Dr. John Gottman has spent the last 4 decades studying what makes marriages succeed or fail. Through his research, he discovered 4 specific behaviors that, if left unchecked, will result in the destruction of any marriage.These 4 behaviors are known as The Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse.Today, we're going to share with you what the Four Horsemen are, how to recognize them, and what to do about them if they're present in your relationship.If you want to learn more about Dr. Gottman's work, we recommend his book, The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work. It's fantastic!

Dr. John Gottman has spent the last 4 decades studying what makes marriages succeed or fail. Through his research, he discovered 4 specific behaviors that, if left unchecked, will result in the destruction of any marriage.These 4 behaviors are known as The Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse.Today, we're going to share with you what the Four Horsemen are, how to recognize them, and what to do about them if they're present in your relationship.If you want to learn more about Dr. Gottman's work, we recommend his book, The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work. It's fantastic!

The Four Horsemen Of The Apoclaypse

The concept of Boundaries is not something we talk about in Sunday School.It's not a merit badge, or a young women's value.But without boundaries, our marriages will not flourish and thrive like we want them to.So, today we're going to give you an introduction into the concept of boundaries. What are they? How do they work? Why are they important? How do we set them? And how do we enforce them?

The concept of Boundaries is not something we talk about in Sunday School. It's not a merit badge, or a young women's value. But without boundaries, our marriages will not flourish and thrive like we want them to. So, today we're going to give you an introduction into the concept of boundaries. What are they? How do they work? Why are they important? How do we set them? And how do we enforce them?

An Introduction To Boundaries

Did you know there are actually two types of conflict in marriage?Some conflict, like what to eat for dinner tonight, is resolvable conflict.The rest of our conflicts - 69% to be exact - are unresolvable conflicts, like what to do if you're an early riser, and I'm a night owl. Or if you're fastidious and I'm cluttery.If you try to solve an unsolvable problem, you're just going to get more upset and frustrated. (Each type of problem requires its own skillset.)So, today we're going to talk about those two types of conflict, and how to handle them differently.

Did you know there are actually two types of conflict in marriage? Some conflict, like what to eat for dinner tonight, is resolvable conflict. The rest of our conflicts - 69% to be exact - are unresolvable conflicts, like what to do if you're an early riser, and I'm a night owl. Or if you're fastidious and I'm cluttery. If you try to solve an unsolvable problem, you're just going to get more upset and frustrated. (Each type of problem requires its own skillset.) So, today we're going to talk about those two types of conflict, and how to handle them differently.

The Two Types of Marital Conflict

How do you create a marriage that can withstand any trial?And let's be honest, we want to do more than merely survive... we want to THRIVE, even amidst the struggles of life.God didn't give us marriage to endure. It's to enjoy. And that's what we'll show you how to do today.

How do you create a marriage that can withstand any trial? And let's be honest, we want to do more than merely survive... we want to THRIVE, even amidst the struggles of life. God didn't give us marriage to endure. It's to enjoy. And that's what we'll show you how to do today.

How To Create A Marriage That Can Withstand Any Trial

This episode is a recording of a live marriage preparation class Angilyn and I taught as part of our calling with the YSA Ward. This week's lesson was on the purpose of your marriage... ie: why we get married.The answer might not be what you think...

This episode is a recording of a live marriage preparation class Angilyn and I taught as part of our calling with the YSA Ward. This week's lesson was on the purpose of your marriage... ie: why we get married. The answer might not be what you think...

The Purpose Of Your Marriage

There are tons of really stupid, damaging marriage myths that we get told growing up. If we try to act out on those marriage myths as if they are true, they do SO much harm.Today we're going to talk about some of the more common marriage myths, and how to avoid falling into their trap.

There are tons of really stupid, damaging marriage myths that we get told growing up. If we try to act out on those marriage myths as if they are true, they do SO much harm. Today we're going to talk about some of the more common marriage myths, and how to avoid falling into their trap.

Busting Common Cultural Marriage Myths

Check out Dan's Intimately Us app at IntimatelyUs.com

Check out Dan's Intimately Us app at <a href="https://intimatelyus.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">IntimatelyUs.com</a>

Want An Epic Marriage? There's An App For That!

Join us for another awesome conversation with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife! In this episode we delve into questions about exploring what arouses you, dealing with conflicting desires, and frustrations around female orgasm. We hope you enjoy the conversation!

Join us for another awesome conversation with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife! In this episode we delve into questions about exploring what arouses you, dealing with conflicting desires, and frustrations around female orgasm. We hope you enjoy the conversation!

Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist #32

Kory Fluckiger and Heather McKinnon are work from home, school from home, and birth from home kind of people. Kory is an artist. Heather is an artist, social worker, and stay at home mom. They both volunteer for the American Red Cross High School Leadership Camp and would love to tell you about it!

Kory Fluckiger and Heather McKinnon are work from home, school from home, and birth from home kind of people. Kory is an artist. Heather is an artist, social worker, and stay at home mom. They both volunteer for the American Red Cross High School Leadership Camp and would love to tell you about it!

E50 - Power of a Shared Dream with Kory & Heather

Cam Staley

We need to have more compassion and understanding in our marriages - for ourselves and for our partner.There are a lot of things that enter our relationships from our pasts. We need to realize that it is going to take some time to perfect this dance. Sometimes they’re going to step on your toes, and sometimes you will step on theirs. When we do that, let’s try to give each other some feedback and support.It can quickly turn to blame and anger - ‘you stepped on me and that really hurt!’ Most often there is not malicious intent, yet people still get injured. We get hurt and our expectations get betrayed. There is a lot of emotion and discomfort and fear. It’s here that we need to start from a place of, ‘my partner is probably doing their best even though they aren’t a great dance partner yet. Maybe I’m not a great dance partner yet either! I thought I had all the moves and I don’t. How can we learn how to dance together?’— Dr. Cameron Staley

We need to have more compassion and understanding in our marriages - for ourselves and for our partner. There are a lot of things that enter our relationships from our pasts. We need to realize that it is going to take some time to perfect this dance. Sometimes they’re going to step on your toes, and sometimes you will step on theirs. When we do that, let’s try to give each other some feedback and support. It can quickly turn to blame and anger - ‘you stepped on me and that really hurt!’ Most often there is not malicious intent, yet people still get injured. We get hurt and our expectations get betrayed. There is a lot of emotion and discomfort and fear. It’s here that we need to start from a place of, ‘my partner is probably doing their best even though they aren’t a great dance partner yet. Maybe I’m not a great dance partner yet either! I thought I had all the moves and I don’t. How can we learn how to dance together?’ — Dr. Cameron Staley

E49 - Continuing the Porn Conversation with Dr. Cam Staley

Join Angilyn and Nate Bagley as they capture the real-life stories of amazing LDS couples, and learn the principles and tools of how to have an incredible Eternal Marriage from LDS marriage experts. If you want a marriage that makes you look forward to eternity... this show should be in your feed!

Love this podcast so much! Keep up the great work. The message found here is invaluable.

A hopeful message of how to navigate marriage joyfully

I’m not even Mormon

Mormon Marriages

Alisha Worthington

Alisha Worthington has an MSW from USC and a BSW from BYU, and is Co-Author of Real Intimacy, a Couples’ Guide to Real, Genuine Intimacy. Alisha has also sought extensive education regarding sexual health and is a certified 4-D Practitioner and Gottman Trained Educator.Alisha has been featured on podcasts, blogs, news outlets, and radio and her articles have been read over 1,000,000 times. Alisha has led workshops and presentations on topics such as, Reclaiming Desire, Mother-Daughter Maturation and Sexual Health, Talking to Your Kids About Sex, and The Godly Design of Intimacy.Alisha has been married 22 years to her husband Bret and describes him as what Thor would be like if he took on the great challenge of having children and raising them. Alisha and Bret are the parents of seven fantastic kids ranging from in age from 7 to 20. As a result, Alisha’s favorite quote is, “Be still, and know that I am God.”

