</li> <li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> Come As You Are</a>by Dr. Emily Nagoski</li> </ul> If any parts of this conversation have felt triggering for you, just know that whatever you’re feeling is valid. There is no judgement. Validate your feelings and then question why those feelings are coming up for you. “Our God is one that encourages curious questions and sincere questioning.” Celeste has so many resources for you, including 20 sex-enhancing questions for freeon her <a href="https://www.drcelesteholbrook.com/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">website</a>. She also offers free30-minute discovery calls. If you have questions about anything we talked about today, go to her website and click on “<a href="https://calendly.com/celesteholbrook/30min?month=2019-08" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">30 Minute Discovery Call</a>.” She also has <a href="https://www.drcelesteholbrook.com/all-products" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">courses</a>for one on one consulting if that feels right for you. If you are enjoying the podcast, I want to invite you to leave a rating and review on iTunes! We love hearing what your favorite episodes are and always welcome any general feedback! It also helps us be more visible in the iTunes world. If you want to leave a review but don’t know how, head over to <a href="https://www.instagram.com/therefinedcollective/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">@therefinedcollective</a> on Instagram and find the “Review 101” under story highlights. Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to <a href="https://therefinedwoman.lpages.co/6-tips-to-activate-your-dating-life-full/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Bit.ly/trwdatingtips </a>to check it out! With you on the journey. XO, Kat

Purity Culture, Painful Sex + Debunking Shame Narrative with Dr. Celeste Holbrook

I am so excited to be chatting with my soul sister  Kate Eskuri today! This episode we’re talking all about PERIODS. Ladies, you’re going to learn so much more than you ever did in health class. Kate is a registered nurse, holistic health junkie, and the voice behind  The Foundation Blog. She is currently getting her doctorate degree in integrative health and healing and is passionate about helping women maximize their health by simple and foundational health practices. Our hope is that this conversation will empower you to do research and make informed decisions for that time of the month. Finding The Balance  Kate took a year off from being a nurse in the Mayo Clinic to work on her sister  Jenna Kutcher's Goal Digger Podcast. During this time, she realized her passion for integrative health.   “What are you doing when you’re putting off something else?” She knows that areas of Western medicine need improvement, but also recognizes that this medicine is the reason we are alive today after seeing it in action in the ICU.   However, chronic conditions that plague our country prove a need for a shift toward the holistic. We need to look at sleep, stress, and diet.   “I feel very at home in this spot in the middle.”  Becoming A Woman “Everything in my life was very natural but yet I was still controlling this really natural and beautiful cycle.”  Kate never felt any shame around her period. “I just felt honored and excited about it.” Her periods were regular but were more frequent than they should have been. “It takes a while to normalize your cycle.” Wanting to prevent this near constant bleeding, she tried the NuvaRing but ultimately settled on the Mirena IUD which allowed her to continue ovulating.  Cons of Hormonal Contraceptive  “I completely trust my fellow woman to make the choice that is best for her. There is an option that is right for everybody.”   The hormones in contraceptives are not the exact hormones your body would make.  Hormonal contraception often suppress ovulation and ultimately suppress hormones that are natural and have important benefits. “You’re inhibiting a very natural process that goes a lot deeper than just your period.”  The Phases Of Your Cycle Ladies + Gents--the below is just an overview...you gotta listen to the whole episode to get the goods of each phase of your cycle! 1. Menstruation/Winter  Day 1: shedding the uterine lining. You’re maybe feeling moody or withdrawn, experiencing cramps, and a need to slow down. It’s like the ‘winter’ season of the cycle.  Follicular/Spring   Day 3 or 4: Follicle stimulating hormone is working on the dominant egg. More energy in this phase, almost like stepping back into your skin. This time is good for creative projects and you’ll experience clear thinking. “You feel energetic and attractive... it’s just a really vibrant time.”  Ovulation/Summer   Body releases egg as the pituitary gland signals for it to release. “You can’t kind of ovulate—you either ovulate or you don’t.” High energy, high sex drive, you feel attractive. Your hormones even make you more attractive to those around you. There is a study that shows a correlation between a woman’s scent during ovulation and a man’s attraction to her.  Luteal/Fall   Progesterone—can make you moody and somber, but it’s really important. “It is the yin to estrogen’s yang.” Progesterone is calming, helps sleep, reduces inflammation, + builds muscles. “The shift from being so estrogen dominant at parts of your cycle to progesterone dominant causes an influx of emotion—what we see as PMS.”  Getting To Know Your Period “Your period health says a lot about your overall health.”  Track Your Cycle!   Kate journals every morning and will write about how she is feeling on the previous day of her cycle. A few key words is all you need—nothing flashy! Kate uses the Ava app and Kat uses the My Flo app.  “Your period story does not have to be suffering every month.”  Books To Read:    The Period Repair Manual by Laura Briden (textbook info in novel format)  Hormonal by Martie Haselton (quick + easy relatable read)   Thoughts On Period Products  Thoughts on tampons? “Invest in organic—it does matter.” Regular tampons are covered in toxins.   Thoughts on menstrual cups? Tampons are single use and create waste so this is a great alternative. Kate uses  OrganiCup and LOVES it. “I can’t believe I lived for so long without using it.” It’s easy to clean—simply boil between cycles. It may not be for everybody—some women say they experience more cramps using a cup.   Thoughts on  Thinx? Kate hasn’t tried them, but Kat has some friends that swear by them and only use them during their periods.  “Whatever makes you feel most at home and comfortable with your period… I say go for it.”  You can keep up with Kate on Instagram at  @kate.eskuri or at her website  thefoundationblog.com. She shares everything from  safe ways to grow out your eyelashes to  yummy recipes. She has a post specifically about  acupressure for periods too! “It all comes back to the base of introducing small integrative habits into your day to live your most balanced and vibrant life.” You can  sign up for her email list to get secret special content that nobody else sees! If you join now you can see her evening rituals for better sleep and her all-natural grocery shopping guide.  If you like the podcast, I want to invite you to subscribe to the podcast and leave a rating and review. It helps us to get the episode out to more people and means the world to us! We’d love to hear your reactions to this specific episode and what topics you want to hear more of! Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to  Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey. XO, Kat 

I am so excited to be chatting with my soul sister <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kate.eskuri/?hl=en" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> Kate Eskuri</a> today! This episode we’re talking all about PERIODS. Ladies, you’re going to learn so much more than you ever did in health class. Kate is a registered nurse, holistic health junkie, and the voice behind <a href="https://thefoundationblog.com/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> The Foundation Blog</a>. She is currently getting her doctorate degree in integrative health and healing and is passionate about helping women maximize their health by simple and foundational health practices. Our hope is that this conversation will empower you to do research and make informed decisions for that time of the month. Finding The Balance <ul> <li>Kate took a year off from being a nurse in the Mayo Clinic to work on her sister <a href="https://jennakutcher.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Jenna </a><a href="https://jennakutcher.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Kutcher's</a> <a href="https://podcast.jennakutcher.com/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Goal Digger Podcast</a>. During this time, she realized her passion for integrative health.</li> </ul> <ul> <li>“What are you doing when you’re putting off something else?”</li> <li>She knows that areas of Western medicine need improvement, but also recognizes that this medicine is the reason we are alive today after seeing it in action in the ICU.</li> </ul> <ul> <li>However, chronic conditions that plague our country prove a need for a shift toward the holistic. We need to look at sleep, stress, and diet.</li> </ul> <ul> <li>“I feel very at home in this spot in the middle.”</li> </ul> Becoming A Woman “Everything in my life was very natural but yet I was still controlling this really natural and beautiful cycle.” <ul> <li>Kate never felt any shame around her period. “I just felt honored and excited about it.”</li> <li>Her periods were regular but were more frequent than they should have been. “It takes a while to normalize your cycle.”</li> <li>Wanting to prevent this near constant bleeding, she tried the NuvaRing but ultimately settled on the Mirena IUD which allowed her to continue ovulating.</li> </ul> Cons of Hormonal Contraceptive <ul> <li>“I completely trust my fellow woman to make the choice that is best for her. There is an option that is right for everybody.”</li> </ul> <ul> <li>The hormones in contraceptives are not the exact hormones your body would make. </li> <li>Hormonal contraception often suppress ovulation and ultimately suppress hormones that are natural and have important benefits.</li> <li>“You’re inhibiting a very natural process that goes a lot deeper than just your period.”</li> </ul> The Phases Of Your Cycle Ladies + Gents--the below is just an overview...you gotta listen to the whole episode to get the goods of each phase of your cycle! 1. Menstruation/Winter <ul> <li>Day 1: shedding the uterine lining.</li> <li>You’re maybe feeling moody or withdrawn, experiencing cramps, and a need to slow down. It’s like the ‘winter’ season of the cycle. <ol> <li>Follicular/Spring</li> </ol> </li> <li>Day 3 or 4: Follicle stimulating hormone is working on the dominant egg.</li> <li>More energy in this phase, almost like stepping back into your skin.</li> <li>This time is good for creative projects and you’ll experience clear thinking.</li> <li>“You feel energetic and attractive... it’s just a really vibrant time.” <ol> <li>Ovulation/Summer</li> </ol> </li> <li>Body releases egg as the pituitary gland signals for it to release.</li> <li>“You can’t kind of ovulate—you either ovulate or you don’t.”</li> <li>High energy, high sex drive, you feel attractive. Your hormones even make you more attractive to those around you. There is a study that shows a correlation between a woman’s scent during ovulation and a man’s attraction to her. <ol> <li>Luteal/Fall</li> </ol> </li> <li>Progesterone—can make you moody and somber, but it’s really important.</li> <li>“It is the yin to estrogen’s yang.”</li> <li>Progesterone is calming, helps sleep, reduces inflammation, + builds muscles.</li> <li>“The shift from being so estrogen dominant at parts of your cycle to progesterone dominant causes an influx of emotion—what we see as PMS.”</li> </ul> Getting To Know Your Period “Your period health says a lot about your overall health.” <ol> <li>Track Your Cycle!</li> </ol> <ul> <li>Kate journals every morning and will write about how she is feeling on the previous day of her cycle. A few key words is all you need—nothing flashy!</li> <li>Kate uses the Ava app and Kat uses the My Flo app. </li> <li>“Your period story does not have to be suffering every month.” <ol> <li>Books To Read:</li> </ol> </li> <li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Period-Repair-Manual-Second-Treatment-ebook/dp/B075NDJC2J" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> The Period Repair Manual</a> by Laura Briden (textbook info in novel format)</li> <li><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Hormonal-Intelligence-Hormones-Relationships-Influence/dp/0316369217" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> Hormonal</a> by Martie Haselton (quick + easy relatable read) </li> </ul> Thoughts On Period Products <ul> <li>Thoughts on tampons? “Invest in organic—it does matter.” Regular tampons are covered in toxins.</li> </ul> <ul> <li>Thoughts on menstrual cups? Tampons are single use and create waste so this is a great alternative. Kate uses <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B071NCXFMG/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=kateeskrui-20&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=B071NCXFMG&amp;linkId=4da0bcdb68693b863031e0f007b04dd9" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> OrganiCup</a> and LOVES it. “I can’t believe I lived for so long without using it.” It’s easy to clean—simply boil between cycles. It may not be for everybody—some women say they experience more cramps using a cup.</li> </ul> <ul> <li>Thoughts on <a href="https://www.shethinx.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMItvP1_JuI5AIVzgOGCh3g_QNoEAAYASAAEgJccfD_BwE" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> Thinx</a>? Kate hasn’t tried them, but Kat has some friends that swear by them and only use them during their periods. </li> <li>“Whatever makes you feel most at home and comfortable with your period… I say go for it.”</li> </ul> You can keep up with Kate on Instagram at <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kate.eskuri/?hl=en" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> @kate.eskuri</a> or at her website <a href="https://thefoundationblog.com/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> thefoundationblog.com</a>. She shares everything from <a href="https://thefoundationblog.com/blog/eyelashes" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> safe ways to grow out your eyelashes</a> to <a href="https://thefoundationblog.com/blog?category=FOOD%20%2B%20BEVERAGE" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> yummy recipes</a>. She has a post specifically about <a href="https://thefoundationblog.com/blog/acupressure" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> acupressure for periods</a> too! “It all comes back to the base of introducing small integrative habits into your day to live your most balanced and vibrant life.” You can <a href="https://thefoundationblog.com/emailclub" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> sign up for her email list</a> to get secret special content that nobody else sees! If you join now you can see her evening rituals for better sleep and her all-natural grocery shopping guide.  If you like the podcast, I want to invite you to subscribe to the podcast and leave a rating and review. It helps us to get the episode out to more people and means the world to us! We’d love to hear your reactions to this specific episode and what topics you want to hear more of! Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to <a href="https://therefinedwoman.lpages.co/5-tips-to-activate-your-dating/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> Bit.ly/trwdating </a>to check it out! With you on the journey. XO, Kat

Everything You Were Never Taught About Your Period

Sliding into DMs is my favorite. Basically Instagram stalk people and ask them to be on my podcast. But you know what? It works! And now I have loads of virtual friends. Bam. Today, I’m am chatting with Stephanie May Wilson. She has such a heart for single women, so I am so excited for us to walk through some of the top questions that women send us every day.   DATING 101: Types + Deal Breakers  We chat about how guys are often more attractive in real life than in their online photos BUT if they say they are 6 feet tall, they are almost certainly a full two inches shorter. We may have a type, but we have to stop making our searches so narrow—the perfect man may not be who you pictured him to be.    DATING 101: It’s A Curb, Not A Cliff  Real talk: we need to be as intentional about dating as we are with our career or fitness. We chat about the pressure to have meet cutes and the number one frustration women come to her looking for answers to. “You deserve someone who wants to be with you.” What do you do with all this hope and confusion? Live this season of your life to the fullest. Show up!    DATING MYTH: There Are No Good Guys?  “There are better things we can do with that focus that actually get us to where we want to be.” Find ways to put yourself out there more. Just get involved in your community. Disappointment is part of the dating process. It’s getting you ready for marriage, which is signing up to be disappointed by the same person for your whole life.    Feeling discouraged? God hasn’t forgotten you. It isn’t too late. You are not less than others because you are single. You are not unlovable. You don’t have to figure this out alone. Keep up with Stephanie at StephanieMayWilson.com, where you can find her  podcast (Girls Night) and her Instagram (@smaywilson). She has a prayer journal called Every Single Moment—you can find it here!   Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407   Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to  Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out!

