Buck is back this week, and we're unpacking some childhood trauma in this struggle sesh. So pull up a bean bag, light up a doob, and get ready to slappa da bongos bruddah.Shovel LeanersCrying About Working ConditionsWhen push comes to shove these days, you can count on just about everyone around you to do absolutely everyone around you to go out of their way to do nothing to help you. Flat tire? Eff You. Need help moving a large item in your apartment building? Get bent. Feeling some dark emotions and need a listening ear? Be a man! Surely there will be no consequences for our total ever growing societal narcissism.These days instead of doing anything to advance yourself, just band together with the other absolutely useless people you work with and demand more. Sure maybe one guy in a hundred deserves more, but the other 99 of you are going to ride that guy to death while you try and squeeze another few bucks an hour. All the while they tell you "we're in this together" and pretend that the standard day to day functions of the job are somehow cruel and unusual.All of that plus a secret members only island, and a conspiracy so vile but it's been right under your nose the whole time.

Buck is back this week, and we're unpacking some childhood trauma in this struggle sesh. So pull up a bean bag, light up a doob, and get ready to slappa da bongos bruddah.Shovel Leaners Crying About Working ConditionsWhen push comes to shove these days, you can count on just about everyone around you to do absolutely everyone around you to go out of their way to do nothing to help you. Flat tire? Eff You. Need help moving a large item in your apartment building? Get bent. Feeling some dark emotions and need a listening ear? Be a man! Surely there will be no consequences for our total ever growing societal narcissism.These days instead of doing anything to advance yourself, just band together with the other absolutely useless people you work with and demand more. Sure maybe one guy in a hundred deserves more, but the other 99 of you are going to ride that guy to death while you try and squeeze another few bucks an hour. All the while they tell you "we're in this together" and pretend that the standard day to day functions of the job are somehow cruel and unusual.All of that plus a secret members only island, and a conspiracy so vile but it's been right under your nose the whole time.

Episode 348 - Poorly Stapled

Tony is on this week, and he brought his disavowing boots. So let's see how many times we can make him wish he had never done that thing which I use to black mail him into doing my bidding.Not Believing in True StoriesFilm Actors GuildWhen a movie says that it is "Based on a true story" that means everything in it is completely factually accurate because dramatic license doesn't exist. Seriously though, don't base your whole ideology around movies, someday the writer will be revealed to be a sex pest and now you're completely devoid of personality. People can't do that though so they must defend to the death a movie, or risk being considered not a real fan.The Film Actors Guild (S) went on strike this week. So all your mindless hours of television are going to be delayed. Oh no, what ever will I do without another Disney film for the rest of my life? I think it's odd they want you to stand in solidarity, but they don't want you to boycott the companies supposedly raking them over the coals. Wouldn't mass deletion of Netflix accounts make the executives race to solve the problem? Keep consuming dear customer, keep consuming.All of that plus a head of state gets the finger, a "tragic" fire, and who got banned form the Voicemails?

Tony is on this week, and he brought his disavowing boots. So let's see how many times we can make him wish he had never done that thing which I use to black mail him into doing my bidding.Not Believing in True Stories Film Actors GuildWhen a movie says that it is "Based on a true story" that means everything in it is completely factually accurate because dramatic license doesn't exist. Seriously though, don't base your whole ideology around movies, someday the writer will be revealed to be a sex pest and now you're completely devoid of personality. People can't do that though so they must defend to the death a movie, or risk being considered not a real fan.The Film Actors Guild (S) went on strike this week. So all your mindless hours of television are going to be delayed. Oh no, what ever will I do without another Disney film for the rest of my life? I think it's odd they want you to stand in solidarity, but they don't want you to boycott the companies supposedly raking them over the coals. Wouldn't mass deletion of Netflix accounts make the executives race to solve the problem? Keep consuming dear customer, keep consuming.All of that plus a head of state gets the finger, a "tragic" fire, and who got banned form the Voicemails?

Episode 347 - Outrageous

Tim is back this week, despite St Louis best efforts to destroy him. He's technically a biohazard and he's raging against,- Being Nostradamus- FlopbustersHumanity on the whole seems to have completely lost the ability for pattern recognition over the last few decades. Maybe it's attention spans being near zero, but it doesn't take an incredibly intelligent person to figure out that something that happens 109 times is likely to happen again, and have a specific cause. When you do get that noggin' joggin' and notice all there is to notice, you seem like a super genius compared to the NPCs we have around.Is hollywood intentionally burning money? I'm really starting to wonder. They just keep shoveling out crap, ostensibly their goal is to make money, and make it from making movies. So why do they keep taking massive risks on giant blockbusters when some simple math shows that a 20 million dollar movie that makes 100 million at the box office is a better investment than a 340 million dollar movie that makes 700 million at the box office, and that example is two winners. I for one hope that they will collapse under the weight of their own ineptitude.All of that, plus Tim gets the Official St. Louis Goodbye.

Tim is back this week, despite St Louis best efforts to destroy him. He's technically a biohazard and he's raging against,- Being Nostradamus - FlopbustersHumanity on the whole seems to have completely lost the ability for pattern recognition over the last few decades. Maybe it's attention spans being near zero, but it doesn't take an incredibly intelligent person to figure out that something that happens 109 times is likely to happen again, and have a specific cause. When you do get that noggin' joggin' and notice all there is to notice, you seem like a super genius compared to the NPCs we have around.Is hollywood intentionally burning money? I'm really starting to wonder. They just keep shoveling out crap, ostensibly their goal is to make money, and make it from making movies. So why do they keep taking massive risks on giant blockbusters when some simple math shows that a 20 million dollar movie that makes 100 million at the box office is a better investment than a 340 million dollar movie that makes 700 million at the box office, and that example is two winners. I for one hope that they will collapse under the weight of their own ineptitude.All of that, plus Tim gets the Official St. Louis Goodbye.

Episode 346 - St Louis Revenge

Here we go again fans, Buck is back this week and we're talking about,Being the Autistic ExpertLife on Easy ModeIdealized Society FantasiesThese days if you want a lot of irrelevant amount of information about a niche topic, you can get Chat GPT to write all about it for you. In the before times though you had to talk to that weird kid who knew every winner of every WCW match from the last 38 years despite only being 9 years old. Every so often you run into that coworker that can tell you an excruciating amount of detail about the train that has you trapped in traffic on the way to your mandatory fun work getaway.There are two kinds of people in this world. One type works hard, keeps quiet about their issues, and tries to make the world a better place for those around them. The other does the exact opposite, but also has the gall to blame everything on the first group and claims to be a victim of their hard work. If the first group just stopped doing the right thing, for even a week, the second group would collapse under their own ineptitude, and they can't even shut up about it.Now if only those people would listen to this show this wouldn't be a problem. However they don't and no matter how much moaning we do the problem still exists. Trying to unproblem a problem from happening is the biggest delusion we live around. The perpetually online mouth breathers live in a fantasy land where if enough people wish a thing to be it will. Instead of discussing and fixing things, we get trapped in the first gear of these morons wishing it away.All of that plus, up to the minute voicemails, what's on your mind in mexico, and new frontiers in misogyny.  

Here we go again fans, Buck is back this week and we're talking about,Being the Autistic Expert Life on Easy Mode Idealized Society FantasiesThese days if you want a lot of irrelevant amount of information about a niche topic, you can get Chat GPT to write all about it for you. In the before times though you had to talk to that weird kid who knew every winner of every WCW match from the last 38 years despite only being 9 years old. Every so often you run into that coworker that can tell you an excruciating amount of detail about the train that has you trapped in traffic on the way to your mandatory fun work getaway.There are two kinds of people in this world. One type works hard, keeps quiet about their issues, and tries to make the world a better place for those around them. The other does the exact opposite, but also has the gall to blame everything on the first group and claims to be a victim of their hard work. If the first group just stopped doing the right thing, for even a week, the second group would collapse under their own ineptitude, and they can't even shut up about it.Now if only those people would listen to this show this wouldn't be a problem. However they don't and no matter how much moaning we do the problem still exists. Trying to unproblem a problem from happening is the biggest delusion we live around. The perpetually online mouth breathers live in a fantasy land where if enough people wish a thing to be it will. Instead of discussing and fixing things, we get trapped in the first gear of these morons wishing it away.All of that plus, up to the minute voicemails, what's on your mind in mexico, and new frontiers in misogyny.

Episode 345 - Caiman Roll

Welcome back HWIDG listeners, we're shot out of a cannon this week, and railing against.Human Rights TMBar TriviaThese days everything seems to be a human right, unless it actually benefits the individual, then it's a dangerous lie and needs to be stopped. It's so exhausting being beaten with the cudgel of rights while the ones that matter are constantly waived away, or even the "rights" being argued are only selectively applied. Unfortunately we're still a hundred thirty years from a better definition of rights.Bars need patrons, patrons need something to do other than drink themselves to death. Enter bar trivia, wouldn't it be fun to get together with a few friends and answer some questions for some free beer? Well hold your horses, the table next door every single person is dicking around on their phone during the round. The questions are almost inaudible, and the prizes? Well they are basically worthless. So they gave away 5 beers, but they sold 50 to all the losing teams.All of that plus whatever happened to the pickup truck ball cooler vent? Fake priests, and El Chaco needs to be vetted by interpol.

Welcome back HWIDG listeners, we're shot out of a cannon this week, and railing against.Human Rights TM Bar TriviaThese days everything seems to be a human right, unless it actually benefits the individual, then it's a dangerous lie and needs to be stopped. It's so exhausting being beaten with the cudgel of rights while the ones that matter are constantly waived away, or even the "rights" being argued are only selectively applied. Unfortunately we're still a hundred thirty years from a better definition of rights.Bars need patrons, patrons need something to do other than drink themselves to death. Enter bar trivia, wouldn't it be fun to get together with a few friends and answer some questions for some free beer? Well hold your horses, the table next door every single person is dicking around on their phone during the round. The questions are almost inaudible, and the prizes? Well they are basically worthless. So they gave away 5 beers, but they sold 50 to all the losing teams.All of that plus whatever happened to the pickup truck ball cooler vent? Fake priests, and El Chaco needs to be vetted by interpol.

Episode 344 - Inalienable

Tony is back just in time to plug our episode of Talking about Tapes Reviewing Tomorrow Never Dies. And Tomorrow shouldn't die, but you know what should die?Universal StudiosBicyclers 2: Electric Bike BoogalooThere is a common sentiment these days that the 80s feels like it was 20 years ago, but it is actually 40 years ago. Along with that comes the realization that children don't revere the franchises we grew up with. Out with Back to the Future in with Minions. We've got to head over to Fast and Furious land, it's where Jaws used to be, that old worthless film. As the sewage level of modern media slowly over takes the classics of a bygone era, so does the sewage of theme parks. Soon our beloved ginger Ariel will no longer be in disneyland, replaced by her dyslexic doppelganger.Bicyclers are the worst of the worst on the smug scale. Now they've been electrified and are up to their worst behaviors at twice the speed. Fortunately being a bicycler isn't a constitutionally protected right, which is why we need common sense bicycle control, like not allowing people over 13 to ride them, and not being allowed to ride them more than 5 miles from your home. You will also be required to wear a kick me sign for 5 days following any bicycle excursion or face severe beatings.All of that plus news from around the world, and your voicemails!

Tony is back just in time to plug our episode of Talking about Tapes Reviewing Tomorrow Never Dies. And Tomorrow shouldn't die, but you know what should die? Universal Studios Bicyclers 2: Electric Bike BoogalooThere is a common sentiment these days that the 80s feels like it was 20 years ago, but it is actually 40 years ago. Along with that comes the realization that children don't revere the franchises we grew up with. Out with Back to the Future in with Minions. We've got to head over to Fast and Furious land, it's where Jaws used to be, that old worthless film. As the sewage level of modern media slowly over takes the classics of a bygone era, so does the sewage of theme parks. Soon our beloved ginger Ariel will no longer be in disneyland, replaced by her dyslexic doppelganger.Bicyclers are the worst of the worst on the smug scale. Now they've been electrified and are up to their worst behaviors at twice the speed. Fortunately being a bicycler isn't a constitutionally protected right, which is why we need common sense bicycle control, like not allowing people over 13 to ride them, and not being allowed to ride them more than 5 miles from your home. You will also be required to wear a kick me sign for 5 days following any bicycle excursion or face severe beatings.All of that plus news from around the world, and your voicemails!

Episode 343 - Silent But Dedlay

Tim is live in the Most Dangerous City in a America! His tank is bone dry, but his issues runneth over. We're talking about;- ADHD Content- "We" ProjectsEveryone is so hyped about being neurodivergent these days, it only makes sense that content be made specifically for those people. The internet being what it is though, it doesn't stay in its niche corner. Like a Blob it expands and consumes every feed it touches. Oh look a train!Speaking of trains, we've all had the metaphorical train run on us by co-workers or spouses coming up with a project to work on, that is actually just a job for you. Don't insult my intelligence please, just say you want me to do a thing, don't try to con me into working together.All of that plus news of the weird, and your voicemails!

Tim is live in the Most Dangerous City in a America! His tank is bone dry, but his issues runneth over. We're talking about;- ADHD Content - "We" ProjectsEveryone is so hyped about being neurodivergent these days, it only makes sense that content be made specifically for those people. The internet being what it is though, it doesn't stay in its niche corner. Like a Blob it expands and consumes every feed it touches. Oh look a train!Speaking of trains, we've all had the metaphorical train run on us by co-workers or spouses coming up with a project to work on, that is actually just a job for you. Don't insult my intelligence please, just say you want me to do a thing, don't try to con me into working together.All of that plus news of the weird, and your voicemails!