<a href="https://eternalcore.org/podcasts/ep-6-alisha-worthington-how-to-unpack-the-suitcases-of-sexual-intimacy/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Alisha Worthington</a> has an MSW from USC and a BSW from BYU, and is Co-Author of Real Intimacy, a Couples’ Guide to Real, Genuine Intimacy. Alisha has also sought extensive education regarding sexual health and is a certified 4-D Practitioner and Gottman Trained Educator.Alisha has been featured on podcasts, blogs, news outlets, and radio and her articles have been read over 1,000,000 times. Alisha has led workshops and presentations on topics such as, Reclaiming Desire, Mother-Daughter Maturation and Sexual Health, Talking to Your Kids About Sex, and The Godly Design of Intimacy.Alisha has been married 22 years to her husband Bret and describes him as what Thor would be like if he took on the great challenge of having children and raising them. Alisha and Bret are the parents of seven fantastic kids ranging from in age from 7 to 20. As a result, Alisha’s favorite quote is, “Be still, and know that I am God.”

E20 - What an LDS Sex Therapist Wishes You Knew Before Your Honeymoon with Alisha Worthington

Seth Ellsworth

"Buried in your humanity is a jewel - a gift from God. It is the strongest force in your life. There is no stronger force that you could use for good in your life then this: Your human nature has one single motive - to fight for what it deems as normal. It will fight to a degree that you cannot win. So, what do you do?Simple. Redefine what’s normal. All of a sudden, your human nature will work FOR you, instead of against you. This idea of controlling and creating what is normal is everything." -Seth Ellsworth

"Buried in your humanity is a jewel - a gift from God. It is the strongest force in your life. There is no stronger force that you could use for good in your life then this: Your human nature has one single motive - to fight for what it deems as normal. It will fight to a degree that you cannot win. So, what do you do? Simple. Redefine what’s normal. All of a sudden, your human nature will work FOR you, instead of against you. This idea of controlling and creating what is normal is everything." -Seth Ellsworth

E46 - An Antidote to the "Almost Life" | Tapping into your Super Human Nature with Seth Ellsworth

In part 1 of our LIVE recording, we hear what inspired Jennifer to put her life’s work into helping LDS women and couples develop healthy sexuality in their lives and marriages.We also delve into questions asked by two of our lady listeners!#1:  I live in Utah and I feel like there is a lot of pressure from my ward and surroundings suppressing my sexuality. When I'm on vacation or trips alone with my husband I feel so able to claim my sexuality but when I come back from trips or vacations,  I feel like it gets stripped away with motherhood, the sense of what it is to be a female and then I feel like an object to be managed sexually. I recognize a perfect mormon women is a made up cultural myth. But I feel that owning my sexuality is possible. I also find that I resent my husband's sexuality and I'm judgemental of it and I need help. How do I become a whole women and stay solid in my sexuality. The shame force is strong in Utah! Can you paint me a picture of what a whole sexual LDS women looks like? Honestly when I try to paint or describe a whole women it ends up looking like a hot mess woman with holes to be used and objectified not the whole women I find on vacation.#2: I have been married for fifteen years and have never had an orgasm. We have tried and tried, but I just can’t do it. How do you do it? My husband and I fit the Mormon mold when it comes to the fact that we were never talked to about sex in any way other than it was bad. What would be your suggestion for me to do?

In part 1 of our LIVE recording, we hear what inspired Jennifer to put her life’s work into helping LDS women and couples develop healthy sexuality in their lives and marriages. We also delve into questions asked by two of our lady listeners! #1: I live in Utah and I feel like there is a lot of pressure from my ward and surroundings suppressing my sexuality. When I'm on vacation or trips alone with my husband I feel so able to claim my sexuality but when I come back from trips or vacations, I feel like it gets stripped away with motherhood, the sense of what it is to be a female and then I feel like an object to be managed sexually. I recognize a perfect mormon women is a made up cultural myth. But I feel that owning my sexuality is possible. I also find that I resent my husband's sexuality and I'm judgemental of it and I need help. How do I become a whole women and stay solid in my sexuality. The shame force is strong in Utah! Can you paint me a picture of what a whole sexual LDS women looks like? Honestly when I try to paint or describe a whole women it ends up looking like a hot mess woman with holes to be used and objectified not the whole women I find on vacation. #2: I have been married for fifteen years and have never had an orgasm. We have tried and tried, but I just can’t do it. How do you do it? My husband and I fit the Mormon mold when it comes to the fact that we were never talked to about sex in any way other than it was bad. What would be your suggestion for me to do?

Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist #28 LIVE RECORDING Part 1

In part 2 of our LIVE recording, we tackle two more questions from the guys! Question #1“My wife and I are trying to conceive. This is one of the most stressful times of my life, and stress is a major anti-aphrodisiac for me. How do I confront the pressure to perform?Question #2"My wife has a “fun” sexual past with her high school boyfriends. Before we dated she had shared too many of those experiences with me. I was fine with it, until I woke up to her crying on our wedding night. It triggered a jealousy and resentment where I feel she gave “them” her fun self. I got the Mormon prude and they got the fun girl. I love her, but I feel like she has never chosen me. I get that I’m at fault with the unforgiving heart and mad with jealousy that has built emotional walls. I feel like all our sex has been mercy sex. I don’t even want to have sex with her because that’s what it is. When we become intimate all I can see is her doing “this” with “them.” It makes me regret and feel bitterness that I strived to stay a virgin and be as "clean" as I could. I feel like I have lived life wrong. Since she is a terrific good person and she has the “dirty” past, she is the better more healthy person while I am the bitter/resentful seminary graduate boy. It makes me hate myself that I can’t get over that. I’m over 15 years into this and the cloud just gets darker and bigger. How can I start becoming more intimate with my wife while suffering with this intense jealousy? I just finished your course enhancing sexual intimacy and I am grateful for you and what you are doing. So, thank you and I would love to here your answer knowing it will be painful.”

In part 2 of our LIVE recording, we tackle two more questions from the guys! Question #1“My wife and I are trying to conceive. This is one of the most stressful times of my life, and stress is a major anti-aphrodisiac for me. How do I confront the pressure to perform?Question #2"My wife has a “fun” sexual past with her high school boyfriends. Before we dated she had shared too many of those experiences with me. I was fine with it, until I woke up to her crying on our wedding night. It triggered a jealousy and resentment where I feel she gave “them” her fun self. I got the Mormon prude and they got the fun girl. I love her, but I feel like she has never chosen me. I get that I’m at fault with the unforgiving heart and mad with jealousy that has built emotional walls. I feel like all our sex has been mercy sex. I don’t even want to have sex with her because that’s what it is. When we become intimate all I can see is her doing “this” with “them.” It makes me regret and feel bitterness that I strived to stay a virgin and be as "clean" as I could. I feel like I have lived life wrong. Since she is a terrific good person and she has the “dirty” past, she is the better more healthy person while I am the bitter/resentful seminary graduate boy. It makes me hate myself that I can’t get over that. I’m over 15 years into this and the cloud just gets darker and bigger. How can I start becoming more intimate with my wife while suffering with this intense jealousy? I just finished your course enhancing sexual intimacy and I am grateful for you and what you are doing. So, thank you and I would love to here your answer knowing it will be painful.”

Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist #29 LIVE RECORDING Part 2

Daniel Burgess

Daniel A. Burgess, MA, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in sexuality and relationships. He has also worked as a consultant in Silicon Valley, as well as volunteered within the community in various roles.Daniel is a blogger, speaker, and author of “Reconciling our Divine Sexual Identity”, scheduled for release in early 2019. He also runs an engaging and informative Facebook group discussing marriage and sexuality in the faith, “Improving Intimacy in Mormon Marriages”. For additional resources or questions, connect with him at daniel.burgess@gmail.com. You can also schedule a video appointment with him here.

