Chad Gailey

Metal festivals: we all hate them. From Psycho Las Vegas to Festum Carnis, these cursed gatherings serve as the bane of every true banger's existence. In this episode, the Dads sit down with Chad Gailey (Necrot, Mortuous, Palace of Worms, Scolex, Atrament, Phrenelith, etc etc etc etc) to get to the bottom of every Parenthead's nightmare scenario: the dreaded FEST.  Music: Nunslaughter, "Death By The Dead" Necrot, "The Blade" PS Shelby was wrong, there are 4 Nunslaughter full-lengths, not 2. NEW contact: deathmetaldads@gmail.com

Metal festivals: we all hate them. From Psycho Las Vegas to Festum Carnis, these cursed gatherings serve as the bane of every true banger's existence. In this episode, the Dads sit down with Chad Gailey (Necrot, Mortuous, Palace of Worms, Scolex, Atrament, Phrenelith, etc etc etc etc) to get to the bottom of every Parenthead's nightmare scenario: the dreaded FEST.  Music: Nunslaughter, "Death By The Dead" Necrot, "The Blade" PS Shelby was wrong, there are 4 Nunslaughter full-lengths, not 2. NEW contact: deathmetaldads@gmail.com

Episode 48 - Death By The Dad (with Chad Gailey)

The Dads convene for the very first time on DMD with their own offspring Calvyn and Ezra, resulting in a horrific mishmash of bad movies, bad jokes, dad jokes, Jar Jar Binks, Wilford Brimley, and Gigli Allin. Stereotypes are reinforced, iron is pumped, and topical wisdom is dispensed in this thrill-a-minute crash course in parenting gone wrong! Music: Extremity, "Like Father Like Son" Manowar, "Carry On"

The Dads convene for the very first time on DMD with their own offspring Calvyn and Ezra, resulting in a horrific mishmash of bad movies, bad jokes, dad jokes, Jar Jar Binks, Wilford Brimley, and Gigli Allin. Stereotypes are reinforced, iron is pumped, and topical wisdom is dispensed in this thrill-a-minute crash course in parenting gone wrong! Music: Extremity, "Like Father Like Son" Manowar, "Carry On"

Episode 47 - Like Father Like Son (with Calvyn & Ezra)

Aesop and Shelby would like to speak to your manager. Music: Dying Fetus, "Killing On Adrenaline" Faun Fables, "Eyes Of A Bird"

Aesop and Shelby would like to speak to your manager. Music: Dying Fetus, "Killing On Adrenaline" Faun Fables, "Eyes Of A Bird"

Episode 46 - Killing On Dadrenaline

Nick Katich

In today's installment, Aesop and Shelby are joined by their pal Nick Katich (the morbid wizard behind the one-man black metal juggernaut Palace of Worms) to wax moronic about weird Finnish death metal, mispronunciations, selling out, cashing in, fighting The Man, and "sounding like Autopsy". Did you know Nick is a mortician? Yep, and he sure has some crazy fucking stories. So sit back, pour yourself some corpse juice, and have a listen! Music: Sentenced, "Rot To Dead" Palace of Worms "Rot From The Stars"

In today's installment, Aesop and Shelby are joined by their pal Nick Katich (the morbid wizard behind the one-man black metal juggernaut Palace of Worms) to wax moronic about weird Finnish death metal, mispronunciations, selling out, cashing in, fighting The Man, and "sounding like Autopsy". Did you know Nick is a mortician? Yep, and he sure has some crazy fucking stories. So sit back, pour yourself some corpse juice, and have a listen! Music: Sentenced, "Rot To Dead" Palace of Worms "Rot From The Stars"

Episode 45 - Rot To Dad (with Nick Katich)

Harri Kuokkanen

Finland's own Harri Kuokkanen (Hooded Menace, Ride For Revenge, Horse Latitudes, Hail Conjurer) sits down with the Dads for an in-depth discussion on Danzig, weightlifting, Body Count, religion, and the delicate cultural intricacies of pissing in public. Is Ice T the coolest guy ever? Who's going to Aftershock this year? Is America doomed? Does Blue Oyster Cult still "have it" in 2018? What is "it"? Tune in to find out! Music: Body Count, "Cop Killer" Hooded Menace, "Charnel Reflections"

Finland's own Harri Kuokkanen (Hooded Menace, Ride For Revenge, Horse Latitudes, Hail Conjurer) sits down with the Dads for an in-depth discussion on Danzig, weightlifting, Body Count, religion, and the delicate cultural intricacies of pissing in public. Is Ice T the coolest guy ever? Who's going to Aftershock this year? Is America doomed? Does Blue Oyster Cult still "have it" in 2018? What is "it"? Tune in to find out! Music: Body Count, "Cop Killer" Hooded Menace, "Charnel Reflections"

Episode 44 - Born Dad (with Harri Kuokkanen)

Anal Cunt is a horrible fucking cunt of a band. Ivanka Trump is a fucking cunt. You're a fucking cunt, I'm a cunt, we're all fucking cunts. Who gives a shit? Music: Anal Cunt, "Unbelievable" Extremity, "Grave Mistake" PS Shelby got John Boorman and John Sayles mixed up, sorry.

Anal Cunt is a horrible fucking cunt of a band. Ivanka Trump is a fucking cunt. You're a fucking cunt, I'm a cunt, we're all fucking cunts. Who gives a shit? Music: Anal Cunt, "Unbelievable" Extremity, "Grave Mistake" PS Shelby got John Boorman and John Sayles mixed up, sorry.

Episode 43 - You Have A Podcast

Jeri Scardina

Good news, Parentheads! The Dads are back with their third annual Mother's Day episode, featuring very very special returning guest Jeri Scardina (Shelby's mom)! How monumental is the occasion? Well, let's just say there was A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE right when these fools hit the record button! Truly an Act of God, and a DMD episode not to be missed! Music: Vomitory, "The Voyage" The Little Girls, "The Earthquake Song"

Good news, Parentheads! The Dads are back with their third annual Mother's Day episode, featuring very very special returning guest Jeri Scardina (Shelby's mom)! How monumental is the occasion? Well, let's just say there was A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE right when these fools hit the record button! Truly an Act of God, and a DMD episode not to be missed! Music: Vomitory, "The Voyage" The Little Girls, "The Earthquake Song"

Episode 42 - Momitory (with Jeri Scardina)

Justin Ennis

In today's episode, the Dads are joined by drum wizard and BFF Justin Ennis (Void Omnia, Vale, Ulthar, Cheap Gwar) for a lengthy discussion about Sweden's Oxiplegatz--the alien-fucking, lazer gun-toting, sexy cyborg-having intergalactic alter-ego of former At The Gates guitarist Alf Svensson. Also, they call everyone posers and get to the bottom of why it sucks so much to be a show booker. We were very tired when we recorded this. Music: Oxiplegatz, "Dark Millennium (There Shall Never Be Another Dawn)" Harvey Milk, "A Good Thing Gone"

In today's episode, the Dads are joined by drum wizard and BFF Justin Ennis (Void Omnia, Vale, Ulthar, Cheap Gwar) for a lengthy discussion about Sweden's Oxiplegatz--the alien-fucking, lazer gun-toting, sexy cyborg-having intergalactic alter-ego of former At The Gates guitarist Alf Svensson. Also, they call everyone posers and get to the bottom of why it sucks so much to be a show booker. We were very tired when we recorded this. Music: Oxiplegatz, "Dark Millennium (There Shall Never Be Another Dawn)" Harvey Milk, "A Good Thing Gone"

Episode 41 - Dad Millennium (There Shall Never Be Another Dawn) (with Justin Ennis)

Dad Profundis

Wherein the Dads regale you, the listener, with the tale of Wulkanaz--a Swedish black metal warrior who defeated his Facebook enemy by means of an axe. Also some talk about Poland's Vader, police brutality, hookers, and The Great Mosh Pit of Life. Music: Vader, "Silent Empire" TV On The Radio, "Ambulance" Wulkanaz, "Lykta och Bloss"

Wherein the Dads regale you, the listener, with the tale of Wulkanaz--a Swedish black metal warrior who defeated his Facebook enemy by means of an axe. Also some talk about Poland's Vader, police brutality, hookers, and The Great Mosh Pit of Life. Music: Vader, "Silent Empire" TV On The Radio, "Ambulance" Wulkanaz, "Lykta och Bloss"

Episode 40 - Dad Profundis

An unconventional installment wherein the Dads comb through their vast and sprawling collection of mp3s to bring YOU, the listener, 16 forgotten bands that are not worthy of their own DMD episode. Thrilling fun, plus bonus content re: pubes! Music: Vastum, "Gagging on a Gash" Hickey, "Revolution $19.95"

An unconventional installment wherein the Dads comb through their vast and sprawling collection of mp3s to bring YOU, the listener, 16 forgotten bands that are not worthy of their own DMD episode. Thrilling fun, plus bonus content re: pubes! Music: Vastum, "Gagging on a Gash" Hickey, "Revolution $19.95"

Episode 39 - Deep Cuts (From The Vault), Vol. 1: Book of Shadows

2 dads interview other parents/musicians/interesting/weird people while trawling through the history of international death metal, the Bay Area music scene, life on the road, and crippling depression. All with a sprinkling of bad dad jokes and a penchant for the ridiculous.