Sliding into DMs is my favorite. Basically Instagram stalk people and ask them to be on my podcast. But you know what? It works! And now I have loads of virtual friends. Bam. Today, I’m am chatting with <a href="https://stephaniemaywilson.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Stephanie May Wilson</a>. She has such a heart for single women, so I am so excited for us to walk through some of the top questions that women send us every day. DATING 101: Types + Deal Breakers <ul> <li>We chat about how guys are often more attractive in real life than in their online photos BUT if they say they are 6 feet tall, they are almost certainly a full two inches shorter.</li> <li>We may have a type, but we have to stop making our searches so narrow—the perfect man may not be who you pictured him to be.</li> </ul> DATING 101: It’s A Curb, Not A Cliff <ul> <li>Real talk: we need to be as intentional about dating as we are with our career or fitness.</li> <li>We chat about the pressure to have meet cutes and the number one frustration women come to her looking for answers to.</li> <li>“You deserve someone who wants to be with you.”</li> <li>What do you do with all this hope and confusion? Live this season of your life to the fullest. Show up!</li> </ul> DATING MYTH: There Are No Good Guys? <ul> <li>“There are better things we can do with that focus that actually get us to where we want to be.”</li> <li>Find ways to put yourself out there more. Just get involved in your community.</li> <li>Disappointment is part of the dating process. It’s getting you ready for marriage, which is signing up to be disappointed by the same person for your whole life.</li> </ul> Feeling discouraged? God hasn’t forgotten you. It isn’t too late. You are not less than others because you are single. You are not unlovable. You don’t have to figure this out alone. Keep up with Stephanie at <a href="https://stephaniemaywilson.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">StephanieMayWilson.com</a>, where you can find her <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/girls-night-with-stephanie-may-wilson/id1278993781?mt=2" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> podcast</a> (Girls Night) and her <a href="https://www.instagram.com/smaywilson/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram</a> (@smaywilson). She has a prayer journal called Every Single Moment—you can find it <a href="https://www.smaywilsonshop.com/everysinglemoment" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>! Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to <a href="https://www.patreon.com/therefinedcollective" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Patreon.com/therefinedcollective</a> to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407</a> Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to <a href="https://therefinedwoman.lpages.co/5-tips-to-activate-your-dating/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Bit.ly/trwdating </a>to check it out!

Dating Tips, Deal Breakers and Myths

Today, we are very lucky to have one of my dear friends, Dianna Bautista, on the podcast. We go way back—she once gave me my dream Beyoncé haircut (from her XO music video) in my kitchen. She used to work as a celebrity hair stylist, but now she lives and works in Thailand, where she helps men and women come out of sex trafficking through her nonprofit, Shear International. This episode, we talk about living life to the fullest regardless of the season you are in (cough cough:  whether you’re married or not). She talks about her journey of healing from an abusive marriage, and why she is loving her season of singleness.   The WHY  “I don’t want any woman to ever experience what I have experienced.”    The town she lives in is widely recognized as the sex tourism capital of the world.  She goes into brothels, pays pimps for time with a girl, and sits to talk with them. After they build trust with these women, they help them to see that there are ways out. When she was little, she was unable to use her voice to help her brother who was a victim of sexual abuse. After she came home from a trip where she witnessed similar abuse, she was encouraged by her brother to use the voice she has now. “There is no room in this world for complacency.”    Red Flags “My faith meant something to me and I just thought it was okay that he ‘respected’ what I believed.”  She only realized after the fact that he did not dedicate enough time to her. “I felt only worthy of what he was willing to give me.” Ladies: just because he is treating you better than other men have does NOT mean he is treating you well. “Any attention he gave me was good enough.” “The way that you allow people to treat you is how they will always treat you.”    Pursuing Wholeness “We need those friends in our lives who are willing to risk putting up the mirror.”  These friends help us confront truths, even when they are really hard to confront. “His addiction to porn became such shame to me.” It took her years of therapy and healing to realize that it had nothing to do with her. “That was his shame, not mine.” Healing is a long process. “You don’t get to come out free the other side unless you do the work.” She acknowledges that the healing process is often even more painful than what you need healing from—it’s like breaking a bone.    Healing takes TIME. “I want the man of my prayers, not the man of my dreams.”    The healing is not only a slow process, but it’s also a never-ending process. “I’ll be on my journey until the day I die.” Too often, we put our lives on pause because we feel it can’t fully start until we have that one person to do it with. Lady Dianna is doing all of this single. Though she would be happy to be in a relationship, she is happy where she now. “I’m choosing to desire what God wants for me right now because the path I wanted to be on was never going to be a good idea.” God’s best for you is better than you can imagine. “I want the man of my prayers, not the man of my dreams.”    We were unexpectedly cut off as we were wrapping up because her Wi-Fi went out, but I hope this conversation has been as encouraging for you as it has been for me. She is living her calling and I want women all over the world to hear her story and realize they don’t need to wait for their life to start. Check out her nonprofit  Shear Love International where you can learn  more about it and support her by giving monthly donations. Also, I want to give a shoutout to her admin Sara who has been such a supporter of the podcast!   If you like the podcast, I want to invite you to subscribe to the podcast and leave a rating and review. It helps us to get the episode out to more people and means the world to us!    Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to  Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.   Fab Fit Fun is a seasonal subscription box that has FULL-SIZED beauty, fitness, fashion, and lifestyle products and I am so obsessed, y’all. The contents always have a worth of about $200 the boxes only cost $49.99! A few of my favorites from this box: a travel yoga mat, Vitamin C serum, and a gold eye mask. Even better? You get to customize what goes into your box! If you’ve ever thought about trying it—now is the time! If you go to  www.fabfitfun.com and use code TRW, you’ll get $10 off your first box!    XO, Kat

Today, we are very lucky to have one of my dear friends, Dianna Bautista, on the podcast. We go way back—she once gave me my dream Beyoncé haircut (from her XO music video) in my kitchen. She used to work as a celebrity hair stylist, but now she lives and works in Thailand, where she helps men and women come out of sex trafficking through her nonprofit, <a href="https://www.shearloveinternational.org/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Shear International</a>. This episode, we talk about living life to the fullest regardless of the season you are in (cough cough:  whether you’re married or not). She talks about her journey of healing from an abusive marriage, and why she is loving her season of singleness. The WHY “I don’t want any woman to ever experience what I have experienced.” <ul> <li>The town she lives in is widely recognized as the sex tourism capital of the world. </li> <li>She goes into brothels, pays pimps for time with a girl, and sits to talk with them. After they build trust with these women, they help them to see that there are ways out.</li> <li>When she was little, she was unable to use her voice to help her brother who was a victim of sexual abuse. After she came home from a trip where she witnessed similar abuse, she was encouraged by her brother to use the voice she has now.</li> <li>“There is no room in this world for complacency.”</li> </ul> Red Flags “My faith meant something to me and I just thought it was okay that he ‘respected’ what I believed.” <ul> <li>She only realized after the fact that he did not dedicate enough time to her. “I felt only worthy of what he was willing to give me.”</li> <li>Ladies: just because he is treating you better than other men have does NOT mean he is treating you well. “Any attention he gave me was good enough.”</li> <li>“The way that you allow people to treat you is how they will always treat you.”</li> </ul> Pursuing Wholeness “We need those friends in our lives who are willing to risk putting up the mirror.” <ul> <li>These friends help us confront truths, even when they are really hard to confront.</li> <li>“His addiction to porn became such shame to me.”</li> <li>It took her years of therapy and healing to realize that it had nothing to do with her. “That was his shame, not mine.”</li> <li>Healing is a long process. “You don’t get to come out free the other side unless you do the work.”</li> <li>She acknowledges that the healing process is often even more painful than what you need healing from—it’s like breaking a bone.</li> </ul> Healing takes TIME. “I want the man of my prayers, not the man of my dreams.” <ul> <li>The healing is not only a slow process, but it’s also a never-ending process. “I’ll be on my journey until the day I die.”</li> <li>Too often, we put our lives on pause because we feel it can’t fully start until we have that one person to do it with. Lady Dianna is doing all of this single.</li> <li>Though she would be happy to be in a relationship, she is happy where she now.</li> <li>“I’m choosing to desire what God wants for me right now because the path I wanted to be on was never going to be a good idea.”</li> <li>God’s best for you is better than you can imagine. “I want the man of my prayers, not the man of my dreams.”</li> </ul> We were unexpectedly cut off as we were wrapping up because her Wi-Fi went out, but I hope this conversation has been as encouraging for you as it has been for me. She is living her calling and I want women all over the world to hear her story and realize they don’t need to wait for their life to start. Check out her nonprofit <a href="https://www.shearloveinternational.org/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> Shear Love International</a> where you can learn  more about it and support her by giving monthly donations. Also, I want to give a shoutout to her admin Sara who has been such a supporter of the podcast! If you like the podcast, I want to invite you to subscribe to the podcast and leave a rating and review. It helps us to get the episode out to more people and means the world to us!  Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to <a href="https://therefinedwoman.lpages.co/5-tips-to-activate-your-dating/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> Bit.ly/trwdating </a>to check it out! With you on the journey. Fab Fit Fun is a seasonal subscription box that has FULL-SIZED beauty, fitness, fashion, and lifestyle products and I am so obsessed, y’all. The contents always have a worth of about $200 the boxes only cost $49.99! A few of my favorites from this box: a travel yoga mat, Vitamin C serum, and a gold eye mask. Even better? You get to customize what goes into your box! If you’ve ever thought about trying it—now is the time! If you go to <a href="http://www.fabfitfun.com/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank"> www.fabfitfun.com</a> and use code TRW, you’ll get $10 off your first box!  XO, Kat

Pursuing Purpose Regardless of Your Season

Hi, friends! We’re having the sex talk on the podcast today!! Are you waiting for marriage to have sex? Not sure when to bring it up in dating? Or how? We’re going to chat about that today, because I watched The Bachelor on Monday and have quite a few thoughts on this! Peter is the Bachelor and it’s causing quite the commotion with Madison. We’re one week away from engagement and they still haven’t had ‘the talk.’   Why I was afraid to tell guys I wasn’t having sex until marriage:  Fear of rejection I assumed if you were a Christian, you weren’t having sex—I also thought everyone wore purity rings too. I was shut down to my sexuality + desire—if I can’t accept my own sexuality, how can I accept another, and how can I enter into an adult consensual relationship if I’m unwilling to talk about this stuff? I didn’t know my why so I was afraid of bringing it up because I couldn’t really explain why except that’s what Christians do.    3 things to think before you have ‘the talk’  Know your why   The difference between: I’m not a smoker + I’m trying to quit. Your decision has to be internally motivated  What does sex mean to me? What is god’s heart for intimacy + sex? What is my heart for intimacy + sex? Why or why not is this a value for me?   QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF       Assume nothing  Just because they share your faith does not mean you have the same physical boundaries. No kissing until marriage to everything but penetration—including anal—to some people who love Jesus + choose to have pre-marital sex.    Zero shame  Rejection is protection!! It may make my dating pool smaller, but it makes it stronger.   WHEN: By date 3…although NYC dating culture moves quickly…so it’s not odd if I bring it up on the 1st date.   3 Reasons to Have the Sex Talk Early on  Set yourself up for success  If you’re not having sex before marriage — this may help set-up physical boundaries in dating. What didn’t work for me…getting naked on the first date.    Be kind  If I’m getting what I want—but if he thinks this is leading elsewhere it’s in a sense being dishonest.    Create a culture of honesty + communication  The only way a relationship can last + build trust is through communication. As a couple you get to decide what boundaries will work for you—It’s an ongoing conversation. A boundary might have worked in the past, but things may shift.   I HAVE AN EASY OUT: I talk about this stuff professionally. However, the more I’ve shared, the easier it’s become. it’s a non-issue for me.   Here is what I say: “Hey, I just want to be upfront. I don’t have sex until marriage + that’s not like a cute thing I say…I really mean it. So I just wanted to throw that out there + see where you’re at + what you think!”     RESOURCES FOR NAVIGATING YOUR WHY? Dr. Celeste Holbrook  The Bible: Flee from Sexual Immorality Kat’s ‘Why’ Kat’s conversation on God is Grey   Struggling with online dating? Kait Warman of The Heart of Dating and I are hosting a live online workshop just for you on February 25, 2020. Grab your ticket here!   Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407

Hi, friends! We’re having the sex talk on the podcast today!! Are you waiting for marriage to have sex? Not sure when to bring it up in dating? Or how? We’re going to chat about that today, because I watched The Bachelor on Monday and have quite a few thoughts on this! Peter is the Bachelor and it’s causing quite the commotion with Madison. We’re one week away from engagement and they still haven’t had ‘the talk.’ Why I was afraid to tell guys I wasn’t having sex until marriage: <ol> <li>Fear of rejection</li> <li>I assumed if you were a Christian, you weren’t having sex—I also thought everyone wore purity rings too.</li> <li>I was shut down to my sexuality + desire—if I can’t accept my own sexuality, how can I accept another, and how can I enter into an adult consensual relationship if I’m unwilling to talk about this stuff?</li> <li>I didn’t know my why so I was afraid of bringing it up because I couldn’t really explain why except that’s what Christians do.</li> </ol> 3 things to think before you have ‘the talk’ <ol> <li>Know your why</li> <li> <ol> <li>The difference between: I’m not a smoker + I’m trying to quit.</li> <li>Your decision has to be internally motivated <ol> <li>What does sex mean to me?</li> <li>What is god’s heart for intimacy + sex?</li> <li>What is my heart for intimacy + sex?</li> <li>Why or why not is this a value for me?</li> </ol> </li> <li>QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF</li> </ol> </li> </ol> <ol> <li>Assume nothing</li> </ol> Just because they share your faith does not mean you have the same physical boundaries. No kissing until marriage to everything but penetration—including anal—to some people who love Jesus + choose to have pre-marital sex. <ol> <li>Zero shame</li> </ol> Rejection is protection!! It may make my dating pool smaller, but it makes it stronger. WHEN: By date 3…although NYC dating culture moves quickly…so it’s not odd if I bring it up on the 1st date. 3 Reasons to Have the Sex Talk Early on <ol> <li>Set yourself up for success</li> </ol> If you’re not having sex before marriage — this may help set-up physical boundaries in dating. What didn’t work for me…getting naked on the first date. <ol> <li>Be kind</li> </ol> If I’m getting what I want—but if he thinks this is leading elsewhere it’s in a sense being dishonest. <ol> <li>Create a culture of honesty + communication</li> </ol> The only way a relationship can last + build trust is through communication. As a couple you get to decide what boundaries will work for you—It’s an ongoing conversation. A boundary might have worked in the past, but things may shift. I HAVE AN EASY OUT: I talk about this stuff professionally. However, the more I’ve shared, the easier it’s become. it’s a non-issue for me. Here is what I say: “Hey, I just want to be upfront. I don’t have sex until marriage + that’s not like a cute thing I say…I really mean it. So I just wanted to throw that out there + see where you’re at + what you think!” RESOURCES FOR NAVIGATING YOUR WHY? <a href="https://www.drcelesteholbrook.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Dr. Celeste Holbrook</a> <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+6%3A18%2C2+Timothy+2%3A22&amp;version=NKJV" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> The Bible: Flee from Sexual Immorality</a> <a href="https://www.therefinedwoman.com/lets-talk-about-sex-baby/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Kat’s ‘Why’</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rl1MVgO0Tk4&amp;t=3s" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Kat’s conversation on God is Grey</a> Struggling with online dating? Kait Warman of The Heart of Dating and I are hosting a live online workshop just for you on February 25, 2020. Grab your ticket <a href="https://kait-warman.mykajabi.com/onlinedating101?_gl=1*6z8jay*_gcl_aw*R0NMLjE1NzkyODQ4NTEuRUFJYUlRb2JDaE1JOF9YdHdwNkw1d0lWaUo2ekNoMmg1Z3Q3RUFBWUFTQUFFZ0xwYl9EX0J3RQ.." rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>! Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to <a href="https://www.patreon.com/therefinedcollective" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Patreon.com/therefinedcollective</a> to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407</a>

