In the midst of Turtle mania, surrounded by Street Sharks, Battletoads and Martian Biker Mice, one studio decided to do things backwards: What if we made the tie-in videogame first, and made the cartoon second? Unfortunately the game was a disaster, so obviously the adventures of Bullet-head Man, Horny Buzzsaw-for-legs Girl, Sentient Toolbox and uh... some other ones. They're a team, they fought crime, probably. Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

In the midst of Turtle mania, surrounded by Street Sharks, Battletoads and Martian Biker Mice, one studio decided to do things backwards: What if we made the tie-in videogame first, and made the cartoon second? Unfortunately the game was a disaster, so obviously the adventures of Bullet-head Man, Horny Buzzsaw-for-legs Girl, Sentient Toolbox and uh... some other ones. They're a team, they fought crime, probably. Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

508 - Defenders of Dynatron City

Wouldn't you know it, John doesn't spend enough time with his family! But that's ok, they're going on a long cruise, just the four of them. But oh no! The boat sank, they're drowning! But that's ok, they washed up on an island, with people and everything! The people tell them they've been there for decades and you can never leave, but that's ok! The beach is nice! Also one of the kids needs insulin and is running out, but that's ok! There's magic dolphins! That's ok! That's ok! That's ok That's ok That's okthat'sokthatsokthatsokthatsokthatsokthatsokthatsokthatsokthatsok S O S A O K S O S S O S A O K S O S S O S A O K S O S S O S A O K S O S Reviewers: James Ferris, David Shaw, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

Wouldn't you know it, John doesn't spend enough time with his family! But that's ok, they're going on a long cruise, just the four of them. But oh no! The boat sank, they're drowning! But that's ok, they washed up on an island, with people and everything! The people tell them they've been there for decades and you can never leave, but that's ok! The beach is nice! Also one of the kids needs insulin and is running out, but that's ok! There's magic dolphins! That's ok! That's ok! That's ok That's ok That's okthat'sokthatsokthatsokthatsokthatsokthatsokthatsokthatsokthatsok S O S A O K S O S S O S A O K S O S S O S A O K S O S S O S A O K S O S Reviewers: James Ferris, David Shaw, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

507 - Bermuda Triangle

Our first Failure to Launch for 2020 is the super-1985 Suburban Beat, the story of 4 suburban housewives thrown together by circumstance (they wanted to) to solve the murder of their friend. I say friend, but to be honest they're kinda glib about the whole thing. This quickly changes, however, as the details of the murder become more and more serious, forcing them to come face to face with the dark underbelly of Middle America- I lied. They stay just as glib, but the rest of that stuff happens. Reviewers: James Ferris, David Shaw, Lisa Dibb, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

Our first Failure to Launch for 2020 is the super-1985 Suburban Beat, the story of 4 suburban housewives thrown together by circumstance (they wanted to) to solve the murder of their friend. I say friend, but to be honest they're kinda glib about the whole thing. This quickly changes, however, as the details of the murder become more and more serious, forcing them to come face to face with the dark underbelly of Middle America- I lied. They stay just as glib, but the rest of that stuff happens. Reviewers: James Ferris, David Shaw, Lisa Dibb, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

506 - Suburban Beat

Rem Lazar

Two kids cuddle a shitty mannequin who turns into a man with a blue mullet. He avoids getting stabbed in 80s New York City while teaching the kids about centrist politics. None of them can sing, but they do and you can't stop them. This is Creating Rem Lazar, and it's madness. You can find Sarah and Michael's podcast, Sarah and Michael Save Christmas here, or find them on twitter at @meandmyeasel for Michael, or @why_in_the_heck for Sarah! Reviewers: James Ferris, Sarah Baggs, Michael Williams Soundboard: Lisa Dibb

Two kids cuddle a shitty mannequin who turns into a man with a blue mullet. He avoids getting stabbed in 80s New York City while teaching the kids about centrist politics. None of them can sing, but they do and you can't stop them. This is Creating Rem Lazar, and it's madness. You can find Sarah and Michael's podcast, Sarah and Michael Save Christmas <a href="https://itsaduckblur.libsyn.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>, or find them on twitter at <a href="https://twitter.com/meandmyeasel" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">@meandmyeasel</a> for Michael, or <a href="https://twitter.com/why_in_the_heck" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">@why_in_the_heck</a> for Sarah! Reviewers: James Ferris, Sarah Baggs, Michael Williams Soundboard: Lisa Dibb