Seriously y’all one of the best podcasts out there. Please come back Shelby and Aesop!!!

The DMD Bump!

Come back!

Death Metal Dads

Chase Mason

Nate Garrett

In this week's scandalous sequence, the Dads venture into the basement-level dressing rooms of Slim's in San Francisco for a mid-evening tryst with Chase Mason and Nate Garrett (Gatecreeper, Spirit Adrift). The fetid foursome find favor, and float fetishized fallacies for a fervent fifty-five (f)minutes. Listen in, and be shocked by the episode's (literal) climax! What else is in here? Observe: A Cuckhold Discussion/Cumming On The Baby, Joshua Bling Bling, Aesop Has To Pee, Shooting Up With Boz Scaggs, Shawn Doing Weed Stuff, Moustaches And Vaping And Lies And Fidget Spinners, The Power Trippin' Rabbi, The Cost of A Gold Tooth In 2017, Buying The DMD Bump, A Message To Mom, David Lynch With Down Syndrome, Tool Fans, Lurking Rob Barrett In The Alley In The Rain, Mormon Rules About Facial Hair, Brigham Young vs Bring 'Em Young, "Recommendations For You", The OTHER Chick From Vastum, Idris Elba vs Paul Baloff, Long And Hard (But Mostly Hard), Every Woman Sitting On A Cake, Cryptopsy Taco Supremacy, Group Chat Chat, Origins of The Pingy Snare, Herpes vs "Mic Rash", Attila's Traveling Hairstylist, If Gatecreeper Was A Movie, Lots of Rotting Meat On Set, White People In The Kitchen, The Spirit of Full Disclosure, The M. Night Shyamalan of Shameful Masturbation, Jessica Tandy's PornHub Page, Incriminating Talk About Meth, John Leguizamo Getting His Dick Stuck In A Bottle, Legitimately Weirded Out, Death Metal Drive Thru, The Heyday of Mediafire, LMFAO (Lick My Fuckin Ass Out), Chuck Norris/Chuck Taylor, A Total Candy-Ass, Hockey Without The Sticks, Michael Jordan's Hitler Moustache, Musings On Crud Wizard And Luxury Factory, Action Pants, Not "Drunk" Just "Right", Phantasm Bros, Cosmic Hearse + Methadone, The Wet Bandits, Riffs And Fists, Troll 2 And The Gorilla With The Jetpack, The Thing About Aesop And That Movie "Spun", and a complete lack of all normalcy or regular segments. Enjoy responsibly! Music: Gatecreeper, "Craving Flesh" Spirit Adrift, "Curse of Conception"

In this week's scandalous sequence, the Dads venture into the basement-level dressing rooms of Slim's in San Francisco for a mid-evening tryst with Chase Mason and Nate Garrett (Gatecreeper, Spirit Adrift). The fetid foursome find favor, and float fetishized fallacies for a fervent fifty-five (f)minutes. Listen in, and be shocked by the episode's (literal) climax! What else is in here? Observe: A Cuckhold Discussion/Cumming On The Baby, Joshua Bling Bling, Aesop Has To Pee, Shooting Up With Boz Scaggs, Shawn Doing Weed Stuff, Moustaches And Vaping And Lies And Fidget Spinners, The Power Trippin' Rabbi, The Cost of A Gold Tooth In 2017, Buying The DMD Bump, A Message To Mom, David Lynch With Down Syndrome, Tool Fans, Lurking Rob Barrett In The Alley In The Rain, Mormon Rules About Facial Hair, Brigham Young vs Bring 'Em Young, "Recommendations For You", The OTHER Chick From Vastum, Idris Elba vs Paul Baloff, Long And Hard (But Mostly Hard), Every Woman Sitting On A Cake, Cryptopsy Taco Supremacy, Group Chat Chat, Origins of The Pingy Snare, Herpes vs "Mic Rash", Attila's Traveling Hairstylist, If Gatecreeper Was A Movie, Lots of Rotting Meat On Set, White People In The Kitchen, The Spirit of Full Disclosure, The M. Night Shyamalan of Shameful Masturbation, Jessica Tandy's PornHub Page, Incriminating Talk About Meth, John Leguizamo Getting His Dick Stuck In A Bottle, Legitimately Weirded Out, Death Metal Drive Thru, The Heyday of Mediafire, LMFAO (Lick My Fuckin Ass Out), Chuck Norris/Chuck Taylor, A Total Candy-Ass, Hockey Without The Sticks, Michael Jordan's Hitler Moustache, Musings On Crud Wizard And Luxury Factory, Action Pants, Not "Drunk" Just "Right", Phantasm Bros, Cosmic Hearse + Methadone, The Wet Bandits, Riffs And Fists, Troll 2 And The Gorilla With The Jetpack, The Thing About Aesop And That Movie "Spun", and a complete lack of all normalcy or regular segments. Enjoy responsibly! Music: Gatecreeper, "Craving Flesh" Spirit Adrift, "Curse of Conception"

Episode 30 - Sonoran Dadpravation (with Chase Mason and Nate Garrett)

Tony Molina

In today's installment, Shelby and Aesop celebrate their two-year anniversary by meeting up with the Final Boss of Death Metal Dads, Mr. Tony "He" Molina (Tony Molina Band, Ovens, Healer, etc). Slam metal and the Hailz Distro Group Chat are discussed at length, and as a special Valentine's Day exclusive, Aesop finally shares the sordid details of the ancient Hickey/Voodoo Glow Skulls Split 7" Debacle. Lots of Bay Area music history and solid roasts in this one, so buckle up! Also discussed: The Pink Immortal Onesie, An Unnecessary Transaction, The Best Tambourine-Repair Shop In Philadelphia, Long Island Slam Metal Blanket Fort, A Reference To Overwhelming Colorfast, Shelby Can't Believe A Vegan Donut, Roger Osborne, The Malignancy Pillow, Tom Araya Going "Aaaahhhhhhhh", A Burger That Has Onion Straws On It And BBQ Sauce And, Like, An IPA, Paul Bostaph's Favorite Ninja Weapon, A Reddit Rabbit-Hole, Paul Ryan/Gordon Jump, The Taco Bell Jerky Lady, Oakland Blacksmiths, When Hardcore Kids Hear Dismember 5 Minutes Ago And Start A Band About It, No-Riff-erum, Fuckin' In A Fire Truck, Building A Community And Supporting The Homies, A Trumpet Full of Yogurt, How Can You Be Gangster When You Play A Trombone?, The Cool Guy Clique, New Standard Elite: The Only Metal Record Label Based On A Yacht, I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry And The Drummer From Internal Bleeding, A Potato With Four Toothpicks Stuck In It With Chewing Gum For A Head, Bands That Have Parts, Defining Interesting Riff Metal, Pinch Harmonics Chat, One Singular Slam, Die In A Fire, Matching Cephalotripsy Hoodies As A Symbol of Pure Friendship, Swoopy Bangs And Stretched Earlobes, Shitty Dudes In A Wood-Panel Basement In 1993, That Time Tony Showed Up To California Deathfest In A Cardigan Holding A Totebag, Anti-Bowman, Little Fight Club, Revisiting The Underwear Punx, Unibrow/Mustache Unity, Crust Punk Rob Schneider, Burnt Ramen vs Gilman vs Mission Records, For Fans of Slap Bass And Grey Aliens, The Burlingame Coat Factory, A Bridge Into The World of Extreme Music And The Occult, The Jello Biafra of Black Metal Bands, Scaphism Chat And The Kings of Ping, Walnut Krieg, The Vanilla Gorillas, Legends of Millbrae Grindcore, Folger's Pigeons, Prison Guards, Weed Raps, Printing Errors, Howling Bulls, Vulgar Crystals, Christian Death Metal, Myspace, Texas Instruments, ASCII Metal, Fudgegazi, Chainsmoking, Quitting Bands, and, as always, The DMD Bump and Fatherly Advice. EVERYONE ARE POSERS. Music: Cephalotripsy, "Sanguinary Misogynistic Execration" Tony Molina Band, "No One Told He" Hickey, "Food Stamps And Drink Tickets"   PS The Creedence song that had the first ever slam was "Looking Out My Back Door"