The Sex Talk: When, How, + Why To Have It In Dating

Jamal Miller

I’m so excited to launch this Podcast Series.  For several months now, I’ve been working behind-the-scenes with incredible, godly men all over the United States.  I slid into DMs to BEG…I mean ask legit men to be on my podcast.  All for you ladies…that’s how much I care about y’all!  Why did I do that?  Because, I’ve been compiling the top questions you send me about men and dating for over a year now.  Everything from:  where are all the single men to does he know if I have a crush on him…and everything in-between.   I figured I could answer them.  But heck…why not go straight to the source, and ask the men!  So that’s what I did.  For the next month, I will be rolling out a series of interviews that I hosted with some of the most solid married and single godly men in the US.  So, get your notepads out ladies.  We’re having some #REALTALK.   First up, mogul, entrepreneur, and pastor: Jamal Miller.  Jamal is husband to Natasha, father of two daughters, CEO of @millermediagroup, founder of @marriedandyoung, and online campus pastor at All Nations Chicago. Today, he’s answering some of your top questions about dating. We talk about how he’s an advocate for sliding into those DMs, can guys and girls really be friends, and the number one reason that guy is not asking you out.   From DMs to Real Life  Jamal wanted a really special love story, but the way it happened for them was through Facebook. He saw her and slid into her DMs after he saw she loved God. After getting clear on his intentions and discussing the situation with his pastor, he messaged her asking to take it to the next step—a phone call. After this went well, they met in person and eventually met each other’s families and were engaged after six months.    Divorce the Person in Your Head  When you’re single, you have this image in your head of the person you’re ‘supposed to’ be with. When you’re in a relationship, you have to get rid of that image. We can get stuck in not feeling connection with those who feel familiar. “Your feelings don’t know your future.”    Friend Zone v Danger Zone  Men and women can be friends, but they can’t be best friends. Once you become best friends, that can become the danger zone. Get clear on the potential in the future of the relationship. “Friendship is a breeding ground for marriage.” Everyone fears rejection, so they feel things out before they communicate their intentions—but it’s important to get clear on intentions early on. “If you’re going to be a bad friend, you’re going to be a bad spouse.”    Give Him a Nudge  Guys can be insecure and not all of them are comfortable pursuing. Help each other—don’t be afraid to nudge a guy and let him know you are interested in being pursued. Don’t let a timid guy be a deal breaker. Be willing to create the space to allow him to pursue. We’re all afraid of rejection—starting these conversations online can help. Pray for mentors in the lives of men to lift them up—those are future husbands.     How to Be Part of the Solution  Take responsibility as a woman and fight for the men in your life. Instead of complaining and lamenting—pray for him.    Keep up with Jamal on Instagram at @jamalmiller and his wife, Natasha, at @natashaannmiller.    Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!   Hey, single ladies— Has Christian Dating felt like a #STRUGGLEFEST?  Girl...I get it.  But it doesn't have to be. This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdatingtips to check it out! With you on the journey.

I’m so excited to launch this Podcast Series.  For several months now, I’ve been working behind-the-scenes with incredible, godly men all over the United States.  I slid into DMs to BEG…I mean ask legit men to be on my podcast.  All for you ladies…that’s how much I care about y’all!  Why did I do that?  Because, I’ve been compiling the top questions you send me about men and dating for over a year now.  Everything from:  where are all the single men to does he know if I have a crush on him…and everything in-between. I figured I could answer them.  But heck…why not go straight to the source, and ask the men!  So that’s what I did.  For the next month, I will be rolling out a series of interviews that I hosted with some of the most solid married and single godly men in the US.  So, get your notepads out ladies.  We’re having some #REALTALK. First up, mogul, entrepreneur, and pastor: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jamalmiller/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Jamal</a> Miller.  Jamal is husband to <a href="https://www.instagram.com/natashaannmiller/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Natasha</a>, father of two daughters, CEO of <a href="https://www.instagram.com/millermediagroup/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">@millermediagroup</a>, founder of <a href="https://www.instagram.com/marriedandyoung/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">@marriedandyoung</a>, and online campus pastor at <a href="https://www.instagram.com/allnationschi/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">All Nations Chicago</a>. Today, he’s answering some of your top questions about dating. We talk about how he’s an advocate for sliding into those DMs, can guys and girls really be friends, and the number one reason that guy is not asking you out. From DMs to Real Life <ul> <li>Jamal wanted a really special love story, but the way it happened for them was through Facebook. He saw her and slid into her DMs after he saw she loved God.</li> <li>After getting clear on his intentions and discussing the situation with his pastor, he messaged her asking to take it to the next step—a phone call.</li> <li>After this went well, they met in person and eventually met each other’s families and were engaged after six months.</li> </ul> Divorce the Person in Your Head <ul> <li>When you’re single, you have this image in your head of the person you’re ‘supposed to’ be with. When you’re in a relationship, you have to get rid of that image.</li> <li>We can get stuck in not feeling connection with those who feel familiar.</li> <li>“Your feelings don’t know your future.”</li> </ul> Friend Zone v Danger Zone <ul> <li>Men and women can be friends, but they can’t be best friends. Once you become best friends, that can become the danger zone. Get clear on the potential in the future of the relationship.</li> <li>“Friendship is a breeding ground for marriage.”</li> <li>Everyone fears rejection, so they feel things out before they communicate their intentions—but it’s important to get clear on intentions early on.</li> <li>“If you’re going to be a bad friend, you’re going to be a bad spouse.”</li> </ul> Give Him a Nudge <ul> <li>Guys can be insecure and not all of them are comfortable pursuing.</li> <li>Help each other—don’t be afraid to nudge a guy and let him know you are interested in being pursued.</li> <li>Don’t let a timid guy be a deal breaker. Be willing to create the space to allow him to pursue.</li> <li>We’re all afraid of rejection—starting these conversations online can help.</li> <li>Pray for mentors in the lives of men to lift them up—those are future husbands. </li> </ul> How to Be Part of the Solution <ul> <li>Take responsibility as a woman and fight for the men in your life.</li> <li>Instead of complaining and lamenting—pray for him.</li> </ul> Keep up with Jamal on Instagram at <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jamalmiller/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">@jamalmiller</a> and his wife, Natasha, at <a href="https://www.instagram.com/natashaannmiller/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">@natashaannmiller</a>.  Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love! Hey, single ladies— Has Christian Dating felt like a #STRUGGLEFEST?  Girl...I get it.  But it doesn't have to be. This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to <a href="https://therefinedwoman.lpages.co/5-tips-to-activate-your-dating/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Bit.ly/trwdatingtips </a>to check it out! With you on the journey.

The #1 Reason He's Not Asking You Out (it's not what you think) The Dudes Series #1 with Jamal Miller

This week on the podcast, I’m chatting with Mia Fieldes, who I first discovered through another  podcast. Whenever I become obsessed with someone’s story, I love to look them up, but Mia is a very private person. We start off talking about the pressure today to share everything while we’re in it. As my mentor says, we have to teach from our scars not our scabs. “You have to be okay with some things being hidden.” Mia is a Grammy-nominated songwriter who is from Australia and is living in Nashville with her husband. She has written songs for Hillsong, including No. 1 radio hits ‘He Knows My Name,’ ‘Chainbreaker,’ and ‘First.’ On this episode, we talk about pursuing God’s calling as well as staying connected to hope and keeping perspective in seasons of singleness.   Pursuing God’s Calling  “When I was really little, I really did think I was going to do something amazing.” She grew up as a triplet and remembers when her sisters would go to bed she would write letters to God saying, “One day I’m going to do something amazing for you. One day I’m going to write songs all over the world.” “Faith is incredibly hard and it’s incredibly easy.” Her mother was 22, single, and pregnant with triplets. She struggled with drug abuse, they lived in the projects, and they received food stamps from the Salvation Army. The Salvation Army noticed her mother had three little kids and so they brought them to Sunday school. There, Mia sang songs about Jesus and developed the foundation of her faith. “My mom was on the same journey as I was.”    Staying Connected to Hope in Singleness  “How do you believe God for something that is fully dependent on somebody else’s free will?” She spent a lot of time being single and didn’t even kiss a boy until she was 22. When she was beginning her first relationship, she realized that she was putting so much pressure on it because she had waited so long to enter her first relationship. “I felt a grace to be single.” You have to follow peace so that when you are in the storm your peace is your anchor. “Everyone told me marriage would be hard… and I thought ‘yeah but being single is hard.’” It’s all your perspective, but there is beauty in every season. “When you get to a certain age, people put limitations on you that God never does.” She notices that everyone seems to be fighting for a piece of the pie, but everyone gets their own whole pie. She got her own promise from God.    Keeping Perspective  We need to be optimistic. If we spend our energy complaining, we will get no closer to where we want to be. We will receive that negative energy back. “You create your world with your words.” Mia recalls the journey she went on with God guiding her toward a positive mindset and eventually her husband. “God plucked my husband seemingly out of nowhere.” “If you have to convince someone into something, then believe me someone will convince them out of it.” It’s easy to worry about the things you’ll have to compromise on, but when the right person comes along, you’ll realize there is no real compromise to be made. “It’s so important to go to God for yourself and get your own promise. Otherwise you will filter what God is doing with you through everyone else’s story.” “I don’t want the plagiarized version of somebody else’s story.” Mia says that her husband, Joren, has been healing for her. “God is writing a way bigger story than you can think about.”    Top Three Things To Look For In Your Person  Look for someone who is committed to change. A partner must also be able to handle conflict well. Communication!    Mia doesn’t have a website, but she does have an Instagram! You can give her a follow at @miafieldes. If you want to hear more details of her story,  listen to this episode of the C3 NYC podcast.   If you are enjoying the podcast, I want to invite you to leave a rating and review on iTunes! We love hearing what your favorite episodes are and always welcome any general feedback! It also helps us be more visible in the iTunes world. If you want to leave a review but don’t know how, head over to @therefinedcollective on Instagram and find the “Review 101” under story highlights.   Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdatingtips to check it out! With you on the journey.   XO, Kat

This week on the podcast, I’m chatting with <a href="https://www.instagram.com/miafieldes/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Mia Fieldes</a>, who I first discovered through another <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-beautiful-story/id1070613870?i=1000421124095" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> podcast</a>. Whenever I become obsessed with someone’s story, I love to look them up, but Mia is a very private person. We start off talking about the pressure today to share everything while we’re in it. As my mentor says, we have to teach from our scars not our scabs. “You have to be okay with some things being hidden.” Mia is a Grammy-nominated songwriter who is from Australia and is living in Nashville with her husband. She has written songs for Hillsong, including No. 1 radio hits ‘He Knows My Name,’ ‘Chainbreaker,’ and ‘First.’ On this episode, we talk about pursuing God’s calling as well as staying connected to hope and keeping perspective in seasons of singleness. Pursuing God’s Calling <ul> <li>“When I was really little, I really did think I was going to do something amazing.”</li> <li>She grew up as a triplet and remembers when her sisters would go to bed she would write letters to God saying, “One day I’m going to do something amazing for you. One day I’m going to write songs all over the world.”</li> <li>“Faith is incredibly hard and it’s incredibly easy.”</li> <li>Her mother was 22, single, and pregnant with triplets. She struggled with drug abuse, they lived in the projects, and they received food stamps from the Salvation Army.</li> <li>The Salvation Army noticed her mother had three little kids and so they brought them to Sunday school. There, Mia sang songs about Jesus and developed the foundation of her faith.</li> <li>“My mom was on the same journey as I was.”</li> </ul> Staying Connected to Hope in Singleness <ul> <li>“How do you believe God for something that is fully dependent on somebody else’s free will?”</li> <li>She spent a lot of time being single and didn’t even kiss a boy until she was 22.</li> <li>When she was beginning her first relationship, she realized that she was putting so much pressure on it because she had waited so long to enter her first relationship.</li> <li>“I felt a grace to be single.”</li> <li>You have to follow peace so that when you are in the storm your peace is your anchor.</li> <li>“Everyone told me marriage would be hard… and I thought ‘yeah but being single is hard.’”</li> <li>It’s all your perspective, but there is beauty in every season.</li> <li>“When you get to a certain age, people put limitations on you that God never does.”</li> <li>She notices that everyone seems to be fighting for a piece of the pie, but everyone gets their own whole pie. She got her own promise from God.</li> </ul> Keeping Perspective <ul> <li>We need to be optimistic. If we spend our energy complaining, we will get no closer to where we want to be. We will receive that negative energy back.</li> <li>“You create your world with your words.”</li> <li>Mia recalls the journey she went on with God guiding her toward a positive mindset and eventually her husband. “God plucked my husband seemingly out of nowhere.”</li> <li>“If you have to convince someone into something, then believe me someone will convince them out of it.”</li> <li>It’s easy to worry about the things you’ll have to compromise on, but when the right person comes along, you’ll realize there is no real compromise to be made.</li> <li>“It’s so important to go to God for yourself and get your own promise. Otherwise you will filter what God is doing with you through everyone else’s story.”</li> <li>“I don’t want the plagiarized version of somebody else’s story.”</li> <li>Mia says that her husband, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jorendunnavant/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Joren</a>, has been healing for her.</li> <li>“God is writing a way bigger story than you can think about.”</li> </ul> Top Three Things To Look For In Your Person <ul> <li>Look for someone who is committed to change.</li> <li>A partner must also be able to handle conflict well.</li> <li>Communication!</li> </ul> Mia doesn’t have a website, but she does have an Instagram! You can give her a follow at <a href="https://www.instagram.com/miafieldes/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">@miafieldes</a>. If you want to hear more details of her story, <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-beautiful-story/id1070613870?i=1000421124095" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> listen to this episode of the C3 NYC podcast</a>. If you are enjoying the podcast, I want to invite you to leave a rating and review on iTunes! We love hearing what your favorite episodes are and always welcome any general feedback! It also helps us be more visible in the iTunes world. If you want to leave a review but don’t know how, head over to <a href="https://www.instagram.com/therefinedcollective/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">@therefinedcollective</a> on Instagram and find the “Review 101” under story highlights. Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to <a href="https://therefinedwoman.lpages.co/6-tips-to-activate-your-dating-life-full/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Bit.ly/trwdatingtips </a>to check it out! With you on the journey. XO, Kat