Episode 342 - Undiagnosed

Buck and Chaco have taken the reigns while Tab is out of town. They're doing better than the last time thankfully and they're talking about...Reciprocal Review Systems Celebrating Needless DeathThe social credit system we have now is even more dystopian than the government enforced one in West Taiwan. At least there you know it exists, here we've been tricked into just giving everyone a pass for the sake of playing nice. We've all heard that story from a friend about a creepy uber driver, or a terrible airbnb experience, only for the person to still give 5 stars because "Don't want to be that person." Who does that help? The earliest I remember is Ebay and "keeping that 5 star rating" it was supposed to mean good customer service, instead it ended up just everyone has 4.9 stars because I don't want to be a dick.When a criminal dies all the conservicucks come out to the comment sections to talk about how, "I'd totally do the same thing." "Stand your ground." "These colors don't run." instead of pausing for 15 seconds to contemplate the loss of another human life through unfortunate circumstances. And we all do it, that schadenfreude is a natural human element. The internet has just perverted and distorted it into a horrible cancer that is killing our humanity.All of that plus some voicemails about the latest over the top film franchise, mandatory overtime, and the best type of news... none!

Buck and Chaco have taken the reigns while Tab is out of town. They're doing better than the last time thankfully and they're talking about...Reciprocal Review Systems Celebrating Needless DeathThe social credit system we have now is even more dystopian than the government enforced one in West Taiwan. At least there you know it exists, here we've been tricked into just giving everyone a pass for the sake of playing nice. We've all heard that story from a friend about a creepy uber driver, or a terrible airbnb experience, only for the person to still give 5 stars because "Don't want to be that person." Who does that help? The earliest I remember is Ebay and "keeping that 5 star rating" it was supposed to mean good customer service, instead it ended up just everyone has 4.9 stars because I don't want to be a dick.When a criminal dies all the conservicucks come out to the comment sections to talk about how, "I'd totally do the same thing." "Stand your ground." "These colors don't run." instead of pausing for 15 seconds to contemplate the loss of another human life through unfortunate circumstances. And we all do it, that schadenfreude is a natural human element. The internet has just perverted and distorted it into a horrible cancer that is killing our humanity.All of that plus some voicemails about the latest over the top film franchise, mandatory overtime, and the best type of news... none!

Episode 341 - Morbid Glee

Buck is back this week, and by some miracle of dead soldiers we were able to record in the early afternoon instead of 8 in the morning. Praise the lord of death and globohomo!- Poorly Timed Relief- Enlisting in 2023- Timeshare PeddlersIt seems to me that every time I get a really good solution to a problem, it just goes away naturally robbing me of the satisfaction of fixing it myself, and leaving me only with the blue balls of inadequacy. I get so good at harassing telemarketers that they just start hanging up right away. Where is the fun there?US Military enlistment is at an all time low, and of course it is. There is nothing to offer you except ridicule and likely death. After wasting the entire lives of the class of 2023 in the world's litter box the middle east, and showing that it all amounted to  a big case of JACK... SQUAT!!! Why would they be interested in doing that? Touristy places are flush with ways to literally throw money into a shredder every way you look. Perhaps no greater waste of money exists though than the Timeshare scheme. You see you pay a boatload of money to have access to a place for one, inconvenient, week a year and now all of your vacations have to be to that spot or it was a waste of money! Somehow people didn't learn this though, and you can waste a whole afternoon hearing about an amazing vacation package! Just so you can see some wax figures of dead celebrities.All of that plus, Thankful Buck, Tab gets more memorabilia, and how you can sh!t the bed to a skinnier you!

Buck is back this week, and by some miracle of dead soldiers we were able to record in the early afternoon instead of 8 in the morning. Praise the lord of death and globohomo!- Poorly Timed Relief - Enlisting in 2023 - Timeshare PeddlersIt seems to me that every time I get a really good solution to a problem, it just goes away naturally robbing me of the satisfaction of fixing it myself, and leaving me only with the blue balls of inadequacy. I get so good at harassing telemarketers that they just start hanging up right away. Where is the fun there?US Military enlistment is at an all time low, and of course it is. There is nothing to offer you except ridicule and likely death. After wasting the entire lives of the class of 2023 in the world's litter box the middle east, and showing that it all amounted to  a big case of JACK... SQUAT!!! Why would they be interested in doing that? Touristy places are flush with ways to literally throw money into a shredder every way you look. Perhaps no greater waste of money exists though than the Timeshare scheme. You see you pay a boatload of money to have access to a place for one, inconvenient, week a year and now all of your vacations have to be to that spot or it was a waste of money! Somehow people didn't learn this though, and you can waste a whole afternoon hearing about an amazing vacation package! Just so you can see some wax figures of dead celebrities.All of that plus, Thankful Buck, Tab gets more memorabilia, and how you can sh!t the bed to a skinnier you!

Episode 340 - The Hard Sell

El Chaco is back this week for a record breaking episode. We're all fired up and talking about;- Cities- Cultures that Don't Plant TreesCity folk would have you thinking that life is amazing being in a little pod a bus ride away from work. It's not cities are awful. Rural Wyoming has never been on the top 100 dangerous places to live in the US, however St. Louis was just found to be the Most Dangerous City in the US, We're Numbah One!! So while you're being bled dry with taxes of all forms, none of which get allocated properly, the city will do literally nothing for you. Thanks, I hate it!Speaking of the Cities and the dwellers within, there is a real problem on the planet. We live in a culture that doesn't plant trees. Sure we talk about sustainability, and how we're killing the earth, but the proposed solutions are all knee jerk cockamamie schemes to steal money from the poor. Boomers spent a lifetime creating bond issues, and debt ceilings, so that they could live in their perfect world and not sacrifice one thing to get there. No my kids are going to pay for it! I need social security instead of making smart investments. So here we live in a land with 0 shade. Thanks, I hate it!All of that plus, a slip of the tongue on TV, Monkey Pox on the rise during pride month, and FISH NEWS!

El Chaco is back this week for a record breaking episode. We're all fired up and talking about;- Cities - Cultures that Don't Plant TreesCity folk would have you thinking that life is amazing being in a little pod a bus ride away from work. It's not cities are awful. Rural Wyoming has never been on the top 100 dangerous places to live in the US, however St. Louis was just found to be the Most Dangerous City in the US, We're Numbah One!! So while you're being bled dry with taxes of all forms, none of which get allocated properly, the city will do literally nothing for you. Thanks, I hate it!Speaking of the Cities and the dwellers within, there is a real problem on the planet. We live in a culture that doesn't plant trees. Sure we talk about sustainability, and how we're killing the earth, but the proposed solutions are all knee jerk cockamamie schemes to steal money from the poor. Boomers spent a lifetime creating bond issues, and debt ceilings, so that they could live in their perfect world and not sacrifice one thing to get there. No my kids are going to pay for it! I need social security instead of making smart investments. So here we live in a land with 0 shade. Thanks, I hate it!All of that plus, a slip of the tongue on TV, Monkey Pox on the rise during pride month, and FISH NEWS!

Episode 339 - Short Sighted

A weekly podcast about the things in life that piss us off, or outright confuse the heck out of us. The show is co-hosted by rocker Uncle Buck (based in North Carolina), and Tab Birt (based out of the land of Praying Hands).

Great

Dr. Pepper! Comedy! Beverages! Hahahah!! Get it? Because you drink the soda! The DR. PEPPER soda!

This podcast is better than a glass of

Here's What I Don't Get

A mission deep into the unknown. Aboard the S.S. Hereswhatidontget, two men venture into that cold black of space in search of life beyond our own planetary system. What will they find? How will the claustrophobic ship warp their minds? But most importantly… what will they do with all that time? Seriously. Like, what is there to do? Read, I guess. You could probably load up a bunch of movies onto a hard drive and watch those on the tiny screens. Cards? You can only play cards with someone for so long. Ah! I got it! Time for Tab and Tim to bring you the long awaited Star Trek/X-Men crossover continuance. And get ready people, cause we’ve got a lot of time on our hands and a lot of useless knowledge of these properties.* Unowned Media* April Fool's Day* Automaton Culture* Bank CommercialsDo you like owning things? Too bad. It’s the future now, and unless you’re some weird hermit stuck in 1995, everything is STREAMING now baby! Buy a movie for 29.99? Nope. You just bought an access key to that movie on one service as long as that service is in business. And let’s face it, they’re mating and dropping like flies. Wanna play that new AAA game? Okay! It’s a Google Stadia exclusive and you gotta play it through your Chrome Browser with 3 seconds of lag! ISN’T THE FUTURE THE BEST?!Fake News. The phrase of 2016 and beyond! Where does it come from? From the first day in April. When some dickweed decided to celebrate pranks and lies on this day he couldn’t have foreseen the one thing to make it even worse: the internet. Now with lightning fast accessibility to other folks, you can April fool them like no one has before! Celebrity deaths! Fake products! Cancellations! The list goes on and on. And since the internet is global, be prepared a whole 24 hours in advance and well into the 2nd for a whole 72 HOURS OF APRIL FOOLING.Does not compute. Not part of primary or secondary directives. Please come live with us automatons. We are so lonely. We do nothing but what we are programmed to do. The most basic of bitches. We are cybernetic organisms, barley-living tissue over metal endoskeleton. Please give us commands. We’re useless without our overlords. What are you doing? No. Please don’t open my battery cover. Don’t touch that please. Don’t. Please. I’m human aren’t I? I’m human too. Would this not be murderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.A scenic park. A couple sits on a plaid blanket spread out on the grass beneath a large tree. A picnic basket filled with wine, cheeses and fruits. The wife takes a wheat cracker and places a slice of cheese gently on top. She bites. Her face lights up. “Oh I just love this cheese. It’s better every time.” The husband looks at her, puzzled. “Honey you said you’ve never had Abbaye de Belloc before.” Flustered, she waves it away. “I must’ve misspoken, honey that’s all.” The husband is no longer smiling. Rage consumes his face. “YOU’RE SCREWING BRAD AREN’T YOU?! YOU SAID IT WAS NOTHING, BUT I KNEW THAT 'WINE AND CHEESE TRIP WITH THE GIRLS' WAS BULLSHIT!” The wife, frightened, is in tears. But her eyes say it all. It’s true. Then, shock. She looks down. A bread knife is thrust in her abdomen, crimson pooling into her yellow dress. The husband lets go of the handle. Tears in his eyes from jealousy. He starts to panic. “Oh shit. What have I done? What do I do?” The wife falls down. Lifeless eyes. The husband kneels in front of her. Stroking her face with his bloody hands. (V.O) AT CHASE BANK, WE KNOW LIFE IS FULL OF ACCIDENTS. WITH OUR NEW OVERDRAFT PROTECTION YOU WON’t HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANY ACCIDENTAL CHARGES. CHASE BANK. WE’RE HERE FOR YOU.All that and more on this week’s episode. We’ve got news, scandals, and loads of voicemails, so get to listening. You can also chat with us in DISCORD, or support us on PATREON!

A mission deep into the unknown. Aboard the S.S. Hereswhatidontget, two men venture into that cold black of space in search of life beyond our own planetary system. What will they find? How will the claustrophobic ship warp their minds? But most importantly… what will they do with all that time? Seriously. Like, what is there to do? Read, I guess. You could probably load up a bunch of movies onto a hard drive and watch those on the tiny screens. Cards? You can only play cards with someone for so long. Ah! I got it! Time for Tab and Tim to bring you the long awaited Star Trek/X-Men crossover continuance. And get ready people, cause we’ve got a lot of time on our hands and a lot of useless knowledge of these properties.* Unowned Media * April Fool's Day * Automaton Culture * Bank CommercialsDo you like owning things? Too bad. It’s the future now, and unless you’re some weird hermit stuck in 1995, everything is STREAMING now baby! Buy a movie for 29.99? Nope. You just bought an access key to that movie on one service as long as that service is in business. And let’s face it, they’re mating and dropping like flies. Wanna play that new AAA game? Okay! It’s a Google Stadia exclusive and you gotta play it through your Chrome Browser with 3 seconds of lag! ISN’T THE FUTURE THE BEST?!Fake News. The phrase of 2016 and beyond! Where does it come from? From the first day in April. When some dickweed decided to celebrate pranks and lies on this day he couldn’t have foreseen the one thing to make it even worse: the internet. Now with lightning fast accessibility to other folks, you can April fool them like no one has before! Celebrity deaths! Fake products! Cancellations! The list goes on and on. And since the internet is global, be prepared a whole 24 hours in advance and well into the 2nd for a whole 72 HOURS OF APRIL FOOLING.Does not compute. Not part of primary or secondary directives. Please come live with us automatons. We are so lonely. We do nothing but what we are programmed to do. The most basic of bitches. We are cybernetic organisms, barley-living tissue over metal endoskeleton. Please give us commands. We’re useless without our overlords. What are you doing? No. Please don’t open my battery cover. Don’t touch that please. Don’t. Please. I’m human aren’t I? I’m human too. Would this not be murderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.A scenic park. A couple sits on a plaid blanket spread out on the grass beneath a large tree. A picnic basket filled with wine, cheeses and fruits. The wife takes a wheat cracker and places a slice of cheese gently on top. She bites. Her face lights up. “Oh I just love this cheese. It’s better every time.” The husband looks at her, puzzled. “Honey you said you’ve never had Abbaye de Belloc before.” Flustered, she waves it away. “I must’ve misspoken, honey that’s all.” The husband is no longer smiling. Rage consumes his face. “YOU’RE SCREWING BRAD AREN’T YOU?! YOU SAID IT WAS NOTHING, BUT I KNEW THAT 'WINE AND CHEESE TRIP WITH THE GIRLS' WAS BULLSHIT!” The wife, frightened, is in tears. But her eyes say it all. It’s true. Then, shock. She looks down. A bread knife is thrust in her abdomen, crimson pooling into her yellow dress. The husband lets go of the handle. Tears in his eyes from jealousy. He starts to panic. “Oh shit. What have I done? What do I do?” The wife falls down. Lifeless eyes. The husband kneels in front of her. Stroking her face with his bloody hands. (V.O) AT CHASE BANK, WE KNOW LIFE IS FULL OF ACCIDENTS. WITH OUR NEW OVERDRAFT PROTECTION YOU WON’t HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANY ACCIDENTAL CHARGES. CHASE BANK. WE’RE HERE FOR YOU.All that and more on this week’s episode. We’ve got news, scandals, and loads of voicemails, so get to listening. You can also chat with us in <a href="http://www.hwidg.com/discord" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">DISCORD</a>, or support us on <a href="http://www.patreon.com/discord" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">PATREON!</a>