Daniel A. Burgess, MA, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in sexuality and relationships. He has also worked as a consultant in Silicon Valley, as well as volunteered within the community in various roles.Daniel is a blogger, speaker, and author of “Reconciling our Divine Sexual Identity”, scheduled for release in early 2019. He also runs an engaging and informative Facebook group discussing marriage and sexuality in the faith, <a href="https://facebook.com/groups/IIIMM" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">“Improving Intimacy in Mormon Marriages”</a>. For additional resources or questions, connect with him at <a href="mailto:daniel.burgess@gmail.com">daniel.burgess@gmail.com</a>. You can also schedule a video appointment with him <a href="https://familylifeservices.clientsecure.me/client_portal" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>.

E13 - The "M" Word with Daniel Burgess, MA, LMFT

Annie Oates

Zack Oates is an entrepreneur, hot tubber, blogger and husband (but not in that order, necessarily). It took him over 1,000 dates to find his wife (worth the wait) and has documented his journey on BowlofOates.com. Annie is a Fashion designer who runs her a design shop and shows off her up-cycling at heyannieo.com when she's not momming or wifing it up like a boss.They are a hashtag power couple.3:30 - The most important mentors in life are those who are just a few steps ahead of you.4:30 - How Zack and Annie met5:20 - Rule #1: You can kiss on the first date, as long as you marry them!6:15  - What Zack learned after 1000 dates7:20 - Fireworks vs Smolder8:40 - “God, if this wrong, tell me now….because I’m going for it!”9:10 - Choose your love, and love your choice.10:15 - Lots of people like to warn us that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but it doesn’t have to be that way10:30 - Mission lesson: It’s not about obedience, it’s about love. “Obedience is the first law, but love is the greatest” Marriage is very similar. Love and serve your companion.12:45 - “You’ve made your choice. Now, spend the rest of your life making it the right choice.”14:30 The first year of marriage was not as hard as everyone painted it to be, but it was still an adjustment for them.17:15 - If your friends are having a bad day or do something mean, you can leave. But in marriage, you’ve got to deal with it!18:00 Marriage is easier than dating - it’s a different kind of hard.19:45 There are many people who will say, regardless of what stage of life you’re in, “Oh [this stage] is the worst!”12:30 There are other people who will say that whatever stage is NEXT in life, is the hardest. “You just wait!”21:00 People who are optimistic will always be able to find the good. (and vice versa)22:10 Slug Bug analogy. “You find what you’re looking for.”23:50 If you want to hear the voice of God, listen. If you want to see the hand of God, look. If you want to feel the love of God, serve.24:15 “The world, with all its sham and drudgery, is still a beautiful place.” There is an abundance of joy available to us, but we have to CHOOSE to take it.25:30 The ritual of a Weekly Companionship Inventory26:15 Things that make marriage hard - family, sex, money, communication, and forgetting the small stuff. Companionship inventory helps to address all of these things on a regular basis.27:40 Steps to a good inventory: #1. Offer a reason you love the other specifically from the week #2. Ask what can I do to improve or be better #3. Go over finances #4. Set your schedule for the week.28:45 “Real-time feedback”29:45 Go to marriage counseling BEFORE there is a problem. Gather the tools and skills you need to be prepared when issues arise.30:15 While communicating, learn how to dig for the deeper meaning or intentions behind your partner’s words. Sometimes the conversation needs to keep going in order to truly understand each other. Get to the root issue.31:00 A lot of our actions are rooted in our fears and insecurities. It’s important to understand what our partner’s fears are in order to have context surrounding why they do what they do. This can lead to more empathy versus anger.32:00 Fight or Flight mode is instinctual during arguments and stress. When your partner shuts down, lashes out, or takes flight during an argument, it’s not effective to just tell them to stop or return the anger. It’s important to ask yourself, “What could I be doing that has put them into fight or flight mode? What am I doing that is making them feel unsafe?”33:00 The other person’s perception of reality is the only reality that they have.36:05 Low Negativity Threshold (resolve issues quickly to avoid resentment)37:45 Dishes analogy38:25 Your brain perceives emotional pain in the same place that it perceives physical pain. Our natural instinct is to pull away from whatever is causing us pain. You need to repair that emotional wound in order to close the gap that the hurt created.40:30 An apology does not have to be an admission of guilt, but an opportunity to heal your partner41:30 Be quick to apologize and quick to forgive. Acknowledge the hurt that was made, heal, and move on.42:05 Give genuine compliments often.44:00 If marriage is for eternity, why not make is something to be stoked about?44:45 Surround yourself with people who LOVE marriage and have a positive outlook.47:10 Find what you value most and have a “thing” that you do together. Always have something to look forward to.49:30 Alma 32 - comparing the seed to love and marriage (it takes effort and nourishment)52:25 In dating, sometimes there are good seeds and good soil that just aren’t compatible with each other, and that’s okay!55:25 When the seed finally takes root and begins to grow, even if it’s slow,it can truly become something “sweet above all that is sweet”56:20 Marry your best friend56:30 “Strive to be happy”57:05 “Teach it to me, or take it from me”

Zack Oates is an entrepreneur, hot tubber, blogger and husband (but not in that order, necessarily).  It took him over 1,000 dates to find his wife (worth the wait) and has documented his journey on <a href="http://bowlofoates.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">BowlofOates.com</a>. Annie is a Fashion designer who runs her a design shop and shows off her up-cycling at <a href="http://heyannieo.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">heyannieo.com</a> when she's not momming or wifing it up like a boss.They are a hashtag power couple.<ul><li>3:30 - The most important mentors in life are those who are just a few steps ahead of you.</li><li>4:30 - How Zack and Annie met</li><li>5:20 - Rule #1: You can kiss on the first date, as long as you marry them!</li><li>6:15  - What Zack learned after 1000 dates</li><li>7:20 - Fireworks vs Smolder</li><li>8:40 - “God, if this wrong, tell me now….because I’m going for it!”</li><li>9:10 - Choose your love, and love your choice.</li><li>10:15 - Lots of people like to warn us that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but it doesn’t have to be that way</li><li>10:30 - Mission lesson: It’s not about obedience, it’s about love. “Obedience is the first law, but love is the greatest” Marriage is very similar. Love and serve your companion.</li><li>12:45 - “You’ve made your choice. Now, spend the rest of your life making it the right choice.”</li><li>14:30 The first year of marriage was not as hard as everyone painted it to be, but it was still an adjustment for them.</li><li>17:15 - If your friends are having a bad day or do something mean, you can leave. But in marriage, you’ve got to deal with it!</li><li>18:00 Marriage is easier than dating - it’s a different kind of hard.</li><li>19:45 There are many people who will say, regardless of what stage of life you’re in, “Oh [this stage] is the worst!”</li><li>12:30 There are other people who will say that whatever stage is NEXT in life, is the hardest. “You just wait!”</li><li>21:00 People who are optimistic will always be able to find the good. (and vice versa)</li><li>22:10 Slug Bug analogy. “You find what you’re looking for.”</li><li>23:50 If you want to hear the voice of God, listen. If you want to see the hand of God, look. If you want to feel the love of God, serve.</li><li>24:15 “The world, with all its sham and drudgery, is still a beautiful place.” There is an abundance of joy available to us, but we have to CHOOSE to take it.</li><li>25:30 The ritual of a Weekly Companionship Inventory</li><li>26:15 Things that make marriage hard - family, sex, money, communication, and forgetting the small stuff. Companionship inventory helps to address all of these things on a regular basis.</li><li>27:40 Steps to a good inventory: #1. Offer a reason you love the other specifically from the week #2. Ask what can I do to improve or be better #3. Go over finances #4. Set your schedule for the week.</li><li>28:45 “Real-time feedback”</li><li>29:45 Go to marriage counseling BEFORE there is a problem. Gather the tools and skills you need to be prepared when issues arise.</li><li>30:15 While communicating, learn how to dig for the deeper meaning or intentions behind your partner’s words. Sometimes the conversation needs to keep going in order to truly understand each other. Get to the root issue.</li><li>31:00 A lot of our actions are rooted in our fears and insecurities. It’s important to understand what our partner’s fears are in order to have context surrounding why they do what they do. This can lead to more empathy versus anger.</li><li>32:00 Fight or Flight mode is instinctual during arguments and stress. When your partner shuts down, lashes out, or takes flight during an argument, it’s not effective to just tell them to stop or return the anger. It’s important to ask yourself, “What could I be doing that has put them into fight or flight mode? What am I doing that is making them feel unsafe?”</li><li>33:00 The other person’s perception of reality is the only reality that they have.</li><li>36:05 Low Negativity Threshold (resolve issues quickly to avoid resentment)</li><li>37:45 Dishes analogy</li><li>38:25 Your brain perceives emotional pain in the same place that it perceives physical pain. Our natural instinct is to pull away from whatever is causing us pain. You need to repair that emotional wound in order to close the gap that the hurt created.</li><li>40:30 An apology does not have to be an admission of guilt, but an opportunity to heal your partner</li><li>41:30 Be quick to apologize and quick to forgive. Acknowledge the hurt that was made, heal, and move on.</li><li>42:05 Give genuine compliments often.</li><li>44:00 If marriage is for eternity, why not make is something to be stoked about?</li><li>44:45 Surround yourself with people who LOVE marriage and have a positive outlook.</li><li>47:10 Find what you value most and have a “thing” that you do together. Always have something to look forward to.</li><li>49:30 Alma 32 - comparing the seed to love and marriage (it takes effort and nourishment)</li><li>52:25 In dating, sometimes there are good seeds and good soil that just aren’t compatible with each other, and that’s okay!</li><li>55:25 When the seed finally takes root and begins to grow, even if it’s slow,</li><li>it can truly become something “sweet above all that is sweet”</li><li>56:20 Marry your best friend</li><li>56:30 “Strive to be happy”</li><li>57:05 “Teach it to me, or take it from me”</li></ul>