In today's installment, Shelby and Aesop celebrate their two-year anniversary by meeting up with the Final Boss of Death Metal Dads, Mr. Tony "He" Molina (Tony Molina Band, Ovens, Healer, etc). Slam metal and the Hailz Distro Group Chat are discussed at length, and as a special Valentine's Day exclusive, Aesop finally shares the sordid details of the ancient Hickey/Voodoo Glow Skulls Split 7" Debacle. Lots of Bay Area music history and solid roasts in this one, so buckle up! Also discussed: The Pink Immortal Onesie, An Unnecessary Transaction, The Best Tambourine-Repair Shop In Philadelphia, Long Island Slam Metal Blanket Fort, A Reference To Overwhelming Colorfast, Shelby Can't Believe A Vegan Donut, Roger Osborne, The Malignancy Pillow, Tom Araya Going "Aaaahhhhhhhh", A Burger That Has Onion Straws On It And BBQ Sauce And, Like, An IPA, Paul Bostaph's Favorite Ninja Weapon, A Reddit Rabbit-Hole, Paul Ryan/Gordon Jump, The Taco Bell Jerky Lady, Oakland Blacksmiths, When Hardcore Kids Hear Dismember 5 Minutes Ago And Start A Band About It, No-Riff-erum, Fuckin' In A Fire Truck, Building A Community And Supporting The Homies, A Trumpet Full of Yogurt, How Can You Be Gangster When You Play A Trombone?, The Cool Guy Clique, New Standard Elite: The Only Metal Record Label Based On A Yacht, I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry And The Drummer From Internal Bleeding, A Potato With Four Toothpicks Stuck In It With Chewing Gum For A Head, Bands That Have Parts, Defining Interesting Riff Metal, Pinch Harmonics Chat, One Singular Slam, Die In A Fire, Matching Cephalotripsy Hoodies As A Symbol of Pure Friendship, Swoopy Bangs And Stretched Earlobes, Shitty Dudes In A Wood-Panel Basement In 1993, That Time Tony Showed Up To California Deathfest In A Cardigan Holding A Totebag, Anti-Bowman, Little Fight Club, Revisiting The Underwear Punx, Unibrow/Mustache Unity, Crust Punk Rob Schneider, Burnt Ramen vs Gilman vs Mission Records, For Fans of Slap Bass And Grey Aliens, The Burlingame Coat Factory, A Bridge Into The World of Extreme Music And The Occult, The Jello Biafra of Black Metal Bands, Scaphism Chat And The Kings of Ping, Walnut Krieg, The Vanilla Gorillas, Legends of Millbrae Grindcore, Folger's Pigeons, Prison Guards, Weed Raps, Printing Errors, Howling Bulls, Vulgar Crystals, Christian Death Metal, Myspace, Texas Instruments, ASCII Metal, Fudgegazi, Chainsmoking, Quitting Bands, and, as always, The DMD Bump and Fatherly Advice. EVERYONE ARE POSERS. Music: Cephalotripsy, "Sanguinary Misogynistic Execration" Tony Molina Band, "No One Told He" Hickey, "Food Stamps And Drink Tickets" PS The Creedence song that had the first ever slam was "Looking Out My Back Door"

Episode 36 - Cephalotrips-He (with Tony Molina)

Eugene Robinson

Writer, fighter, singer, strangler, poet, and all-around badass Eugene Robinson (Oxbow, Whipping Boy, Bunuel, Ozy.com) welcomes the Dads back into his fortress of solitude for a spirited discussion about art, violence, sex, philosophy, and staying the fuck away from the headliner’s beer. Popeye the dog is also present. Also nestled comfortably herein: Why Zeppelin Sucks, Horny Goat Weed, Racially Identifying As “Television”, In Need of A Skilled Cocksman, The Harvey Weinstein Seven, Aesop’s Porn Appearance, Craft Services, The Case of The Missing Stripper Pole, Cum And Ladders, Guys Who Can Fight, The Huff Huff Woof Woof Thing, Those Competitions Where They Put A Leather Vest On A Dog And Then Strap A Pallet of Cinderblocks To The Vest And Then The Dog Drags Them Around, Dubbed In Spanish, That Wolf From Looney Toons With The Bugged-Out Eyes, Why Tarantino Sucks, Plagiarism And Pedophilia, A Black Guy With A Saxophone, Giving Guns To Depressed Kids For Christmas, Max’s Kansas City: A Lesson In False Advertising, Real Creep Shit, The Department of Parks And Recreation And Fistfighting, ‘Les Miserables’ Except Set In A Punk House, The Exploding Meth Lab, Stealing Riffs From Robert Deathrage, The Meat Shits/Anal Cunt Split, Obituary Hat Chat, Hittin’ On A Dead Nun, Peep Show Secrets, “Good Incubus” Vs. “Bad Incubus”, Spoilers About Darth Vader, A 14" Sharpened Screwdriver With A Taped Handle, Jerking Off In Houseplants, Impending News About Burl Ives, Harvey Milk And Eggs And Wine And Gravy And Pancakes, Breen Day, The Tardy Brothers’ Cat Rescue, Keeping The Party Polite, The Shitty Dude Algorithm, Slipping Mother Theresa The Tongue, The DMD Bump, The Reverse DMD Bump, and, of course, Fatherly Advice. What an episode!  Music: Obituary, “Dead Silence” Alice Donut, “Mummenschantz Pachinko” Oxbow, “Cold And Well-Lit Place” Also contained in this episode is audio of the Death Metal Dads’ live appearance (also with Eugene) at the Illogical Contraption Post-Halloween Decompression Fiasco Weds, Nov 1, at the Punchline in SF. Video coming soon!

Writer, fighter, singer, strangler, poet, and all-around badass Eugene Robinson (Oxbow, Whipping Boy, Bunuel, <a href="http://Ozy.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Ozy.com</a>) welcomes the Dads back into his fortress of solitude for a spirited discussion about art, violence, sex, philosophy, and staying the fuck away from the headliner’s beer. Popeye the dog is also present. Also nestled comfortably herein: Why Zeppelin Sucks, Horny Goat Weed, Racially Identifying As “Television”, In Need of A Skilled Cocksman, The Harvey Weinstein Seven, Aesop’s Porn Appearance, Craft Services, The Case of The Missing Stripper Pole, Cum And Ladders, Guys Who Can Fight, The Huff Huff Woof Woof Thing, Those Competitions Where They Put A Leather Vest On A Dog And Then Strap A Pallet of Cinderblocks To The Vest And Then The Dog Drags Them Around, Dubbed In Spanish, That Wolf From Looney Toons With The Bugged-Out Eyes, Why Tarantino Sucks, Plagiarism And Pedophilia, A Black Guy With A Saxophone, Giving Guns To Depressed Kids For Christmas, Max’s Kansas City: A Lesson In False Advertising, Real Creep Shit, The Department of Parks And Recreation And Fistfighting, ‘Les Miserables’ Except Set In A Punk House, The Exploding Meth Lab, Stealing Riffs From Robert Deathrage, The Meat Shits/Anal Cunt Split, Obituary Hat Chat, Hittin’ On A Dead Nun, Peep Show Secrets, “Good Incubus” Vs. “Bad Incubus”, Spoilers About Darth Vader, A 14" Sharpened Screwdriver With A Taped Handle, Jerking Off In Houseplants, Impending News About Burl Ives, Harvey Milk And Eggs And Wine And Gravy And Pancakes, Breen Day, The Tardy Brothers’ Cat Rescue, Keeping The Party Polite, The Shitty Dude Algorithm, Slipping Mother Theresa The Tongue, The DMD Bump, The Reverse DMD Bump, and, of course, Fatherly Advice. What an episode!  Music: Obituary, “Dead Silence” Alice Donut, “Mummenschantz Pachinko” Oxbow, “Cold And Well-Lit Place” Also contained in this episode is audio of the Death Metal Dads’ live appearance (also with Eugene) at the Illogical Contraption Post-Halloween Decompression Fiasco Weds, Nov 1, at the Punchline in SF. Video coming soon!

Episode 29 - Dad Silence (The Return of Eugene Robinson)

Chiyo Nukaga

SPECIAL BONUS MOTHER'S DAY SURPRISE EPISODE!   In what will surely be remembered as DMD's most GRIM and NEKRO installment (read as: shitty-sounding), the Dads enter an ACTUAL TOMB in the Mountain View Cemetery sans microphones or electricity to sit down with their first Metal Mom, Chiyo Nukaga (Noothgrush). Topics pontificated upon as listed (but not limited to): Yokohama-klahoma, If You Wanna Get Away From A Ghost Go Into The Woods, An Asshole Full of Gin, Punched By A Rabbi, Wind Noises, Parole Violations, Underwear Punx: What We Do Is (Victoria's) Secret, Disco Doom, Bad Reverb, Craig Pillard: Garbage Man/Garbage Person, Google Ghosts, Chuck E. Cheese Is Thunderdome, Dubstep Dads, Why The Oakland Raiders Travel In Single File, The Purple Pie Man: Scented Pedophile, Less Pissy Fabric, There's A Noothgrush On My Toothbrush, Narnia Meth, More Bad Reverb, Not Getting High With Dino From Dystopia, Casting Off Your Leg Prisons, Dionne Warwick's Inability To Locate San Jose, World Jewry/Rural Jewelry, and of course everyone's favorite bummer, Fatherly Advice. Join us.   Music: Incantation, "Unholy Massacre" Noothgrush "Alderaan"   PRODUCTION NOTE: AFTER THE RECORDING OF THIS EPISODE, THE DADS LEARNED THAT THE TOMB THEY RECORDED IN WAS DESECRATED IN 1988, AND THAT THE HEADS OF TWO BODIES THEREIN WERE REMOVED. THIS IS THE REASON FOR THE TOMB'S VACANCY AND LACK OF NAME.