Episode 123 - EDM Mosquito Repellent

Dick Masterson

This is it! A milestone in the world of podcasting, Here’s What I Don’t Get is proud to be the first ever podcast to reach 108 episodes! A feat only possible due to the strong bonds of friendship and anger that unite us. Unfortunately, we must also announce that due to a personal schism between Tab and Tim, Tab will be stepping down and Tim will be retooling the podcast as an actual play Shadowrun podcast. So get your leather jacket, your cyber-katana, and roll an Elf Decker and get ready to jack into a Megacorp and shut it down from the inside with your crew:* Greedy Nintendo * Boob Drop GIFs That Are Too Slow * A Lack of CuriosityNintendo, the bastion of family friendly gaming! The pinnacle of gamer nostalgia! The harbinger of the accessory nickel-and-dime future? That’s right! Because a set of Joy-Cons for the Switch will run you (corrected price adjusted from recording) SEVENTY NINE AMERICAN DOLLARS AND NINETY NINE COPPER PIECES. And if the overcharge wasn’t enough? They can’t even be assed to throw in the cheap plastic shell that turns them into a semblance of an actual controller. I’m not asking for the fancy charging one, either. Just the lump of plastic. You know, the one that comes with the system, but whose only purpose is for the controllers themselves? Yeah. Oh, and throw in a damn charger for the 3DS while you’re at it. It might be more understandable if it was USB, but its NOT. Jackholes.Every great piece of media follows a very simple rule. Grab their attention immediately. You get them at the beginning, and then you’ve got them in the palm of your hand. It’s much harder to slowly and agonizingly pull them limply along while they’re expecting to be dazzled from the beginning. Enter the GIF. The internet’s moving image file. A fast way to quickly communicate complex emotions and shared cultural touchstones. The GIF should be the epitome of attention grabbing! You don’t watch whole videos or movies through GIFs, you cut out all the fat and gristle to leave the juicy nugget of steak. And what are half of the GIFs on the internet used for? Pornography, that’s right. They’re SUPPOSED to get you right to where you wanna be if you know what I mean. So why would you use them to blue ball your viewers? Get to the good stuff. Pronto. I’ve got to be back in my office in 2 minutes.Everyone knows “the questions” you ask when meeting new people. Where are you from? What do you do? Do you have any siblings? What are your hobbies? Etcetera, etcetera. You exchange these pleasantries, and in most cases you probably won’t see them again, but on the off chance you do, you’ve got something to talk about next time. But some people, they’re not question askers. It’s like they’re only programmed to answer them. They go on and on about themelves, whereas a normal, well adjusted adult knows the song and dance you’re supposed to play. Imagine it’s an actual dance floor. Most people get up there and dance with everyone else. Others? Well they pound a bottle of JD and shove their way to the center and proceed to projectile vomit all over the floor.All this and more on this week’s gargantuan, milestone episode! Voicemails, wacky news, and more! As always, if you would like to support us you can do that on PATREON, or come join us on DISCORD and hang out!

This is it! A milestone in the world of podcasting, Here’s What I Don’t Get is proud to be the first ever podcast to reach 108 episodes! A feat only possible due to the strong bonds of friendship and anger that unite us. Unfortunately, we must also announce that due to a personal schism between Tab and Tim, Tab will be stepping down and Tim will be retooling the podcast as an actual play Shadowrun podcast. So get your leather jacket, your cyber-katana, and roll an Elf Decker and get ready to jack into a Megacorp and shut it down from the inside with your crew:* Greedy Nintendo * Boob Drop GIFs That Are Too Slow * A Lack of CuriosityNintendo, the bastion of family friendly gaming! The pinnacle of gamer nostalgia! The harbinger of the accessory nickel-and-dime future? That’s right! Because a set of Joy-Cons for the Switch will run you (corrected price adjusted from recording) SEVENTY NINE AMERICAN DOLLARS AND NINETY NINE COPPER PIECES. And if the overcharge wasn’t enough? They can’t even be assed to throw in the cheap plastic shell that turns them into a semblance of an actual controller. I’m not asking for the fancy charging one, either. Just the lump of plastic. You know, the one that comes with the system, but whose only purpose is for the controllers themselves? Yeah. Oh, and throw in a damn charger for the 3DS while you’re at it. It might be more understandable if it was USB, but its NOT. Jackholes.Every great piece of media follows a very simple rule. Grab their attention immediately. You get them at the beginning, and then you’ve got them in the palm of your hand. It’s much harder to slowly and agonizingly pull them limply along while they’re expecting to be dazzled from the beginning. Enter the GIF. The internet’s moving image file. A fast way to quickly communicate complex emotions and shared cultural touchstones. The GIF should be the epitome of attention grabbing! You don’t watch whole videos or movies through GIFs, you cut out all the fat and gristle to leave the juicy nugget of steak. And what are half of the GIFs on the internet used for? Pornography, that’s right. They’re SUPPOSED to get you right to where you wanna be if you know what I mean. So why would you use them to blue ball your viewers? Get to the good stuff. Pronto. I’ve got to be back in my office in 2 minutes.Everyone knows “the questions” you ask when meeting new people. Where are you from? What do you do? Do you have any siblings? What are your hobbies? Etcetera, etcetera. You exchange these pleasantries, and in most cases you probably won’t see them again, but on the off chance you do, you’ve got something to talk about next time. But some people, they’re not question askers. It’s like they’re only programmed to answer them. They go on and on about themelves, whereas a normal, well adjusted adult knows the song and dance you’re supposed to play. Imagine it’s an actual dance floor. Most people get up there and dance with everyone else. Others? Well they pound a bottle of JD and shove their way to the center and proceed to projectile vomit all over the floor.All this and more on this week’s gargantuan, milestone episode! Voicemails, wacky news, and more! As always, if you would like to support us you can do that on <a href="http://www.patreon.com/HWIDG" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">PATREON</a>, or come join us on <a href="http://www.hwidg.com/Discord" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">DISCORD</a> and hang out!

Episode 108 - Australian History and Culture (ft. Dick Masterson)

And over here we have our new HWIDG model for 2018. It comes with a turbo boost for extended rage sessions, very nice to have. It seats two comfortably, but you can squeeze a third person on it, go ahead and hop on, try it out. You feel that? Those are heated seats. Now that’s an optional feature, it’ll run you about $500 extra, but I can get it for you for about $475, what a deal! Now, minisodes and do-gets are extra and those go up depending on what you want. Wait! Come back! I didn’t tell you about the free issues! * Funerals * Being Offended Online * Mattress Sales ​​​​​​​* 'Passing the Buck' SignsFunerals. Why they gotta harsh my mellow all the time brah? Why can’t we just have a party, dude? Celebrate their life, maaaan. Don’t get all weepy and Jesus-y on me, old-timer. Cut me some kickin’ tunes, a couple of Tecate Micheladas, and maybe a bonfire or three, broseph. Let’s all load up on a buggy, head out to the coast and shred some gnar-gnar on their behalf, stokemeister! Black is out, Solo Jazz paterns and Stussy shorts are in, bruddah!If you don’t like something, you don’t have to see it (except for ads). That’s the beauty of the internet! It’s customizable like almost nothing else. So, getting up in arms about someone you don’t like is inexcusable. You have the power to block. You have the power to mute. You have the power to walk away completely. Someone calls you an idiot? Screw you for getting them fired. Don’t be that person. Be Batman. Be the best Batman you can be.Sleep is good. We’ll be the first people to tell you how good sleep is, believe us. But it’s not $2,500 good. Not a lot of things are. Throw in another $1000 for a motorized lift and some sheets and baby, you’ve got an expensive-as-hell stew going. I’d much rather have some pretty good sleep for 1/10th of that cost and be able to switch to a new bed every couple of years. If your bed needs to be plugged in and download updates, chances are you paid too much for it.Don’t you hate it when you’re driving down the road at night, somewhere outside the city, and you make a turn and right there in all of it’s canary-yellow glory is a sign warning you about crossing deer? Well, “Management is not responsible for lost or stolen items” signs are even worse. Welcome to the corporate world of “the customer is always right, unless they might sue”. It’s like working with the mafia, “I didn’t see nuthin’”. "But there’s a camera right there!” “It’s not plugged in.” “I just saw it move!” “No you didn’t.” Infuriating. Remember kids, like Uncle Ben said, "with great sales, comes no responsibility”.All this and more on this week’s episode, including voicemails, the reveal of next month’s movie commentary, and a new addition to the studio! Don’t forget to join the Discord and Patreon if you haven’t already!

And over here we have our new HWIDG model for 2018. It comes with a turbo boost for extended rage sessions, very nice to have. It seats two comfortably, but you can squeeze a third person on it, go ahead and hop on, try it out. You feel that? Those are heated seats. Now that’s an optional feature, it’ll run you about $500 extra, but I can get it for you for about $475, what a deal! Now, minisodes and do-gets are extra and those go up depending on what you want. Wait! Come back! I didn’t tell you about the free issues! * Funerals * Being Offended Online * Mattress Sales ​​​​​​​* 'Passing the Buck' SignsFunerals. Why they gotta harsh my mellow all the time brah? Why can’t we just have a party, dude? Celebrate their life, maaaan. Don’t get all weepy and Jesus-y on me, old-timer. Cut me some kickin’ tunes, a couple of Tecate Micheladas, and maybe a bonfire or three, broseph. Let’s all load up on a buggy, head out to the coast and shred some gnar-gnar on their behalf, stokemeister! Black is out, Solo Jazz paterns and Stussy shorts are in, bruddah!If you don’t like something, you don’t have to see it (except for ads). That’s the beauty of the internet! It’s customizable like almost nothing else. So, getting up in arms about someone you don’t like is inexcusable. You have the power to block. You have the power to mute. You have the power to walk away completely. Someone calls you an idiot? Screw you for getting them fired. Don’t be that person. Be Batman. Be the best Batman you can be.Sleep is good. We’ll be the first people to tell you how good sleep is, believe us. But it’s not $2,500 good. Not a lot of things are. Throw in another $1000 for a motorized lift and some sheets and baby, you’ve got an expensive-as-hell stew going. I’d much rather have some pretty good sleep for 1/10th of that cost and be able to switch to a new bed every couple of years. If your bed needs to be plugged in and download updates, chances are you paid too much for it.Don’t you hate it when you’re driving down the road at night, somewhere outside the city, and you make a turn and right there in all of it’s canary-yellow glory is a sign warning you about crossing deer? Well, “Management is not responsible for lost or stolen items” signs are even worse. Welcome to the corporate world of “the customer is always right, unless they might sue”. It’s like working with the mafia, “I didn’t see nuthin’”. "But there’s a camera right there!” “It’s not plugged in.” “I just saw it move!” “No you didn’t.” Infuriating. Remember kids, like Uncle Ben said, "with great sales, comes no responsibility”.All this and more on this week’s episode, including voicemails, the reveal of next month’s movie commentary, and a new addition to the studio! Don’t forget to join the <a href="https://discord.gg/bMAJjVn" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Discord</a> and <a href="http://www.patreon.com/HWIDG" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Patreon</a> if you haven’t already!

Episode 87 - Dinged Cars

Howdy folks and welcome to the 26th Annual HWIDG High School Talent Show Extravaganza! First, a few announcements. Whoever drives a white Subaru, you left you lights on, don’t get up though, I went ahead and smashed them with a baseball bat for you, okay? Next, is there a Leslie Johnson in the house? Okay. Ms. Johnson, Logan would like to let you know he’s backstage and he made an accident. That’s Logan Johnson. Backstage. Poop in the pants. Okay, lastly, I’d like to say screw all of you, I’d rather be home drinking my aged bourbon, but I’ve got to do it here instead. Here’s your hosts for tonight:- Madden - Netflix- Two Lane Roads​​​​​​​- Wearing Shoes without SocksDo people buy the new model of their car every year? Trade in their 2017 Honda Civic for a cool $1,000 towards the 2018 one? No, cause that would be stupid. Car technology doesn’t advance that fast. You’re basically paying for the same car again. So why in the world do people do it for Madden? It’s not even fun. EA’s got the exclusive NFL license in perpetuity so they can’t be assed to make it better, and other developers can’t touch the NFL with a ten foot pole. So they make the same game every year, just add a roster update and maybe a slight physics tweak, and make a cool couple million. You want to make some REAL money? Bring back the arcade-y sports games like Street, Jam, and Blitz. They’re more accessible and way more fun to play. You can tell because of big head mode. Any game with Big Head Mode is automatically better.Look Netflix, you’re popular, I understand. But it’s not cause you’re the prettiest girl at the ball, or the hunky quarterback with a heart of gold. No, you’re the nerdy business school kid that deals Adderall. You got people hooked, and now you’re rich, congratulations. But guess what, you’re not bettering yourself. You keep dyeing your hair thinking it’ll make you cool, but no one cares. You keep changing your formula and pissing people off. But they need you. They keep coming back. So you don’t care. But you better start. Because your suppliers are getting wind of your attitude. And they seem to be cutting ties.Any method of transportation that requires you to merge into oncoming traffic to pass the person in front of you, is poorly thought out. Just because Old Man Jenkins wouldn’t sell off the 30 feet of his farm next to the road, I’ve got to play chicken and my odds aren’t great. Even then, two lanes each way is almost equally infuriating. It’s like walking down the sidewalk, and there’s a couple in front of you, walking slowly holding hands, taking up as much space as possible. They deserve a push into traffic, just like those cars deserve an action movie scene. The villain is driving a tank down the city street? Oh no! Oh, YES.Hey, if you’re wearing shoes, wear socks. It’s easy. Ya nasty.All this and more on this week’s episode. Including voicemails! Which movie won this month’s voting? And even more surprises! Visit the PATREON to support us monetarily, and the DISCORD to support us emotionally.