Staying Connected To Hope With Mia  Fieldes

Jarod Nickerson

Next up in the Dude’s Podcast Series is: Jarod Nickerson. If you missed the last episode, be sure + check out my interview with Jamal Miller:  The #1 Reason He Isn’t Asking You Out (pssst…it’s not what you think).   Let’s jump in! Jarod was full of insight, and mic drop moments as we navigated through your top questions on men, singleness, and relationships:    Do guys know when a girl has a crush on them?   Every guy is different, but Jarod mentions that it is possible to be unaware when a girl has a crush.      Do guys develop attraction over time or does it have to be there from the get-go?   A lot of the time, attraction will be there from the start, but it’s possible for the attraction to develop as they get to know a girl. “If someone puts you in the friendzone, don’t try to get out of it—move on.”     Which do you value more: respect or love?   Love and respect go hand in hand—it’s pretty impossible to not respect someone you love.     How do I know if he likes me?   There are a lot of things to consider: Are they aware of themselves? Are they playing it cool because they’re worried about it going wrong?     Is it true that if he’s interested, he’ll pursue/do whatever it takes to make it happen?    A guy will pursue and do whatever it takes to make it happen until it’s clear she does not want to pursue anything.      Do you think guys + girls can be just friends?     Jarod believes it is possible but knows there can be confusion for some friendships. It all comes down to being transparent and honest.       How can I let him know I’m interested in more than just friends w/o being too aggressive/forward?   Confidence is sexy and honesty is important. Let it out, but don’t hang on it. “If someone can’t handle you being real and honest with them, then they’re probably not someone who is always going to be calling you up and out for the rest of your life.”     Would you date a woman that doesn’t share your worldview/faith?     Jarod says no, in short. He is Christian and would need someone who shares his worldview.     Are you intimidated by a woman w a successful career?   He wants the answer to be no, but the honest answer is “probably.” The time when it can feel most intimidating is at the start of a relationship, but he would definitely still ask her out.     10.What’s something that women do that feels emasculating?   Distrust and not supporting his future would be devastating. “Everything magical lies outside of your comfort zone.”     11.What’s something a woman can do to honor you/makes you feel like a man?   Belief—everyone loves to have someone believe in them. Luke Stafford— @itslukestafford (he’s single, ladies!) is a friend who calls him out and he is grateful for it.     12.What are you looking for in a relationship/partner?   “I’m looking for someone who is going to challenge me, push me, and believe in me. I don’t want just a cheerleader.”     13.Why do you think a lot of guys don’t want to date within their own community i.e. church?   He notes the challenges that arise when there is close proximity in this way. If it doesn’t work out—a guy doesn’t want that ‘Scarlett letter.’ Don’t let fear be motivating any of your decisions in relationships.     14.Where are all the single godly men—do you think there are more single than women, or does it just seem like that?   “Put your eyes on what has been set before and it will be one of those moments of synchronicity.” The question is rooted in fear. “Ask the Lord to quiet your mind and ask Him to speak.”    Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!   Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to  Bit.ly/trwdatingtipsto check it out! With you on the journey.

Next up in the Dude’s Podcast Series is: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jarod.nickerson/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Jarod Nickerson</a>. If you missed the last episode, be sure + check out my interview with Jamal Miller:  The #1 Reason He Isn’t Asking You Out (pssst…it’s not what you think). Let’s jump in! Jarod was full of insight, and mic drop moments as we navigated through your top questions on men, singleness, and relationships: <ol> <li>Do guys know when a girl has a crush on them?</li> </ol> <ul> <li>Every guy is different, but Jarod mentions that it is possible to be unaware when a girl has a crush. </li> </ul> <ol> <li>Do guys develop attraction over time or does it have to be there from the get-go?</li> </ol> <ul> <li>A lot of the time, attraction will be there from the start, but it’s possible for the attraction to develop as they get to know a girl.</li> <li>“If someone puts you in the friendzone, don’t try to get out of it—move on.”</li> </ul> <ol> <li>Which do you value more: respect or love?</li> </ol> <ul> <li>Love and respect go hand in hand—it’s pretty impossible to not respect someone you love.</li> </ul> <ol> <li>How do I know if he likes me?</li> </ol> <ul> <li>There are a lot of things to consider: Are they aware of themselves? Are they playing it cool because they’re worried about it going wrong?</li> </ul> <ol> <li>Is it true that if he’s interested, he’ll pursue/do whatever it takes to make it happen? </li> </ol> <ul> <li>A guy will pursue and do whatever it takes to make it happen until it’s clear she does not want to pursue anything. </li> </ul> <ol> <li>Do you think guys + girls can be just friends?  </li> </ol> <ul> <li>Jarod believes it is possible but knows there can be confusion for some friendships. It all comes down to being transparent and honest.</li> </ul> <ol> <li>How can I let him know I’m interested in more than just friends w/o being too aggressive/forward?</li> </ol> <ul> <li>Confidence is sexy and honesty is important. Let it out, but don’t hang on it.</li> <li>“If someone can’t handle you being real and honest with them, then they’re probably not someone who is always going to be calling you up and out for the rest of your life.”</li> </ul> <ol> <li>Would you date a woman that doesn’t share your worldview/faith?  </li> </ol> <ul> <li>Jarod says no, in short. He is Christian and would need someone who shares his worldview.</li> </ul> <ol> <li>Are you intimidated by a woman w a successful career?</li> </ol> <ul> <li>He wants the answer to be no, but the honest answer is “probably.”</li> <li>The time when it can feel most intimidating is at the start of a relationship, but he would definitely still ask her out.</li> </ul> <ol> <li>10.What’s something that women do that feels emasculating?</li> </ol> <ul> <li>Distrust and not supporting his future would be devastating.</li> <li>“Everything magical lies outside of your comfort zone.”</li> </ul> <ol> <li>11.What’s something a woman can do to honor you/makes you feel like a man?</li> </ol> <ul> <li>Belief—everyone loves to have someone believe in them.</li> <li>Luke Stafford— @itslukestafford (he’s single, ladies!) is a friend who calls him out and he is grateful for it.</li> </ul> <ol> <li>12.What are you looking for in a relationship/partner?</li> </ol> <ul> <li>“I’m looking for someone who is going to challenge me, push me, and believe in me. I don’t want just a cheerleader.”</li> </ul> <ol> <li>13.Why do you think a lot of guys don’t want to date within their own community i.e. church?</li> </ol> <ul> <li>He notes the challenges that arise when there is close proximity in this way. If it doesn’t work out—a guy doesn’t want that ‘Scarlett letter.’</li> <li>Don’t let fear be motivating any of your decisions in relationships.</li> </ul> <ol> <li>14.Where are all the single godly men—do you think there are more single than women, or does it just seem like that?</li> </ol> <ul> <li>“Put your eyes on what has been set before and it will be one of those moments of synchronicity.”</li> <li>The question is rooted in fear.</li> <li>“Ask the Lord to quiet your mind and ask Him to speak.”</li> </ul> Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love! Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to <a href="https://therefinedwoman.lpages.co/6-tips-to-activate-your-dating-life-full/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Bit.ly/trwdatingtips</a>to check it out! With you on the journey.

How To Let Him Know You’re Interested Without Feeling Like You’re Taking The Reigns.  The Dudes Series #2 with Jarod Nickerson

Hi, friends! Welcome back to The Refined Collective podcast—it is our final episode of the year! It’s a solo show so you bet there will be random singing and Beyoncé references! This week, I’m not asking the questions… YOU are. You guys sent in your questions over on Instagram and in this episode, I’m answering as many as I could fit into a single episode. You guys know how weird I feel about recording solo shows so please let me know your feedback and if you’d want to hear more of these types of episodes.    How do you deal with unhealthy overthinking and constantly taking things personally?   It’s important to let your community into your overthinking. When you find yourself taking something personally, think: “They have something coming up for them that has nothing to do with me.”     How do I give space and patience towards my boyfriend who is struggling letting go completely from his past relationship?   There’s an important conversation to be had here about recognizing emotional availability and standing in your worth.     I’d love practical language on entering a conversation with a friend of mine who is a Christian and is dating a someone who is not.   It’s important to check in with your own heart on what you afraid of happening in this situation.     How long have you been a Christian?   I went to a summer camp at 16 because all of the popular kids were going— but even from the very first night, this inexplicable thing ignited in my heart. This is not to say that there haven’t been hard moments—because there have.     Highs and lows for 2019/What is your vision for 2020 and TRW?!   My year started really painfully, but it gave me perspective to focus on spending the rest of the year enjoying time with the people I love. Biggest high of the year is very exciting: I signed with a publisher for my book!     Best and worst date of 2019?   Best: We went to a café, went hiking, and had a picnic. He kept surprising me! Worst: I liked a guy + thought we were on the same page until he went MIA.    If you are enjoying the podcast, I want to invite you to leave a rating and review on iTunes! We love hearing what your favorite episodes are and always welcome any general feedback! It also helps us be more visible in the iTunes world. If you want to leave a review but don’t know how, head over to @therefinedcollective on Instagram and find the “Review 101” under story highlights.

Hi, friends! Welcome back to The Refined Collective podcast—it is our final episode of the year! It’s a solo show so you bet there will be random singing and Beyoncé references! This week, I’m not asking the questions… YOU are. You guys sent in your questions over on Instagram and in this episode, I’m answering as many as I could fit into a single episode. You guys know how weird I feel about recording solo shows so please let me know your feedback and if you’d want to hear more of these types of episodes. <ol> <li>How do you deal with unhealthy overthinking and constantly taking things personally?</li> </ol> <ul> <li>It’s important to let your community into your overthinking.</li> <li>When you find yourself taking something personally, think: “They have something coming up for them that has nothing to do with me.”</li> </ul> <ol> <li>How do I give space and patience towards my boyfriend who is struggling letting go completely from his past relationship?</li> </ol> <ul> <li>There’s an important conversation to be had here about recognizing emotional availability and standing in your worth.</li> </ul> <ol> <li>I’d love practical language on entering a conversation with a friend of mine who is a Christian and is dating a someone who is not.</li> </ol> <ul> <li>It’s important to check in with your own heart on what you afraid of happening in this situation.</li> </ul> <ol> <li>How long have you been a Christian?</li> </ol> <ul> <li>I went to a summer camp at 16 because all of the popular kids were going— but even from the very first night, this inexplicable thing ignited in my heart.</li> <li>This is not to say that there haven’t been hard moments—because there have.</li> </ul> <ol> <li>Highs and lows for 2019/What is your vision for 2020 and TRW?!</li> </ol> <ul> <li>My year started really painfully, but it gave me perspective to focus on spending the rest of the year enjoying time with the people I love.</li> <li>Biggest high of the year is very exciting: I signed with a publisher for my book!</li> </ul> <ol> <li>Best and worst date of 2019?</li> </ol> <ul> <li>Best: We went to a café, went hiking, and had a picnic. He kept surprising me!</li> <li>Worst: I liked a guy + thought we were on the same page until he went MIA.</li> </ul> If you are enjoying the podcast, I want to invite you to leave a rating and review on iTunes! We love hearing what your favorite episodes are and always welcome any general feedback! It also helps us be more visible in the iTunes world. If you want to leave a review but don’t know how, head over to <a href="https://www.instagram.com/therefinedcollective/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">@therefinedcollective</a> on Instagram and find the “Review 101” under story highlights.