505 - Creating Rem Lazar

Madame Sin

This week we're looking at our oldest pilot ever, Madame Sin, a 1973 attempt to kinda do Bond on TV, but what if the villain was the protagonist and also Bette Davis? She's got everything: weird gadgets, a secret lair, underground lab filled with mad scientists, a delightfully camp second-in-command, even a plan to steal a nuclear submarine! The only thing she's missing is someone willing to tell her to stop adding steps to her plan, or maybe suggest she think about using that mind control device more often. Reviewers: James Ferris, David Shaw, Harry Brimage Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

This week we're looking at our oldest pilot ever, Madame Sin, a 1973 attempt to kinda do Bond on TV, but what if the villain was the protagonist and also Bette Davis? She's got everything: weird gadgets, a secret lair, underground lab filled with mad scientists, a delightfully camp second-in-command, even a plan to steal a nuclear submarine! The only thing she's missing is someone willing to tell her to stop adding steps to her plan, or maybe suggest she think about using that mind control device more often. Reviewers: James Ferris, David Shaw, Harry Brimage Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

504 - Madame Sin

This Failure to Launch covers The Owl, a trapped-between-eras vigilante hero who is both an 80s style down-and-dirty street justice thug and, in 90s style, named for a dumb bird. When The Owl comes up against rapping drug dealer Cool Ice (he has a henchman with a boombox on standby), no amount of carbombed daughters or late city busses can stop him getting shot repeatedly for justice. A quick lie down might be good though. Or a shower. Goddamn this guy really needs a shower. Reviewers: James Ferris, David Shaw, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

This Failure to Launch covers The Owl, a trapped-between-eras vigilante hero who is both an 80s style down-and-dirty street justice thug and, in 90s style, named for a dumb bird. When The Owl comes up against rapping drug dealer Cool Ice (he has a henchman with a boombox on standby), no amount of carbombed daughters or late city busses can stop him getting shot repeatedly for justice. A quick lie down might be good though. Or a shower. Goddamn this guy really needs a shower. Reviewers: James Ferris, David Shaw, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

503 - The Owl

It wouldn't be a season of Failure to Launch without a crimefighting dog, so here's Sniff, another pilot from the 1988 CBS Summer Playhouse (pls bring this back CBS it's been so bountiful.) Robert Wuhl, best known for being that reporter in most of Kim Basinger's scenes in Batman '89, is Sid Barrows, a reporter in most of the dog's scenes in this thing. Nominally he's here to solve crimes but as is trad the dog does most of the heavy lifting. Every crimefighting dog show needs a twist though, and Sniff's is... Sid's dad seems to live with him and do most of the homemaking? It's unconventional but also surprisingly charming. 4 stars. Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Lisa Dibb Soundboard: Andrew Cherry Sniff on IMDB

It wouldn't be a season of Failure to Launch without a crimefighting dog, so here's Sniff, another pilot from the 1988 CBS Summer Playhouse (pls bring this back CBS it's been so bountiful.) Robert Wuhl, best known for being that reporter in most of Kim Basinger's scenes in Batman '89, is Sid Barrows, a reporter in most of the dog's scenes in this thing. Nominally he's here to solve crimes but as is trad the dog does most of the heavy lifting. Every crimefighting dog show needs a twist though, and Sniff's is... Sid's dad seems to live with him and do most of the homemaking? It's unconventional but also surprisingly charming. 4 stars. Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Lisa Dibb Soundboard: Andrew Cherry <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0927225/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Sniff on IMDB</a>

502 - Sniff

Failure to Launch is BACK, with... essentially the same pilot we left you with. Scott Bakula* gets into an accident with a space probe,* and ends up with superpowers.* He has to fight a billionaire* with the help of a love interest.* This time though, instead of a son, he has... the Island... also the probe is inside him. Right up there. Two years later he'd escape Failed Pilot Island with Quantum Leap, but we're still here, sifting through the rubble for Billy Zane projects. Season 5! *again Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

Failure to Launch is BACK, with... essentially the same pilot we left you with. Scott Bakula* gets into an accident with a space probe,* and ends up with superpowers.* He has to fight a billionaire* with the help of a love interest.* This time though, instead of a son, he has... the Island... also the probe is inside him. Right up there. Two years later he'd escape Failed Pilot Island with Quantum Leap, but we're still here, sifting through the rubble for Billy Zane projects. Season 5! *again Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

501 - Infiltrator

In this 'Christmas' edition of Failure to Launch, we examine I-Man, a Scott Bakula Sci-Fi vehicle in which he learns the meaning of Christma- wait, no, he inhales a mysterious gas from space. After inhaling it, he finds he has been turned into Jolly Old Saint Nicho- whoops nope he gets blown up and miraculously recovers, as he is now immortal. Actually, this pilot has nothing to do with Christmas really, but it does have laser guns and a truck that falls off a cliff for SO LONG, so there's that. Merry Christmas! Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