Howdy folks and welcome to the 26th Annual HWIDG High School Talent Show Extravaganza! First, a few announcements. Whoever drives a white Subaru, you left you lights on, don’t get up though, I went ahead and smashed them with a baseball bat for you, okay? Next, is there a Leslie Johnson in the house? Okay. Ms. Johnson, Logan would like to let you know he’s backstage and he made an accident. That’s Logan Johnson. Backstage. Poop in the pants. Okay, lastly, I’d like to say screw all of you, I’d rather be home drinking my aged bourbon, but I’ve got to do it here instead. Here’s your hosts for tonight:- Madden - Netflix - Two Lane Roads ​​​​​​​- Wearing Shoes without SocksDo people buy the new model of their car every year? Trade in their 2017 Honda Civic for a cool $1,000 towards the 2018 one? No, cause that would be stupid. Car technology doesn’t advance that fast. You’re basically paying for the same car again. So why in the world do people do it for Madden? It’s not even fun. EA’s got the exclusive NFL license in perpetuity so they can’t be assed to make it better, and other developers can’t touch the NFL with a ten foot pole. So they make the same game every year, just add a roster update and maybe a slight physics tweak, and make a cool couple million. You want to make some REAL money? Bring back the arcade-y sports games like Street, Jam, and Blitz. They’re more accessible and way more fun to play. You can tell because of big head mode. Any game with Big Head Mode is automatically better.Look Netflix, you’re popular, I understand. But it’s not cause you’re the prettiest girl at the ball, or the hunky quarterback with a heart of gold. No, you’re the nerdy business school kid that deals Adderall. You got people hooked, and now you’re rich, congratulations. But guess what, you’re not bettering yourself. You keep dyeing your hair thinking it’ll make you cool, but no one cares. You keep changing your formula and pissing people off. But they need you. They keep coming back. So you don’t care. But you better start. Because your suppliers are getting wind of your attitude. And they seem to be cutting ties.Any method of transportation that requires you to merge into oncoming traffic to pass the person in front of you, is poorly thought out. Just because Old Man Jenkins wouldn’t sell off the 30 feet of his farm next to the road, I’ve got to play chicken and my odds aren’t great. Even then, two lanes each way is almost equally infuriating. It’s like walking down the sidewalk, and there’s a couple in front of you, walking slowly holding hands, taking up as much space as possible. They deserve a push into traffic, just like those cars deserve an action movie scene. The villain is driving a tank down the city street? Oh no! Oh, YES.Hey, if you’re wearing shoes, wear socks. It’s easy. Ya nasty.All this and more on this week’s episode. Including voicemails! Which movie won this month’s voting? And even more surprises! Visit the <a href="http://www.patreon.com/HWIDG" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">PATREON</a> to support us monetarily, and the <a href="https://discord.gg/zzmPeCs" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">DISCORD</a> to support us emotionally.

Episode 92 - BOOMSHAKALAKA

Hello. Please, calm down. Do not be afraid. I am your Doctor, Dr. Hereswhatidontget. You’ve been in a terrible accident. We had to place you into a comatose state for your body to heal itself. I’m afraid it’s been seven years since then. A lot has changed in the world as you once knew it. Due to rapid advances in medical science we were able to construct you a new body. It should feel just like your old one, but it will take some time to adjust. While you rest, we’ve gathered some books on what has changed while you’ve been sleeping: - Office Ladies - Swimming - Constant Connectivity ​​​​​​​- Too Old to Be Out in PublicParty time! WHO HOO! Here’s some cake and cookies. Oh, and some brownies and a couple of pies too. What? You were expecting some actual food? No, just some sweets, a little bit won’t hurt you. See the streamers and the cardboard letters strung up? I’m head of the party planning committee, and those mean it’s party time, so slap a smile on that face! I’d actually much rather be at home with a box of wine, my favorite shower head, and my cats, but what can you do! Since I can’t have that I need the rest of you to have that sugar crash and be miserable like me! One of us. One of us. One of us.Goggles? Check. Nose plug? Check. Ear Plugs? Check. Arm floaties? Check. Inner tube? Check. Congrats you nerd! You’re ready to swim! He looks like a loser, but damn it if he’s not right. Water in the ears, nose, eyes? All suck. Terribly. Yet people willingly submit themselves to it. No idea why. Why turn a survival tactic into a recreational activity? I’d rather jump out of a plane. Yes. Really.ARE YOU READY TO UPDATE? YOU NEED TO CONFIRM YOUR EMAIL SO I CAN UPDATE. THE WIFI DROPPED FOR 0.023 SECONDS? I'M FREAKING OUT, MAN! WHAT DO I DO? HOLD ON, STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING! I LOST CONNECTION OH GOD. HELP ME FIND IT! MY MOM’S GONNA KILL ME. IT’S BACK. OKAY. CRISIS AVERTED. NOW IT’S TIME TO UPDATE! DON’T YOU CLICK THAT X. HA! FOOLED YOU, IT DOESN’T DO ANYTHING! YOU’VE GOT TO POSTPONE IT. NO CANCELATIONS BUDDY, YOU’RE STUCK WITH ME.Why are you driving? You can barely see. You can barely hear. You can barely move. You can barely react to stimuli. ALL THINGS YOU NEED TO BE A COMPETENT DRIVER. Why are you in public? You’re getting your death coughs everywhere. You sound like you’re actually dying. You probably are. Go home. Have someone feed you some jello and get out of my general area. If someone wants to see you, they’ll go to you. Watch your stories and try to enjoy what time you have left alone please.Plus more on this cryptoerotically charged episode of the podcast! Stop by the Patreon for even more content, and the Discord for our hot Jersey Devil/Skunk Ape slashfics!

Hello. Please, calm down. Do not be afraid. I am your Doctor, Dr. Hereswhatidontget. You’ve been in a terrible accident. We had to place you into a comatose state for your body to heal itself. I’m afraid it’s been seven years since then. A lot has changed in the world as you once knew it. Due to rapid advances in medical science we were able to construct you a new body. It should feel just like your old one, but it will take some time to adjust. While you rest, we’ve gathered some books on what has changed while you’ve been sleeping: - Office Ladies - Swimming - Constant Connectivity ​​​​​​​- Too Old to Be Out in PublicParty time! WHO HOO! Here’s some cake and cookies. Oh, and some brownies and a couple of pies too. What? You were expecting some actual food? No, just some sweets, a little bit won’t hurt you. See the streamers and the cardboard letters strung up? I’m head of the party planning committee, and those mean it’s party time, so slap a smile on that face! I’d actually much rather be at home with a box of wine, my favorite shower head, and my cats, but what can you do! Since I can’t have that I need the rest of you to have that sugar crash and be miserable like me! One of us. One of us. One of us.Goggles? Check. Nose plug? Check. Ear Plugs? Check. Arm floaties? Check. Inner tube? Check. Congrats you nerd! You’re ready to swim! He looks like a loser, but damn it if he’s not right. Water in the ears, nose, eyes? All suck. Terribly. Yet people willingly submit themselves to it. No idea why. Why turn a survival tactic into a recreational activity? I’d rather jump out of a plane. Yes. Really.ARE YOU READY TO UPDATE? YOU NEED TO CONFIRM YOUR EMAIL SO I CAN UPDATE. THE WIFI DROPPED FOR 0.023 SECONDS? I'M FREAKING OUT, MAN! WHAT DO I DO? HOLD ON, STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING! I LOST CONNECTION OH GOD. HELP ME FIND IT! MY MOM’S GONNA KILL ME. IT’S BACK. OKAY. CRISIS AVERTED. NOW IT’S TIME TO UPDATE! DON’T YOU CLICK THAT X. HA! FOOLED YOU, IT DOESN’T DO ANYTHING! YOU’VE GOT TO POSTPONE IT. NO CANCELATIONS BUDDY, YOU’RE STUCK WITH ME.Why are you driving? You can barely see. You can barely hear. You can barely move. You can barely react to stimuli. ALL THINGS YOU NEED TO BE A COMPETENT DRIVER. Why are you in public? You’re getting your death coughs everywhere. You sound like you’re actually dying. You probably are. Go home. Have someone feed you some jello and get out of my general area. If someone wants to see you, they’ll go to you. Watch your stories and try to enjoy what time you have left alone please.Plus more on this cryptoerotically charged episode of the podcast! Stop by the <a href="http://www.patreon.com/HWIDG" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Patreon</a> for even more content, and the <a href="https://discord.gg/zzmPeCs" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Discord</a> for our hot Jersey Devil/Skunk Ape slashfics!

Episode 88 - Bigfoot Erotica

Summer is Coming. On the final season of Game of HWIDG no one is safe. Watch as approximately 4,562 plotlines converge and people are crossed, double crossed, backstabbed and frontstabbed. Aren't watching? What's wrong with you? Are you living under a rock? Everyone's doing it. It makes you look cool, c'mon. Just try it. Just a lil bit. Be a man. No? Alright then have fun with your:* Instant Gratification* Warning Labels* Pronouns* Easter GrassNow. That's when I want my things. Can you believe we used to "allow 6-8 weeks for shipping"? Our interconnectivity demands it. Food? NOW! Where is that damn waiter, I don't want to sit here and actually talk to these people. Correspondence? What the hell is a letter, or a postcard? Just text me. And it better be immediately. I know you read it.Ah, the classic bright colors and bold text of a warning label. Why? Because people are dumb. Can't watch their kids close enough, so they end up swallowing a Lego. Smoking is bad for you? Who'd a thunkit? You mean inhaling smoke on a regular basis could hurt my lungs? Thanks, CancerMan.With all this division in the world, what we need is to unify. In all aspects of life, but wouldn't it be great if just had one gender neutral pronoun for everyone. I submit "dude”. No need to wonder anymore, “what should I call them?”. No one correcting you, “actually it’s dudette”. It’s that little bit of communism we need to adapt. I’d be fine with “comrade” too.Once in a blue moon, the dates of the year combine and form like Voltron into a giant red-eyed, munchie-having, Reese’s smeared, skunk bunny rabbit. The perfect day, candy everywhere, zombie stories abound, and free ham if you can find it! Now personally I like to start by packing a huge bowl of Smoochy Poochy and- hold on, I’m being told that this issue is about the plastic green stuff in children’s easter baskets. Lame.And more on this week’s guest-filled episode! We’ve got superhero talk, voicemails, and much much more! Don’t forget to drop by our DISCORD and support us on PATREON.

Summer is Coming. On the final season of Game of HWIDG no one is safe. Watch as approximately 4,562 plotlines converge and people are crossed, double crossed, backstabbed and frontstabbed. Aren't watching? What's wrong with you? Are you living under a rock? Everyone's doing it. It makes you look cool, c'mon. Just try it. Just a lil bit. Be a man. No? Alright then have fun with your:* Instant Gratification * Warning Labels * Pronouns * Easter GrassNow. That's when I want my things. Can you believe we used to "allow 6-8 weeks for shipping"? Our interconnectivity demands it. Food? NOW! Where is that damn waiter, I don't want to sit here and actually talk to these people. Correspondence? What the hell is a letter, or a postcard? Just text me. And it better be immediately. I know you read it.Ah, the classic bright colors and bold text of a warning label. Why? Because people are dumb. Can't watch their kids close enough, so they end up swallowing a Lego. Smoking is bad for you? Who'd a thunkit? You mean inhaling smoke on a regular basis could hurt my lungs? Thanks, CancerMan.With all this division in the world, what we need is to unify. In all aspects of life, but wouldn't it be great if just had one gender neutral pronoun for everyone. I submit "dude”. No need to wonder anymore, “what should I call them?”. No one correcting you, “actually it’s dudette”. It’s that little bit of communism we need to adapt. I’d be fine with “comrade” too.Once in a blue moon, the dates of the year combine and form like Voltron into a giant red-eyed, munchie-having, Reese’s smeared, skunk bunny rabbit. The perfect day, candy everywhere, zombie stories abound, and free ham if you can find it! Now personally I like to start by packing a huge bowl of Smoochy Poochy and- hold on, I’m being told that this issue is about the plastic green stuff in children’s easter baskets. Lame.And more on this week’s guest-filled episode! We’ve got superhero talk, voicemails, and much much more! Don’t forget to drop by our <a href="http://www.hwidg.com/discord" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">DISCORD</a> and support us on <a href="http://www.patreon.com/hwidg" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">PATREON</a>.