Don't Take it Personal: Kat's End of Year Tell-All

This week, the Dudes Series continues with Tim Timberlake! He is the pastor of Christian Faith Center in North Carolina. He has been married to wife Jen for five years and together they are the parents of a two-year-old named Maxwell Ace Timberlake. He calls himself a Christian first, a husband second, a father third, and then he’s a pastor. How do you grow together in marriage?  Tim shares his experience as a divorced man who went on to find the love of his life. “You can absolutely be married to God’s perfect choice, but if both people aren’t pursuing God, then that quickly changes.” Communication can help us to grow together, because change is inevitable. “Every want that I have is leading me towards my flesh.” We have to lean into the promise from God that we will be with the person we are meant to be with. “We don’t get let down by what happens to us, we get let down by what we expected not to happen to us.”   3 things to put on your list:  Do you guys make those lists of perfect qualities you’d like in your partner? “My list at 20 is completely different than my list at 30.” Make sure that your list focuses on common ground—things that can bring you closer as a couple. Make sure he pursues Jesus, and physical attraction is important too!  How can we practice sacrifice as single women?  Love is a choice and there is no other relationship that sets us up for the sacrifices and commitment through the tough times when we are in seasons of singleness. “The way that I treated my time with God was the exact same way I treated the people around me who needed my sacrifice.” He notes that whenever he finds himself being short with the people he loves, he can pinpoint it to not spending enough time with God. “I want this person to win more than I want to win in this relationship.”  Lightning round:  Can guys tell when a woman likes her? ABSOLUTELY! But misreads do happen. Does attraction have to be there from the start? Attraction will constantly evolve. Which do you value more—respect or love? Respect and honor go hand in hand. Honor is impossible without love. There has to be action behind it. How do I know if he likes me? If he makes sacrifices for you, he’s serious about you. There’s a distinction to be made between want (convenience) and like.  You can keep up with Tim at TimTimberlake.tv or on Instagram at @ttimberlake and Twitter @timtimberlake. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love! Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to  Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

This week, the Dudes Series continues with Tim Timberlake! He is the pastor of Christian Faith Center in North Carolina. He has been married to wife Jen for five years and together they are the parents of a two-year-old named Maxwell Ace Timberlake. He calls himself a Christian first, a husband second, a father third, and then he’s a pastor. How do you grow together in marriage? <ul> <li>Tim shares his experience as a divorced man who went on to find the love of his life.</li> <li>“You can absolutely be married to God’s perfect choice, but if both people aren’t pursuing God, then that quickly changes.”</li> <li>Communication can help us to grow together, because change is inevitable.</li> <li>“Every want that I have is leading me towards my flesh.”</li> <li>We have to lean into the promise from God that we will be with the person we are meant to be with.</li> <li>“We don’t get let down by what happens to us, we get let down by what we expected not to happen to us.” </li> </ul> 3 things to put on your list: <ul> <li>Do you guys make those lists of perfect qualities you’d like in your partner?</li> <li>“My list at 20 is completely different than my list at 30.”</li> <li>Make sure that your list focuses on common ground—things that can bring you closer as a couple. Make sure he pursues Jesus, and physical attraction is important too!</li> </ul> How can we practice sacrifice as single women? <ul> <li>Love is a choice and there is no other relationship that sets us up for the sacrifices and commitment through the tough times when we are in seasons of singleness.</li> <li>“The way that I treated my time with God was the exact same way I treated the people around me who needed my sacrifice.”</li> <li>He notes that whenever he finds himself being short with the people he loves, he can pinpoint it to not spending enough time with God.</li> <li>“I want this person to win more than I want to win in this relationship.”</li> </ul> Lightning round: <ul> <li>Can guys tell when a woman likes her? ABSOLUTELY! But misreads do happen.</li> <li>Does attraction have to be there from the start? Attraction will constantly evolve.</li> <li>Which do you value more—respect or love? Respect and honor go hand in hand. Honor is impossible without love. There has to be action behind it.</li> <li>How do I know if he likes me? If he makes sacrifices for you, he’s serious about you. There’s a distinction to be made between want (convenience) and like.</li> </ul> You can keep up with Tim at <a href="https://www.timtimberlake.tv/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TimTimberlake.tv</a> or on Instagram at <a href="https://www.instagram.com/ttimberlake/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">@ttimberlake</a> and Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/TimTimberlake" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">@timtimberlake</a>. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love! Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to <a href="https://therefinedwoman.lpages.co/5-tips-to-activate-your-dating/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Bit.ly/trwdating </a>to check it out! With you on the journey.

The #1 Way to Know If He's Into You // The Dudes Series #4

This is the FINAL episode of the Dudes Series, y’all! This is actually the first episode I recorded for the series and the one where I ask the top 15 questions you’re dying to ask the men in your life. This episode, I’m talking with Matt Dooley—you may recognize his last name because he is married to my good friend Jordan Lee Dooley, who just released her book Own Your Everyday. He is humble, unafraid of his wife’s strength, and a man of integrity. In this conversation, we tackle A LOT to get ready to take notes. Do guys know when a girl has a crush on them?  No—you’ve got to spell it out for them. “We don’t have the same emotional intelligence as women.”  Do guys develop attraction over time or does it have to be there from the get-go?  He knows this won’t be the case for everybody, but he knew the moment he met Jordan that she was the one. “You want the person to love you for who you are—don’t change yourself so a person will like you.”  Which do you value more—respect or love?  He mentions a book called Love &amp; Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. The book outlines that while men and women need both love and respect, women need love most and men need respect most.  How do I know if he likes me?  He will prioritize you if he likes you. “When you’re in a relationship with someone, you have to sacrifice for them.”  Is it true that if he is interested he will do whatever it takes to make it happen?  He’ll definitely pursue, but The Notebook isn’t real life. Don’t be afraid to take a leap and start a conversation about it if he is not being clear.  Do you think guys and girls can be just friends?  No—biologically we were not wired for that. “When the romance isn’t there, the friendship isn’t there.”  How can I let him know I am interested in being more than just friends?  The same way he will show you—give him your time. “To love at all is to be vulnerable.” – C.S. Lewis  Would you recommend dating someone who doesn’t share your worldview or faith?  Shared faith is the rock-solid foundation of a successful relationship. “When you have arguments and disagreements, you have this to fall back on.”  Are men intimidated by women with a successful career?  Men can be competitive by nature—but he should be focused on supporting his wife more than feeling insecure. “Is she going to give me the time and attention that I need?”  What is something women do that feels emasculating?  He likes to pay for dinner on a date. Basically, let a man be chivalrous and honor you. “If you don’t let a man put you first, he’s not going to put you first.”  How can a woman honor and respect the man in her life?  “Acknowledge his successes and encourage him.” This is more effective than yelling at him when he makes mistakes.  What do you think men are looking for in a relationship?  They need someone to push them and call them on their crap. “You want someone to call you out because you’re refining each other.”  Why do you think a lot of guys don’t date within their own community (like church)?  Fear of awkwardness at church every week if it doesn’t work out. Some of them may do this because they don’t want the accountability.  What do you think is a guy’s biggest fear in a relationship?  Infidelity, especially if that is something he has been hurt by in the past.  Where are all of the single Godly men?  “Not every guy is going to look like Brad Pitt, have a six pack and love Jesus.” Give a chance to the guy who is pursuing you.  Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love! Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to  Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey. XO,  Kat Harris

This is the FINAL episode of the Dudes Series, y’all! This is actually the first episode I recorded for the series and the one where I ask the top 15 questions you’re dying to ask the men in your life. This episode, I’m talking with <a href="https://www.instagram.com/mattjdooley/?hl=en" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Matt Dooley</a>—you may recognize his last name because he is married to my good friend <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jordanleedooley/?hl=en" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Jordan Lee Dooley</a>, who just released her book <a href="https://jordanleedooley.com/book" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Own Your Everyday</a>. He is humble, unafraid of his wife’s strength, and a man of integrity. In this conversation, we tackle A LOT to get ready to take notes. Do guys know when a girl has a crush on them? <ul> <li>No—you’ve got to spell it out for them.</li> <li>“We don’t have the same emotional intelligence as women.”</li> </ul> Do guys develop attraction over time or does it have to be there from the get-go? <ul> <li>He knows this won’t be the case for everybody, but he knew the moment he met Jordan that she was the one.</li> <li>“You want the person to love you for who you are—don’t change yourself so a person will like you.”</li> </ul> Which do you value more—respect or love? <ul> <li>He mentions a book called Love &amp; Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. The book outlines that while men and women need both love and respect, women need love most and men need respect most.</li> </ul> How do I know if he likes me? <ul> <li>He will prioritize you if he likes you.</li> <li>“When you’re in a relationship with someone, you have to sacrifice for them.”</li> </ul> Is it true that if he is interested he will do whatever it takes to make it happen? <ul> <li>He’ll definitely pursue, but The Notebook isn’t real life.</li> <li>Don’t be afraid to take a leap and start a conversation about it if he is not being clear.</li> </ul> Do you think guys and girls can be just friends? <ul> <li>No—biologically we were not wired for that.</li> <li>“When the romance isn’t there, the friendship isn’t there.”</li> </ul> How can I let him know I am interested in being more than just friends? <ul> <li>The same way he will show you—give him your time.</li> <li>“To love at all is to be vulnerable.” – C.S. Lewis</li> </ul> Would you recommend dating someone who doesn’t share your worldview or faith? <ul> <li>Shared faith is the rock-solid foundation of a successful relationship.</li> <li>“When you have arguments and disagreements, you have this to fall back on.”</li> </ul> Are men intimidated by women with a successful career? <ul> <li>Men can be competitive by nature—but he should be focused on supporting his wife more than feeling insecure.</li> <li>“Is she going to give me the time and attention that I need?”</li> </ul> What is something women do that feels emasculating? <ul> <li>He likes to pay for dinner on a date. Basically, let a man be chivalrous and honor you.</li> <li>“If you don’t let a man put you first, he’s not going to put you first.”</li> </ul> How can a woman honor and respect the man in her life? <ul> <li>“Acknowledge his successes and encourage him.”</li> <li>This is more effective than yelling at him when he makes mistakes.</li> </ul> What do you think men are looking for in a relationship? <ul> <li>They need someone to push them and call them on their crap.</li> <li>“You want someone to call you out because you’re refining each other.”</li> </ul> Why do you think a lot of guys don’t date within their own community (like church)? <ul> <li>Fear of awkwardness at church every week if it doesn’t work out.</li> <li>Some of them may do this because they don’t want the accountability.</li> </ul> What do you think is a guy’s biggest fear in a relationship? <ul> <li>Infidelity, especially if that is something he has been hurt by in the past.</li> </ul> Where are all of the single Godly men? <ul> <li>“Not every guy is going to look like Brad Pitt, have a six pack and love Jesus.”</li> <li>Give a chance to the guy who is pursuing you.</li> </ul> Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love! Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to <a href="https://therefinedwoman.lpages.co/5-tips-to-activate-your-dating/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Bit.ly/trwdating </a>to check it out! With you on the journey. XO,  Kat Harris

The Top 15 Questions You're Dying to Ask the Men in Your Life // The Dudes Series #6

Ben Stuart

Welcome to another episode in the Dudes Series! (If you missed the first two episodes, you can listen to them  here and  here!) This episode, I’m continuing the conversation with Ben Stuart, the pastor of Passion City Church DC. Before that, he ran a college ministry and a singles ministry. Basically, he has worked with a lot of young single Christians. DC is one of the loneliest cities in America and people are longing for connection, so he has found a lot of people come to his church looking for that connection. This episode, we do a deep dive into some of your biggest questions about dating. Where are all of the single Godly men?  There are two levels to this question: physically where are they… and why are they not pursing me? He notes the social implications of technology has changed the dating scene. People are losing the personal connection and ability to socialize in person. Only 12% of single women were asked out in the last year. “I know great men that are running in the world, and if you get running in a healthy direction, you’re going to see them out there.” There can be a blame shift that happens when we lament that there are no guys out there. “Empathize with your brothers that they are struggling too.” Around 10% of women ask men out every year—they want to be pursued!  How can you have a healthy dynamic in a male/female friendship?  Friendship is possible, but it’s important to ask yourself and the other person what friendship really means. “If you say, ‘I want to be friends,’ but any other person’s presence makes you feel threatened… you don’t want to be friends. You want possession.” Long term, is it worth spending all of your energy on male friendships? When you get married, would you husband be comfortable with them around? Are we too busy getting all of our micro-needs met by several guy friends to have our needs met by one romantic partner? “Decoupling commitment and sex damaged both. We lost both.”  Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love! Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to  Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey. XO, Kat

Welcome to another episode in the Dudes Series! (If you missed the first two episodes, you can listen to them <a href="https://www.therefinedwoman.com/050-the-1-reason-hes-not-asking-you-out-its-not-what-you-think-the-dudes-series-1-with-jamal-miller/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> here</a> and <a href="https://www.therefinedwoman.com/051-how-to-let-him-know-youre-interested-without-feeling-like-youre-taking-the-reigns-the-dudes-series-2-with-jarod-nickerson/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> here</a>!) This episode, I’m continuing the conversation with <a href="https://www.instagram.com/ben_stuart_/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Ben Stuart</a>, the pastor of <a href="https://passioncitychurch.com/dc/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Passion City Church DC</a>. Before that, he ran a college ministry and a singles ministry. Basically, he has worked with a lot of young single Christians. DC is one of the loneliest cities in America and people are longing for connection, so he has found a lot of people come to his church looking for that connection. This episode, we do a deep dive into some of your biggest questions about dating. Where are all of the single Godly men? <ul> <li>There are two levels to this question: physically where are they… and why are they not pursing me?</li> <li>He notes the social implications of technology has changed the dating scene. People are losing the personal connection and ability to socialize in person.</li> <li>Only 12% of single women were asked out in the last year.</li> <li>“I know great men that are running in the world, and if you get running in a healthy direction, you’re going to see them out there.”</li> <li>There can be a blame shift that happens when we lament that there are no guys out there.</li> <li>“Empathize with your brothers that they are struggling too.”</li> <li>Around 10% of women ask men out every year—they want to be pursued!</li> </ul> How can you have a healthy dynamic in a male/female friendship? <ul> <li>Friendship is possible, but it’s important to ask yourself and the other person what friendship really means.</li> <li>“If you say, ‘I want to be friends,’ but any other person’s presence makes you feel threatened… you don’t want to be friends. You want possession.”</li> <li>Long term, is it worth spending all of your energy on male friendships? When you get married, would you husband be comfortable with them around?</li> <li>Are we too busy getting all of our micro-needs met by several guy friends to have our needs met by one romantic partner?</li> <li>“Decoupling commitment and sex damaged both. We lost both.”</li> </ul> Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love! Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to <a href="https://therefinedwoman.lpages.co/5-tips-to-activate-your-dating/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Bit.ly/trwdating </a>to check it out! With you on the journey. XO, Kat