SPECIAL BONUS MOTHER'S DAY SURPRISE EPISODE! In what will surely be remembered as DMD's most GRIM and NEKRO installment (read as: shitty-sounding), the Dads enter an ACTUAL TOMB in the Mountain View Cemetery sans microphones or electricity to sit down with their first Metal Mom, Chiyo Nukaga (Noothgrush). Topics pontificated upon as listed (but not limited to): Yokohama-klahoma, If You Wanna Get Away From A Ghost Go Into The Woods, An Asshole Full of Gin, Punched By A Rabbi, Wind Noises, Parole Violations, Underwear Punx: What We Do Is (Victoria's) Secret, Disco Doom, Bad Reverb, Craig Pillard: Garbage Man/Garbage Person, Google Ghosts, Chuck E. Cheese Is Thunderdome, Dubstep Dads, Why The Oakland Raiders Travel In Single File, The Purple Pie Man: Scented Pedophile, Less Pissy Fabric, There's A Noothgrush On My Toothbrush, Narnia Meth, More Bad Reverb, Not Getting High With Dino From Dystopia, Casting Off Your Leg Prisons, Dionne Warwick's Inability To Locate San Jose, World Jewry/Rural Jewelry, and of course everyone's favorite bummer, Fatherly Advice. Join us. Music: Incantation, "Unholy Massacre" Noothgrush "Alderaan" PRODUCTION NOTE: AFTER THE RECORDING OF THIS EPISODE, THE DADS LEARNED THAT THE TOMB THEY RECORDED IN WAS DESECRATED IN 1988, AND THAT THE HEADS OF TWO BODIES THEREIN WERE REMOVED. THIS IS THE REASON FOR THE TOMB'S VACANCY AND LACK OF NAME.

Episode 5 - Momward To Golgotha (with Chiyo Nukaga)

We're one bullet away from a gay President. And that's pretty cool.   1,000 listener emails, Dad Sex, Fatherly Advice, The DMD Bump, live audio from the Dads' appearance at SF Sketchfest 2017, and a bonus Death Metal Drive Thru courtesy of Chase from Gatecreeper. Music: Dead Congregation, "Martyrdoom/Hostis Humani Generis", "Subjugation" Blood, Sweat and Tears, "And When I Die" Live video of DMD at Sketchfest posted at deathmetaldads.com Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

We're one bullet away from a gay President. And that's pretty cool. 1,000 listener emails, Dad Sex, Fatherly Advice, The DMD Bump, live audio from the Dads' appearance at SF Sketchfest 2017, and a bonus Death Metal Drive Thru courtesy of Chase from Gatecreeper. Music: Dead Congregation, "Martyrdoom/Hostis Humani Generis", "Subjugation" Blood, Sweat and Tears, "And When I Die" Live video of DMD at Sketchfest posted at <a href="http://deathmetaldads.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">deathmetaldads.com</a> Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Episode 16 - Dad Congregation

In today's enlightening installment, the Dads are guestless and return to The Dad Pad to gather their thoughts, drown their sorrows, and really get back to what's important--Mike Smith from Suffocation's rap career. But that's not all! Despite shitty audio and malfunctioning recording devices, they dive into a deep, tepid pool of subjects, including but not limited to: Suspicious Discharge, An Awkward Engagement In A Rest Stop Bathroom, A Corn-Studded Fuckturd, The Smart &amp; Final Solution, Musings on The Back Cover of "Effigy of the Forgotten", Donald Duckin' vs. Porky Piggin', Clip Shows, Blooper Reels, Double-Donging, Tony Molina's New Gravity BlastCast, The Ballad of Dwayne and Rusty and The One-Armed Shotgun Dad, A Semi-Efficient Killing Machine (At Best), A Sex Query From Jaleel White, "Hey, Are You Guys In A Family?", A Brief History of Toilet Vocals, One Cock-Sweater With Reindeer On It: Size Small, Father/Son Bonding at the Suffocation Show, The All-New Death Metal Dads Fuck Apron With A Dickhole In It From Hide The Bodies Press, Haitian Winston and the Pizza Hut Vagina, East Oakland's Zombie Chicken Outbreak, Aesop Ate Brad, Post-Abortion Breakfasts, Frank Mullen: Patron Saint of Death Metal Dads, Good Ol' Fatherly Advice, PLUS Listener Emails, TWO New Segments (Dad Sex Vol. 1 AND The DMD Bump: Ball-Washing Edition) AND A Bonus Dad-Fuckin' Story! HOLY CRAP WHAT A PODCAST! Music: Suffocation, "Breeding The Spawn"Inculcator, " Stygian Expanse (Malus Peior Malum) (Also featuring special appearances by Erika Osterhout, Marissa Martinez-Hoadley, and Brian Hoadley as The People Laughing at Aesop In The Hallway) (Local underwriting by The 3 Rings Liquor Foundation)

In today's enlightening installment, the Dads are guestless and return to The Dad Pad to gather their thoughts, drown their sorrows, and really get back to what's important--Mike Smith from Suffocation's rap career. But that's not all! Despite shitty audio and malfunctioning recording devices, they dive into a deep, tepid pool of subjects, including but not limited to: Suspicious Discharge, An Awkward Engagement In A Rest Stop Bathroom, A Corn-Studded Fuckturd, The Smart &amp; Final Solution, Musings on The Back Cover of "Effigy of the Forgotten", Donald Duckin' vs. Porky Piggin', Clip Shows, Blooper Reels, Double-Donging, Tony Molina's New Gravity BlastCast, The Ballad of Dwayne and Rusty and The One-Armed Shotgun Dad, A Semi-Efficient Killing Machine (At Best), A Sex Query From Jaleel White, "Hey, Are You Guys In A Family?", A Brief History of Toilet Vocals, One Cock-Sweater With Reindeer On It: Size Small, Father/Son Bonding at the Suffocation Show, The All-New Death Metal Dads Fuck Apron With A Dickhole In It From Hide The Bodies Press, Haitian Winston and the Pizza Hut Vagina, East Oakland's Zombie Chicken Outbreak, Aesop Ate Brad, Post-Abortion Breakfasts, Frank Mullen: Patron Saint of Death Metal Dads, Good Ol' Fatherly Advice, PLUS Listener Emails, TWO New Segments (Dad Sex Vol. 1 AND The DMD Bump: Ball-Washing Edition) AND A Bonus Dad-Fuckin' Story! HOLY CRAP WHAT A PODCAST! Music: Suffocation, "Breeding The Spawn"Inculcator, " Stygian Expanse (Malus Peior Malum) (Also featuring special appearances by Erika Osterhout, Marissa Martinez-Hoadley, and Brian Hoadley as The People Laughing at Aesop In The Hallway) (Local underwriting by The 3 Rings Liquor Foundation)

Episode 7 - Breeding The Spawn

Eric Cutler

Welcome to Episode 6, recorded live in a boiling-hot practice space on the third floor of the Oakland Music Complex! In today's auditory adventure, the Dads are joined by Eric Cutler (Autopsy, Necrosic) to expound upon an array of inane and beer-soaked subjects, surrounded by vintage smut and Star Wars memorabilia.  Topics discussed herein: Man Kegels, A Lack of Electricity &amp; Apologies For Slapping, 16 Years on the Couch Drinking Beer, The Ken Burnses of Death Metal Podcasting, Antioch's Sadus Statue, A Change.org Petition For More Guitar In The Monitors, You Have Bad Taste In Things, Fun With Shitfun!, Unholy Blackened Death Thrash Farmer Grampa, Solicitations For Dad Sex, A Lot of Talk About Quilts, Alienating Autopsy, More Shit-Talking on Glen Benton, A Hole In The Cyclone Fence That You Climb Through To Smoke Weed With Chuck Schuldiner, Don't Talk Between Songs, THE DMD BUMP, Inquisition Wants You To Drive Safe, An Apology To Mom, Aesop On Shelby's Shoulders Wearing A Long Trench Coat Posing For A Picture With Dan Lilker, 105 Degrees in the Museum of Porn, Proud Father of a Rototom-Playing Son, A Letter To Aerosmith: The Whitford/Hamilton Affair, Sizzler Is The Sweatpants of Restaurants, and of course, everyone's favorite segment, Fatherly Advice. It's a good one. Tune in!  Music: Autopsy, "In The Grip of Winter" Necrosic, "Squirming In Your Guts" Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Welcome to Episode 6, recorded live in a boiling-hot practice space on the third floor of the Oakland Music Complex! In today's auditory adventure, the Dads are joined by Eric Cutler (Autopsy, Necrosic) to expound upon an array of inane and beer-soaked subjects, surrounded by vintage smut and Star Wars memorabilia.  Topics discussed herein: Man Kegels, A Lack of Electricity &amp; Apologies For Slapping, 16 Years on the Couch Drinking Beer, The Ken Burnses of Death Metal Podcasting, Antioch's Sadus Statue, A <a href="http://Change.org" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Change.org</a> Petition For More Guitar In The Monitors, You Have Bad Taste In Things, Fun With Shitfun!, Unholy Blackened Death Thrash Farmer Grampa, Solicitations For Dad Sex, A Lot of Talk About Quilts, Alienating Autopsy, More Shit-Talking on Glen Benton, A Hole In The Cyclone Fence That You Climb Through To Smoke Weed With Chuck Schuldiner, Don't Talk Between Songs, THE DMD BUMP, Inquisition Wants You To Drive Safe, An Apology To Mom, Aesop On Shelby's Shoulders Wearing A Long Trench Coat Posing For A Picture With Dan Lilker, 105 Degrees in the Museum of Porn, Proud Father of a Rototom-Playing Son, A Letter To Aerosmith: The Whitford/Hamilton Affair, Sizzler Is The Sweatpants of Restaurants, and of course, everyone's favorite segment, Fatherly Advice. It's a good one. Tune in!  Music: Autopsy, "In The Grip of Winter" Necrosic, "Squirming In Your Guts" Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Episode 6 - Parental Funeral (with Eric Cutler)