In this 'Christmas' edition of Failure to Launch, we examine I-Man, a Scott Bakula Sci-Fi vehicle in which he learns the meaning of Christma- wait, no, he inhales a mysterious gas from space. After inhaling it, he finds he has been turned into Jolly Old Saint Nicho- whoops nope he gets blown up and miraculously recovers, as he is now immortal. Actually, this pilot has nothing to do with Christmas really, but it does have laser guns and a truck that falls off a cliff for SO LONG, so there's that. Merry Christmas! Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

432 - I-Man

This week on FtL, we travelled back in time, then forward again, to look at a sexy, revamped version of the Three Musketeers. But these aren’t your grandma’s stogy old Musketeers, all 17th Century and French and shit. These bad boys (and girl! Fancy!) live in America in the year 2000, only… different. There’s no guns (or even, y’know, muskets), and instead of police there’s Musketeers. But also the Cardinal’s men, who are also the police? Plus there’s a Cardinal, and a King, who are at war while also being buddies, and uh… Apart from mobile phones and cars this is pretty much just the three musketeers. Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, David Shaw Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

This week on FtL, we travelled back in time, then forward again, to look at a sexy, revamped version of the Three Musketeers. But these aren’t your grandma’s stogy old Musketeers, all 17th Century and French and shit. These bad boys (and girl! Fancy!) live in America in the year 2000, only… different. There’s no guns (or even, y’know, muskets), and instead of police there’s Musketeers. But also the Cardinal’s men, who are also the police? Plus there’s a Cardinal, and a King, who are at war while also being buddies, and uh… Apart from mobile phones and cars this is pretty much just the three musketeers. Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, David Shaw Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

431 - M3K

We’re all familiar with the idea of a pilot episode, the one-off test run of a series to see whether or not it could ever work as a television show. But what happens to the shows that never make it past that stage? Usually they’re cast aside and disappear from the public eye forever, doomed to fade into obscurity.But Melbourne comedy troupe The Consumption say “No more!” We are reaching deep into the bowels of television history to bring you back hot, steaming piles of TV's many bizarre miscarriages. All while mixing the most disgusting metaphors possible.We’ll seek out and expose ourselves to the worst television pilots ever made so you don’t have to. Each episode will see us dissect and discuss another horrible failed pilot for our amusement. Join us in our schadenfreude as we talk about wrestlers solving crimes, invisible monsters, kung-fu ravers, talking dogs solving crimes, teleporting stand-up comedians, cross dressing misogynists, magicians solving crimes and a whole bunch of other terrible ideas, most of which involve crimes being solved.Welcome to Failure to Launch! The only TV podcast about shows that don’t exist.

One of my favorites

I love this podcast. I love Harry Brimmage. I want more Lucy Shaw. Keep it up everyone.

A Australian diamond in an Australian rough.

We’re all familiar with the idea of a pilot episode, the one-off test run of a series to see whether or not it could ever work as a television show. But what happens to the shows that never make it past that stage? Usually they’re cast aside and disappear from the public eye forever, doomed to fade into obscurity. But Melbourne comedy troupe The Consumption say “No more!” We are reaching deep into the bowels of television history to bring you back hot, steaming piles of TV's many bizarre miscarriages. All while mixing the most disgusting metaphors possible. We’ll seek out and expose ourselves to the worst television pilots ever made so you don’t have to. Each episode will see us dissect and discuss another horrible failed pilot for our amusement. Join us in our schadenfreude as we talk about wrestlers solving crimes, invisible monsters, kung-fu ravers, talking dogs solving crimes, teleporting stand-up comedians, cross dressing misogynists, magicians solving crimes and a whole bunch of other terrible ideas, most of which involve crimes being solved. Welcome to Failure to Launch! The only TV podcast about shows that don’t exist.

Failure To Launch

This week, we allegedly murdered our collective will to continue the podcast by subjecting ourselves to "Juiced", a hidden camera prank "show" starring sportsman, actor and...guy OJ Simpson. OJ does what Jackass was doing when those guys were 13, only with more gratutious female nudity, bad rapping and poorly thought-out "ideas". Now that we have seen this slight against God of a pilot, we can only pray for future generations, and you, to never have to witness the birth of the spawn of the Dark One, or this show.  Have mercy.   Show notes:  Vice - I Was OJ Simpson's Accomplice (on His Hidden-Camera Prank Show)  Filmdrunk - Remembering ‘Juiced,’ OJ Simpson’s Bizarre, Punk’d-Style Prank Video IMDB - Juiced with OJ Simpson   Reviewers: James Ferris, Lisa Dib, Alex Malone, Harry Brimage Soundboard: Dave Shaw