E03 - Marriage: The Great Adventure with Zack and Annie Oates

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a LDS relationship and sexuality coach as well as a  Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the state of Illinois.  She has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. In addition to her dissertation research on LDS women's sexuality and relationship to desire, she has taught college level human sexuality courses. Her teaching and coaching focuses on helping LDS individuals and couples achieve greater satisfaction and passion in their emotional and sexual relationships.In addition to consultation with couples and individuals (in person and online), she offers online relationship and sexuality courses as well as live workshops and retreats for LDS couples and individuals.  Jennifer is a frequent guest on LDS-themed podcasts and write articles for LDS-themed blogs and magazines, on the subjects of sexuality, relationships, mental health and faith.

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a LDS relationship and sexuality coach as well as a  Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the state of Illinois.  She has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. In addition to her dissertation research on LDS women's sexuality and relationship to desire, she has taught college level human sexuality courses. Her teaching and coaching focuses on helping LDS individuals and couples achieve greater satisfaction and passion in their emotional and sexual relationships.In addition to consultation with couples and individuals (in person and online), she offers online relationship and sexuality courses as well as live workshops and retreats for LDS couples and individuals.  Jennifer is a frequent guest on LDS-themed podcasts and write articles for LDS-themed blogs and magazines, on the subjects of sexuality, relationships, mental health and faith.

Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist #27

Cameron Staley

In this episode of the podcast, we are joined by Dr. Cameron Staley - a Clinical Psychologist from Idaho State University - to tackle the topic of pornography.Talking about pornography in the church can be a polarizing issue. We support the stance of the church and agree that it is not something we personally want as a part of our marriage.What we don't agree with is the shame-filled and fear-based narrative that is so common in our culture. This narrative only exacerbates the struggles we are trying to eradicate. Is there a better way?Absolutely!!Thanks to the research and work of Dr. Staley, along with many other incredible people over the years, there is a better, more research based approach to navigating struggles of pornography with kindness, compassion, forgiveness and a whole lot of mindfulness.You don't want to miss this episode!

In this episode of the podcast, we are joined by Dr. Cameron Staley - a Clinical Psychologist from Idaho State University - to tackle the topic of pornography.Talking about pornography in the church can be a polarizing issue. We support the stance of the church and agree that it is not something we personally want as a part of our marriage.What we don't agree with is the shame-filled and fear-based narrative that is so common in our culture. This narrative only exacerbates the struggles we are trying to eradicate. Is there a better way?Absolutely!!Thanks to the research and work of Dr. Staley, along with many other incredible people over the years, there is a better, more research based approach to navigating struggles of pornography with kindness, compassion, forgiveness and a whole lot of mindfulness.You don't want to miss this episode!

E41 - Changing the Narrative Around Pornography with Dr. Cameron Staley

Question #1My wife had a baby 6 months ago, and is afraid to have sex with me again. I've tried to get her to open up to me about what is going on, and why she is so anxious. I've let her dictate the pace of things so far, but if it were up to her, I'm not sure we'd ever have sex again.Before the baby, sex was a struggle for her. She was unsure of what she liked and what felt good. If I accidentally stumbled on something that felt good, and she had an orgasm, I would try to repeat whatever I was doing during the next session, but that was rarely successful. I'm beside myself trying to figure out what can be done to help her learn to enjoy being intimate with me. What can I do? Or, what can I encourage her to do? Help!Question #2I think I had an emotional affair. I’ve been married to my wife for almost a decade, and she’s the absolute best. She truly is my best friend and a wonderful mother to our three kids. After almost 10 years of marriage things have gotten pretty routine, but not necessarily complacent. We still laugh and talk and enjoy each other, but sometimes the routine gets a little stale.A couple of years ago, I texted a female friend. We were friends in high school but hadn’t kept in touch until I reached out about a business proposition. It was pretty innocent, but over time became pretty flirty until she eventually proposed the idea of an affair. I immediately severed ties with her and told my wife what she had said. This happened more 7 months ago. We haven’t spoken since, but I honestly miss her. I think about her all the time, almost daily. I miss how we would make each other laugh and our deep conversations through texts. I miss being desired by someone new... or at all. It has gotten easier over time, but I could use some direction.Was this an emotional affair? Should I tell my wife about it? How can I phrase it sensitively, if so? And how can I deal with this feeling of wanting to reach out to my former friend all the time? How do I replace the feelings of excitement that I was getting from her? Or do I have to learn deal without that excitement all together? I know... I’ve got issues.Question #3My question is about sexuality and chronic illness. How do you navigate sexuality and desire when one partner has a normal high sex drive and the other is sick and has barely any energy for anything. Even washing my hair is difficult most days.Before we were married I had a great drive, but very soon after I became very very sick. I try to be sexual as much as possible, but I feel guilty about not being able to meet his needs. Most of the time I would rather die than put the necessary energy into sex. Do you have any ideas for strategies to employ when his desire is high but my energy is low?