Can Men + Women Be Just Friends? The Dudes Series #3 with Ben Stuart

This week’s conversation with my friend Dr. Shannon Irvine means so much to me because we’re talking about the idea of taking our thoughts captive and rewiring our brains. Fear can be subtle, so we often accept certain things in life that keep us stuck. Do you ever think “I’m just always going to be the bridesmaid,” “There are too many people with a similar message in my industry—why would I even try?” It’s time to remove fear from the driver’s seat of your life. Dr. Shannon helps entrepreneurs train their thinking to transform their businesses and their whole lives. She has a PhD in neuropsychology, where she studies the science of success.  The Science of the Brain  Minds are neutral—that is why scripture says to renew your mind. Our brain is automated, but once we take our brain off of autopilot we can decide if the narratives we have been following are actually serving us well. Habits of a successful person: “What they’ve repeated over and over again is the truth according to the better versions of themselves.” Thoughts move like they’re on the freeway + have to jump if they’re to get off the path. When we repeat thoughts, the ‘freeways’ become glued together/automated. Most people think good habits take 21 days, but it really takes about 60-67 days to stop the old thoughts and choose to make your mind go to the new thoughts.  How To Manage Your Thoughts  Sit down and say “God, what do you want? Where are we going?” Think “I will become the creator of my thoughts.” Recognize that your thoughts create your reality. Look around at your life—that is evidence of your subconscious programming. Bottom line: stop being on autopilot.  Trust The Process  Go through a typical day and recognize when you’re feeling tired, stressed, in resistance, in tension. “Does that thought take me to where I want to be or keep me from it?” If you want to amplify it: put yourself in situations that stress you out with the intention of hearing the thoughts. All of us, particularly women, have negativity bias where we think more negative thoughts toward ourselves than toward others.  The Four ‘R’ Process  Recognition   Focusing on the thoughts will not amplify them, it will help us address them.   Record   Write down the thought exactly as it came up in your mind.   Removing/Refuting   Choose somebody you love more than anything, and say out loud your thought but place it on that person (not to their face though!!). This will make you see the lie for what it is. On paper, start writing what is true for that person. It is a mirror truth… true for you also.  Visualization/Brain Priming  Two base lies: worth and value. It boils down to “I am enough.” Brain priming: paint the picture in your mind of your potential with all of your senses. Your brain will start seeing it as true. “Step into the version of ourselves that we want to become.” We start to show our brain from a conscious level “This is what I believe” and the brain starts to store it as truth and automate it. “You get to decide what to think.”  What If The Thing Isn’t Supposed To Happen?  “God gives you the desires of your heart.” “Don’t put limits on what God wants to do for you.” “You don’t know the capacity to which He has called you until you start believing for more than where you are right now.”  Now I KNOW you all want to keep up with Dr. Shannon. Her signature program is “The Epic Success Academy,” but if you want to just get your toes wet, grab your brain priming audio here: https://drshannonirvine.com/mindyourbusiness. You can also connect with her on Instagram at @drshannonirvine, Facebook at “Dr. Shannon Irvine,” and her Facebook Group “Epic Success Tribe.” Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! Be sure to hear over to our Instagram @therefinedcollective to share your thoughts about this episode on our post! Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to  Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

This week’s conversation with my friend <a href="https://drshannonirvine.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Dr. Shannon Irvine</a> means so much to me because we’re talking about the idea of taking our thoughts captive and rewiring our brains. Fear can be subtle, so we often accept certain things in life that keep us stuck. Do you ever think “I’m just always going to be the bridesmaid,” “There are too many people with a similar message in my industry—why would I even try?” It’s time to remove fear from the driver’s seat of your life. Dr. Shannon helps entrepreneurs train their thinking to transform their businesses and their whole lives. She has a PhD in neuropsychology, where she studies the science of success.  The Science of the Brain <ul> <li>Minds are neutral—that is why scripture says to renew your mind.</li> <li>Our brain is automated, but once we take our brain off of autopilot we can decide if the narratives we have been following are actually serving us well.</li> <li>Habits of a successful person: “What they’ve repeated over and over again is the truth according to the better versions of themselves.”</li> <li>Thoughts move like they’re on the freeway + have to jump if they’re to get off the path.</li> <li>When we repeat thoughts, the ‘freeways’ become glued together/automated.</li> <li>Most people think good habits take 21 days, but it really takes about 60-67 days to stop the old thoughts and choose to make your mind go to the new thoughts.</li> </ul> How To Manage Your Thoughts <ul> <li>Sit down and say “God, what do you want? Where are we going?”</li> <li>Think “I will become the creator of my thoughts.”</li> <li>Recognize that your thoughts create your reality.</li> <li>Look around at your life—that is evidence of your subconscious programming.</li> <li>Bottom line: stop being on autopilot.</li> </ul> Trust The Process <ul> <li>Go through a typical day and recognize when you’re feeling tired, stressed, in resistance, in tension.</li> <li>“Does that thought take me to where I want to be or keep me from it?”</li> <li>If you want to amplify it: put yourself in situations that stress you out with the intention of hearing the thoughts.</li> <li>All of us, particularly women, have negativity bias where we think more negative thoughts toward ourselves than toward others.</li> </ul> The Four ‘R’ Process <ol> <li>Recognition</li> </ol> <ul> <li>Focusing on the thoughts will not amplify them, it will help us address them.</li> </ul> <ol> <li>Record</li> </ol> <ul> <li>Write down the thought exactly as it came up in your mind.</li> </ul> <ol> <li>Removing/Refuting</li> </ol> <ul> <li>Choose somebody you love more than anything, and say out loud your thought but place it on that person (not to their face though!!). This will make you see the lie for what it is.</li> <li>On paper, start writing what is true for that person. It is a mirror truth… true for you also.</li> </ul> Visualization/Brain Priming <ul> <li>Two base lies: worth and value. It boils down to “I am enough.”</li> <li>Brain priming: paint the picture in your mind of your potential with all of your senses. Your brain will start seeing it as true.</li> <li>“Step into the version of ourselves that we want to become.”</li> <li>We start to show our brain from a conscious level “This is what I believe” and the brain starts to store it as truth and automate it.</li> <li>“You get to decide what to think.”</li> </ul> What If The Thing Isn’t Supposed To Happen? <ul> <li>“God gives you the desires of your heart.”</li> <li>“Don’t put limits on what God wants to do for you.”</li> <li>“You don’t know the capacity to which He has called you until you start believing for more than where you are right now.”</li> </ul> Now I KNOW you all want to keep up with <a href="https://drshannonirvine.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Dr. Shannon</a>. Her signature program is “<a href="https://drshannonirvine.com/esa/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Epic Success Academy</a>,” but if you want to just get your toes wet, grab your brain priming audio here: <a href="https://drshannonirvine.com/mindyourbusiness" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://drshannonirvine.com/mindyourbusiness</a>. You can also connect with her on Instagram at <a href="https://www.instagram.com/drshannonirvine/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">@drshannonirvine</a>, Facebook at “<a href="https://www.facebook.com/drshannonirvine/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Dr. Shannon Irvine</a>,” and her Facebook Group “<a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/epicsuccesstribe/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Epic Success Tribe</a>.” Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! Be sure to hear over to our Instagram @therefinedcollective to share your thoughts about this episode on our post! Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to <a href="https://therefinedwoman.lpages.co/5-tips-to-activate-your-dating/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Bit.ly/trwdating </a>to check it out! With you on the journey.

How To Identify The Subtle Fears That Are Keeping You Stuck

Enneagram is having such a moment. Chances are you either think “that person is such a [insert number here]” any time you meet someone new ,or you think “what the heck is this enneagram I keep hearing about all the time?” Well, today we have an EXPERT on the podcast: Beth McCord, the founder of Your Enneagram Coach. She helps explain the different types and how you can learn to grow and understand both yourself and others through this tool.   What is the Enneagram?  The enneagram suggests that there are nine different personality types. There are four core motivations for each type: fear, desire, weakness, and longing. The key is to learn the ‘why’ behind all of your decisions and use it as a tool for growth. “Real transformation means we have to take the time to look inward.”    The 9 Types  1: Moral Perfectionist 2: Supportive Advisor 3: Achiever 4: Romantic Individualist 5: Investigative Thinker 6: Loyal Guardians 7: Entertaining Optimist 8: Protective Challengers 9: Peaceful Mediators    Enneagram + Dating  It doesn’t matter what number dates what number, the key to success is both being healthy in your own numbers. The biggest piece of advice: Look for someone who is willing to grow. “We don’t want to use the enneagram as a sword or a shield.”    Resources  Go to yourenneagramcoach.com to find out what type you are. Take Beth’s course “Discovering You” here for 50% off after you use her type-finder test. Go to yourenneagramcoach.com/coremotivations to learn your core motivations. Check out Beth’s 9 journals for each type here. Read the book Beth wrote with her husband:  Becoming Us. Read  The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron. Keep up with Beth on Instagram at @yourenneagramcoach.    Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407

Enneagram is having such a moment. Chances are you either think “that person is such a [insert number here]” any time you meet someone new ,or you think “what the heck is this enneagram I keep hearing about all the time?” Well, today we have an EXPERT on the podcast: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/yourenneagramcoach/?hl=en" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Beth McCord</a>, the founder of <a href="https://www.yourenneagramcoach.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Your Enneagram Coach</a>. She helps explain the different types and how you can learn to grow and understand both yourself and others through this tool. What is the Enneagram? <ul> <li>The enneagram suggests that there are nine different personality types.</li> <li>There are four core motivations for each type: fear, desire, weakness, and longing.</li> <li>The key is to learn the ‘why’ behind all of your decisions and use it as a tool for growth.</li> <li>“Real transformation means we have to take the time to look inward.”</li> </ul> The 9 Types <ul> <li>1: Moral Perfectionist</li> <li>2: Supportive Advisor</li> <li>3: Achiever</li> <li>4: Romantic Individualist</li> <li>5: Investigative Thinker</li> <li>6: Loyal Guardians</li> <li>7: Entertaining Optimist</li> <li>8: Protective Challengers</li> <li>9: Peaceful Mediators</li> </ul> Enneagram + Dating <ul> <li>It doesn’t matter what number dates what number, the key to success is both being healthy in your own numbers.</li> <li>The biggest piece of advice: Look for someone who is willing to grow.</li> <li>“We don’t want to use the enneagram as a sword or a shield.”</li> </ul> Resources <ul> <li>Go to <a href="https://www.yourenneagramcoach.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">yourenneagramcoach.com</a> to find out what type you are.</li> <li>Take Beth’s course “Discovering You” <a href="https://www.yourenneagramcoach.com/discovering-you" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a> for 50% off after you use her type-finder test.</li> <li>Go to <a href="https://www.yourenneagramcoach.com/coremotivations" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">yourenneagramcoach.com/coremotivations</a> to learn your core motivations.</li> <li>Check out Beth’s 9 journals for each type <a href="https://www.yourenneagramcoach.com/journals" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>.</li> <li>Read the book Beth wrote with her husband: <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Us-Enneagram-Thriving-Gospel-Centered/dp/1642794163" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Becoming Us</a>.</li> <li>Read <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Road-Back-You-Enneagram-Self-Discovery/dp/0830846190" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> The Road Back to You</a> by Ian Morgan Cron.</li> <li>Keep up with Beth on Instagram at <a href="https://www.instagram.com/yourenneagramcoach/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">@yourenneagramcoach</a>.</li> </ul> Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to <a href="https://www.patreon.com/therefinedcollective" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Patreon.com/therefinedcollective</a> to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407</a>

Confused by Enneagram? We're Breakin' It Down for You

Welcome back to The Refined Collective podcast! Did you notice our new intro music? We’re so excited about it. On this first solo show of the new year, I’m chatting about all of the lessons I learned in 2019 (because it taught me some big lessons), my vision for 2020, and of course before I do all of that I share all of my favorite pop culture tidbits with you!   Lessons Learned  Comparison sucks.   My Challenge to You: What if you used someone else’s breakthrough as evidence of what’s possible as opposed to getting stuck in comparison, jealousy, and a victim mentality? How would doing that impact your life?   Celebrate your wins.   Life is busy. Often before we finish the one thing, we’re already chasing the next. I don’t know about you, but this feels exhausting. What if before rushing off to the next goal, we allowed ourselves to pause, acknowledge, and celebrate the wins—no matter how big or small.   I can only change me.   Much to my dismay as much as I try to change others, the only person I can truly change and take responsibility for is myself. Instead of spending so much time focusing on other people’s drama, what if you used that time to look inward, and noticed areas in your own life that needed some extra love?   God lives in the space between.   Life is a “both and,” not an “either or.”      2020 Vision  (Get it? 2020 vision? 20/20 vision?) What if you had the courage to receive and believe that you deserved to be here? What if you were the girl for the job? What if you no longer let insecurity dictate your reality?  I spent too long believing I didn’t belong on the tennis court or I didn’t belong as a writer. But guess what? I’m writing a freaking book. And then I’m going to write ANOTHER one. My new mantra: “Why not me?” Thank you Mindy Kaling for that. What if you spent more time thinking about how things could go well for you instead of always planning for and expecting the worst case scenario to unfold? How would your day-to-day life change?    Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407   Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to  Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out!

Welcome back to The Refined Collective podcast! Did you notice our new intro music? We’re so excited about it. On this first solo show of the new year, I’m chatting about all of the lessons I learned in 2019 (because it taught me some big lessons), my vision for 2020, and of course before I do all of that I share all of my favorite pop culture tidbits with you! Lessons Learned <ul> <li>Comparison sucks.</li> <li> <ul> <li>My Challenge to You: What if you used someone else’s breakthrough as evidence of what’s possible as opposed to getting stuck in comparison, jealousy, and a victim mentality? How would doing that impact your life?</li> </ul> </li> <li>Celebrate your wins.</li> <li> <ul> <li>Life is busy. Often before we finish the one thing, we’re already chasing the next. I don’t know about you, but this feels exhausting. What if before rushing off to the next goal, we allowed ourselves to pause, acknowledge, and celebrate the wins—no matter how big or small.</li> </ul> </li> <li>I can only change me.</li> <li> <ul> <li>Much to my dismay as much as I try to change others, the only person I can truly change and take responsibility for is myself. Instead of spending so much time focusing on other people’s drama, what if you used that time to look inward, and noticed areas in your own life that needed some extra love?</li> </ul> </li> <li>God lives in the space between.</li> <li> <ul> <li>Life is a “both and,” not an “either or.”</li> </ul> </li> </ul> 2020 Vision <ul> <li>(Get it? 2020 vision? 20/20 vision?)</li> <li>What if you had the courage to receive and believe that you deserved to be here?</li> <li>What if you were the girl for the job?</li> <li>What if you no longer let insecurity dictate your reality? </li> <li>I spent too long believing I didn’t belong on the tennis court or I didn’t belong as a writer. But guess what? I’m writing a freaking book. And then I’m going to write ANOTHER one.</li> <li>My new mantra: “Why not me?” Thank you Mindy Kaling for that.</li> <li>What if you spent more time thinking about how things could go well for you instead of always planning for and expecting the worst case scenario to unfold? How would your day-to-day life change?</li> </ul> Did you know we have a Patreon page? Patreon is a platform that lets listeners financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to <a href="https://www.patreon.com/therefinedcollective" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Patreon.com/therefinedcollective</a> to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)! Another way you can support the podcast is by sharing with friends! Just copy this link and then paste into the group chat with your besties: <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-refined-collective-podcast/id1348034641#episodeGuid=30c48f6a66bb4bfca88b0f6522037407</a> Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to <a href="https://therefinedwoman.lpages.co/5-tips-to-activate-your-dating/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Bit.ly/trwdating </a>to check it out!