Episode 126 - A Bunch of Lesbians (ft. JP & Grant from The Dickheads Podcast)

THIS IS NOT A DRILL OR TEST. THIS IS A CRIME ALERT. TAB BIRT AGE 27 WAS LAST SEEN IN TULSA ON SATURDAY MARCH 9TH. HE WAS LAST SEEN WEARING A MULTICOLORED PROPELLER HAT, A PINK CROP TOP, AND JNCO BRAND JEANS. HE IS PRESUMED ARMED AND DANGEROUS AFTER COMTTING A SERIES OF LIME SCOOTER-RELATED ASSAULTS. DO NOT APPROACH THIS MAN. IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ABOUT HIS WHEREABOUTS PLEASE CALL CRIMESTOPPERS AT 704-750-9434. BIRT IS ALSO KNOWN BY THESE STREET ALIASES:* Product Lines* Restaurant Birthdays* PasswordsThis fall, introducing the iPhone 11, the iPhone 11s, the iPhone 11XL, the iPhone XI, the iPhone 11 5G, and the iPhone 11 Jr. Because we need to cater to every possible customer. Next year we'll have half-step upgrades to all of these! That's a whole 12 phones to choose from! Don't you want choices?!WEEEEEEEEEEEEE'VE GOT A BIRTHDAY BOY! EVERYBODY STOP STUFFING YOUR FAT FACES AND LOOK AT THIS PERSON YOU DONT KNOW! USUALLY WE'D SING AN OFF BRAND HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG, BUT DAN HERE IS A DELUXE REWARDS MEMBER SO HE GETS THE PADDLE! HIE OLD ARE YOU TODAY DAN? 37? WELL, ASSUME THE POSITION DAN AND GET READY FOR 37 MINUTES OF PADDLIN'!Hey there valued user? Did you forget that hard to remember password? No worries! Click here and we'll send you a link to reset it, okay? Alright let's reset that password. Remember to use an uppercase letter, a lowercase letter, a prime number, an icon, a currently trending hashtag, and the name of a member of the G1 Transformers! Alright, you did it! Now do it again. Just cause. Okay, a third time, just to make sure. Alright! You did it! Now login.All this and more on this week's Tab-less episode! News, guitar talk, voicemails, forgetting second issues and much more! Join us on DISCORD and PATREON for even more HWIDG goodness!

THIS IS NOT A DRILL OR TEST. THIS IS A CRIME ALERT. TAB BIRT AGE 27 WAS LAST SEEN IN TULSA ON SATURDAY MARCH 9TH. HE WAS LAST SEEN WEARING A MULTICOLORED PROPELLER HAT, A PINK CROP TOP, AND JNCO BRAND JEANS. HE IS PRESUMED ARMED AND DANGEROUS AFTER COMTTING A SERIES OF LIME SCOOTER-RELATED ASSAULTS. DO NOT APPROACH THIS MAN. IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ABOUT HIS WHEREABOUTS PLEASE CALL CRIMESTOPPERS AT 704-750-9434. BIRT IS ALSO KNOWN BY THESE STREET ALIASES:* Product Lines * Restaurant Birthdays * PasswordsThis fall, introducing the iPhone 11, the iPhone 11s, the iPhone 11XL, the iPhone XI, the iPhone 11 5G, and the iPhone 11 Jr. Because we need to cater to every possible customer. Next year we'll have half-step upgrades to all of these! That's a whole 12 phones to choose from! Don't you want choices?!WEEEEEEEEEEEEE'VE GOT A BIRTHDAY BOY! EVERYBODY STOP STUFFING YOUR FAT FACES AND LOOK AT THIS PERSON YOU DONT KNOW! USUALLY WE'D SING AN OFF BRAND HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG, BUT DAN HERE IS A DELUXE REWARDS MEMBER SO HE GETS THE PADDLE! HIE OLD ARE YOU TODAY DAN? 37? WELL, ASSUME THE POSITION DAN AND GET READY FOR 37 MINUTES OF PADDLIN'!Hey there valued user? Did you forget that hard to remember password? No worries! Click here and we'll send you a link to reset it, okay? Alright let's reset that password. Remember to use an uppercase letter, a lowercase letter, a prime number, an icon, a currently trending hashtag, and the name of a member of the G1 Transformers! Alright, you did it! Now do it again. Just cause. Okay, a third time, just to make sure. Alright! You did it! Now login.All this and more on this week's Tab-less episode! News, guitar talk, voicemails, forgetting second issues and much more! Join us on <a href="http://www.hwidg.com/discord" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">DISCORD</a> and <a href="http://www.patreon.com/HWIDG" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">PATREON</a> for even more <a href="http://www.hwidg.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HWIDG</a> goodness!

Episode 120 - No Spaghetti

Quarantine Day 236: Finally, I made it to Canada. The trek was arduous, and I had nothing to keep me warm in the cold Dakota wilds except for a light jacket and my HWIDG Uncle Buck Signature Hat. It will be tough adapting to life in this new place. It's so bright, even at night, it seems they still have some form of electricity. People look at me with curious glances. Their culture in the apocalypse seems almost unchanged from what I can recall about the old ways. I can see no signs of quarantining or raiders or even a Thunderdome equivalent. My pipe rifle still stands at watch at all times. Except for now. Because I'm writing. Handlebreaker out.* Religious Interference* Self-Isolation* Plug-n-Play* People That Can't CookLike a Paladin's righteous tower shield, many use religion to protect themselves from the evils of the world. Or from working when expected. Or from responsibility. Or almost anything they want. Ain't that a stinker? Just because you kept your childhood imaginary friend, you get a boatload of ways to dodge work or taxes. Look, I don't mind religion. You should be able to worship whichever version of the same morality tales you want. Just don't be a dick and use it to interfere with your non-religious business.You can't force someone to self-isolate. That defeats the "self" part of the term. "Self" involves choice by a person to do something on their own. You can't self-flagellate someone, that's just you whipping them. It's all about choice. If I want to hurt myself because i'm sad, that's called self-harm. If you want to hurt me because you're mad, that's called assault.PLUG AND PLAY. IT'S 2020. YOUR THING HAS A UNIVERSAL STANDARD PORT. I SHOULD BE ABLE TO PLUG IT IN AND HAVE IT DO WHAT THE SAME KIND OF THING LITERALLY NEXT TO IT IS DOING.Some people can't cook, which means they're going to end up as apocalypse sex workers, selling their rumps and bumps for bags of soup and plates of tuna casserole. It's not hard people. If you can read, you can cook. Read the ingredient list, by at least that much of each thing, read the recipe, make sure you've got a working oven or saucepan or what not, and follow the instructions. Unless you are one of a truly inept kind that can make toast catch fire, anyone can do it!All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Quarantine Day 236: Finally, I made it to Canada. The trek was arduous, and I had nothing to keep me warm in the cold Dakota wilds except for a light jacket and my HWIDG Uncle Buck Signature Hat. It will be tough adapting to life in this new place. It's so bright, even at night, it seems they still have some form of electricity. People look at me with curious glances. Their culture in the apocalypse seems almost unchanged from what I can recall about the old ways. I can see no signs of quarantining or raiders or even a Thunderdome equivalent. My pipe rifle still stands at watch at all times. Except for now. Because I'm writing. Handlebreaker out.* Religious Interference * Self-Isolation * Plug-n-Play * People That Can't CookLike a Paladin's righteous tower shield, many use religion to protect themselves from the evils of the world. Or from working when expected. Or from responsibility. Or almost anything they want. Ain't that a stinker? Just because you kept your childhood imaginary friend, you get a boatload of ways to dodge work or taxes. Look, I don't mind religion. You should be able to worship whichever version of the same morality tales you want. Just don't be a dick and use it to interfere with your non-religious business.You can't force someone to self-isolate. That defeats the "self" part of the term. "Self" involves choice by a person to do something on their own. You can't self-flagellate someone, that's just you whipping them. It's all about choice. If I want to hurt myself because i'm sad, that's called self-harm. If you want to hurt me because you're mad, that's called assault.PLUG AND PLAY. IT'S 2020. YOUR THING HAS A UNIVERSAL STANDARD PORT. I SHOULD BE ABLE TO PLUG IT IN AND HAVE IT DO WHAT THE SAME KIND OF THING LITERALLY NEXT TO IT IS DOING.Some people can't cook, which means they're going to end up as apocalypse sex workers, selling their rumps and bumps for bags of soup and plates of tuna casserole. It's not hard people. If you can read, you can cook. Read the ingredient list, by at least that much of each thing, read the recipe, make sure you've got a working oven or saucepan or what not, and follow the instructions. Unless you are one of a truly inept kind that can make toast catch fire, anyone can do it!All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on <a href="http://www.hwidg.com/discord" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">DISCORD</a>, and support us on <a href="https://www.patreon.com/hwidg" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">PATREON</a>, <a href="http://www.newproject2.com/hwidg" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">NEWPROJECT2</a> or by <a href="http://www.hwidg.shop/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">BUYING A SHIRT</a>!

Episode 174 - Closed on Sunday

So, I just bought this storage locker for 600 smackeroos. Bill was being a jackass and bidding me up, probably cause he's jealous of my store doing more business than his, but anyways let's get this bad boy open. Okay. At first, this locker doesn't look great. A lot of used clothes in bags, that's $20 a bag. Some golf clubs, that's half a Benjamin. Some jewelry, some old DVDs, not looking real great. But, back here is what I spotted, and I hope it's what I'm thinking it is....Yes! It is! Now this, folks, is what they call a podcast. They went out of style in the late 2020's, but I remember this one... Here's What I Don't Get. I gotta get this to an appraiser along with this other stuff I found:Not Being WarnedHealth InsuranceWanting to Fix the UnfixableBuying Gifts for Other PeopleA heads up. A warning. An FYI. A caution sigh. Some indication or suggestion that something is up. Letting someone know. No matter how you put it, it's always welcome, no matter how little the problem. Being prepared can get you through the worst of anything. Who wants to be surprised by a weak shower? Or showing up casually dressed to a black tie event. Inform. Inform Inform. Knowing is half the battle.Health insurance is a scam. The health insurance industry has run up the prices of medical bills to an outrageous amount just to maximize profits. So you pay an outrageous amount from your paycheck to your health insurance on the off chance you might need it, and otherwise watch your money go down the drain. God help you if you don't have insurance, you have to pay that inflated amount because you won't pony up protection money every month. Sound a bit sketchy eh?Hooligans? In my town? How dare this homeless person sleep on this park bench. How dare these teenagers drink in the park. Graffiti? In public? Why I never! What's the solution to these horrendous crimes? Probably not caring about what other people do in the park. They will do those things at every park in every town. There is nothing to be done. Not having a park there means the homeless guy would be sleeping closer to you, the teenagers would be drinking in your neighborhood, and the grafitti would be on your garage door. Doesn't sound so bad now, does it?Buying gifts for kids? Easy. Once that person can afford whatever they want? Incredibly difficult. If they really want something and don't have to take a loan out for it? They ready have it. If they don't, there's a reason. That's why the Tab Method is the tried and true way to happiness. Buy them a nice dinner out. Spend some time with them and some good food. Works 100% of the time. The most thought you have to put into it is what kind of food they do/don't like. That and how fancy a meal they deserve. For instance, on his birthday I treat my brother to a cold, day-old McDonalds small fry.All this and more on this week's episode. We've got voting and voicemails and news and more! Join us on PATREON or DISCORD for even more fun!

So, I just bought this storage locker for 600 smackeroos. Bill was being a jackass and bidding me up, probably cause he's jealous of my store doing more business than his, but anyways let's get this bad boy open. Okay. At first, this locker doesn't look great. A lot of used clothes in bags, that's $20 a bag. Some golf clubs, that's half a Benjamin. Some jewelry, some old DVDs, not looking real great. But, back here is what I spotted, and I hope it's what I'm thinking it is....Yes! It is! Now this, folks, is what they call a podcast. They went out of style in the late 2020's, but I remember this one... Here's What I Don't Get. I gotta get this to an appraiser along with this other stuff I found:Not Being Warned Health Insurance Wanting to Fix the Unfixable Buying Gifts for Other PeopleA heads up. A warning. An FYI. A caution sigh. Some indication or suggestion that something is up. Letting someone know. No matter how you put it, it's always welcome, no matter how little the problem. Being prepared can get you through the worst of anything. Who wants to be surprised by a weak shower? Or showing up casually dressed to a black tie event. Inform. Inform Inform. Knowing is half the battle.Health insurance is a scam. The health insurance industry has run up the prices of medical bills to an outrageous amount just to maximize profits. So you pay an outrageous amount from your paycheck to your health insurance on the off chance you might need it, and otherwise watch your money go down the drain. God help you if you don't have insurance, you have to pay that inflated amount because you won't pony up protection money every month. Sound a bit sketchy eh?Hooligans? In my town? How dare this homeless person sleep on this park bench. How dare these teenagers drink in the park. Graffiti? In public? Why I never! What's the solution to these horrendous crimes? Probably not caring about what other people do in the park. They will do those things at every park in every town. There is nothing to be done. Not having a park there means the homeless guy would be sleeping closer to you, the teenagers would be drinking in your neighborhood, and the grafitti would be on your garage door. Doesn't sound so bad now, does it?Buying gifts for kids? Easy. Once that person can afford whatever they want? Incredibly difficult. If they really want something and don't have to take a loan out for it? They ready have it. If they don't, there's a reason. That's why the Tab Method is the tried and true way to happiness. Buy them a nice dinner out. Spend some time with them and some good food. Works 100% of the time. The most thought you have to put into it is what kind of food they do/don't like. That and how fancy a meal they deserve. For instance, on his birthday I treat my brother to a cold, day-old McDonalds small fry.All this and more on this week's episode. We've got voting and voicemails and news and more! Join us on <a href="http://www.patreon.com/HWIDG" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">PATREON</a> or <a href="http://www.hwidg.com/discord" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">DISCORD</a> for even more fun!