This week, we allegedly murdered our collective will to continue the podcast by subjecting ourselves to "Juiced", a hidden camera prank "show" starring sportsman, actor and...guy OJ Simpson. OJ does what Jackass was doing when those guys were 13, only with more gratutious female nudity, bad rapping and poorly thought-out "ideas". Now that we have seen this slight against God of a pilot, we can only pray for future generations, and you, to never have to witness the birth of the spawn of the Dark One, or this show.  Have mercy. Show notes: <a href="http://www.vice.com/read/i-was-oj-simpsons-accomplice-on-his-hidden-camera-prank-show-juiced" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Vice - I Was OJ Simpson's Accomplice (on His Hidden-Camera Prank Show)</a> <a href="http://uproxx.com/filmdrunk/2015/08/juiced-oj-simpson-prank-video/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> Filmdrunk - Remembering ‘Juiced,’ OJ Simpson’s Bizarre, Punk’d-Style Prank Video</a> <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0800100/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">IMDB - Juiced with OJ Simpson</a> Reviewers: James Ferris, Lisa Dib, Alex Malone, Harry Brimage Soundboard: Dave Shaw

224 - Juiced with OJ Simpson

This early 90s adventure series tells the tale of a disparate group of castaways, stranded on a mysterious tropical island, following a harrowing plane crash. But it's not Lost. As they battle against the elements and each other, they discover that the island is home to all manner of bizarre unexplainable phenomena. But it's totally not Lost. Alright? Things begin to fall into place when they discover an abandoned military outpost. I swear it was over a decade before Lost. An outpost that was conducting bizarre paranormal experiments. Holy shit, I know it sounds like we just watched a few episodes of Lost, but I swear we didn't. But if you loved Lost, or hated Lost, or never saw even a single episode of Lost, then Danger Island is just awful either way.   The Presence - IMDB The Presence - Wikipedia Reviewers: James Ferris, Andrew Cherry, Lisa Dib Soundboard: David Shaw

This early 90s adventure series tells the tale of a disparate group of castaways, stranded on a mysterious tropical island, following a harrowing plane crash. But it's not Lost. As they battle against the elements and each other, they discover that the island is home to all manner of bizarre unexplainable phenomena. But it's totally not Lost. Alright? Things begin to fall into place when they discover an abandoned military outpost. I swear it was over a decade before Lost. An outpost that was conducting bizarre paranormal experiments. Holy shit, I know it sounds like we just watched a few episodes of Lost, but I swear we didn't. But if you loved Lost, or hated Lost, or never saw even a single episode of Lost, then Danger Island is just awful either way. <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104049/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Presence - IMDB</a> <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Danger_Island_(film)" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Presence - Wikipedia</a> Reviewers: James Ferris, Andrew Cherry, Lisa Dib Soundboard: David Shaw

219 - Danger Island a.k.a. The Presence

At Failure to Launch, Halloween's not over yet!* Closing out this extended spoopy month is The Omen, a mid-90s attempt to serialise the 1970s film. In this version, Hotshot Reporter JACK MAN and two other people we don't care about because their names aren't JACK MAN team up to fight some sort of... possessey, flying, snakey... thing? Also it has human helpers, maybe? Dunno, there's a fair bit going on. Subscribe to Failure to Launch via iTunes (ow.ly/aGJz303czsE) or RSS (ow.ly/xXoU303czqq). Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Martin Dunlop Soundboard: Andrew Cherry *Cherry fucked up the releases and he's very sorry.

At Failure to Launch, Halloween's not over yet!* Closing out this extended spoopy month is The Omen, a mid-90s attempt to serialise the 1970s film. In this version, Hotshot Reporter JACK MAN and two other people we don't care about because their names aren't JACK MAN team up to fight some sort of... possessey, flying, snakey... thing? Also it has human helpers, maybe? Dunno, there's a fair bit going on. Subscribe to Failure to Launch via iTunes (<a href="http://ow.ly/aGJz303czsE" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">ow.ly/aGJz303czsE</a>) or RSS (<a href="http://ow.ly/xXoU303czqq" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">ow.ly/xXoU303czqq</a>). Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Martin Dunlop Soundboard: Andrew Cherry *Cherry fucked up the releases and he's very sorry.