Pranjal Tiwari

In today’s salacious and enthralling installment, the Dads are joined by ultra-homie Pranjal Tiwari (Cardinal Wyrm) for a jocular journey full of tantalizing tales, disingenuous diatribes, and superlative stories. It’s a outre odyssey of  prolific proportions! Also contained herein: Brazilian Fart Girls vs Cakefarts, How To Say “Sepultura”, Altar de Faygo, Don’t Be Sad About Celtic Frost, Riot Porn vs Poverty Porn vs Siqq Riff Porn, A Special Message For People Without Eyes, Aesop’s YouTube Hacks, The (Pod)Casting Couch, A Celebration of Our 100th Episode, Out of Dads, Cleaning Up The Dismembered Pig Fetus, The Clawfinger Problem, Polish Metal Beef, A Long Meandering Story About Cunty Dudes Who Don’t Understand How Money Works, Os Mutantes and Stan Getz and Brazil Nuts and Terry Gilliam’s ‘Brazil’, A Shout Out To The Pubes On The Back of ‘Cold Lake’, Supporting A Family By Touring With A Mediocre Death Metal Band, Don’t Call That Mexican A Mexican, “Troops of Doom”: The “Freebird” of Metal, Every Band In China Is A Children of Bodom Cover Band, Cherry Orchard Chat, The Good Ol’ Days of Colonialism, That Time On July 1, 1997, When Hong Kong Became ‘The Purge’ For Half An Hour, Tom Hanks Movies About Dudes With AIDS, Taking The Kids To See ‘A Serbian Film’, Elven Aerosmith: Dreams vs Reality, That Old Hobbit Who Does Sound at The Dive Bar in Vegas, Bro-piercer, Alien Fresh Jerky, Weird Al’s Underground Record Label, This Whole Nuclear Holocaust Thing, “The Vasectomy Didn’t Work”, The Panda Express Located In Shelby’s Back Yard, At The Gates: Corporate McDonald’s-Sponsored Eyeliner Mallcore Crap, The Solar-Powered Flashlight, These Colors Don’t Run, A Whole House Full of DMD Money, Puppy Diarrhea, A Guy In A Banana Suit In The Pit, Six People Paid At The Door, Bay Area Quasi-Nazi Metal Legends Blitzenhammer AKA SS Dagger, The DMD Bump, and of course Fatherly Advice. This one is a solid ground-rule double! Music: Sepultura, “Propaganda” Cardinal Wyrm, “Dreams of Teeth”

In today’s salacious and enthralling installment, the Dads are joined by ultra-homie Pranjal Tiwari (Cardinal Wyrm) for a jocular journey full of tantalizing tales, disingenuous diatribes, and superlative stories. It’s a outre odyssey of  prolific proportions! Also contained herein: Brazilian Fart Girls vs Cakefarts, How To Say “Sepultura”, Altar de Faygo, Don’t Be Sad About Celtic Frost, Riot Porn vs Poverty Porn vs Siqq Riff Porn, A Special Message For People Without Eyes, Aesop’s YouTube Hacks, The (Pod)Casting Couch, A Celebration of Our 100th Episode, Out of Dads, Cleaning Up The Dismembered Pig Fetus, The Clawfinger Problem, Polish Metal Beef, A Long Meandering Story About Cunty Dudes Who Don’t Understand How Money Works, Os Mutantes and Stan Getz and Brazil Nuts and Terry Gilliam’s ‘Brazil’, A Shout Out To The Pubes On The Back of ‘Cold Lake’, Supporting A Family By Touring With A Mediocre Death Metal Band, Don’t Call That Mexican A Mexican, “Troops of Doom”: The “Freebird” of Metal, Every Band In China Is A Children of Bodom Cover Band, Cherry Orchard Chat, The Good Ol’ Days of Colonialism, That Time On July 1, 1997, When Hong Kong Became ‘The Purge’ For Half An Hour, Tom Hanks Movies About Dudes With AIDS, Taking The Kids To See ‘A Serbian Film’, Elven Aerosmith: Dreams vs Reality, That Old Hobbit Who Does Sound at The Dive Bar in Vegas, Bro-piercer, Alien Fresh Jerky, Weird Al’s Underground Record Label, This Whole Nuclear Holocaust Thing, “The Vasectomy Didn’t Work”, The Panda Express Located In Shelby’s Back Yard, At The Gates: Corporate McDonald’s-Sponsored Eyeliner Mallcore Crap, The Solar-Powered Flashlight, These Colors Don’t Run, A Whole House Full of DMD Money, Puppy Diarrhea, A Guy In A Banana Suit In The Pit, Six People Paid At The Door, Bay Area Quasi-Nazi Metal Legends Blitzenhammer AKA SS Dagger, The DMD Bump, and of course Fatherly Advice. This one is a solid ground-rule double! Music: Sepultura, “Propaganda” Cardinal Wyrm, “Dreams of Teeth”

Episode 24 - Chaos D.A.D. (with Pranjal Tiwari)

Dave Adelson

Join the Dads and their very special guest Dave Adelson (20 Buck Spin) for a mind-blowing journey into the heart of darkness, the soul of silliness, the mouth of madness, and the butt of jokes.  Discussed herein: The Mistake By The Lake, Part 2, The Harrowing Tale of the 15-Inch Burrito, Shelby Does Not Know The Guest's Name, Contra Costa County's Rich Metal History, What Max Bowman Smells Like, More Talk About The Steve DiGiorgio Statue, Fundamental Misunderstandings About Distance And Time, Sports Bars, Face-Punching, Bike Rides, Aesop's Mouth Gets A Timeout, A Trip To Applebee's, An Unpleasant Hill, HM-2 Pedals, Pinning The Sadness-ometer, Sour Cream Stains, The Hellwitch House, A Chance For Shelby To Perform His Infamous Jello Biafra Impersonation, A Gratuitous Mention of Broken Hope, Playing On Demos That Don't Exist, Driving Angry, A Shout Out To Mortiis, Cancer THE BAND, Climorta Skuld, Wild Rags Chat, Dudes That Kill Their Moms, Lack of Research, The Guitarist From Pearl Jam's Uli Jon Roth Cover Band, Collecting Paul Lynde Memorabilia, Necropolis Records and Condiments and The Loo, Fake-Tittied Nuns, The DMD Bump, and, of course, Fatherly Advice. This one REALLY doesn't suck very bad! Music: Entombed, "Abnormally Deceased" Queen, "All Dead, All Dead"

Join the Dads and their very special guest Dave Adelson (20 Buck Spin) for a mind-blowing journey into the heart of darkness, the soul of silliness, the mouth of madness, and the butt of jokes.  Discussed herein: The Mistake By The Lake, Part 2, The Harrowing Tale of the 15-Inch Burrito, Shelby Does Not Know The Guest's Name, Contra Costa County's Rich Metal History, What Max Bowman Smells Like, More Talk About The Steve DiGiorgio Statue, Fundamental Misunderstandings About Distance And Time, Sports Bars, Face-Punching, Bike Rides, Aesop's Mouth Gets A Timeout, A Trip To Applebee's, An Unpleasant Hill, HM-2 Pedals, Pinning The Sadness-ometer, Sour Cream Stains, The Hellwitch House, A Chance For Shelby To Perform His Infamous Jello Biafra Impersonation, A Gratuitous Mention of Broken Hope, Playing On Demos That Don't Exist, Driving Angry, A Shout Out To Mortiis, Cancer THE BAND, Climorta Skuld, Wild Rags Chat, Dudes That Kill Their Moms, Lack of Research, The Guitarist From Pearl Jam's Uli Jon Roth Cover Band, Collecting Paul Lynde Memorabilia, Necropolis Records and Condiments and The Loo, Fake-Tittied Nuns, The DMD Bump, and, of course, Fatherly Advice. This one REALLY doesn't suck very bad! Music: Entombed, "Abnormally Deceased" Queen, "All Dead, All Dead"

Episode 15 - Abnormally Dadceased (with Dave Adelson)

Mike Scheidt

Welcome to Episode 2 of Death Metal Dads: DAD BY DAWN!  In this chapter, the beautiful and talented Mike Scheidt (Yob, Vhol) joins Shelby and Aesop LIVE at the Phallus Palace to discuss various and sundry topics, including (but not limited to): Openly Weeping Over Star Trek TNG, A Table For One At Denny's And The Resulting Food Sadness, Train Sounds, Penis Metal, Sharkfuckin'/Fast As A Shark (Depending On The Specific Shark And Type of Transportation Involved), Wesley Grindcrusher, Elephant Walrus Mating Season, More Train Sounds, Glen Benton Shampooing His Hair In The Ladies' Room, Steve Asheim's Insurance Seminar/Doing Donuts In A Hummer In The Parking Lot Behind The Venue, A Goat Semen Shirt at The PTA Meeting, Captain Picard's Pennywhistle, Four Frowny Bald Tough Dudes And A Jazz Dad, JESUS even MORE Train Sounds?, Visigoth Baking Hudson's Melon, Aesop Having Sex With A Horribly Disfigured Freak, Mike Getting Dimebagged, Deicide Mondegreens, The Cocoa-Demon, Fucking Your Friends' Moms, Fish Nipples, and of course, everyone's favorite segment Fatherly Advice. Followed by more Train Sounds.  Music: Deicide, "Dead By Dawn" Vhol, "The Desolate Damned" Contact: illogicalcontraption   (Re-issued Dec 2016 to DMD Libsyn feed)