<h3>Question #1</h3><blockquote>My wife had a baby 6 months ago, and is afraid to have sex with me again. I've tried to get her to open up to me about what is going on, and why she is so anxious. I've let her dictate the pace of things so far, but if it were up to her, I'm not sure we'd ever have sex again.Before the baby, sex was a struggle for her. She was unsure of what she liked and what felt good. If I accidentally stumbled on something that felt good, and she had an orgasm, I would try to repeat whatever I was doing during the next session, but that was rarely successful. I'm beside myself trying to figure out what can be done to help her learn to enjoy being intimate with me. What can I do? Or, what can I encourage her to do? Help!</blockquote><h3>Question #2</h3><blockquote>I think I had an emotional affair. I’ve been married to my wife for almost a decade, and she’s the absolute best. She truly is my best friend and a wonderful mother to our three kids. After almost 10 years of marriage things have gotten pretty routine, but not necessarily complacent. We still laugh and talk and enjoy each other, but sometimes the routine gets a little stale.A couple of years ago, I texted a female friend. We were friends in high school but hadn’t kept in touch until I reached out about a business proposition. It was pretty innocent, but over time became pretty flirty until she eventually proposed the idea of an affair. I immediately severed ties with her and told my wife what she had said. This happened more 7 months ago. We haven’t spoken since, but I honestly miss her. I think about her all the time, almost daily. I miss how we would make each other laugh and our deep conversations through texts. I miss being desired by someone new... or at all. It has gotten easier over time, but I could use some direction.Was this an emotional affair? Should I tell my wife about it? How can I phrase it sensitively, if so? And how can I deal with this feeling of wanting to reach out to my former friend all the time? How do I replace the feelings of excitement that I was getting from her? Or do I have to learn deal without that excitement all together? I know... I’ve got issues.</blockquote><h3>Question #3</h3><blockquote>My question is about sexuality and chronic illness. How do you navigate sexuality and desire when one partner has a normal high sex drive and the other is sick and has barely any energy for anything. Even washing my hair is difficult most days.Before we were married I had a great drive, but very soon after I became very very sick. I try to be sexual as much as possible, but I feel guilty about not being able to meet his needs. Most of the time I would rather die than put the necessary energy into sex. Do you have any ideas for strategies to employ when his desire is high but my energy is low?</blockquote>

Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist #30

Kristin Hodson

Kristin Hodson is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist.  She is Founder and Executive Director of The Healing Group mental health clinic in Salt Lake City and Co-Author of the book Real Intimacy: A Couples Guide for Genuine, Healthy Sexuality (Cedar Fort 2011). Additionally she works as an adjunct professor teaching human sexuality to master level students working to become Social Workers and founded the Rocky Mountain Sex Summit in an effort to increase sexual health competency in mental health professionals. She has a unique ability to break down the topics of sexuality into easily digestible pieces empowering people to further develop their sexual identity, hone their sexual values, improve their communication around sexuality all with the intention to improve people’s relationships with themselves and others.Kristin is approachable, relatable and has a light sense of humor around something that often feels intimidating or heavy. She has been a guest presenter for nationally renowned sex therapist Dr. Gina Ogden and Dr. Tammy Nelson and has contributed to national media outlets including Huffington Post Live, NPR, Women’s Day Magazine and MTV and local outlets including RadioWest, Studio5,The Deseret News, RadioWest, The Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City magazine, various podcasts and local news outlets.  Kristin is a Mom of 3 wild things and a partner to her husband Jake living in Salt Lake City, Ut and Playa Grande, Costa Rica.

Kristin Hodson is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist.  She is Founder and Executive Director of The Healing Group mental health clinic in Salt Lake City and Co-Author of the book Real Intimacy: A Couples Guide for Genuine, Healthy Sexuality (Cedar Fort 2011). Additionally she works as an adjunct professor teaching human sexuality to master level students working to become Social Workers and founded the Rocky Mountain Sex Summit in an effort to increase sexual health competency in mental health professionals. She has a unique ability to break down the topics of sexuality into easily digestible pieces empowering people to further develop their sexual identity, hone their sexual values, improve their communication around sexuality all with the intention to improve people’s relationships with themselves and others.Kristin is approachable, relatable and has a light sense of humor around something that often feels intimidating or heavy. She has been a guest presenter for nationally renowned sex therapist Dr. Gina Ogden and Dr. Tammy Nelson and has contributed to national media outlets including Huffington Post Live, NPR, Women’s Day Magazine and MTV and local outlets including RadioWest, Studio5,The Deseret News, RadioWest, The Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City magazine, various podcasts and local news outlets.  Kristin is a Mom of 3 wild things and a partner to her husband Jake living in Salt Lake City, Ut and Playa Grande, Costa Rica.

E27 - Beyond Betrayal Trauma with Kristin Hodson, LCSW

Kristin B. Hodson

Latter-day Saints have been talking about what an ideal marriage would look like ever since they were a young child in primary."I love to see the temple," they sing, "I'll go inside someday."No one goes into a marriage thinking they are going to experience a betrayal.So, what happens when that story of the ideal marriage gets ripped out of your hands? When betrayal happens, what do you do next? How to you navigate all the emotions that come along with it without dooming the relationship to failure?In this week's episode of the podcast, we continue our conversation with Kristin Hodson, AASECT certified Sex Therapist and LCSW, about how to navigate an intimate betrayal in your relationship.

Latter-day Saints have been talking about what an ideal marriage would look like ever since they were a young child in primary."I love to see the temple," they sing, "I'll go inside someday."No one goes into a marriage thinking they are going to experience a betrayal.So, what happens when that story of the ideal marriage gets ripped out of your hands? When betrayal happens, what do you do next? How to you navigate all the emotions that come along with it without dooming the relationship to failure?In this week's episode of the podcast, we continue our conversation with Kristin Hodson, AASECT certified Sex Therapist and LCSW, about how to navigate an intimate betrayal in your relationship.

E35 - Betrayal Trauma Part 2 with Kristin B. Hodson

Julie de Azevedo Hanks

Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and coach with over 28 years experience specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. She is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, an outpatient therapy clinic in Cottonwood Heights and Bountiful, UT, and serves as an assistant professor of social work at Utah Valley University.In addition to authoring two books, The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, Dr. Hanks is a blogger on Latter-day Saint Cultural issues, a speaker, a local and national media contributor, an online influencer, a private practice consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter.A native Californian, Hanks currently lives with her family in Sandy, UT. For additional resources visit DrJulieHanks.com or connect with @drjuliehanks on social media.

Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and coach with over 28 years experience specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. She is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, an outpatient therapy clinic in Cottonwood Heights and Bountiful, UT, and serves as an assistant professor of social work at Utah Valley University.In addition to authoring two books, The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, Dr. Hanks is a blogger on Latter-day Saint Cultural issues, a speaker, a local and national media contributor, an online influencer, a private practice consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter.A native Californian, Hanks currently lives with her family in Sandy, UT. For additional resources visit <a href="http://DrJulieHanks.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">DrJulieHanks.com</a> or connect with @drjuliehanks on social media.

E45 - Balancing Sacrifice and Self Care with Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks

Merrilee Boyack

Commit to your marriage as the #1 most important intimate relationship in your life.That’s right - your relationship with your spouse is even more important than your relationship with your kids! In the end, your kids will leave the nest, choose their own eternal partners, and be committed to creating their own eternal marriages (hopefully). Act in a way that demonstrates the importance of this relationship to you.Of the many roles that Merrilee has had in her life - author, mother, lawyer, motivational speaker, life coach - the most important one to her will always be that of “wife.”Date night is sacred time.Think of the person that you were 10 years ago. Do you have the same interests? Do you believe the same things? Have you learned new hobbies? Don’t stop getting to know your spouse. They are not going to be the same person that you married forever.Heavenly Father asks us for at least three hours a week to worship him. Do the same thing for your marriage. Commit to date night like you commit to going to church every Sunday!Leave the kids with a babysitter and don’t allow more than 50% of the conversation to revolve around the family. Mix it up, get creative and have fun with each other. Keep getting to know each other. This will protect you from waking up one morning and thinking, “Who is this person that I’m married to?”Remember, an outing with kids is a family gathering, not a date. Talking about the kids the whole time is a family planning meeting, not a date.Don’t take your spouse’s name in vain.How often do you complain about your spouse to your friends or family? This has sadly become a cultural norm. We often don’t think twice when we hear someone poke a jab at their husband in relief society, or jokingly complain about their wife during guys night.  You must protect your spouse’s name. Do not speak poorly of them to others, especially to family and friends. Create a safe space for them to be deeply vulnerable with you without the fear that their weaknesses, mistakes or shortcomings will be spread to others. Give your spouse the gift of knowing they can trust you with their whole self.Quit trying to “fix” your spouse by demanding they be like you.“Perfect” in a gospel sense simply means, “whole.”You are truly one with your spouse when you both bring your strengths and weaknesses to the table. Often times, your strengths will align with their weaknesses and vice versa. Celebrate what you both bring separately to the table and support each other as you help one another learn and grow.Neither of you are perfect. Acknowledge your differences. Allow the beautiful power of the Atonement to make up for the rest. That is when you become truly whole.The “Treat as if…” principle.Have you ever heard the phrase, “fake it til you make it?” There is power in committing to an outcome and than doing everything in your power to make that outcome a reality. If you want to be confident, act confident! Eventually it will become who you are.It is the same with your spouse. If you treat your spouse like they are lazy, stupid, or inconsiderate, that is what they will become. If you want them to be more patient, treat them like they are already patient. If you want them to be more loving and caring, treat them as such! Treat your spouse according to their potential. You will get what you are looking for.These are just a few simple things that can help your marriage become truly Celestial.A heavenly marriage doesn’t happen by accident! It is intentionally created.