Comparison Sucks + Other Thoughts About 2019

Today we are recording in Rockefeller Center a long way from my Brooklyn closet. I have my dear friend Carrie Gracey Lloyd on the podcast today! She has a podcast called “The Carrie On…” that you can check it out here. In this episode, we chat about grief, how to walk through it, how it can challenge your faith, and the importance of creating space for your grief.    On Grief “I love redemption stories, but if we don’t look at the grief, we don’t know where the lord is going to show up.”  ·      I have been walking through a lot of grief this year and Carrie’s podcast episodes on grief have helped me feel so seen and understood. ·      Carrie shares her experience with grief from losing family and friends from a young age. ·      We chat about the unhealthy ways we often cope with grief because it often feels our culture doesn’t allow us to grieve.   Creating Space for Grief ·      She outlines her process of following a “grieving plan,” where she actually takes time out of her day to process, reflect, and work through her pain and grief. ·      “I’ve sometimes felt God weep with me.” ·      Just as children allow themselves to cry and feel, we need to allow ourselves to grieve. ·      Carrie describes the relief and release she felt after grieving.    Grief and Faith ·      People tend to question their faith when they are grieving. ·      “I think it’s alright to ask those questions as long as we don’t stay there for too long because that therefore meant that our belief in God was based on circumstances.”   The Other Side of Grief ·      We have to give ourselves permission to move forward. ·      “The heart holds onto grief until you actually process it.” ·      The process of healthy grieving will become quicker the more you go through it.   Keep up with Carrie: at her website, her podcast, her book, her other book, and on Instagram.   Single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out!             XO, Kat

Today we are recording in Rockefeller Center a long way from my Brooklyn closet. I have my dear friend <a href="https://carrielloyd.live/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Carrie Gracey Lloyd</a> on the podcast today! She has a podcast called “The Carrie On…” that you can check it out <a href="https://carrielloyd.live/podcast" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. In this episode, we chat about grief, how to walk through it, how it can challenge your faith, and the importance of creating space for your grief.  On Grief “I love redemption stories, but if we don’t look at the grief, we don’t know where the lord is going to show up.”  ·      I have been walking through a lot of grief this year and Carrie’s podcast episodes on grief have helped me feel so seen and understood. ·      Carrie shares her experience with grief from losing family and friends from a young age. ·      We chat about the unhealthy ways we often cope with grief because it often feels our culture doesn’t allow us to grieve. Creating Space for Grief ·      She outlines her process of following a “grieving plan,” where she actually takes time out of her day to process, reflect, and work through her pain and grief. ·      “I’ve sometimes felt God weep with me.” ·      Just as children allow themselves to cry and feel, we need to allow ourselves to grieve. ·      Carrie describes the relief and release she felt after grieving.  Grief and Faith ·      People tend to question their faith when they are grieving. ·      “I think it’s alright to ask those questions as long as we don’t stay there for too long because that therefore meant that our belief in God was based on circumstances.” The Other Side of Grief ·      We have to give ourselves permission to move forward. ·      “The heart holds onto grief until you actually process it.” ·      The process of healthy grieving will become quicker the more you go through it. Keep up with Carrie: at her <a href="https://carrielloyd.live/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">website</a>, her <a href="https://carrielloyd.live/podcast" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">podcast</a>, her <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Virgin-Monologues-Confessions-Christian-Twenty-First-Century/dp/1860249299/ref=sr_1_1?crid=TEY79EI2U9Y5&amp;keywords=the+virgin+monologues&amp;qid=1551072384&amp;s=gateway&amp;sprefix=the+virgin+mon%2Caps%2C298&amp;sr=8-1#customerReviews" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">book</a>, her <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Prude-Misconceptions-Neo-Virgin-Carrie-Lloyd/dp/0990423980/ref=sr_1_2?crid=TEY79EI2U9Y5&amp;keywords=the+virgin+monologues&amp;qid=1551072531&amp;s=gateway&amp;sprefix=the+virgin+mon%2Caps%2C298&amp;sr=8-2" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">other book</a>, and on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/carriegracey/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Instagram</a>. Single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to <a href="https://therefinedwoman.lpages.co/5-tips-to-activate-your-dating/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Bit.ly/trwdating </a>to check it out!    XO, Kat

Creating Space for Grief

Today, I have my sweet friend Sarah Adler on the podcast. She is a nutrition coach, healthy lifestyle expert, food blogger, and owner of Simply Real Health. I’ve been getting so many questions on Instagram about meal prep, cooking for one, and best things to have in your pantry. I know everyone is always stressing about how little time you have to cook or how expensive it is to prepare meals. I am totally not an expert on that stuff, so Sarah is here to share her knowledge! I learned so much from her and I can’t wait for you guys to hear her wisdom.   Life Lessons Meet Food ·       “If you are intentional about it, it doesn’t have to be something that is stressful. Sometimes you just need a system. A little bit of structure can go a long way.” ·      What is Real food? Real food is food from the earth that has existed since the beginning of time. (Not Cheetos.) ·      You want to target the simplest version of food. Food with one ingredient or ingredients that a five-year-old can recognize. ·      “If you’re feeding and nourishing yourself well, that sets the foundation for being able to have a very productive and intentional life.”   Personal Food Journey ·      Sarah always remembered loving going to the grocery store and being healthy. ·      “It became this thing I was so obsessed with. I would read fitness magazines for fun.” ·      Looking back, she recognizes that her obsession was what is now called “Orthorexia.” ·      She almost backed out of a trip to Italy because of fear of not having food options. She did go, and she remembers having an epiphany when she saw two women eating out. ·      “The food was just the thing that brought them together. They were so much more about connecting and being together.” ·      “Maybe there’s another way that’s not as obsessive. There’s another way to live that has more joy and celebration to it.” ·      From there, she learned to isolate the difference between diet food (marketed for fad diets and losing weight) and real food (natural and actually healthful).   Assessing Your Food ·      The number one question to ask in regard to food: Is it real or not real? ·      “If it’s real, your body can digest it.” Our bodies are not meant to digest food you can’t pronounce or recognize. ·      “Are you being kind to your body?” ·      The next important thing is your mindset: Focus on serving your body, not punishing it. ·      There is a direct connection between what you eat and how you feel.   Evaluating the “Sexy” Diet Trends  ·      Keto, paleo, anything that cuts out an entire category of food is a red flag. ·      However, some people need more meat, some people can’t do dairy, etc. ·      “Everybody does better with real food, but everybody has different intricacies within that.” ·      Start with real food, then upgrade it to simplify and honor your body and what it needs. Find what works for you! ·      Pay attention to your body—quick fixes do not work. ·      Find what food you thrive with. It’s not one size fits all—that’s the problem with diets. ·      Trendy diets bring about mental and emotional confusion.   On Gluten, Organic Food, and Seasonal Produce ·      It’s not that gluten is bad, it’s that it is overproduced and overconsumed. It comes down to quality and sourcing. The same goes for dairy. ·      Tune into your body—how do I feel after eating something? ·      If your body is okay with gluten, make sure you are getting the best quality of it. ·      Organic is expensive—but always invest in organic products that come from animals.  ·      “If you’re ingesting antibiotics, even secondhand, that affects our own hormones too.” ·      Focus on seasonal produce—it’s usually the cheapest stuff on sale. Here are some graphics that will help you learn what is seasonal on Pinterest. ·      Learn basic techniques, like making a soup, and then everything else is interchangeable.   Cooking for One  1. Get a functional set of pantry staples (quinoa, cans of tomatoes, beans, bag of frozen veggies, grass-fed butter, organic chicken sausage, brown rice pasta) 2. Buy versatile ingredients that can be used at least five different ways (kale, bell peppers, potatoes, sweet potatoes) and pair them with a pantry staple. They keep a long time and can be put in smoothies, soups, salads, etc. 3. Make recipes that can be built upon when you have it for leftovers the next day. 4. “You can do a lot with not very much hassle, stress, chopping, or ingredients.” 5. For busy people (who like one pot meals): insta-pots are a game changer! It does require planning ahead, though.   Head over to Simplyrealhealth.com to see her resources and courses! Sarah has a new book coming out on November 19th called Simply Real Eating. It’s her second cookbook (the first was Simply Real Health).    “Your body deserves a little bit of love and attention.”   Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

Today, I have my sweet friend <a href="https://www.instagram.com/simplyrealhealth/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Sarah Adler</a> on the podcast. She is a nutrition coach, healthy lifestyle expert, food blogger, and owner of Simply Real Health. I’ve been getting so many questions on Instagram about meal prep, cooking for one, and best things to have in your pantry. I know everyone is always stressing about how little time you have to cook or how expensive it is to prepare meals. I am totally not an expert on that stuff, so Sarah is here to share her knowledge! I learned so much from her and I can’t wait for you guys to hear her wisdom. Life Lessons Meet Food ·       “If you are intentional about it, it doesn’t have to be something that is stressful. Sometimes you just need a system. A little bit of structure can go a long way.” ·      What is Real food? Real food is food from the earth that has existed since the beginning of time. (Not Cheetos.) ·      You want to target the simplest version of food. Food with one ingredient or ingredients that a five-year-old can recognize. ·      “If you’re feeding and nourishing yourself well, that sets the foundation for being able to have a very productive and intentional life.” Personal Food Journey ·      Sarah always remembered loving going to the grocery store and being healthy. ·      “It became this thing I was so obsessed with. I would read fitness magazines for fun.” ·      Looking back, she recognizes that her obsession was what is now called “Orthorexia.” ·      She almost backed out of a trip to Italy because of fear of not having food options. She did go, and she remembers having an epiphany when she saw two women eating out. ·      “The food was just the thing that brought them together. They were so much more about connecting and being together.” ·      “Maybe there’s another way that’s not as obsessive. There’s another way to live that has more joy and celebration to it.” ·      From there, she learned to isolate the difference between diet food (marketed for fad diets and losing weight) and real food (natural and actually healthful). Assessing Your Food ·      The number one question to ask in regard to food: Is it real or not real? ·      “If it’s real, your body can digest it.” Our bodies are not meant to digest food you can’t pronounce or recognize. ·      “Are you being kind to your body?” ·      The next important thing is your mindset: Focus on serving your body, not punishing it. ·      There is a direct connection between what you eat and how you feel. Evaluating the “Sexy” Diet Trends  ·      Keto, paleo, anything that cuts out an entire category of food is a red flag. ·      However, some people need more meat, some people can’t do dairy, etc. ·      “Everybody does better with real food, but everybody has different intricacies within that.” ·      Start with real food, then upgrade it to simplify and honor your body and what it needs. Find what works for you! ·      Pay attention to your body—quick fixes do not work. ·      Find what food you thrive with. It’s not one size fits all—that’s the problem with diets. ·      Trendy diets bring about mental and emotional confusion. On Gluten, Organic Food, and Seasonal Produce ·      It’s not that gluten is bad, it’s that it is overproduced and overconsumed. It comes down to quality and sourcing. The same goes for dairy. ·      Tune into your body—how do I feel after eating something? ·      If your body is okay with gluten, make sure you are getting the best quality of it. ·      Organic is expensive—but always invest in organic products that come from animals.  ·      “If you’re ingesting antibiotics, even secondhand, that affects our own hormones too.” ·      Focus on seasonal produce—it’s usually the cheapest stuff on sale. Here are some graphics that will help you learn what is seasonal on Pinterest. ·      Learn basic techniques, like making a soup, and then everything else is interchangeable. Cooking for One  1. Get a functional set of pantry staples (quinoa, cans of tomatoes, beans, bag of frozen veggies, grass-fed butter, organic chicken sausage, brown rice pasta) 2. Buy versatile ingredients that can be used at least five different ways (kale, bell peppers, potatoes, sweet potatoes) and pair them with a pantry staple. They keep a long time and can be put in smoothies, soups, salads, etc. 3. Make recipes that can be built upon when you have it for leftovers the next day. 4. “You can do a lot with not very much hassle, stress, chopping, or ingredients.” 5. For busy people (who like one pot meals): insta-pots are a game changer! It does require planning ahead, though. Head over to <a href="https://simplyrealhealth.com/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Simplyrealhealth.com</a> to see her resources and courses! Sarah has a new book coming out on November 19th called <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Simply-Real-Eating-Everyday-Recipes/dp/1682684113/ref=as_li_ss_tl?crid=13LFZ42HLBR0I&amp;keywords=simply+real+health+cookbook&amp;qid=1558454301&amp;s=gateway&amp;sprefix=simply+real+health,aps,198&amp;sr=8-4&amp;linkCode=sl1&amp;tag=simreahea-20&amp;linkId=b373f5b5f5d2642a547b892a572eb2e7&amp;language=en_US" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Simply Real Eating</a>. It’s her second cookbook (the first was <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Simply-Real-Health-Cookbook-Recipes/dp/0692331387/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1440444289&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=simply+real+health+cookbook&amp;pebp=1440444291538&amp;perid=10E9E2WMWV6TT598BQ2W&amp;linkCode=sl1&amp;tag=simreahea-20&amp;linkId=37afae27181a565eafa353bbc65b3114" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Simply Real Health</a>).  “Your body deserves a little bit of love and attention.” Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to <a href="https://therefinedwoman.lpages.co/5-tips-to-activate-your-dating/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Bit.ly/trwdating </a>to check it out! With you on the journey.