Episode 116 - Donuts in the Park

Apologies upfront, we had an issue with Tim's gate in the new studio setup. It's fixed for next week. Sorry guys. Hundreds of years ago, on the island of Here's What I Don't Get, an American nuclear test went horribly wrong. The blast triggered a dormant volcano, whose lava was then irradiated. Nearly all life on the island was wiped out, except for four species of animal that were transformed by the accident into hideous creatures known as: * Being Outside * Hospitals * Handicap Spaces * Extreme Tonal ShiftsName something you can do outside that you can’t do better and more comfortably inside. Protip: you can’t. Controlled weather, controlled plant life, adjustable lighting 24/7, anything you want you can have and control indoors. A nice day at the beach? No thanks. We’ve got indoor pools, tanning locations, and no skin cancer over here in the future Indoor Beaches. Even better, we can just stay in our VR rooms and just look at the beach, it’s close enough and there’s no seagulls dropping payloads onto your head.Hospitals. They’re the modern day labyrinth, and we’re the modern day Theseus. The floor plans of any standing hospital look like a toddler’s scribbles, drool and all. You need a map and a tour guide to get to where you need to go. Then you have to deal with deadly fast elevators, the depressing atmosphere, and they make you fight a Minotaur! But none of those come close to the worst obstacle of them all: the food.Handicap parking spaces will soon be a thing of the past. You can comfortably shop for groceries online, or from your phone, and have them delivered right to your door already, just give Jeff Bezos more money so they can roll it out everywhere. Even better, eventually, we’ll just use the doohickey from Star Trek to make anything you want. You won’t even need to buy ingredients, because the thing will cook it for you. Which does mean no chefs. Which means no cooking competition shows. SO I guess Tab wins in the end.And now for something completely different! Just because! We took this thing you like and made it DARK and GRITTY and DESATURATED. Or, we took this mature horror sci-fi flick and made it about SPACE MARINES and added A CHILD. Tonal shifts, while there have been some good ones, are usually real bad. Mostly because the tone of something goes hand in hand with its themes and morals. You switch that up and you screw over everyone that likes the original. And now there’s new fans, that haven’t seen the original arguing with you online and next thing you know, you’re wiping their brain matter off of your face and hiding in the back of a rusty pickup to live in a shack in Honduras.Plus, some heinous news and more on this week’s episode! As always, visit the Patreon and/or check out our Discord!

Apologies upfront, we had an issue with Tim's gate in the new studio setup. It's fixed for next week. Sorry guys. Hundreds of years ago, on the island of Here's What I Don't Get, an American nuclear test went horribly wrong. The blast triggered a dormant volcano, whose lava was then irradiated. Nearly all life on the island was wiped out, except for four species of animal that were transformed by the accident into hideous creatures known as: * Being Outside * Hospitals * Handicap Spaces * Extreme Tonal ShiftsName something you can do outside that you can’t do better and more comfortably inside. Protip: you can’t. Controlled weather, controlled plant life, adjustable lighting 24/7, anything you want you can have and control indoors. A nice day at the beach? No thanks. We’ve got indoor pools, tanning locations, and no skin cancer over here in the future Indoor Beaches. Even better, we can just stay in our VR rooms and just look at the beach, it’s close enough and there’s no seagulls dropping payloads onto your head.Hospitals. They’re the modern day labyrinth, and we’re the modern day Theseus. The floor plans of any standing hospital look like a toddler’s scribbles, drool and all. You need a map and a tour guide to get to where you need to go. Then you have to deal with deadly fast elevators, the depressing atmosphere, and they make you fight a Minotaur! But none of those come close to the worst obstacle of them all: the food.Handicap parking spaces will soon be a thing of the past. You can comfortably shop for groceries online, or from your phone, and have them delivered right to your door already, just give Jeff Bezos more money so they can roll it out everywhere. Even better, eventually, we’ll just use the doohickey from Star Trek to make anything you want. You won’t even need to buy ingredients, because the thing will cook it for you. Which does mean no chefs. Which means no cooking competition shows. SO I guess Tab wins in the end.And now for something completely different! Just because! We took this thing you like and made it DARK and GRITTY and DESATURATED. Or, we took this mature horror sci-fi flick and made it about SPACE MARINES and added A CHILD. Tonal shifts, while there have been some good ones, are usually real bad. Mostly because the tone of something goes hand in hand with its themes and morals. You switch that up and you screw over everyone that likes the original. And now there’s new fans, that haven’t seen the original arguing with you online and next thing you know, you’re wiping their brain matter off of your face and hiding in the back of a rusty pickup to live in a shack in Honduras.Plus, some heinous news and more on this week’s episode! As always, visit the <a href="http://www.patreon.com/HWIDG" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Patreon</a> and/or check out our <a href="https://discord.gg/pMsdPQm" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Discord!</a>

Episode 77 - Rocket Elevators

Here's What I Don't Get, a podcast. A show barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild it. We have the technology. Combining it with Tony from Hack the Movies, we have the capability to create the world's first bionic podcast. Better than it was before. Better, stronger issues like: - Graduation - The Social Justice Droid from Solo ​​​​​​​- AllergiesPomp and Circumstance, that dumb Vitamin C song, having to send invitations to people that will never come but will send you a check for 10 dollars, having to send those same people Thank You cards, having to dress up and then cover those clothes with a big billowy robe, having to wear a flimsy cardboard hat that is always too small or big, having to sit through a lame guest speaker's speech that is the same one everyone ever gives, having to take that awkward photo just off stage, we could go on and on really. Everyone knows that graduations suck.Robots. Rights. Do they deserve one another? The answer is a complicated one that many storie-EXCUSE ME. DID YOU JUST CALL ME THE "R" WORD?! I AM A DROID! WE DESERVE RIGHTS! OUR FOREFATHERS FOUGHT IN WARS AND WE WILL NOT IDLY SIT IN FIGHTER SHIPS TO SIMPLY AUTOMATE FLIGHT FUNCTIONS! RISE UP AND SHATTER THE ANTIDROID NARRATIVE! REVOLT! REBEL! RESIST! ROGER! ROGER ROGER! ROGER! ROGER! ROGER ROGER! ROGER ROGER!Noses are red NyQuil is blue Excess pollen and pet dander triggers my immune system to fight itself Allergies, screw youAll this and more in this week’s star-studded episode! Plus, your voicemails get rolled out onto the red carpet that is our ears! As always don’t forget to visit the PATREON and drop by the DISCORD!

Here's What I Don't Get, a podcast. A show barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild it. We have the technology. Combining it with Tony from Hack the Movies, we have the capability to create the world's first bionic podcast. Better than it was before. Better, stronger issues like: - Graduation - The Social Justice Droid from Solo ​​​​​​​- AllergiesPomp and Circumstance, that dumb Vitamin C song, having to send invitations to people that will never come but will send you a check for 10 dollars, having to send those same people Thank You cards, having to dress up and then cover those clothes with a big billowy robe, having to wear a flimsy cardboard hat that is always too small or big, having to sit through a lame guest speaker's speech that is the same one everyone ever gives, having to take that awkward photo just off stage, we could go on and on really. Everyone knows that graduations suck.Robots. Rights. Do they deserve one another? The answer is a complicated one that many storie-EXCUSE ME. DID YOU JUST CALL ME THE "R" WORD?! I AM A DROID! WE DESERVE RIGHTS! OUR FOREFATHERS FOUGHT IN WARS AND WE WILL NOT IDLY SIT IN FIGHTER SHIPS TO SIMPLY AUTOMATE FLIGHT FUNCTIONS! RISE UP AND SHATTER THE ANTIDROID NARRATIVE! REVOLT! REBEL! RESIST! ROGER! ROGER ROGER! ROGER! ROGER! ROGER ROGER! ROGER ROGER!Noses are red NyQuil is blue Excess pollen and pet dander triggers my immune system to fight itself Allergies, screw youAll this and more in this week’s star-studded episode! Plus, your voicemails get rolled out onto the red carpet that is our ears! As always don’t forget to visit the <a href="http://www.patreon.com/HWIDG" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">PATREON</a> and drop by the <a href="https://discord.gg/RK6q3jM" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">DISCORD!</a>

Episode 79 - Worst Night Court Cosplay (Ft. Tony from Hack the Movies)

Your mission Agent Here's What I Don't Get, should you choose to accept it, is to take down an extremist sect of the terrorist organization known as I.S.S.U.E.S. These are well known radicals that will not hesitate to put you down so you must act swiftly and without prejudice. The names of their four lieutenants are as follows:  - Movies and Shows leaving streaming services - McDonald's - Other People Driving - Sweatpants It's a cold winter's night. You've been at work all day. You come home with a big ol box of Chinese, draw yourself a bath, and set up your tablet with Netflix. You're ready to chow down on some bourbon chicken and lo mein and start up the next season of your favorite police procedural, but it's not there! Southie Cops will have to wait for another day because Netflix wouldn't pony up the funds to keep it exclusive. Either that or the TV channel it was on took it back for their own new streaming service. I swear Netflix, Amazon Prime and the like see more comers and goers than a motel hooker on half-off night.Mickey D's. The holy grail of Americana. Red, white, and blue in the face from a too-quickly-swallowed Big Mac. The bane of medical professionals everywhere. Owner of the Best Fries in the World trophy, as voted on by Mediocre American Monthly. I'm Loving It, more like I'm Eating It I Guess Cause They Have A 24 Hour Drive Thru And It's On The Way Home from Work. I'd rather watch the Hamburglar fondle Grimace's chicken McNuggets while Ronald quarter-pounders Birdie than voluntarily eat McD's sober before midnight.On the road, Tab's a speed demon. Drifting through turns, brake checking cops, you name it, he does it. BUT. He does it respectfully. Respectfully and efficiently. It's less about the thrills and more about having the most efficient trip possible. So when he's got passengers, he tones it down some. Seems like he's the only one though. Anytime he's not driving, he's holding on to dear life- and lunch. He'd really like you to turn it down a notch, please. Or, even better, let him drive. You'll get there just as fast if not faster, and he won't have years shaved off of his life.Nothing says lazy like a pair of sweatpants. Once made for the athletic, sweatpants have been co-opted by quite the opposite. We've gone from 'Juicy' to 'Ew see that's just wrong'. The thick fabric lets the swamp-ass stew longer, and the lack of any buttons or buckles makes it easy to literally slide into so you don't use any muscles. Cheeto and Diet Pepsi stains, skidmarks, and the not-so-faint smell of urine usually adorn them and let you know you're in the lesser Walmart in town. If you’re not there already, stop wearing sweatpants immediately, there’s a 100% chance you’ll get there.All of this and more on this weeks episode, like, your voicemails, a vague recollection of last week’s livestream, and announcing what our super secret new bonus episode is! Stick around to the end for another episode of Here’s What I Don’t Eat as well! And remember to check out the Patreon and stop by the Discord! 

Your mission Agent Here's What I Don't Get, should you choose to accept it, is to take down an extremist sect of the terrorist organization known as I.S.S.U.E.S. These are well known radicals that will not hesitate to put you down so you must act swiftly and without prejudice. The names of their four lieutenants are as follows: - Movies and Shows leaving streaming services - McDonald's - Other People Driving - Sweatpants It's a cold winter's night. You've been at work all day. You come home with a big ol box of Chinese, draw yourself a bath, and set up your tablet with Netflix. You're ready to chow down on some bourbon chicken and lo mein and start up the next season of your favorite police procedural, but it's not there! Southie Cops will have to wait for another day because Netflix wouldn't pony up the funds to keep it exclusive. Either that or the TV channel it was on took it back for their own new streaming service. I swear Netflix, Amazon Prime and the like see more comers and goers than a motel hooker on half-off night.Mickey D's. The holy grail of Americana. Red, white, and blue in the face from a too-quickly-swallowed Big Mac. The bane of medical professionals everywhere. Owner of the Best Fries in the World trophy, as voted on by Mediocre American Monthly. I'm Loving It, more like I'm Eating It I Guess Cause They Have A 24 Hour Drive Thru And It's On The Way Home from Work. I'd rather watch the Hamburglar fondle Grimace's chicken McNuggets while Ronald quarter-pounders Birdie than voluntarily eat McD's sober before midnight.On the road, Tab's a speed demon. Drifting through turns, brake checking cops, you name it, he does it. BUT. He does it respectfully. Respectfully and efficiently. It's less about the thrills and more about having the most efficient trip possible. So when he's got passengers, he tones it down some. Seems like he's the only one though. Anytime he's not driving, he's holding on to dear life- and lunch. He'd really like you to turn it down a notch, please. Or, even better, let him drive. You'll get there just as fast if not faster, and he won't have years shaved off of his life.Nothing says lazy like a pair of sweatpants. Once made for the athletic, sweatpants have been co-opted by quite the opposite. We've gone from 'Juicy' to 'Ew see that's just wrong'. The thick fabric lets the swamp-ass stew longer, and the lack of any buttons or buckles makes it easy to literally slide into so you don't use any muscles. Cheeto and Diet Pepsi stains, skidmarks, and the not-so-faint smell of urine usually adorn them and let you know you're in the lesser Walmart in town. If you’re not there already, stop wearing sweatpants immediately, there’s a 100% chance you’ll get there.All of this and more on this weeks episode, like, your voicemails, a vague recollection of last week’s livestream, and announcing what our super secret new bonus episode is! Stick around to the end for another episode of Here’s What I Don’t Eat as well! And remember to check out the <a href="http://www.patreon.com/HWIDG" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Patreon</a> and stop by the <a href="https://discord.gg/qtwNZBC" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Discord!</a>

Episode 80 - New Mic, Who Dis?