Welcome to Episode 2 of Death Metal Dads: DAD BY DAWN! In this chapter, the beautiful and talented Mike Scheidt (Yob, Vhol) joins Shelby and Aesop LIVE at the Phallus Palace to discuss various and sundry topics, including (but not limited to): Openly Weeping Over Star Trek TNG, A Table For One At Denny's And The Resulting Food Sadness, Train Sounds, Penis Metal, Sharkfuckin'/Fast As A Shark (Depending On The Specific Shark And Type of Transportation Involved), Wesley Grindcrusher, Elephant Walrus Mating Season, More Train Sounds, Glen Benton Shampooing His Hair In The Ladies' Room, Steve Asheim's Insurance Seminar/Doing Donuts In A Hummer In The Parking Lot Behind The Venue, A Goat Semen Shirt at The PTA Meeting, Captain Picard's Pennywhistle, Four Frowny Bald Tough Dudes And A Jazz Dad, JESUS even MORE Train Sounds?, Visigoth Baking Hudson's Melon, Aesop Having Sex With A Horribly Disfigured Freak, Mike Getting Dimebagged, Deicide Mondegreens, The Cocoa-Demon, Fucking Your Friends' Moms, Fish Nipples, and of course, everyone's favorite segment Fatherly Advice. Followed by more Train Sounds. Music: Deicide, "Dead By Dawn" Vhol, "The Desolate Damned" Contact: illogicalcontraption (Re-issued Dec 2016 to DMD Libsyn feed)

Episode 2 - Dad By Dawn (with Mike Scheidt) (RE-ISSUE)

In 2017's very first episode of DMD, Aesop and Shelby ride a veritable carousel of questionable and low-brow topics, in a laudable (no wait, AUDIBLE) effort to make sense of the cruel and death-filled month that was December 2016. It's a colon-cleansing romp of epic proportions! Discussed herein: Truth and Freedom in Podcasting, Facefucked By Mr. Belding, All He Wanted Was A Chocolate Milk, Hate Mail From John Hand, Brett Hoffmann's Feelings About The Broward County Jail, A Fecal "Irish Goodbye", Carrie Fisher Chat, The Cut of George Michael's Jib, Dan Blocker From Television's 'Bonanza', The Dune Holiday Special, Cynthia Rothrock You Like A Hurricane (Of Martial Arts and Mom Jeans), The Anal-conda, Chris Hansen: TV's #1 Cock-Blocker, Sweatpants Chat, Aesop's Abortion, Shelby's Speed-Pill Addiction, A Gyroscopic Thing Flying Into A Butthole In Space, Jeff Goldblum's Cock, Suspicions About Rototomas' Sobriety, Spermicidal Tendencies, Chugging NyQuil, Assholes From Modesto, Nuclear War Later!, The Finished-Upon Obituary Hat, Psyllium Husk Pro Tips, Rum-Chata, Cleveland: The Mistake By The Lake, Empty Nest, Dear John, and Other Sad 90's TV Shows, Bus Boners, Extremely Liberal Use of the Word "Faggot", The Strange and Public Termination of Gus Rios, The DMD Bump, Fatherly Advice, and a heaping portion of unsolicited "bonus material". It sucks, but you'll learn to like it. Don't take it personal. Music: Malevolent Creation, "Multiple Stab Wounds" Q Lazzarus, "Goodbye Horses" Contact us: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

In 2017's very first episode of DMD, Aesop and Shelby ride a veritable carousel of questionable and low-brow topics, in a laudable (no wait, AUDIBLE) effort to make sense of the cruel and death-filled month that was December 2016. It's a colon-cleansing romp of epic proportions! Discussed herein: Truth and Freedom in Podcasting, Facefucked By Mr. Belding, All He Wanted Was A Chocolate Milk, Hate Mail From John Hand, Brett Hoffmann's Feelings About The Broward County Jail, A Fecal "Irish Goodbye", Carrie Fisher Chat, The Cut of George Michael's Jib, Dan Blocker From Television's 'Bonanza', The Dune Holiday Special, Cynthia Rothrock You Like A Hurricane (Of Martial Arts and Mom Jeans), The Anal-conda, Chris Hansen: TV's #1 Cock-Blocker, Sweatpants Chat, Aesop's Abortion, Shelby's Speed-Pill Addiction, A Gyroscopic Thing Flying Into A Butthole In Space, Jeff Goldblum's Cock, Suspicions About Rototomas' Sobriety, Spermicidal Tendencies, Chugging NyQuil, Assholes From Modesto, Nuclear War Later!, The Finished-Upon Obituary Hat, Psyllium Husk Pro Tips, Rum-Chata, Cleveland: The Mistake By The Lake, Empty Nest, Dear John, and Other Sad 90's TV Shows, Bus Boners, Extremely Liberal Use of the Word "Faggot", The Strange and Public Termination of Gus Rios, The DMD Bump, Fatherly Advice, and a heaping portion of unsolicited "bonus material". It sucks, but you'll learn to like it. Don't take it personal. Music: Malevolent Creation, "Multiple Stab Wounds" Q Lazzarus, "Goodbye Horses" Contact us: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Episode 14 - Multiple Dad Wounds

I'm fucking tired of doing these write-ups. It's late and I have to work in the morning. We talk about Mortician in this one and then get all bummed. Listen to it, or don't. We don't fucking care. Cheers. Music: Mortician: "Chainsaw Dismemberment" Thrones: "Obolus"

I'm fucking tired of doing these write-ups. It's late and I have to work in the morning. We talk about Mortician in this one and then get all bummed. Listen to it, or don't. We don't fucking care. Cheers. Music: Mortician: "Chainsaw Dismemberment" Thrones: "Obolus"

Episode 22 - Chainsaw Dadsmemberment

It’s the much anticipated debut of Illogical Contraption’s newest unneccesary spinoff, DEATH METAL DADS! In this pilot episode, your intrepid hosts Shelby and Aesop discuss Dadness, Sadness, Madness, Death Metal addiction, Valentine’s Day, Natural Purple Watermelon Flavor, Morbid Angel, and Floridian Rednecks, all the while floating on a bromantic cloud of Lick Me All Over incense.   Don’t take the brown acid! Music: Morbid Angel, "Lord of All Fevers and Plagues" Queen, "Father To Son"   (Re-issued Nov 2016 to DMD Libsyn feed)

It’s the much anticipated debut of Illogical Contraption’s newest unneccesary spinoff, DEATH METAL DADS! In this pilot episode, your intrepid hosts Shelby and Aesop discuss Dadness, Sadness, Madness, Death Metal addiction, Valentine’s Day, Natural Purple Watermelon Flavor, Morbid Angel, and Floridian Rednecks, all the while floating on a bromantic cloud of Lick Me All Over incense.   Don’t take the brown acid! Music: Morbid Angel, "Lord of All Fevers and Plagues" Queen, "Father To Son" (Re-issued Nov 2016 to DMD Libsyn feed)

Episode 1 - Altars of Dadness (RE-ISSUE)

Cory Sklar

Join The 27 Club with The Dads as they welcome their best friend (and father of modern podcasting) Cory Sklar (Chaki, the internationally-renowned Illogical Contraption Radio) to the show, in a dark and subtly nuanced conversation about fucking couches, doing blow, slapping bass, and dodging nukes. Will they find the creamy center of Cory's brain, and figure out what makes this funky balladeer's inner time bomb tick? Your guess is as good as mine! Also infernally exalted herein: Playing Megadeth Covers In A Hungry Hunter In 2030, A Guy That Needs A Pocket Pussy, Lox of Love, Moving To A Monastery And Making Dungeon Synth, Can I Fuck Your Kids First?, Brown Nazis, Snorting Coke With The Guy From Iron Butterfly, Great Moments In Guns N Roses Bloopers History, Delivering A Goat Head To The Oakland Metro, Sunny Day Real Estate Agents, Mall Metal, Ken M In The Yahoo Comments, Ted McGinley: Horseman of the Apocalypse, No Snow No Show, Ian From Skrewdriver, Talking About Jawbreaker In 2017, Bumblefoot Chat, The Goth Onion, Trey Azagthoth's Pancakes, Sleep Are Still Playing, Supportive Pit Dad, The Dave Murray Color Chart, Penis Injuries, A Cacophony of Dead Musicians AKA The Ungodly Racket, A Requiem For Metal Inquisition, Bedroom Shredders, Happy Suffocation, Rivetheads, Really Nice Guys, Self-Addressed Stamped Envelopes, Crying At A Promise Ring Show For A Whole Different Reason, Are You #Triggered?, Every Other House Is Racist, Beastmaster Stuff (The Ferrets Will Save Him), C-Level vs Sea Level, Your Led Zeppelins And Your Mick Jaggers, A Lot of Cadillacs On The Block And Fringe Jackets, A Whole Lifetime of Fabricating Pussies, Girlfriend (For A Night), Quinn/Martin Productions, The Proper Plural of Abacus, Moustache Wives, The Best Possible Outcome, Na'Vi Fleshlights, Sweatpants In The Wild, Bob Eubanks Scoring Weed, A Dog That Loads Gear, Tech Death Athleticism, Bizarro-World Clickbait, The Guy That Shot Alexander Hamilton, Getting Kicked Out of The Elks Club In Snoqualmie Falls, Prison Vagina, Judging Disabled Children, Send Us Dildos!, Metal Nerds, Frank Mullen: The DMD Jackalope, The Great Milenko, Aliens And Bigfoots, Missing The 90s, The Monty Python of Death Metal (Just Less Entertaining), Is Death An "Ailment"?, Living In A Castle Like Enya, Florida Springsteen, The Kiwanis Club, Enough Hate For Burners AND Nazis, The DMD Bump, and, as always, Fatherly Advice. It's a solid "also-ran"! Music: Cancer, "CFC" The Hook, "Son of Fantasy II"