<h2>Commit to your marriage as the #1 most important intimate relationship in your life.</h2>That’s right - your relationship with your spouse is even more important than your relationship with your kids! In the end, your kids will leave the nest, choose their own eternal partners, and be committed to creating their own eternal marriages (hopefully). Act in a way that demonstrates the importance of this relationship to you.Of the many roles that Merrilee has had in her life - author, mother, lawyer, motivational speaker, life coach - the most important one to her will always be that of “wife.”<h2>Date night is sacred time.</h2>Think of the person that you were 10 years ago. Do you have the same interests? Do you believe the same things? Have you learned new hobbies? Don’t stop getting to know your spouse. They are not going to be the same person that you married forever.Heavenly Father asks us for at least three hours a week to worship him. Do the same thing for your marriage. Commit to date night like you commit to going to church every Sunday!Leave the kids with a babysitter and don’t allow more than 50% of the conversation to revolve around the family. Mix it up, get creative and have fun with each other. Keep getting to know each other. This will protect you from waking up one morning and thinking, “Who is this person that I’m married to?”Remember, an outing with kids is a family gathering, not a date. Talking about the kids the whole time is a family planning meeting, not a date.<h2>Don’t take your spouse’s name in vain.</h2>How often do you complain about your spouse to your friends or family? This has sadly become a cultural norm. We often don’t think twice when we hear someone poke a jab at their husband in relief society, or jokingly complain about their wife during guys night.  You must protect your spouse’s name. Do not speak poorly of them to others, especially to family and friends. Create a safe space for them to be deeply vulnerable with you without the fear that their weaknesses, mistakes or shortcomings will be spread to others. Give your spouse the gift of knowing they can trust you with their whole self.<h2>Quit trying to “fix” your spouse by demanding they be like you.</h2>“Perfect” in a gospel sense simply means, “whole.”You are truly one with your spouse when you both bring your strengths and weaknesses to the table. Often times, your strengths will align with their weaknesses and vice versa. Celebrate what you both bring separately to the table and support each other as you help one another learn and grow.Neither of you are perfect. Acknowledge your differences. Allow the beautiful power of the Atonement to make up for the rest. That is when you become truly whole.<h2>The “Treat as if…” principle.</h2>Have you ever heard the phrase, “fake it til you make it?” There is power in committing to an outcome and than doing everything in your power to make that outcome a reality. If you want to be confident, act confident! Eventually it will become who you are.It is the same with your spouse. If you treat your spouse like they are lazy, stupid, or inconsiderate, that is what they will become. If you want them to be more patient, treat them like they are already patient. If you want them to be more loving and caring, treat them as such! Treat your spouse according to their potential. You will get what you are looking for.These are just a few simple things that can help your marriage become truly Celestial.A heavenly marriage doesn’t happen by accident! It is intentionally created.

E07 - Living the Dream with Merrilee Boyack

Alanna Francom

Kurt is the founder of the Leading LDS podcast and website. He provides LDS Leaders with tools, resources, and training to effectively do magnify their callings. His interviews are awesome. If you have a leadership calling in the church, he definitely has something to help you do it better.

Kurt is the founder of the <a href="https://leadinglds.org/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Leading LDS</a> podcast and website. He provides LDS Leaders with tools, resources, and training to effectively do magnify their callings. His interviews are awesome. If you have a leadership calling in the church, he definitely has something to help you do it better.

E05 - The Pressure Church Leadership Positions Put on Marriage with Kurt and Alanna Francom

If you want one of your own questions answered on the podcast, send it to us here.

If you want one of your own questions answered on the podcast, send it to us <a href="https://www.mormonmarriages.com/contact/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>.

E15 - What To Do When You're Frustrated With Your Partner Q&A with Nate & Angilyn

Setema Gali

Setema Gali is a world-class coach, speaker, trainer, and author of the book Winning After the Game.He works with highly-committed individuals to identify the necessary required actions to create the kind of life they want.Setema is also a Super Bowl Champion, an invested and attentive husband, and a committed father.Check out his book Winning After The Game to learn how he's created a wealthy life after going bankrupt, losing everything, and even having to sell his Super Bowl Ring.4:16 How Setema met and pursued his wife6:25 They were best friends - he felt like he could not be without her8:50 How they deal with conflict. They have a clear purpose in creating a happy marriage, and they do what it takes to build one despite arguments or disagreements8:45 “I don’t want this. Let’s talk RIGHT NOW” Quickly overcome negativity, bitterness, anger, etc. Clean things up fast.10:55 Clarity is power. If you are really clear on what you want, it is simple and easy to know what needs to be done to get it.11:20 Believe it is possible to have an amazing marriage that works12:35 An apology does not have to be an admission of guilt, but an opportunity to heal your partner.12:50 You most often don’t hurt your partner on purpose, but it happens. Regardless of whether you meant it or not, it creates a gap in your relationship; a wound that needs to be healed.13:25 When his wife said something that hurt him, his instinct was to shut down and pull away. Because of the clear agreement they have to confront and resolve quickly, he talked with her about it soon after. She had no idea she had hurt him, but she apologized. They hugged, cried and expressed love to each other and the issue resolved.15:10 Ask for what you want and need15:45 The happiest couples have a “low negativity threshold”16:25 Live by agreements; not expectations. Be clear on your goals and purposes, but don’t hold your partner to perfection. This leaves room for being able to communicate your wants and desires.18:15 Don’t be afraid to confront your spouse when something isn’t right. Do it with love, kindness and integrity.18:50 If you ask couples what they really want in their marriage, few will be able to answer with a clear purpose.19:35 Having a clear purpose helps to create and intentional and deliberate way of life.20:20 Be committed to your dreams, goals, and visions. Focus on improving 1% each day.22:05 You can have whatever kind of marriage you want. The marriage that you currently have is the marriage that you’ve chosen to create (for good or for bad). If it’s not what you want, then choose to change and create it.23:00 Before having this type of conversation, set it up with an agreement and a clear purpose. “I want to have a conversation about how we can be better in our marriage, and I want you to be 100% open and honest with how you feel. Can you do that?”23:50 These types of conversations take practice, but the more you do it, the more natural and quickly they can occur.24:05 “What can I do better?”25:05 “What do you want or need [in the home, in our marriage, with finances, sex etc]”25:25 “What’s working?” “What’s not working?” “What’s missing?” “What’s next?”26:50 What do I want in my marriage, and what is required of me to get it?27:00 Effective communication is key28:45 “Where are you at right now?”29:05 Winning after the game31:05 Be clear about what you want, and then be committed to achieving it.31:35 Marriage is the most important thing for our country and for our world.31:40 A happy couple can teach their kids the model of a healthy relationship32:30 Wealth is beyond money32:55 Happy families and happy homes breed powerful people33:20 “Whatever you want, you can have. Whatever you have is your choice.”