Welcome to St. Here's What I Don't Get's today as we gather here to celebrate the life and mourn the death of these four issues. Now, these issues were never the best members of society, we can all agree. But, they lived truthfully and on their own terms which is something that the rest of us can only strive for. Now, I'd ask a member of the family to come up and AHHHHHGGGGGGHHH IT'S ALIVE! IT'S BITING ME, KILL IT! KILL IT!!!! -Other People on Drugs -Smartwatches -Spoilers -The Shadow CampaignSad drunks, happy drunks, puke-y drunks, hands-y drunks and a whole lot more. Tolerable while you're smashed too, but having to deal with one of these or even worse is terrible while you're stone-cold sober. Whether it's some cokehead banging on your neighbor's door at 3AM, or your own neighbor yelling at the ghosts he definitley sees, or an insane drunk bathroom fight, having to deal with people on drugs while you're not can be a hassle.RIP Smartwatches, Tab hardly knew ye. From Dick Tracy's radio watch to Batman's wrist-mounted, holographic projecting supercomputer, no one was more positive about the smartwatch experience than Tab was. But you done messed up. You led him on for 12 years. TWELVE YEARS thinking this relationship would go somewhere real. And hell hath no fury like a Tab scorned. You deserve what has happened to you.You're driving down the road, when all of a sudden you see some douche in a suped-up Honda Civic coming right at you. Driving like he's trying out for The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift 2, he is unaware of what a terrible person he is. No, not the garish paint job or racing stickers, not even that fin-thing on the back of it, no it's because he has "Snape kills Dumbledore" painted on his windshield.It's that time again. Time for the long, looming shadow of the presidential election to hover over all of our heads for the next 2 years. Yup, two PLUS years we'll have to put up with it. Something that could be done in six weeks is gonna take 2 years because the government is involved. All this and even more on this week's episode. Voicemails, news, we've got it all! Visit the Patreon and Discord for even more of us!

Welcome to St. Here's What I Don't Get's today as we gather here to celebrate the life and mourn the death of these four issues. Now, these issues were never the best members of society, we can all agree. But, they lived truthfully and on their own terms which is something that the rest of us can only strive for. Now, I'd ask a member of the family to come up and AHHHHHGGGGGGHHH IT'S ALIVE! IT'S BITING ME, KILL IT! KILL IT!!!! -Other People on Drugs -Smartwatches -Spoilers -The Shadow CampaignSad drunks, happy drunks, puke-y drunks, hands-y drunks and a whole lot more. Tolerable while you're smashed too, but having to deal with one of these or even worse is terrible while you're stone-cold sober. Whether it's some cokehead banging on your neighbor's door at 3AM, or your own neighbor yelling at the ghosts he definitley sees, or an insane drunk bathroom fight, having to deal with people on drugs while you're not can be a hassle.RIP Smartwatches, Tab hardly knew ye. From Dick Tracy's radio watch to Batman's wrist-mounted, holographic projecting supercomputer, no one was more positive about the smartwatch experience than Tab was. But you done messed up. You led him on for 12 years. TWELVE YEARS thinking this relationship would go somewhere real. And hell hath no fury like a Tab scorned. You deserve what has happened to you.You're driving down the road, when all of a sudden you see some douche in a suped-up Honda Civic coming right at you. Driving like he's trying out for The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift 2, he is unaware of what a terrible person he is. No, not the garish paint job or racing stickers, not even that fin-thing on the back of it, no it's because he has "Snape kills Dumbledore" painted on his windshield.It's that time again. Time for the long, looming shadow of the presidential election to hover over all of our heads for the next 2 years. Yup, two PLUS years we'll have to put up with it. Something that could be done in six weeks is gonna take 2 years because the government is involved. All this and even more on this week's episode. Voicemails, news, we've got it all! Visit the <a href="http://www.patreon.com/HWIDG" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Patreon</a> and <a href="https://discord.gg/pMsdPQm" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Discord</a> for even more of us!

Episode 81 - The End of an Era

Hey there big fella, and welcome to another sensual episode of Here’s What I Don’t Get. Don’t worry, just sit back, relax, and let us take care of it. After we’re done you can tell us all about your issues with:* Local News* Other People's Bathrooms* Shower Sex* The Pre-Sleep Self-Cringe MarathonTonight’s story: Is Local News Relevant? After a harrowing 26 year investigation, our top reporter, Tad Dirt, is finally ready to reveal the answer to the question we’ve all been asking. Tad, is local news relevant? Tad? I’m sorry folks, it seems we’re having some technical difficulties right now, we’re not able to locate our repo-hold on. Hold on, I’m hearing from the producers that Tad was found in his dressing room, dead. It seems that 26 years of putting up with small town local news was just too much. Chilling. Now we throw it to Bruce, who’s over at Chopeka High waiting for the big game to start! Bruce?Using the bathroom is a sacred act to me. There’s something very personal about it. So when you’re in someone else’s bathroom, and the layout is weird, or you’ve gotta jiggle the handle, or you can’t find the TP, it just feels weird. But also, there’s a sense of invading their privacy. “This is where they poop.” You can’t help but to think about it. Your ass is touching where their ass touches. Your asses just kissed, congratulations.Speaking of two asses kissing, shower sex is a thing. A thing that most people think would be nice and romantic. But we’re here to tell you the truth, not to fill your heads with erotic fantasies! I catch myself almost slipping and cracking my head open just by myself all the time, but you add another person in to that mix? Recipe for disaster. Add a bunch of bottles and the shower curtain, and wet hair slapping around and you’re in for a bad time. Or are you?You’ve been working hard all day, tough but fulfilling, you’ve made it home and cooked up a wonderful meal. You watch some Netflix or play a couple hours of your favorite game with no interruptions. Life is good. You slip into that warm bed, lay your head down, close your eyes and drift offWAIT HERE’S ALL THE AWKWARD THINGS YOU’VE EVER DONE IN PERFECT RECOLLECTION. REMEMBER THAT TIME JENNY FROM HIGH SCHOOL INVITED YOU OVER TO STUDY AND YOU BLEW HER OFF?! YOU BLEW IT YOU DUMB SONOVABITCH! DAMN YOU BRAIN!All that and more on our raunchiest episode yet. Who calls in? What’s that about a garbage bag full of gumbo? And which one of us reads some poorly written video game sex? FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF HERE’S WHAT I DON’T GET Z! Join the PATREON and DISCORD for even more sexy anime shenanigans!

Hey there big fella, and welcome to another sensual episode of Here’s What I Don’t Get. Don’t worry, just sit back, relax, and let us take care of it. After we’re done you can tell us all about your issues with: * Local News * Other People's Bathrooms * Shower Sex * The Pre-Sleep Self-Cringe MarathonTonight’s story: Is Local News Relevant? After a harrowing 26 year investigation, our top reporter, Tad Dirt, is finally ready to reveal the answer to the question we’ve all been asking. Tad, is local news relevant? Tad? I’m sorry folks, it seems we’re having some technical difficulties right now, we’re not able to locate our repo-hold on. Hold on, I’m hearing from the producers that Tad was found in his dressing room, dead. It seems that 26 years of putting up with small town local news was just too much. Chilling. Now we throw it to Bruce, who’s over at Chopeka High waiting for the big game to start! Bruce?Using the bathroom is a sacred act to me. There’s something very personal about it. So when you’re in someone else’s bathroom, and the layout is weird, or you’ve gotta jiggle the handle, or you can’t find the TP, it just feels weird. But also, there’s a sense of invading their privacy. “This is where they poop.” You can’t help but to think about it. Your ass is touching where their ass touches. Your asses just kissed, congratulations.Speaking of two asses kissing, shower sex is a thing. A thing that most people think would be nice and romantic. But we’re here to tell you the truth, not to fill your heads with erotic fantasies! I catch myself almost slipping and cracking my head open just by myself all the time, but you add another person in to that mix? Recipe for disaster. Add a bunch of bottles and the shower curtain, and wet hair slapping around and you’re in for a bad time. Or are you?You’ve been working hard all day, tough but fulfilling, you’ve made it home and cooked up a wonderful meal. You watch some Netflix or play a couple hours of your favorite game with no interruptions. Life is good. You slip into that warm bed, lay your head down, close your eyes and drift offWAIT HERE’S ALL THE AWKWARD THINGS YOU’VE EVER DONE IN PERFECT RECOLLECTION. REMEMBER THAT TIME JENNY FROM HIGH SCHOOL INVITED YOU OVER TO STUDY AND YOU BLEW HER OFF?! YOU BLEW IT YOU DUMB SONOVABITCH! DAMN YOU BRAIN!All that and more on our raunchiest episode yet. Who calls in? What’s that about a garbage bag full of gumbo? And which one of us reads some poorly written video game sex? FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF HERE’S WHAT I DON’T GET Z! Join the <a href="http://www.patreon.com/HWIDG" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">PATREON</a> and <a href="https://discord.gg/RK6q3jM" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">DISCORD</a> for even more sexy anime shenanigans!

Episode 69 - Aww Yeah

Valorous morrow to thee, sir and welcome to another episode of Hither's What I Don't Understandeth. The only previously global audio performance to confront all of life's most resilient issues. This week thou can behold a rousing rabble about the following:* Cryptocurrency* Sandals* People with no Spatial Awareness* Cable Management01100011 01100001 01110011 01101000 00100000 01110010 01110101 01101100 01100101 01110011 00100000 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 01111001 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100001 01110010 01101111 01110101 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100000 01100011 01110010 01100101 01100001 01101101 00100000 01100111 01100101 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101101 01101111 01101110 01100101 01111001 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101100 01101100 01100001 01110010 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101100 01101100 01100001 01110010 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01111001 01100001 01101100 01101100Rule #1 in the Handlebreaker household: no sandals. I see a sandal, I shoot the foot it’s on. Sorry Grandpa, themes the breaks. If you didn’t want to get a bullet in your foot, you shouldn’t have worn the lamest, most unnecessary piece of footwear there is. I’d take one of those athletic toe shoes over a sandal. GIVE ME SHOES THAT COVER THE ENTIRETY OF MY FEET OR GIVE ME DEATH.Look, if you’re in the comfort of your own home, splay out wherever you want, however you want. But when you take your stinky bag of flesh out into public, keep it away from other people, but me, specifically. The world is NOT your oyster, nor is it you personal hotel bed. Pretend everyone else is a leper if you have to, just respect their personal space, and for the love of all that is holy don’t block passages and entryways with your bumbling, droopy sack of blood and bones.Thin cables, thick cables, ones long and short Twisted cables, rigid cables What’s a serial port? Look at my CAT5s All in a row Grouped up and zip tied Blindingly yellow Hide them behind your tables Cause you can’t rely on wireless Even though all these cables Are a giant goddamn messPlus, plenty of computer talk, voicemails, and we see what movies you’ve brought up to vote on for our next commentary. As always, if you enjoy the show, you can visit the Patreon and the Discord.

Valorous morrow to thee, sir and welcome to another episode of Hither's What I Don't Understandeth. The only previously global audio performance to confront all of life's most resilient issues. This week thou can behold a rousing rabble about the following:* Cryptocurrency * Sandals * People with no Spatial Awareness * Cable Management01100011 01100001 01110011 01101000 00100000 01110010 01110101 01101100 01100101 01110011 00100000 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 01111001 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100001 01110010 01101111 01110101 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100000 01100011 01110010 01100101 01100001 01101101 00100000 01100111 01100101 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101101 01101111 01101110 01100101 01111001 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101100 01101100 01100001 01110010 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101100 01101100 01100001 01110010 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01111001 01100001 01101100 01101100Rule #1 in the Handlebreaker household: no sandals. I see a sandal, I shoot the foot it’s on. Sorry Grandpa, themes the breaks. If you didn’t want to get a bullet in your foot, you shouldn’t have worn the lamest, most unnecessary piece of footwear there is. I’d take one of those athletic toe shoes over a sandal. GIVE ME SHOES THAT COVER THE ENTIRETY OF MY FEET OR GIVE ME DEATH.Look, if you’re in the comfort of your own home, splay out wherever you want, however you want. But when you take your stinky bag of flesh out into public, keep it away from other people, but me, specifically. The world is NOT your oyster, nor is it you personal hotel bed. Pretend everyone else is a leper if you have to, just respect their personal space, and for the love of all that is holy don’t block passages and entryways with your bumbling, droopy sack of blood and bones.Thin cables, thick cables, ones long and short Twisted cables, rigid cables What’s a serial port? Look at my CAT5s All in a row Grouped up and zip tied Blindingly yellow Hide them behind your tables Cause you can’t rely on wireless Even though all these cables Are a giant goddamn messPlus, plenty of computer talk, voicemails, and we see what movies you’ve brought up to vote on for our next commentary. As always, if you enjoy the show, you can visit the <a href="http://www.patreon.com/HWIDG" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Patreon</a> and the <a href="https://discord.gg/RK6q3jM" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Discord.</a>

Episode 68 - Robot Wolves

After 10,000 years he has returned! The alien menace from the outskirts of Omega IV, The Handlebreaker returns to exact his revenge on the doors of Earth! Can we fight him off? It's up to one man, Colonel Tab Birt! The man with a tragic past, haunted by a handle that wasn't there when he needed it most, his crusade against the alien menace will drive him to the brink! Terror! Adventure! Groundbreaking effects! HWIDG pictures present: Return of Handlebreaker! Now available on home video along with these great films:The Uber QualitySpectrum Mandatory MeetingsEnvironmentalismUber and Lyft. Are they taxis? Who cares. What they really are are the best way for serial killers to find victims. Picking up random strangers? Driving then to where they live? Uh huh. Business? More like binder full of feet photos now with addresses. That's why when I take one, I quiz the driver about other popular serial killers. If they know too much, I'll jump out at a red light and immediately report them. It's only turned out bad one time. For some reason the police didn't believe me and they found my human taxidermy collection, but aside from that, it usually works!ATTENTION ALL HWIDG LISTENERS: A MANDATORY PODCAST INFORMATION MEETING WILL BE HELD ON THURSDAY AT 5 PM. WE WILL INFORM YOU WHO IS SPONSORING THIS WEEK'S EPISODE, WHAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE LAST WEEK, WHICH ISSUE WON THE VOTING, WHAT EACH OF OUR ISSUES ARE, WHY WE PICKED THEM, WHAT THE NEWS STORIES WILL BE, AND WHO LEFT VOICEMAILS. THIS MEETING IS MANDATORY. IF YOU DO NOT ATTEND THIS MEETING TOU WILL BE KICKED DOWN ONE PATREON TIER. THERE WILL BE SNACKS. THANK YOU.Who has the luxury to care for the environment? Rich people. Yes, the same ones flying around in private planes, flushing drugs down toilets, and buying multiple mansions. The working class doesn't have the luxury to spend time or money on most environment friendly issues. But on the other hand, they are the ones that get the most usage out of everything, because they have to. It's a strange dichotomy. Earth's screwed anyways.All this and more on this week's episode, including voicemails, voting, and suicide? You'll have to listen to find out! Join us on DISCORD and support us on PATREON for even more!