428 - The Omen

In the Failure to Launch season finale, we go out with a baffling bang. Or, I guess, a crash, a premonition and age-disguising lighting. Old mate Leonard Nimoy plays Tom, a race-car driver who develops psychic powers somehow and get whisked off to "merry" old England to solve a number of odd mysteries in one big creepy mansion. We couldn't really grasp why a lot of it was happening but after last week's episode, we were just happy not to have been violently vomiting onto the floor. That’s it for this season; Failure to Launch returns early next year. See you then, Internet!   IMDB - Baffled! Wikipedia - Baffled!   Reviewers: James Ferris, Lisa Dib, Harry Brimage Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

In the Failure to Launch season finale, we go out with a baffling bang. Or, I guess, a crash, a premonition and age-disguising lighting. Old mate Leonard Nimoy plays Tom, a race-car driver who develops psychic powers somehow and get whisked off to "merry" old England to solve a number of odd mysteries in one big creepy mansion. We couldn't really grasp why a lot of it was happening but after last week's episode, we were just happy not to have been violently vomiting onto the floor. That’s it for this season; Failure to Launch returns early next year. See you then, Internet! <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0068248/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">IMDB - Baffled!</a> <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baffled!" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Wikipedia - Baffled!</a> Reviewers: James Ferris, Lisa Dib, Harry Brimage Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

225 - Baffled!

This week’s FtL examines Mickey &amp; Nora, a boilerplate 80s sitcom about the travails of a young newly-married couple and their wacky, disgraced West-African dictator sidekick, Colonel Ntsunge. And wacky side-characters don't come much wackier than the Colonel, as he bumbles through American customs, mispronounces catch phrases, and threatens his political enemies with ethnic cleansing. Mickey is a former CIA agent now working as a go-go eighties lawyer, only (wouldn't-ya-know-it) nobody believes he's left the agency! And for some reason everybody knows that he was in the agency! And he still acts and works and behaves like he's in the agency!! And - I can't stress this enough - his best friend is a disgraced Senegalese dictator hell bent on returning to power. It kind of seems like he's still in the agency! Only he can't be in the agency, see, because if was still in the agency then that would mean he wouldn't be allowed to nail his wife... and he really, really, really wants to nail his wife. Like, give it a rest Mickey. There are people over. People who have been charged with war crimes.   Reviewers: James Ferris, Andrew Cherry, Alex Malone Soundboard: Harry Brimage

This week’s FtL examines <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0245282/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Mickey &amp; Nora</a>, a boilerplate 80s sitcom about the travails of a young newly-married couple and their wacky, disgraced West-African dictator sidekick, Colonel Ntsunge. And wacky side-characters don't come much wackier than the Colonel, as he bumbles through American customs, mispronounces catch phrases, and threatens his political enemies with ethnic cleansing. Mickey is a former CIA agent now working as a go-go eighties lawyer, only (wouldn't-ya-know-it) nobody believes he's left the agency! And for some reason everybody knows that he was in the agency! And he still acts and works and behaves like he's in the agency!! And - I can't stress this enough - his best friend is a disgraced Senegalese dictator hell bent on returning to power. It kind of seems like he's still in the agency! Only he can't be in the agency, see, because if was still in the agency then that would mean he wouldn't be allowed to nail his wife... and he really, really, really wants to nail his wife. Like, give it a rest Mickey. There are people over. People who have been charged with war crimes. Reviewers: James Ferris, Andrew Cherry, Alex Malone Soundboard: Harry Brimage

214 - Mickey & Nora

This continuation of the spooky month has us watching Ultraviolet, a 2000s attempt by FOX to adapt a British series about cops and vampires. There were cops, and there were vampires, but they might have… forgotten what those are. Anyway, Idris Elba. Reviewers: James Ferris, Alex Malone, Lisa Dib, Harry Brimage Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

This continuation of the spooky month has us watching Ultraviolet, a 2000s attempt by FOX to adapt a British series about cops and vampires. There were cops, and there were vampires, but they might have… forgotten what those are. Anyway, Idris Elba. Reviewers: James Ferris, Alex Malone, Lisa Dib, Harry Brimage Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

427 - Ultraviolet

This week, Failure to Launch examines Faceless, a gritty crime drama in which Game of Thrones star Sean Bean actually lives to the end credits for once! Although the opening scene is him getting shot in the face. So y'know, grain of salt.   Reviewers: James Ferris, Martin Dunlop, Lisa Dib, Alex Malone Soundboard: Harry Brimage

This week, Failure to Launch examines Faceless, a gritty crime drama in which Game of Thrones star Sean Bean actually lives to the end credits for once! Although the opening scene is him getting shot in the face. So y'know, grain of salt. Reviewers: James Ferris, Martin Dunlop, Lisa Dib, Alex Malone Soundboard: Harry Brimage