Join The 27 Club with The Dads as they welcome their best friend (and father of modern podcasting) Cory Sklar (Chaki, the internationally-renowned Illogical Contraption Radio) to the show, in a dark and subtly nuanced conversation about fucking couches, doing blow, slapping bass, and dodging nukes. Will they find the creamy center of Cory's brain, and figure out what makes this funky balladeer's inner time bomb tick? Your guess is as good as mine! Also infernally exalted herein: Playing Megadeth Covers In A Hungry Hunter In 2030, A Guy That Needs A Pocket Pussy, Lox of Love, Moving To A Monastery And Making Dungeon Synth, Can I Fuck Your Kids First?, Brown Nazis, Snorting Coke With The Guy From Iron Butterfly, Great Moments In Guns N Roses Bloopers History, Delivering A Goat Head To The Oakland Metro, Sunny Day Real Estate Agents, Mall Metal, Ken M In The Yahoo Comments, Ted McGinley: Horseman of the Apocalypse, No Snow No Show, Ian From Skrewdriver, Talking About Jawbreaker In 2017, Bumblefoot Chat, The Goth Onion, Trey Azagthoth's Pancakes, Sleep Are Still Playing, Supportive Pit Dad, The Dave Murray Color Chart, Penis Injuries, A Cacophony of Dead Musicians AKA The Ungodly Racket, A Requiem For Metal Inquisition, Bedroom Shredders, Happy Suffocation, Rivetheads, Really Nice Guys, Self-Addressed Stamped Envelopes, Crying At A Promise Ring Show For A Whole Different Reason, Are You #Triggered?, Every Other House Is Racist, Beastmaster Stuff (The Ferrets Will Save Him), C-Level vs Sea Level, Your Led Zeppelins And Your Mick Jaggers, A Lot of Cadillacs On The Block And Fringe Jackets, A Whole Lifetime of Fabricating Pussies, Girlfriend (For A Night), Quinn/Martin Productions, The Proper Plural of Abacus, Moustache Wives, The Best Possible Outcome, Na'Vi Fleshlights, Sweatpants In The Wild, Bob Eubanks Scoring Weed, A Dog That Loads Gear, Tech Death Athleticism, Bizarro-World Clickbait, The Guy That Shot Alexander Hamilton, Getting Kicked Out of The Elks Club In Snoqualmie Falls, Prison Vagina, Judging Disabled Children, Send Us Dildos!, Metal Nerds, Frank Mullen: The DMD Jackalope, The Great Milenko, Aliens And Bigfoots, Missing The 90s, The Monty Python of Death Metal (Just Less Entertaining), Is Death An "Ailment"?, Living In A Castle Like Enya, Florida Springsteen, The Kiwanis Club, Enough Hate For Burners AND Nazis, The DMD Bump, and, as always, Fatherly Advice. It's a solid "also-ran"! Music: Cancer, "CFC" The Hook, "Son of Fantasy II"

Episode 27 - To The Cory End (with Cory Sklar)

Daniel Ekeroth

Shelby and Aesop sit down with accomplished author (Swedish Death Metal, Violent Italy, Swedish Sensationsfilms) and musician (Insision, Iron Lamb, Diskonto, Third Storm, Tyrant, Usurpress, Dellamorte, etc) Daniel Ekeroth to discuss his career in extreme media, from the punk and hardcore roots of metal to the European influx of B-movie slasher and horror films to the undeniable fact that Finland doesn't actually exist. It's a surreal, over-saturated giallo of discourse, culminating in a tense, horrifying shocker of a finale--leaving all participants confused, blood-covered, and wielding large kitchen knives. What else? Well: Band Economics 101, People Are Allowed To Have Opinions, Dario Argento's Comic Book Store, Born-Again Christian Harry Reems, Drunk At The Gym, A Miserable Small Town In Northern Sweden Ripped Wide Open By Napalm Death, Yngwie J. Malmsteen Smoking Crack Inside of A Hollowed-Out Marshall Cabinet, Japanese Hardcore And You And Me, Aesop's Cool Story About The Nocturnus Book He Didn't Write (Extended, Remixed Version), Exactly One Hundred Years of Censorship, Let The Write One In, The Day Burzum Ruined Everything, Where The Fish Are Made of Candy, Remembering The Alamo (Drafthouse), Dismember-ing The Malmö (Sweden), Drinking Vodka Whilst Driving And Also Yelling At Pedestrians, Sacramento: California's Finland, Wishing A Speedy Recovery To Lemmy Kilmeister, Daniel Tells That Same Story Everyone Has About Their Mom Throwing Out All Their Old Star Wars And Ninja Turtles Action Figures Except It's About Obscure Death Metal Demos This Time, Floridian Methamphetamines And The Bentonomicon, Krug Life, Talkin' Vomitory, The Shape of Cum To Punk, The Malort Connection, Enamel Pin Chat, Last Houses: On The Lefts vs On Dead End Streets, Cult Movie Convention Etiquette, Remember When Voivod Covered The Batman Theme Song?, That Tacqueria In Oslo, Norway That The Guy From Wall of Voodoo Owns, Death Lays An Egg, An Amuse Bouche of Riffs, 100 Beers A Day From 1985 To 1995, "Rashomon" Except It's A Sex Comedy, A Sandwich (The Wegetarian Wersion), No Klingon Dick, The Time Aesop Punched Shelby At The Ruby Room, Beach Friend, Hat Talk, Nap Eyes, Overwhelming Colorfast (Again), Jackin' It To Swedish Aviation Magazines, Les Schwab: Pride And Performance, "The Chicago Handshake", Cutlering Books, Porn And Toilets, Un-Nice Scene Beef, 3 People In A Shitty Hotel Wayyy Outside Baltimore, Kind Of Goblinlike, Rancid Shit, Soft Puke, Torsos, The DMD Bump, and, as always, Fatherly Advice. Not gonna lie, this is a really good episode. Well... It's ok. It's... It's at least better than that last one with Tony Molina. Music: Insision, "World Impaled" Usurpress, "Interregnum" Slamahoochee, "Denny's Lumberjack Slam Breakfast (Come Undone)(feat. Tony Molina)" PS: That Korean horror movie from 2016 is "The Wailing", dammit.

Shelby and Aesop sit down with accomplished author (Swedish Death Metal, Violent Italy, Swedish Sensationsfilms) and musician (Insision, Iron Lamb, Diskonto, Third Storm, Tyrant, Usurpress, Dellamorte, etc) Daniel Ekeroth to discuss his career in extreme media, from the punk and hardcore roots of metal to the European influx of B-movie slasher and horror films to the undeniable fact that Finland doesn't actually exist. It's a surreal, over-saturated giallo of discourse, culminating in a tense, horrifying shocker of a finale--leaving all participants confused, blood-covered, and wielding large kitchen knives. What else? Well: Band Economics 101, People Are Allowed To Have Opinions, Dario Argento's Comic Book Store, Born-Again Christian Harry Reems, Drunk At The Gym, A Miserable Small Town In Northern Sweden Ripped Wide Open By Napalm Death, Yngwie J. Malmsteen Smoking Crack Inside of A Hollowed-Out Marshall Cabinet, Japanese Hardcore And You And Me, Aesop's Cool Story About The Nocturnus Book He Didn't Write (Extended, Remixed Version), Exactly One Hundred Years of Censorship, Let The Write One In, The Day Burzum Ruined Everything, Where The Fish Are Made of Candy, Remembering The Alamo (Drafthouse), Dismember-ing The Malmö (Sweden), Drinking Vodka Whilst Driving And Also Yelling At Pedestrians, Sacramento: California's Finland, Wishing A Speedy Recovery To Lemmy Kilmeister, Daniel Tells That Same Story Everyone Has About Their Mom Throwing Out All Their Old Star Wars And Ninja Turtles Action Figures Except It's About Obscure Death Metal Demos This Time, Floridian Methamphetamines And The Bentonomicon, Krug Life, Talkin' Vomitory, The Shape of Cum To Punk, The Malort Connection, Enamel Pin Chat, Last Houses: On The Lefts vs On Dead End Streets, Cult Movie Convention Etiquette, Remember When Voivod Covered The Batman Theme Song?, That Tacqueria In Oslo, Norway That The Guy From Wall of Voodoo Owns, Death Lays An Egg, An Amuse Bouche of Riffs, 100 Beers A Day From 1985 To 1995, "Rashomon" Except It's A Sex Comedy, A Sandwich (The Wegetarian Wersion), No Klingon Dick, The Time Aesop Punched Shelby At The Ruby Room, Beach Friend, Hat Talk, Nap Eyes, Overwhelming Colorfast (Again), Jackin' It To Swedish Aviation Magazines, Les Schwab: Pride And Performance, "The Chicago Handshake", Cutlering Books, Porn And Toilets, Un-Nice Scene Beef, 3 People In A Shitty Hotel Wayyy Outside Baltimore, Kind Of Goblinlike, Rancid Shit, Soft Puke, Torsos, The DMD Bump, and, as always, Fatherly Advice. Not gonna lie, this is a really good episode. Well... It's ok. It's... It's at least better than that last one with Tony Molina. Music: Insision, "World Impaled" Usurpress, "Interregnum" Slamahoochee, "Denny's Lumberjack Slam Breakfast (Come Undone)(feat. Tony Molina)" PS: That Korean horror movie from 2016 is "The Wailing", dammit.