Setema Gali is a world-class coach, speaker, trainer, and author of the book Winning After the Game.He works with highly-committed individuals to identify the necessary required actions to create the kind of life they want.Setema is also a Super Bowl Champion, an invested and attentive husband, and a committed father.Check out his book Winning After The Game to learn how he's created a wealthy life after going bankrupt, losing everything, and even having to sell his Super Bowl Ring.<ul><li>4:16 How Setema met and pursued his wife</li><li>6:25 They were best friends - he felt like he could not be without her</li><li>8:50 How they deal with conflict. They have a clear purpose in creating a happy marriage, and they do what it takes to build one despite arguments or disagreements</li><li>8:45 “I don’t want this. Let’s talk RIGHT NOW” Quickly overcome negativity, bitterness, anger, etc. Clean things up fast.</li><li>10:55 Clarity is power. If you are really clear on what you want, it is simple and easy to know what needs to be done to get it.</li><li>11:20 Believe it is possible to have an amazing marriage that works</li><li>12:35 An apology does not have to be an admission of guilt, but an opportunity to heal your partner.</li><li>12:50 You most often don’t hurt your partner on purpose, but it happens. Regardless of whether you meant it or not, it creates a gap in your relationship; a wound that needs to be healed.</li><li>13:25 When his wife said something that hurt him, his instinct was to shut down and pull away. Because of the clear agreement they have to confront and resolve quickly, he talked with her about it soon after. She had no idea she had hurt him, but she apologized. They hugged, cried and expressed love to each other and the issue resolved.</li><li>15:10 Ask for what you want and need</li><li>15:45 The happiest couples have a “low negativity threshold”</li><li>16:25 Live by agreements; not expectations. Be clear on your goals and purposes, but don’t hold your partner to perfection. This leaves room for being able to communicate your wants and desires.</li><li>18:15 Don’t be afraid to confront your spouse when something isn’t right. Do it with love, kindness and integrity.</li><li>18:50 If you ask couples what they really want in their marriage, few will be able to answer with a clear purpose.</li><li>19:35 Having a clear purpose helps to create and intentional and deliberate way of life.</li><li>20:20 Be committed to your dreams, goals, and visions. Focus on improving 1% each day.</li><li>22:05 You can have whatever kind of marriage you want. The marriage that you currently have is the marriage that you’ve chosen to create (for good or for bad). If it’s not what you want, then choose to change and create it.</li><li>23:00 Before having this type of conversation, set it up with an agreement and a clear purpose. “I want to have a conversation about how we can be better in our marriage, and I want you to be 100% open and honest with how you feel. Can you do that?”</li><li>23:50 These types of conversations take practice, but the more you do it, the more natural and quickly they can occur.</li><li>24:05 “What can I do better?”</li><li>25:05 “What do you want or need [in the home, in our marriage, with finances, sex etc]”</li><li>25:25 “What’s working?” “What’s not working?” “What’s missing?” “What’s next?”</li><li>26:50 What do I want in my marriage, and what is required of me to get it?</li><li>27:00 Effective communication is key</li><li>28:45 “Where are you at right now?”</li><li>29:05 Winning after the game</li><li>31:05 Be clear about what you want, and then be committed to achieving it.</li><li>31:35 Marriage is the most important thing for our country and for our world.</li><li>31:40 A happy couple can teach their kids the model of a healthy relationship</li><li>32:30 Wealth is beyond money</li><li>32:55 Happy families and happy homes breed powerful people</li><li>33:20 “Whatever you want, you can have. Whatever you have is your choice.”</li></ul>

E04 - Clarity is Power with Super Bowl Champion, Setema Gali

Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a licensed psychotherapist with a Ph.D in Counseling Psychology from Boston College. She wrote her dissertation on LDS women and sexuality, has taught college-level courses on human sexuality, and currently teaches online and community-based relationship and sexuality courses to LDS couples. She is a frequent contributor on the subjects of sexuality, mental health, and spirituality to LDS-themed blogs, magazines, and podcasts. She maintains a private practice in Chicago where she lives with her husband and three children. She is an active member of the LDS church.2:35 Jennifer’s workshop “Art of Desire”4:15 The meaning frames that humans create to justify or explain their circumstances6:45 It is necessary to integrate your god-given sexuality8:00 “False tradition” says that sexuality is a necessary evil8:35 Mormon theology for sexuality9:10 Ways to be evil10:15 Sexuality and goodness11:15 Adjusting to marriage14:00 Steps to cultivating god-given desire14:30 we run our own sexuality, it doesn’t run us16:45 What happens when you’re afraid of your sexuality (repression or indulgence)18:15 Sexual contract - marriage is a chosen relationship; to know and be known20:45 Marriage pushes your development21:30 What can my marriage teach me?22:15 “Ticks and moles”23:10 You live in the environment that you create23:45 We self deceive and collude in not dealing with troubles (polite marriage vs intimate marriage)24:15 Measuring quality of marriage25:30 Can there be room for the best of both partners? We often want our own limitations to prevail while expecting our spouses’ limitations to disappear26:00 Victim mentality (guilt your spouse into submission) It may look like there’s peace, but there will be underlying anger and resentment.27:00 Unrealistic fantasy of “oneness”28:00 Using the validation of others to sustain your own sense of self28:50 “In the name of Love, we can sometimes suck the lives out of our spouses” (validate me, reinforce me)29:45 Choose to love someone, limitations and all30:00 Breaking the bond of using someone else for your own validation31:40 Even if your partner says all the right words, it won’t land anywhere if you don’t feel it in your heart32:30 Taking accountability for your own life33:15 “False tradition” if women want to develop vs nurture, then they are selfish (we’ve come to earth to develop and create)34:30 Create a sense of self34:50 Self deception is Satan’s path35:20 Taking responsibility for your own emotions37:25 Don’t try to manage your partner in order to manage yourself. Trying to control things we have no control over, like our spouses, distracts us from focusing on what we CAN control, like ourselves38:45 What are my blind spots that I have yet to confront?39:00 One of the kindest things you can do for your partner is to manage yourself (anxiety is infectious). This allows them to in turn manage THEMSELVES40:20 Ask yourself “what am I pretending not to know about my role in these circumstances”41:00 Confronting yourself is a scary thing, especially in a sexual relationship42:00 Own your own desire and ask for what you want vs covert contracts42:45 Owning your desire exposes you to the possibility of rejection. This is true intimacy and true vulnerability43:20 “you’re not allowed to complain about not getting something you’ve never asked for”44:05 it’s easier to sit in an entitled resentment thinking “you owe me” instead of asking for what you want and risking not getting it.44:45 When we don’t take responsibility of our desires, we stunt the development of our marriages and of ourselves44:55 if you’re not getting what you want in your marriage - #1 have you asked for it? #2 are you doing your part to create the possibility of getting it?46:40 We’re good at thinking about all of the things we think we are owed, but not so good at confronting our part in he negative reality we are living in47:10 Make it easy for your partner to give you what you want48:25 The theology of Mormonism contains the architecture for creating amazing marriages49:15 you come to know God through behavior, not ideas. It’s the way you act in our marriage that is a reflection of how much you understand God.

Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a licensed psychotherapist with a Ph.D in Counseling Psychology from Boston College. She wrote her dissertation on LDS women and sexuality, has taught college-level courses on human sexuality, and currently teaches online and community-based relationship and sexuality courses to LDS couples. She is a frequent contributor on the subjects of sexuality, mental health, and spirituality to LDS-themed blogs, magazines, and podcasts. She maintains a <a href="http://www.finlayson-fife.com/counseling-services-local-and-skype/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">private practice in Chicago</a> where she lives with her husband and three children. She is an active member of the LDS church.2:35 Jennifer’s workshop “Art of Desire”4:15 The meaning frames that humans create to justify or explain their circumstances6:45 It is necessary to integrate your god-given sexuality8:00 “False tradition” says that sexuality is a necessary evil8:35 Mormon theology for sexuality9:10 Ways to be evil10:15 Sexuality and goodness11:15 Adjusting to marriage14:00 Steps to cultivating god-given desire14:30 we run our own sexuality, it doesn’t run us16:45 What happens when you’re afraid of your sexuality (repression or indulgence)18:15 Sexual contract - marriage is a chosen relationship; to know and be known20:45 Marriage pushes your development21:30 What can my marriage teach me?22:15 “Ticks and moles”23:10 You live in the environment that you create23:45 We self deceive and collude in not dealing with troubles (polite marriage vs intimate marriage)24:15 Measuring quality of marriage25:30 Can there be room for the best of both partners? We often want our own limitations to prevail while expecting our spouses’ limitations to disappear26:00 Victim mentality (guilt your spouse into submission) It may look like there’s peace, but there will be underlying anger and resentment.27:00 Unrealistic fantasy of “oneness”28:00 Using the validation of others to sustain your own sense of self28:50 “In the name of Love, we can sometimes suck the lives out of our spouses” (validate me, reinforce me)29:45 Choose to love someone, limitations and all30:00 Breaking the bond of using someone else for your own validation31:40 Even if your partner says all the right words, it won’t land anywhere if you don’t feel it in your heart32:30 Taking accountability for your own life33:15 “False tradition” if women want to develop vs nurture, then they are selfish (we’ve come to earth to develop and create)34:30 Create a sense of self34:50 Self deception is Satan’s path35:20 Taking responsibility for your own emotions37:25 Don’t try to manage your partner in order to manage yourself. Trying to control things we have no control over, like our spouses, distracts us from focusing on what we CAN control, like ourselves38:45 What are my blind spots that I have yet to confront?39:00 One of the kindest things you can do for your partner is to manage yourself (anxiety is infectious). This allows them to in turn manage THEMSELVES40:20 Ask yourself “what am I pretending not to know about my role in these circumstances”41:00 Confronting yourself is a scary thing, especially in a sexual relationship42:00 Own your own desire and ask for what you want vs covert contracts42:45 Owning your desire exposes you to the possibility of rejection. This is true intimacy and true vulnerability43:20 “you’re not allowed to complain about not getting something you’ve never asked for”44:05 it’s easier to sit in an entitled resentment thinking “you owe me” instead of asking for what you want and risking not getting it.44:45 When we don’t take responsibility of our desires, we stunt the development of our marriages and of ourselves44:55 if you’re not getting what you want in your marriage - #1 have you asked for it? #2 are you doing your part to create the possibility of getting it?46:40 We’re good at thinking about all of the things we think we are owed, but not so good at confronting our part in he negative reality we are living in47:10 Make it easy for your partner to give you what you want48:25 The theology of Mormonism contains the architecture for creating amazing marriages49:15 you come to know God through behavior, not ideas. It’s the way you act in our marriage that is a reflection of how much you understand God.

E16 - The Divinity of Desire with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife Anniversary Re-Launch

Alan Hawkins

Have you ever found yourself thinking about divorce? Have you had thoughts like, "did I marry the wrong person?" or "Is my marriage going to fail?"According to Dr. Alan Hawkins' research on divorce ideation, you wouldn't be alone. His studies have shown that around 25% of married individuals have thought about divorce in the last 6 months alone.Does that mean your marriage is doomed? Absolutely not! In this episode of the podcast, we chat with Dr. Alan Hawkins about exactly what divorce ideation is and why you may have it. We talk about how you can use those thoughts as a catalyst to help your marriage be better than it ever has been. We also discuss those instances when divorce really is best for everyone involved. For a topic that is often taboo in church culture, Dr. Alan Hawkins provides comforting and reassuring research to help you navigate having thoughts of divorce. Enjoy!

Have you ever found yourself thinking about divorce? Have you had thoughts like, "did I marry the wrong person?" or "Is my marriage going to fail?"According to Dr. Alan Hawkins' research on divorce ideation, you wouldn't be alone. His studies have shown that around 25% of married individuals have thought about divorce in the last 6 months alone.Does that mean your marriage is doomed? Absolutely not! In this episode of the podcast, we chat with Dr. Alan Hawkins about exactly what divorce ideation is and why you may have it. We talk about how you can use those thoughts as a catalyst to help your marriage be better than it ever has been. We also discuss those instances when divorce really is best for everyone involved. For a topic that is often taboo in church culture, Dr. Alan Hawkins provides comforting and reassuring research to help you navigate having thoughts of divorce. Enjoy!

E38 - Divorce Ideation with Dr. Alan Hawkins

So, if a Celestial Marriage isn't something that just happens to us on the day we're sealed, how do I create one? What steps do I need to take? What does it even look like?These are the questions we're out to answer on the podcast.We realize most people haven't had many great examples of incredible, lasting, passionate marriages.Most people haven't seen marriages overflowing with kindness, honesty, desire, forgiveness, intimacy, vulnerability, and true charity. And because we don't have these examples after which we can model our behavior, we end up getting stuck, walking on eggshells, avoiding hard topics, watching lots of Netflix, burying our noses in our phones, and stalling our eternal growth.On Mormon Marriages, we will show you what extraordinary love looks like in many different forms. Some of them you'll love, some of them you might bristle at. We'll give you examples you can draw from, and offer you goals you can set for yourself.Our hope is that we will inspire you to build your Eternal Marriage in the way that gets you excited and motivated. You get one shot at creating something legendary that can last forever. Don't waste it! 

So, if a Celestial Marriage isn't something that just happens to us on the day we're sealed, how do I create one? What steps do I need to take? What does it even look like?These are the questions we're out to answer on the podcast.We realize most people haven't had many great examples of incredible, lasting, passionate marriages.Most people haven't seen marriages overflowing with kindness, honesty, desire, forgiveness, intimacy, vulnerability, and true charity. And because we don't have these examples after which we can model our behavior, we end up getting stuck, walking on eggshells, avoiding hard topics, watching lots of Netflix, burying our noses in our phones, and stalling our eternal growth.On Mormon Marriages, we will show you what extraordinary love looks like in many different forms. Some of them you'll love, some of them you might bristle at. We'll give you examples you can draw from, and offer you goals you can set for yourself.Our hope is that we will inspire you to build your Eternal Marriage in the way that gets you excited and motivated. You get one shot at creating something legendary that can last forever. Don't waste it!

E06 - Why We Started Mormon Marriages | Q&A with Nate and Angilyn

Ruben Matangi

Ruben and RyLee have been married for 7 years and have 3 beautiful girls ages 5 and under. Through navigating career choices, becoming new parents, four moves, and a baby being life flighted, RyLee has also dealt with chronic eczema from head to toe. This past year it has gotten out of control to the point of leaving her in bed for weeks and even months on end. With three tiny girls that depend on her during the day, life seemed suddenly unmanageable. Spending money on doctors appointments, treatments and answers to no avail, their marriage has been stretched and challenged. Ultimately, even though they are still in the depths of searching for answers regarding RyLee’s health, this trial has brought them closer as they continue to navigate this journey together.

Ruben and RyLee have been married for 7 years and have 3 beautiful girls ages 5 and under. Through navigating career choices, becoming new parents, four moves, and a baby being life flighted, RyLee has also dealt with chronic eczema from head to toe. This past year it has gotten out of control to the point of leaving her in bed for weeks and even months on end. With three tiny girls that depend on her during the day, life seemed suddenly unmanageable. Spending money on doctors appointments, treatments and answers to no avail, their marriage has been stretched and challenged. Ultimately, even though they are still in the depths of searching for answers regarding RyLee’s health, this trial has brought them closer as they continue to navigate this journey together.

E40 - In Sickness and in Health with RyLee and Ruben Matangi

The Best Multi-Part Documentaries, with documentaries on Obama, Federer vs Nadal, the making of Star Wars, Netflix vs Blockbuster and more. Add episodes you're interested into your queue below!

Best Multi-Part Documentaries

The best philosophy podcast episodes. Asking questions about how to live a better life, what it means to be and do good, to the idea of God. This topic includes episodes that bring about important questions that everyone should be asking themselves. Add episodes you're interested into your queue below!