212 - Faceless

The year is 1998 and the world has recently discovered ironic detachment. Scream 2 is but a fading memory, and Scream 3 is still a glimmer in Courtney Cox-Arquette's eye. Somebody had to fill that gap. In steps Shaun Cassidy, Failure to Launch's favourite snow globe enthusiast-cum-director, with another snow globe filled romp. It's fun. It's sexy. It's shot like a Smash Mouth video. It's almost certainly meta. Two aspiring film-makers team up with a generic 90s slacker-dude to make 1998's most daring reality show: Hollyweird. They bait, trap and torture suspected criminals, all on film, and all while apparently evading legal sanction. Then they have a nice pot of Ovaltine. At least I think they do. Or at least we spent a long time speculating that they might. Or on what exactly Ovaltine is. It's all a little hazy. All I know is that Americans should at least consider drinking Milo.   Reviewers: James Ferris, David Shaw, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

The year is 1998 and the world has recently discovered ironic detachment. Scream 2 is but a fading memory, and Scream 3 is still a glimmer in Courtney Cox-Arquette's eye. Somebody had to fill that gap. In steps Shaun Cassidy, Failure to Launch's favourite snow globe enthusiast-cum-director, with another snow globe filled romp. It's fun. It's sexy. It's shot like a Smash Mouth video. It's almost certainly meta. Two aspiring film-makers team up with a generic 90s slacker-dude to make 1998's most daring reality show: Hollyweird. They bait, trap and torture suspected criminals, all on film, and all while apparently evading legal sanction. Then they have a nice pot of Ovaltine. At least I think they do. Or at least we spent a long time speculating that they might. Or on what exactly Ovaltine is. It's all a little hazy. All I know is that Americans should at least consider drinking Milo. Reviewers: James Ferris, David Shaw, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

210 - Hollyweird

This week's pilot documents the real-life exploits of several couples who practise "the lifestyle", and what a life style it is! There's terrible parties, clumsy innuendo and even the occasional game of truth or dare. Well, that, and constant extra-marital affairs, so it's not all lame. This reality series about suburban swingers aired 2 episodes, so it's not technically a failed pilot. But as Neighbors with Benefits teaches us, it's not cheating if it doesn't break the rules.   Reviewers: James Ferris, David Shaw, Fabian Lapham Soundboard: Alex Malone

This week's pilot documents the real-life exploits of several couples who practise "the lifestyle", and what a life style it is! There's terrible parties, clumsy innuendo and even the occasional game of truth or dare. Well, that, and constant extra-marital affairs, so it's not all lame. This reality series about suburban swingers aired 2 episodes, so it's not technically a failed pilot. But as Neighbors with Benefits teaches us, it's not cheating if it doesn't break the rules. Reviewers: James Ferris, David Shaw, Fabian Lapham Soundboard: Alex Malone

209 - Neighbors With Benefits

Smallville, despite never being more than a mediocre show, managed to run for 10 seasons thanks to the popularity of Superman. Here's what happens when you do basically the same thing, but replace Metropolis with a bunch of fish. Reviewers: James Ferris, Lucy Shaw, Fabian Lapham, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smallville" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Smallville</a>, despite never being more than a mediocre show, managed to run for 10 seasons thanks to the popularity of Superman. Here's what happens when you do basically the same thing, but replace Metropolis with <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aquaman_(2006_TV_pilot)" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">a bunch of fish</a>. Reviewers: James Ferris, Lucy Shaw, Fabian Lapham, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

103 - Aquaman

This week on FAILURE TO LAUNCH we trash GARBAGE PAIL KIDS, starring the voices of Tara Strong (Powerpuff Girls, Fairly Odd Parents, My Little Pony) Cree Summer (Inspector Gadget, Tiny Toons) and Alyson Court (X-Men, Beetlejuice). Based on the popular trading cards of the 80s that were in turn a parody of the popular dolls "The Cabbage Patch Kids", Garbage Pail kids is a confusing fun mess. The toys of the world are mysteriously going haywire and it's up to five garbage children and a hot dog to solve the mystery! But don't worry about that because the show starts with a UFO movie parody! Giant ants invade the city! Overpriced toys! The Garbage Messiah! Adults hiding in bushes! Self Harm! A dirty old mattress factory! Slime! Men made of fingers and a security guard who has seen some shit! Shit you push down. Shit that never really leaves you. I need a drink. And you will too! So stick around and listen to what may be the strangest episode ever of Failure to Launch.

This week on FAILURE TO LAUNCH we trash GARBAGE PAIL KIDS, starring the voices of Tara Strong (Powerpuff Girls, Fairly Odd Parents, My Little Pony) Cree Summer (Inspector Gadget, Tiny Toons) and Alyson Court (X-Men, Beetlejuice). Based on the popular trading cards of the 80s that were in turn a parody of the popular dolls "The Cabbage Patch Kids", Garbage Pail kids is a confusing fun mess. The toys of the world are mysteriously going haywire and it's up to five garbage children and a hot dog to solve the mystery! But don't worry about that because the show starts with a UFO movie parody! Giant ants invade the city! Overpriced toys! The Garbage Messiah! Adults hiding in bushes! Self Harm! A dirty old mattress factory! Slime! Men made of fingers and a security guard who has seen some shit! Shit you push down. Shit that never really leaves you. I need a drink. And you will too! So stick around and listen to what may be the strangest episode ever of Failure to Launch.