Episode 37 - Swedish Death Metal Dads (with Daniel Ekeroth)

Listen to two guys playing hot potato with a blowjob. Music: Unleashed, "The Dark One" The Flaming Lips, "Evil Will Prevail"

Listen to two guys playing hot potato with a blowjob. Music: Unleashed, "The Dark One" The Flaming Lips, "Evil Will Prevail"

Episode 38 - And The Laughter Has Dad...

Greg Wilkinson

Join the Dads as they celebrate their quarter-century episode deep in the dank dungeons of Earhammer Studios, with none other than its proprietor and sole beneficiary Greg Wilkinson (Brainoil, DeathgraVe). Things get weird fast and everyone involved becomes very uncomfortable. Will the Dads get out alive?!  Also discussed: Unexplained Swelling, The Removal of Testament-Related Memories, Oxiplegatz Chatz, Two Thirty-Gallon Trashcans Full of Empty Olympias (Courtesy of Schlong), Spiking Our Downloads By Just Dying, Nasty Sax, A Klean Kanteen Full of Urine, The Unhinged Guy From Pavor/Bethlehem, Graves At Seaside, Podcast of the Year Material, Skydiving Without A Parachute, A Totally Forgettable Recording Experience, Pig Champion On A Diet, Sacramento Jack Lemmon, The Italian Word For "Viagra", Please, My Father Was Mr. Brainoil, Grampas of Sludge, Party Fouls, Thomas Hatin' Church, Evanescencey Lady-Singing, Cambodian Food, Just "Pibb", Kids These Days And Their "Internet Memes", Chad Gailey's Green Card, Day of the Dad, Awesome Lawnmowers, The Other Deicide, Emailing From Five Feet Away, Origins of the Dickhammer, Camping With Fern, Too Extreme! vs Extreme 2, Lobotomized, Phlebotomized, Band Tinder, Fretless Bass, A Zornesque Element, You're Invited! (In Spirit), "I'll Suck Your Dick For An Old Tin Can", by Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty, Scene Luminaries, What You Can And Can't Be Proud Of, Showin' Some Ankle, Exit The Void, Closing Lots of Pornhub Tabs, Goatcunt, Terms of Endearment, Those Knuckleheads in Congress, Part 7, Diminutive Skinsman Ira Harris, Tone Boners, Alternative Rock And The Alt-Right, An Elvis Impersonator That Pisses On You, Sex Solicitation, Don't Be A Possum, You CAN Be Replaced, Listener Emails, The DMD Bump, and, of course, Fatherly/Gregerly Advice. It's a solid B minus! Music: Seance, "Who Will Not Be Dead" DeathgraVe, "Seeping Through The Shoebox" The Dads will be performing LIVE as part of the annual Illogical Contraption Halloween Special Wednesday, November 1st at the Punchline in San Francisco!   (PS: Debra Winger Dies At The End.)

Join the Dads as they celebrate their quarter-century episode deep in the dank dungeons of Earhammer Studios, with none other than its proprietor and sole beneficiary Greg Wilkinson (Brainoil, DeathgraVe). Things get weird fast and everyone involved becomes very uncomfortable. Will the Dads get out alive?!  Also discussed: Unexplained Swelling, The Removal of Testament-Related Memories, Oxiplegatz Chatz, Two Thirty-Gallon Trashcans Full of Empty Olympias (Courtesy of Schlong), Spiking Our Downloads By Just Dying, Nasty Sax, A Klean Kanteen Full of Urine, The Unhinged Guy From Pavor/Bethlehem, Graves At Seaside, Podcast of the Year Material, Skydiving Without A Parachute, A Totally Forgettable Recording Experience, Pig Champion On A Diet, Sacramento Jack Lemmon, The Italian Word For "Viagra", Please, My Father Was Mr. Brainoil, Grampas of Sludge, Party Fouls, Thomas Hatin' Church, Evanescencey Lady-Singing, Cambodian Food, Just "Pibb", Kids These Days And Their "Internet Memes", Chad Gailey's Green Card, Day of the Dad, Awesome Lawnmowers, The Other Deicide, Emailing From Five Feet Away, Origins of the Dickhammer, Camping With Fern, Too Extreme! vs Extreme 2, Lobotomized, Phlebotomized, Band Tinder, Fretless Bass, A Zornesque Element, You're Invited! (In Spirit), "I'll Suck Your Dick For An Old Tin Can", by Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty, Scene Luminaries, What You Can And Can't Be Proud Of, Showin' Some Ankle, Exit The Void, Closing Lots of Pornhub Tabs, Goatcunt, Terms of Endearment, Those Knuckleheads in Congress, Part 7, Diminutive Skinsman Ira Harris, Tone Boners, Alternative Rock And The Alt-Right, An Elvis Impersonator That Pisses On You, Sex Solicitation, Don't Be A Possum, You CAN Be Replaced, Listener Emails, The DMD Bump, and, of course, Fatherly/Gregerly Advice. It's a solid B minus! Music: Seance, "Who Will Not Be Dead" DeathgraVe, "Seeping Through The Shoebox" The Dads will be performing LIVE as part of the annual Illogical Contraption Halloween Special Wednesday, November 1st at the Punchline in San Francisco! (PS: Debra Winger Dies At The End.)

Episode 25 - Who Will Not Be Dad (with Greg Wilkinson)

Ezra Lux

The Dads sit down with a young person (Mr. Ezra Lux) for a spirited discussion on shit films, shit music, shit culture, and shit people. It's super shitty. And yet there's so much more! Also discussed herein: Jerking Off In The Cops' Waffles, The Shortest Elk, What Color Are A Deer's Antlers?, Willing To Kill For A Tank of Slurpee, Bowing Down To The Tin Lords, 14 Cobb Salads and 88 Pastrami Reubens, Questionable Banter About Sand People, Store-Brand Metamucil Chat, I Hate Necks, The Phantom Menace: Greatest Film of All Time, Beasts of The Southern Wild V: Beasts of The Southern Wild In Space, Working Out At The James, Giving Out Hand Williams, and Hanging Out With Richard Bags, Oakland Mussolini, Folk Music Fathers, Stipulations of Shelby's Parole, Karl Sanders: Chicken Entrepeneur, 4 Minutes of Frank Mullen Breathing, "Rock You Like A Hurricane (Get Over Here!)" by Scorpion, Dead Horse Meets Stick, Patricide Tips, Reviewing Metal Albums via Cheese Puns, The Greasy, Mayonnaise-Covered Hands of America's Youth, Eyebrows Podcasts, Cat-Fucking, Sandwich Economics, Visit Scenic Utah!, The DMD Bump, and of course, Fatherly Advice. It's an all-time slammer-jammer! Music: Nile, "Barra Edinazzu" Creedence Clearwater Revival, "Someday never Comes" Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

The Dads sit down with a young person (Mr. Ezra Lux) for a spirited discussion on shit films, shit music, shit culture, and shit people. It's super shitty. And yet there's so much more! Also discussed herein: Jerking Off In The Cops' Waffles, The Shortest Elk, What Color Are A Deer's Antlers?, Willing To Kill For A Tank of Slurpee, Bowing Down To The Tin Lords, 14 Cobb Salads and 88 Pastrami Reubens, Questionable Banter About Sand People, Store-Brand Metamucil Chat, I Hate Necks, The Phantom Menace: Greatest Film of All Time, Beasts of The Southern Wild V: Beasts of The Southern Wild In Space, Working Out At The James, Giving Out Hand Williams, and Hanging Out With Richard Bags, Oakland Mussolini, Folk Music Fathers, Stipulations of Shelby's Parole, Karl Sanders: Chicken Entrepeneur, 4 Minutes of Frank Mullen Breathing, "Rock You Like A Hurricane (Get Over Here!)" by Scorpion, Dead Horse Meets Stick, Patricide Tips, Reviewing Metal Albums via Cheese Puns, The Greasy, Mayonnaise-Covered Hands of America's Youth, Eyebrows Podcasts, Cat-Fucking, Sandwich Economics, Visit Scenic Utah!, The DMD Bump, and of course, Fatherly Advice. It's an all-time slammer-jammer! Music: Nile, "Barra Edinazzu" Creedence Clearwater Revival, "Someday never Comes" Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Episode 18 - Amongst The Dad-acombs of Nephren-Paa (with Ezra Lux)

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