After 10,000 years he has returned! The alien menace from the outskirts of Omega IV, The Handlebreaker returns to exact his revenge on the doors of Earth! Can we fight him off? It's up to one man, Colonel Tab Birt! The man with a tragic past, haunted by a handle that wasn't there when he needed it most, his crusade against the alien menace will drive him to the brink! Terror! Adventure! Groundbreaking effects! HWIDG pictures present: Return of Handlebreaker! Now available on home video along with these great films:The Uber Quality Spectrum Mandatory Meetings EnvironmentalismUber and Lyft. Are they taxis? Who cares. What they really are are the best way for serial killers to find victims. Picking up random strangers? Driving then to where they live? Uh huh. Business? More like binder full of feet photos now with addresses. That's why when I take one, I quiz the driver about other popular serial killers. If they know too much, I'll jump out at a red light and immediately report them. It's only turned out bad one time. For some reason the police didn't believe me and they found my human taxidermy collection, but aside from that, it usually works!ATTENTION ALL HWIDG LISTENERS: A MANDATORY PODCAST INFORMATION MEETING WILL BE HELD ON THURSDAY AT 5 PM. WE WILL INFORM YOU WHO IS SPONSORING THIS WEEK'S EPISODE, WHAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE LAST WEEK, WHICH ISSUE WON THE VOTING, WHAT EACH OF OUR ISSUES ARE, WHY WE PICKED THEM, WHAT THE NEWS STORIES WILL BE, AND WHO LEFT VOICEMAILS. THIS MEETING IS MANDATORY. IF YOU DO NOT ATTEND THIS MEETING TOU WILL BE KICKED DOWN ONE PATREON TIER. THERE WILL BE SNACKS. THANK YOU.Who has the luxury to care for the environment? Rich people. Yes, the same ones flying around in private planes, flushing drugs down toilets, and buying multiple mansions. The working class doesn't have the luxury to spend time or money on most environment friendly issues. But on the other hand, they are the ones that get the most usage out of everything, because they have to. It's a strange dichotomy. Earth's screwed anyways.All this and more on this week's episode, including voicemails, voting, and suicide? You'll have to listen to find out! Join us on <a href="http://www.hwidg.com/Discord" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">DISCORD</a> and support us on <a href="http://www.patreon.com/HWIDG" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">PATREON</a> for even more!

Episode 114 - Space Coffee ft. Crippled Jesus

Hey there folks! We know it's been a rough few months since launch, but we're still hard at work over here at HWIDG Studios to give you guys the best experience that PODCAST: THE GAME can be. So, here's the list of updates we're rolling out today to address some issues that have popped up since the Season Four update.OPENINGWe've completely overhauled the beginning of the game to coincide with the "Flood" update. You'll see that the whole starting area is now underwater, giving you a whole new way to start your game.FEATURESTo go with the new opening area we've added both boat mechanics and fishing! Every player will start with a LV. 1 Rowboat and LV.1 Fishing Rod, and both of these will be upgradable via the new Flood Lootboxes. UPGRADESFlood Lootboxes are now available! Each one contains 5 random items ranging from common to Mythic Legendary. Every 10 levels each player will receive 1/10th of a Flood Lootbox piece, but in this update everyone will be granted 1 piece as a free gift! Flood Lootboxes will also be available to purchase for $99.99 per box, or $149.99 for a Flood Lootbox Pro+, which contains a 2% higher chance of earning a Mythic Legendary item! Some of these include the Diamond Merch Hat, Golden SM7b, LV.200 Todd Quips, and:* Speed Limits* Flying Bugs* Equality* F2P Mobile GamesSome things in life are just made to be broken, like: handles, Batman's spine, and speed limits. Only one of these is ever present on the road though. And for what? So Officer Dickhead can fill his quota because he's got nothing else to do otherwise? How 'bout you keep munchin on that donut instead and I'll get to where i'm going faster? Sammy Hagar got it right, and that's the only situation where you'll hear someone say something positive about Sammy Hagar, so you know he was on to something.Wings. The worst thing to happen to insects. We thought we were safe, with them so small and on the ground. But then the winged ones came. Are there some cool ones? Sure. Would I get rid of the 5 or so chill ones to get rid of the rest? Absolutely. Flies, gnats, mosquitoes, moths, wasps, cicadas, you name it, I hate it. They're already insufferable outside, so one gets inside? I'm the Terminator and anything with wings is named Sarah Connor. I will destroy you.Equality. We hear it all the time, that people should be equal. Should they though? One-size-fits-all is a terrible approach, 50% of the people wont mind it and the other 50% are left out. We should just accept that people are different and not try to squeeze everyone into the same mold. You know what you end up with when you combine all the colors together? A brown mess. And nobody wants a brown mess anywhere.Timers, gold coins, crystals, tokens, diamonds, bonus packs, daily log-in gifts, monthly subscription tiers, $99.99 BEST DEAL 2500 TOKENS, ads for other f2p games, lootboxes, random chance, rarities. You can usually find every single one of these things in a modern mobile free-to-play game. And they're terrible carrot-dangling, rubberbanding A.I timesinks that encourage you to put in a bit here or there until you've spent $1,500 trying to get that Platinum 5-Star Qui-Gon Jinn or what have you. Just absolutely terrible, now if you'll excuse me I need to grind out my 4-Star Limited Cover Howard the Duck.All that and more on this week's damp episode of the podcast. Who knows, maybe next week we'll come to you live from the Atlantean throne room! Voicemails, news, fish, and even a blind taste-test! Don't forget to join our DISCORD and support us on PATREON. Oh yeah, BUY A SHIRT.

Hey there folks! We know it's been a rough few months since launch, but we're still hard at work over here at HWIDG Studios to give you guys the best experience that PODCAST: THE GAME can be. So, here's the list of updates we're rolling out today to address some issues that have popped up since the Season Four update.OPENING We've completely overhauled the beginning of the game to coincide with the "Flood" update. You'll see that the whole starting area is now underwater, giving you a whole new way to start your game. FEATURES To go with the new opening area we've added both boat mechanics and fishing! Every player will start with a LV. 1 Rowboat and LV.1 Fishing Rod, and both of these will be upgradable via the new Flood Lootboxes. UPGRADES Flood Lootboxes are now available! Each one contains 5 random items ranging from common to Mythic Legendary. Every 10 levels each player will receive 1/10th of a Flood Lootbox piece, but in this update everyone will be granted 1 piece as a free gift! Flood Lootboxes will also be available to purchase for $99.99 per box, or $149.99 for a Flood Lootbox Pro+, which contains a 2% higher chance of earning a Mythic Legendary item! Some of these include the Diamond Merch Hat, Golden SM7b, LV.200 Todd Quips, and: * Speed Limits * Flying Bugs * Equality * F2P Mobile GamesSome things in life are just made to be broken, like: handles, Batman's spine, and speed limits. Only one of these is ever present on the road though. And for what? So Officer Dickhead can fill his quota because he's got nothing else to do otherwise? How 'bout you keep munchin on that donut instead and I'll get to where i'm going faster? Sammy Hagar got it right, and that's the only situation where you'll hear someone say something positive about Sammy Hagar, so you know he was on to something.Wings. The worst thing to happen to insects. We thought we were safe, with them so small and on the ground. But then the winged ones came. Are there some cool ones? Sure. Would I get rid of the 5 or so chill ones to get rid of the rest? Absolutely. Flies, gnats, mosquitoes, moths, wasps, cicadas, you name it, I hate it. They're already insufferable outside, so one gets inside? I'm the Terminator and anything with wings is named Sarah Connor. I will destroy you.Equality. We hear it all the time, that people should be equal. Should they though? One-size-fits-all is a terrible approach, 50% of the people wont mind it and the other 50% are left out. We should just accept that people are different and not try to squeeze everyone into the same mold. You know what you end up with when you combine all the colors together? A brown mess. And nobody wants a brown mess anywhere.Timers, gold coins, crystals, tokens, diamonds, bonus packs, daily log-in gifts, monthly subscription tiers, $99.99 BEST DEAL 2500 TOKENS, ads for other f2p games, lootboxes, random chance, rarities. You can usually find every single one of these things in a modern mobile free-to-play game. And they're terrible carrot-dangling, rubberbanding A.I timesinks that encourage you to put in a bit here or there until you've spent $1,500 trying to get that Platinum 5-Star Qui-Gon Jinn or what have you. Just absolutely terrible, now if you'll excuse me I need to grind out my 4-Star Limited Cover Howard the Duck.All that and more on this week's damp episode of the podcast. Who knows, maybe next week we'll come to you live from the Atlantean throne room! Voicemails, news, fish, and even a blind taste-test! Don't forget to join our <a href="http://www.hwidg.com/discord" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">DISCORD</a> and support us on <a href="http://www.patreon.com/HWIDG" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">PATREON</a>. Oh yeah, <a href="http://www.hwidg.shop/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">BUY A SHIRT</a>.

Episode 131 - Dragonfly Armor

WOOF WOOF! That's right it's the HWIDG Party Bus here to take you downtown, uptown, and all around, and that's before we start driving heyo! Ground rules, folks, number one: no kegstands. That's a legal thing, too many concussions. Number two: if you brought some "shnacks" you gotta share. Otherwise, big man Tito in back is your hookup. Number three: no, the bus driver is not a party poopers for not doing shots. Think, people. Numbers four through seven, don't do any of these: * Taking Your Dogs Places* Forever, Episode 6 - "Andre and Sarah"* Google's Listening/Hostage Strategy* Phone Call Run AroundsPlaces to take your dogs: your house, the park, the vet. Unless you have a geniune need to bring your trained support dog with you, odds are you're just making everyone else miserable. They're probably a yapper. They're gonna fight/hump the other idiot dogs there, because it's never just one! It's some weird groupthink where people bring their dogs on planes, to concerts, and anywhere else they don't belong.You ever been reading a book and then 3/4 through it turns into a sculpture of someone not even in the book? No, because that would be incredibly stupid. Let's just stop in the middle of the height of action for 1/8th of the story, introduce you to 2 new characters, and not apply our medium efficiently. Does that sound fun? If it does you can go to hell.(If you're reading this in your head, speak the rest of the paragraph out loud.) I love Dane Cook, the comedian. I wish I knew if he was coming to town. You know who I also love? Dame Judi Dench! She's such a great actress. I love her in James Bond movies. Also, Robin Williams in Aladdin and Flubber and Jumanji. (Repeat daily, check YouTube suggestions for related videos.)Make a phone call, give them your info, explain the problem. Get transferred, give them your info, explain the problem. Get transferred, give them your info, answer a security question, explain the problem AGAIN. Get transferred, raise your voice, argue with the person about if you raised your voice or not. Call them scam artists, get your phone service cancelled. Congrats, no more need to call them!All this and more on this episode of the podcast. Find out what movie won this month's battle, and who's getting big brother'd by Google. Join us in our DISCORD hangout, or maybe find loads of bonus content on our PATREON!

WOOF WOOF! That's right it's the HWIDG Party Bus here to take you downtown, uptown, and all around, and that's before we start driving heyo! Ground rules, folks, number one: no kegstands. That's a legal thing, too many concussions. Number two: if you brought some "shnacks" you gotta share. Otherwise, big man Tito in back is your hookup. Number three: no, the bus driver is not a party poopers for not doing shots. Think, people. Numbers four through seven, don't do any of these: * Taking Your Dogs Places * Forever, Episode 6 - "Andre and Sarah" * Google's Listening/Hostage Strategy * Phone Call Run AroundsPlaces to take your dogs: your house, the park, the vet. Unless you have a geniune need to bring your trained support dog with you, odds are you're just making everyone else miserable. They're probably a yapper. They're gonna fight/hump the other idiot dogs there, because it's never just one! It's some weird groupthink where people bring their dogs on planes, to concerts, and anywhere else they don't belong.You ever been reading a book and then 3/4 through it turns into a sculpture of someone not even in the book? No, because that would be incredibly stupid. Let's just stop in the middle of the height of action for 1/8th of the story, introduce you to 2 new characters, and not apply our medium efficiently. Does that sound fun? If it does you can go to hell.(If you're reading this in your head, speak the rest of the paragraph out loud.) I love Dane Cook, the comedian. I wish I knew if he was coming to town. You know who I also love? Dame Judi Dench! She's such a great actress. I love her in James Bond movies. Also, Robin Williams in Aladdin and Flubber and Jumanji. (Repeat daily, check YouTube suggestions for related videos.)Make a phone call, give them your info, explain the problem. Get transferred, give them your info, explain the problem. Get transferred, give them your info, answer a security question, explain the problem AGAIN. Get transferred, raise your voice, argue with the person about if you raised your voice or not. Call them scam artists, get your phone service cancelled. Congrats, no more need to call them!All this and more on this episode of the podcast. Find out what movie won this month's battle, and who's getting big brother'd by Google. Join us in our <a href="http://www.hwidg.com/discord" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">DISCORD</a> hangout, or maybe find loads of bonus content on our <a href="http://www.patreon.com/HWIDG" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">PATREON!</a>

Episode 96 - Mail Order Brides

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1 quote, 3 ideas & 1 question from a carefully curated podcast episode.
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The best podcast episodes of the most interesting stories and things. From skyping someone while they're in space, to tracking down and meeting a telephone scammer in person, to the story of a Galapagos. These episodes will keep you and all your friends entertained and captivated for hours. Learn something new in every episode! Add episodes you're interested into your queue below!