411 - Garbage Pail Kids

Of the shows we've reviewed so far, this fantasy-set police procedural is the most high concept. Here's the simplest way to explain it: If you mixed Harry Potter with Law &amp; Order and an incredible amount of not giving a shit, you'd get 17th Precinct. Reviewers: James Ferris, Lucy Shaw, Alex Malone, Andrew Cherry Soundboard: David Shaw

Of the shows we've reviewed so far, this fantasy-set police procedural is the most high concept. Here's the simplest way to explain it: If you mixed Harry Potter with Law &amp; Order and an incredible amount of not giving a shit, you'd get <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/17th_Precinct" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">17th Precinct</a>. Reviewers: James Ferris, Lucy Shaw, Alex Malone, Andrew Cherry Soundboard: David Shaw

107 - 17th Precinct

In this week’s unexpectedly raunchy episode of Failure to Launch, we examine Island City, a world ravaged by formerly-human-now-super-strong-neanderthals, the victims of a genetic experiment gone wrong. The remnants of humanity cower inside the fortress-like Island City, desperately searching for a cure. Well… I’ve used words like “cower” and “desperate”, but for the most part everyone’s really relaxed about the whole situation. So much so, that when a rescue worker is lost in the mutant-infested wasteland and given 48 hours to live, the rest of his team just grab a drink, catch up on some sleep, kinda, y’know, have a bit of R&amp;R. Just 48 hours of “me” time. Also, Abraham Lincoln hits on someone’s mum. Oh, and there’s eugenics, and everyone’s cool with it (including the writers). This was a weird one.   Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone, David Shaw Soundboard: Fabian Lapham

In this week’s unexpectedly raunchy episode of Failure to Launch, we examine Island City, a world ravaged by formerly-human-now-super-strong-neanderthals, the victims of a genetic experiment gone wrong. The remnants of humanity cower inside the fortress-like Island City, desperately searching for a cure. Well… I’ve used words like “cower” and “desperate”, but for the most part everyone’s really relaxed about the whole situation. So much so, that when a rescue worker is lost in the mutant-infested wasteland and given 48 hours to live, the rest of his team just grab a drink, catch up on some sleep, kinda, y’know, have a bit of R&amp;R. Just 48 hours of “me” time. Also, Abraham Lincoln hits on someone’s mum. Oh, and there’s eugenics, and everyone’s cool with it (including the writers). This was a weird one. Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone, David Shaw Soundboard: Fabian Lapham

208 - Island City

In this week's Bonus! 20% Value! episode of Failure to Launch, we examine Blade Squad, Fox's attempt to take every 90s fad and boil it down to a concentrate, suitable for washing heavily soiled Hypercolour t-shirts. We meet a rag-tag group of cops on their last chance, as they're all loose cannons. A sergeant, hot off being shot in the head, recruits them into a experimental squad of his own design - normal cops, but they've got rollerblades and jetpacks now, plus they're loose cannons. But how will these loose cannons cope when the silliest show we've watched in years takes an incredibly inappropriate dark turn? Could this really be part of the show's continuity? Turns out it's just some loose canon. Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Lisa Dib Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

In this week's Bonus! 20% Value! episode of Failure to Launch, we examine Blade Squad, Fox's attempt to take every 90s fad and boil it down to a concentrate, suitable for washing heavily soiled Hypercolour t-shirts. We meet a rag-tag group of cops on their last chance, as they're all loose cannons. A sergeant, hot off being shot in the head, recruits them into a experimental squad of his own design - normal cops, but they've got rollerblades and jetpacks now, plus they're loose cannons. But how will these loose cannons cope when the silliest show we've watched in years takes an incredibly inappropriate dark turn? Could this really be part of the show's continuity? Turns out it's just some loose canon. Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Lisa Dib Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

404 - Blade Squad

In further proof that The Consumption will watch anything that Billy Zane puts his name to, we travel this week to the vast fantasy world of Robert Jordan's 14-volume Wheel of Time series. Or, rather, one house in the vast fantasy world of Robert Jordan's 14-volume Wheel of Time series. Or one smoke filled room in one house in the vast fantasy world of Robert Jordan's 14-volume Wheel of Time. It's the story of one man's desperate search for his wife and family, which ends in anticlimax when it turns out he's just playing hide and seek. Or tragedy when you consider that he's hallucinating and murdered them days ago. Either way, we'd watch paint dry if the paint was played by Billy Zane. He could do it too. He's got the range.   Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