The Difference Between Diet Food and Real Food (And Why You Should Care)

Have you ever heard of manifesting? It is rooted in science and psychology, but is also mixed with the spiritual. Have you ever tried it? Well, this week’s guest is a manifestation adviser. And if you’re thinking ‘Is it possible to manifest the relationship I want?’ the answer is YES! Lacy Phillips talks with me all about subconscious blocks, manifesting what we want, and growing our self-worth. “Our thoughts don’t create our reality, our subconscious beliefs do.” Lacy talks about the four things deep down inside of her that make up her authentic code of who she is. It’s different for everybody, but hers is: luxury, being seen, self-care, and legacy. Everybody has a unique authentic code and getting clear on what those four things are will help you to manifest more clearly. “Figure out who you are and refine it.” She encourages everyone to really reflect on what they truly want in order to be happy rather than what all of the societal groups they are in tell them they need in order to be happy. “What lights me up?” Lacy recognizes that manifesting isn’t just about getting the end result that we really want.  “When you get ‘the thing,’ you’re not going to be happy. It’s when you peel away the layers to see what lights you up how you can be totally whole and authentically worthy that a) you will get ‘the thing’ and b) you will already be happy. All of that will just be an enhancement.” What blocks you from the relationships you want? Lacy explains that this all comes down to our self-worth. People look to partners to treat as idols, yet many people treat themselves as unworthy. Maybe this is rooted from childhood family dynamics or physical insecurities. These subconscious blocks need to be addressed before you can manifest the relationship you want. How to be 100% in your worth Most people on a conscious level recognize they have self-worth, but if you go down onto a subconscious and hypnotic level, the limiting beliefs come out and contradict that. That block needs to be removed. From there, the limiting beliefs can be addressed. “Whatever you’re looking for starts to show up repeatedly when you grow your worth.” After growing in self-worth, a person will notice that their potential partners will appear as ‘tests’ to them. When you are more in tune with yourself, you’ll notice those red flags in others and will not pursue relationships with those people. Then, you’re leaving space for the right person to enter your life. “We need to get into the place where we never undervalue our wants and needs.” Keep up with Lacy on Instagram at @tobemagnetic and her website tobemagnetic.com. She’ll be launching a retreat soon called @theforestretreat. She also has a podcast that releases a new episode each Friday called  Expanded with Lacy Phillips.  Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love! Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to  Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

Have you ever heard of manifesting? It is rooted in science and psychology, but is also mixed with the spiritual. Have you ever tried it? Well, this week’s guest is a manifestation adviser. And if you’re thinking ‘Is it possible to manifest the relationship I want?’ the answer is YES! Lacy Phillips talks with me all about subconscious blocks, manifesting what we want, and growing our self-worth. “Our thoughts don’t create our reality, our subconscious beliefs do.” Lacy talks about the four things deep down inside of her that make up her authentic code of who she is. It’s different for everybody, but hers is: luxury, being seen, self-care, and legacy. Everybody has a unique authentic code and getting clear on what those four things are will help you to manifest more clearly. “Figure out who you are and refine it.” She encourages everyone to really reflect on what they truly want in order to be happy rather than what all of the societal groups they are in tell them they need in order to be happy. “What lights me up?” Lacy recognizes that manifesting isn’t just about getting the end result that we really want. “When you get ‘the thing,’ you’re not going to be happy. It’s when you peel away the layers to see what lights you up how you can be totally whole and authentically worthy that a) you will get ‘the thing’ and b) you will already be happy. All of that will just be an enhancement.” What blocks you from the relationships you want? Lacy explains that this all comes down to our self-worth. People look to partners to treat as idols, yet many people treat themselves as unworthy. Maybe this is rooted from childhood family dynamics or physical insecurities. These subconscious blocks need to be addressed before you can manifest the relationship you want. How to be 100% in your worth Most people on a conscious level recognize they have self-worth, but if you go down onto a subconscious and hypnotic level, the limiting beliefs come out and contradict that. That block needs to be removed. From there, the limiting beliefs can be addressed. “Whatever you’re looking for starts to show up repeatedly when you grow your worth.” After growing in self-worth, a person will notice that their potential partners will appear as ‘tests’ to them. When you are more in tune with yourself, you’ll notice those red flags in others and will not pursue relationships with those people. Then, you’re leaving space for the right person to enter your life. “We need to get into the place where we never undervalue our wants and needs.” Keep up with Lacy on Instagram at <a href="https://www.instagram.com/tobemagnetic/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">@tobemagnetic</a> and her website <a href="http://tobemagnetic.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">tobemagnetic.com</a>. She’ll be launching a retreat soon called <a href="https://www.instagram.com/theforestretreat/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">@theforestretreat</a>. She also has a podcast that releases a new episode each Friday called <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/expanded-podcast-with-lacy-phillips/id1419732648?mt=2" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Expanded with Lacy Phillips</a>.  Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love! Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to <a href="https://therefinedwoman.lpages.co/5-tips-to-activate-your-dating/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Bit.ly/trwdating </a>to check it out! With you on the journey.

How to be 100% in Your Worth

Do you ever think ‘When do I make the transition from my full-time job to my side hustle?’ ‘How do I choose a side hustle?’ or ‘How do I spend my time and money in a new business?’ and ‘How do I even make money in a new business?’ You are not alone. This week Stacy Tuschl, an expert in growing small businesses, is here to answer your questions! Y’all, she started her own company in her parents’ backyard when she was 18 and now it is a multi-million-dollar business. I always look to her for business advice and I can’t wait for you to hear her wisdom.    How She Got Her Start: SUCCESS IS NEVER OVERNIGHT. ·      Stacy grew up in an entrepreneurial family.  ·      “I feel like everybody else could probably see it, but I didn’t.” ·      She went to school fully planning on working for someone else after college, but she wound up teaching dancing and it grew from 17 students to 100 in a year.  ·      Now she has two performing arts academies that gross over $1 million. ·      “It’s been 17 years of building that business, so please know that I did not start there.” ·      It took Stacy 5 years to bring in a single paycheck. There is NO such thing as overnight success.   Making Money With Your Side Hustle ·      If you love what you’re doing in your business, the business will last. ·      “What would I do even if I never got paid for it?” ·      You can either spend time or spend money to make your business grow. Ex: spending time: doing the work yourself vs. spending money: outsourcing the work.   When to Take The Leap ·      Get Practical: It’s just like quitting any job—are you ready for it financially? ·      Take some time to ask yourself: how much time you have to give, how much money you have to invest, who do you have depending on you?  ·      Stacy’s advice is to just take action, because then you can start getting feedback which will help you mold the perfect business.   Listening To Your Audience ·      You need to constantly be getting feedback from your audience because people are constantly changing and that means their needs are changing too. ·      At the end of every lesson, Stacy has a google form asking questions like ‘What did you get out of this?’ ‘Where did you struggle?’ and ‘What do you wish I would have taught?’ ·      Don’t just ask the questions, LEARN from them! Give your clients what they are asking for.    Career Pivots ·      You have to be your own individual in your business. Be who others aren’t so you can serve who others aren’t. ·      We all have blind spots in our businesses, and it takes courage to stop and reflect. ·       “Just because you don’t know what your next thing is doesn’t mean you’re not meant for it.” ·      Give yourself space to think and have an open mind for whatever is coming next for you.   Keep up with Stacy on Instagram at @stacytuscl or visit her website at StacyTuschl.com. She now has a podcast called Foot Traffic Podcast and a signature program called Foot Traffic Formula, which you can access through her website.   If you are enjoying the podcast, I want to invite you to leave a rating and review on iTunes! We love hearing what your favorite episodes are and always welcome any general feedback! It also helps us be more visible in the iTunes world. If you want to leave a review but don’t know how, head over to @therefinedcollective on Instagram and find the “Review 101” under story highlights.   Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdatingtips to check it out! With you on the journey.              XO, Kat

Do you ever think ‘When do I make the transition from my full-time job to my side hustle?’ ‘How do I choose a side hustle?’ or ‘How do I spend my time and money in a new business?’ and ‘How do I even make money in a new business?’ You are not alone. This week Stacy Tuschl, an expert in growing small businesses, is here to answer your questions! Y’all, she started her own company in her parents’ backyard when she was 18 and now it is a multi-million-dollar business. I always look to her for business advice and I can’t wait for you to hear her wisdom.  How She Got Her Start: SUCCESS IS NEVER OVERNIGHT. ·      Stacy grew up in an entrepreneurial family.  ·      “I feel like everybody else could probably see it, but I didn’t.” ·      She went to school fully planning on working for someone else after college, but she wound up teaching dancing and it grew from 17 students to 100 in a year.  ·      Now she has two performing arts academies that gross over $1 million. ·      “It’s been 17 years of building that business, so please know that I did not start there.” ·      It took Stacy 5 years to bring in a single paycheck. There is NO such thing as overnight success. Making Money With Your Side Hustle ·      If you love what you’re doing in your business, the business will last. ·      “What would I do even if I never got paid for it?” ·      You can either spend time or spend money to make your business grow. Ex: spending time: doing the work yourself vs. spending money: outsourcing the work. When to Take The Leap ·      Get Practical: It’s just like quitting any job—are you ready for it financially? ·      Take some time to ask yourself: how much time you have to give, how much money you have to invest, who do you have depending on you?  ·      Stacy’s advice is to just take action, because then you can start getting feedback which will help you mold the perfect business. Listening To Your Audience ·      You need to constantly be getting feedback from your audience because people are constantly changing and that means their needs are changing too. ·      At the end of every lesson, Stacy has a google form asking questions like ‘What did you get out of this?’ ‘Where did you struggle?’ and ‘What do you wish I would have taught?’ ·      Don’t just ask the questions, LEARN from them! Give your clients what they are asking for.  Career Pivots ·      You have to be your own individual in your business. Be who others aren’t so you can serve who others aren’t. ·      We all have blind spots in our businesses, and it takes courage to stop and reflect. ·       “Just because you don’t know what your next thing is doesn’t mean you’re not meant for it.” ·      Give yourself space to think and have an open mind for whatever is coming next for you. Keep up with Stacy on Instagram at <a href="https://www.instagram.com/stacytuschl/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">@stacytuscl</a> or visit her website at <a href="https://stacytuschl.com/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">StacyTuschl.com</a>. She now has a podcast called <a href="https://stacytuschl.com/the-podcast/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Foot Traffic Podcast</a> and a signature program called Foot Traffic Formula, which you can access through her website. If you are enjoying the podcast, I want to invite you to leave a rating and review on iTunes! We love hearing what your favorite episodes are and always welcome any general feedback! It also helps us be more visible in the iTunes world. If you want to leave a review but don’t know how, head over to <a href="https://www.instagram.com/therefinedcollective/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">@therefinedcollective</a> on Instagram and find the “Review 101” under story highlights. Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to <a href="https://therefinedwoman.lpages.co/6-tips-to-activate-your-dating-life-full/" rel="noopener nofollow" target="_blank">Bit.ly/trwdatingtips </a>to check it out! With you on the journey.   XO, Kat

Side Hustles, Career Pivots, And Learning to Listen To Your Audience

Honor

Hey, friends! The Dudes Series is back this week with Jeff Johnson, a worship pastor at Passion City Church in Atlanta. This episode is all about how to create a culture of honor in dating. Jeff shares his love story (he and his wife, Jourdan, dated off and on for 10 years), which is a beautiful reminder that love can look different for everyone. He also talks about the biggest fears guys have (spoiler alert: they have just as many as we do), pornography, and what to do when/if the guy you’re with shares that he struggles in this area. Does attraction have to be there from the start?  Personally, he was physically attracted to Jourdan since the first time he saw her. “Over the years, there are certain characteristics of hers that make me more attracted to her.” Attraction is not just physical; attraction goes deeper than that. “Her character speaks louder than her beauty.”  How can a break be used for growth?  They broke up after being together for 8 years. Jeff thought he just needed time to work on himself, but Jourdan moved on and started dating a new guy. “Every struggle I’m trying to work through needs to be about God… not for Jourdan.” Jeff put in the work, invited his community in to the struggle, and sought counseling. They got back together two years later when he was clear with his intentions with her. They were married within six months.  Which do you value more, respect or love?  “Guys want to feel respected and like they carry weight in the relationship.” He acknowledges that men are wounded—some guys out there did not have the male leaders guiding them to step into their roles as a man. “Extend grace to the guy that you’re walking with because they are broken.” Sometimes we need to just remember that we are all broken and it is not productive to expect perfection from the other person.  What are the biggest fears guys have in relationships?  If they open up about something, they want to know they will be accepted and understood. They want to feel safe. Being with someone 24/7, everything comes out into the open. “When you get married, there is nothing off the table.” “I know your story and it’s covered by grace, just like my story is covered by grace.”  How do you discuss porn when he shares it is something he struggles with?  It’s hard for women to hear these struggles because they often fall into the trap of thinking they are not enough, which is not the case. Think about if you see friends in his life bringing him closer to Christ and challenging him on this issue. “That’s a really good indication of what her life might look like with this person... if he’s willing to fight through the hard things or if he’s not.”   Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love! Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to  Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey. XO, Kat Harris

Hey, friends! The Dudes Series is back this week with <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jeffejohnson/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Jeff Johnson</a>, a worship pastor at Passion City Church in Atlanta. This episode is all about how to create a culture of honor in dating. Jeff shares his love story (he and his wife, Jourdan, dated off and on for 10 years), which is a beautiful reminder that love can look different for everyone. He also talks about the biggest fears guys have (spoiler alert: they have just as many as we do), pornography, and what to do when/if the guy you’re with shares that he struggles in this area. Does attraction have to be there from the start? <ul> <li>Personally, he was physically attracted to Jourdan since the first time he saw her.</li> <li>“Over the years, there are certain characteristics of hers that make me more attracted to her.”</li> <li>Attraction is not just physical; attraction goes deeper than that. “Her character speaks louder than her beauty.”</li> </ul> How can a break be used for growth? <ul> <li>They broke up after being together for 8 years. Jeff thought he just needed time to work on himself, but Jourdan moved on and started dating a new guy.</li> <li>“Every struggle I’m trying to work through needs to be about God… not for Jourdan.”</li> <li>Jeff put in the work, invited his community in to the struggle, and sought counseling.</li> <li>They got back together two years later when he was clear with his intentions with her. They were married within six months.</li> </ul> Which do you value more, respect or love? <ul> <li>“Guys want to feel respected and like they carry weight in the relationship.”</li> <li>He acknowledges that men are wounded—some guys out there did not have the male leaders guiding them to step into their roles as a man.</li> <li>“Extend grace to the guy that you’re walking with because they are broken.”</li> <li>Sometimes we need to just remember that we are all broken and it is not productive to expect perfection from the other person.</li> </ul> What are the biggest fears guys have in relationships? <ul> <li>If they open up about something, they want to know they will be accepted and understood. They want to feel safe.</li> <li>Being with someone 24/7, everything comes out into the open. “When you get married, there is nothing off the table.”</li> <li>“I know your story and it’s covered by grace, just like my story is covered by grace.”</li> </ul> How do you discuss porn when he shares it is something he struggles with? <ul> <li>It’s hard for women to hear these struggles because they often fall into the trap of thinking they are not enough, which is not the case.</li> <li>Think about if you see friends in his life bringing him closer to Christ and challenging him on this issue.</li> <li>“That’s a really good indication of what her life might look like with this person... if he’s willing to fight through the hard things or if he’s not.” </li> </ul> Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love! Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to <a href="https://therefinedwoman.lpages.co/5-tips-to-activate-your-dating/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Bit.ly/trwdating </a>to check it out! With you on the journey. XO, Kat Harris

How to Create a Culture of Honor in Dating // The Dudes Series #5

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