In further proof that The Consumption will watch anything that Billy Zane puts his name to, we travel this week to the vast fantasy world of Robert Jordan's 14-volume Wheel of Time series. Or, rather, one house in the vast fantasy world of Robert Jordan's 14-volume Wheel of Time series. Or one smoke filled room in one house in the vast fantasy world of Robert Jordan's 14-volume Wheel of Time. It's the story of one man's desperate search for his wife and family, which ends in anticlimax when it turns out he's just playing hide and seek. Or tragedy when you consider that he's hallucinating and murdered them days ago. Either way, we'd watch paint dry if the paint was played by Billy Zane. He could do it too. He's got the range. Reviewers: James Ferris, Harry Brimage, Alex Malone Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

205 - Wheel of Time: Winter Dragon

In the SEASON 4 PREMIERE of Failure to Launch we watch Northstar; the 1989 pilot that was so insane it inspired Dan Harmon to produce the Jack Black action spoof "Heat Vision and Jack". We follow the baffling journey of Major Jack North, an astronaut that gets hit RIGHT IN THE FUCKING EYE by a rogue solar flare while on a space mission. Now, whenever he is exposed to sunlight, it amplifies all of his mental and physical abilities but it could also make his head explode. His head almost explodes a lot. He doesn't really make any meaningful effort to avoid the sun. That's an IQ of 1000 for you. After his buddy Captain Moustache-tronaut is murdered it’s up to Jack and his Sexy Scientific handler Dr. Alison Taylor to track down the killer. And by track down we mean stumble around, make VERY AGGRESSIVE passes at each other and chase motorbikes until the killer just gets fed up and solves the crime for them. Why would he do that? We wanted to start season four of Failure to Launch with a bang and what we got was a cranial explosion, but an incredibly fun and confusing one. Northstar is an absolute gem of a mess and we hope you enjoy the insanity. Stick around for the rest of season 4 which we can promise will be EVEN WORSE. IMDB - Northstar Reviewers: James Ferris, Lisa Dib, Alex Malone, David Shaw, Harry Brimage Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

In the SEASON 4 PREMIERE of Failure to Launch we watch Northstar; the 1989 pilot that was so insane it inspired Dan Harmon to produce the Jack Black action spoof "Heat Vision and Jack". We follow the baffling journey of Major Jack North, an astronaut that gets hit RIGHT IN THE FUCKING EYE by a rogue solar flare while on a space mission. Now, whenever he is exposed to sunlight, it amplifies all of his mental and physical abilities but it could also make his head explode. His head almost explodes a lot. He doesn't really make any meaningful effort to avoid the sun. That's an IQ of 1000 for you. After his buddy Captain Moustache-tronaut is murdered it’s up to Jack and his Sexy Scientific handler Dr. Alison Taylor to track down the killer. And by track down we mean stumble around, make VERY AGGRESSIVE passes at each other and chase motorbikes until the killer just gets fed up and solves the crime for them. Why would he do that? We wanted to start season four of Failure to Launch with a bang and what we got was a cranial explosion, but an incredibly fun and confusing one. Northstar is an absolute gem of a mess and we hope you enjoy the insanity. Stick around for the rest of season 4 which we can promise will be EVEN WORSE. <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091650/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">IMDB - Northstar</a> Reviewers: James Ferris, Lisa Dib, Alex Malone, David Shaw, Harry Brimage Soundboard: Andrew Cherry

401 - Northstar

What do you think of when you think of Nick Fury? War hero? Super spy? Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D? Well, in the 90’s,  he was all of those, only he was still a smoker. Oh, and he was played by DAVID FREAKIN’ HASSELHOFF. In ’98 the former Baywatch star played the comic book legend in a portrayal that Stan Lee and The Hoff himself agreed was better than “that other guy”. No one else did, apart from a few bad poetry enthusiasts and hobbyist miners.   Reviewers: James Ferris, Fabian Lapham, Andrew Cherry, Harry Brimage Soundboard: David Shaw

What do you think of when you think of Nick Fury? War hero? Super spy? Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D? Well, in the 90’s, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nick_Fury:_Agent_of_S.H.I.E.L.D._(film)" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> he was all of those</a>, only he was still a smoker. Oh, and he was played by DAVID FREAKIN’ HASSELHOFF. In ’98 the former Baywatch star played the comic book legend in a portrayal that Stan Lee and The Hoff himself agreed was better than “that other guy”. No one else did, apart from a few bad poetry enthusiasts and hobbyist miners. Reviewers: James Ferris, Fabian Lapham, Andrew Cherry, Harry Brimage Soundboard: David Shaw

203 - Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

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