Voice Over Showreel for Peter McSweeneymcsweeneypj@gmail.com / 07737315126

Voice Over Showreel for Peter McSweeney mcsweeneypj@gmail.com / 07737315126

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We kick off the podcast with some comments about Craig Ferguson and his ability to deliver a gripping, touching story about his brush with suicide (during his heavy drinking days) whilst being charming and hilarious. (link below)Craig is well known for quick whit and ability to charm the female guests on his show, even as a much older man. The guys discuss this and it's merits. Paul then kicks off by looking into Twinkie and the great American brands. He talks about a very interesting case where the company was failing but a fresh new corporate approach allowed the brand to re surface and thrive. He points out that none of the leaders of that company would be seen dead eating their own product though and asks the question, is that important? They explore the idea of morality in peddling a product/business for success without any attachment in the actual item? We also look how at the qualities you need to be a founder of a business appose to taking Global. Do founders need to stand aside to allow growth and sustainability? Peter then weaves in the story of Ray Croc (not the founder of McDonalds but the man who took it global) and also the Michael Keaton movie 'The Founder.' No real spoilers (a mini one maybe) but we look at how Ray took it from a small single restaurant into the global beast it is today and the personalty that is required to take such a leap. We address the usual moves high hitting guys like this make such as cutting out old business partners harshly and divorcing long serving wife for a younger woman. Is this always the inevitable?As always with Diapers Off the boy banter and go off topic in this energetic, engaging conversation between Peter and Paul. Link to Craig video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K46P7loICXY

We kick off the podcast with some comments about Craig Ferguson and his ability to deliver a gripping, touching story about his brush with suicide (during his heavy drinking days) whilst being charming and hilarious. (link below) Craig is well known for quick whit and ability to charm the female guests on his show, even as a much older man. The guys discuss this and it's merits. Paul then kicks off by looking into Twinkie and the great American brands. He talks about a very interesting case where the company was failing but a fresh new corporate approach allowed the brand to re surface and thrive. He points out that none of the leaders of that company would be seen dead eating their own product though and asks the question, is that important? They explore the idea of morality in peddling a product/business for success without any attachment in the actual item? We also look how at the qualities you need to be a founder of a business appose to taking Global. Do founders need to stand aside to allow growth and sustainability? Peter then weaves in the story of Ray Croc (not the founder of McDonalds but the man who took it global) and also the Michael Keaton movie 'The Founder.' No real spoilers (a mini one maybe) but we look at how Ray took it from a small single restaurant into the global beast it is today and the personalty that is required to take such a leap. We address the usual moves high hitting guys like this make such as cutting out old business partners harshly and divorcing long serving wife for a younger woman. Is this always the inevitable? As always with Diapers Off the boy banter and go off topic in this energetic, engaging conversation between Peter and Paul. Link to Craig video: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K46P7loICXY" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K46P7loICXY</a>

People Who Chase Success For Its Own Sake VS Following A Passion And Succeeding As A Byproduct

Sacha Dhawan

This week we welcome Sacha Dhawan, successful actor across television, theatre and film. He is a close friend of Peter's and a very thoughtful guest who really tells us about the challenges (often seen at 'The Dark Side') of being a successful actor as well as the joys. He gives us some priceless stories and funny, juicy anecdotes about the stars he has worked with, such as Will Smith and Jeremy Piven.Peter kicks off informally, and the guys randomly get onto the the topic of IMDB and its importance in the industry. Paul explain how he met the founder (Colin Needham) who will be joining us as a guest soon. Sacha jokes that IMDB is great, but his bio is incorrect.The guys then get into the challenges between creative selectivity when choosing a job and the ever-growing practical challenges of life (mortgage, money, family) and how he personally manages that. He then opens up about getting into a role and dealing with repeat takes and the realities of working on set. Sacha talks about the power of 'saying no', trusting your gut, and the importance of having a good creative team that understands choices made for long term success rather than short term financial gain.Sacha then hits us with a GREAT Will Smith story about Will no longer being the number one man in his family when his son Jayden came along. He also gives us some insight into Will's work ethic and what it's like to not only meet, but to work with one of your heroes. Very interesting stuff...We also get a little heavier, taking a look at the loneliness of being on the road. Sacha shares his Hollywood story “when the cameras stop flashing”, going from super fame to not being able to get someone to take his picture within the space of 9 months.Having continuity in an Actor’s life is a big theme of this week's show – an issue which many creatives struggle with. Relationships are built on incremental emotional investment, so moving and changing all the time reduces the likelihood of forming long term bonds. We look at this on a larger scale that could apply to anyone, not just artists.We explore the perception of the famous actor vs the reality and how some actors might be happier not being at the very top and finding greater consistency in the middle echelons.We finish with some more funny stories and then Sacha gets real about the cultural challenges of being a British Indian actor.SHORT BIO: Sacha is an actor from Manchester, with successful careers in television, film and theatre in the UK and USA. He has worked and starred alongside Will Smith, James Corden, Jeremy Piven, Maggie Smith, and Brain Cox to name a few. He was in the original cast of the Broadway hit show The History Boys, and more recently starred in Sherlock with Benedict Cumberbatch as Jimmy, and in Mr Selfridge with Jeremy Piven.He has been close friend with Diapers Off host, Peter, since they were children.

This week we welcome Sacha Dhawan, successful actor across television, theatre and film. He is a close friend of Peter's and a very thoughtful guest who really tells us about the challenges (often seen at 'The Dark Side') of being a successful actor as well as the joys. He gives us some priceless stories and funny, juicy anecdotes about the stars he has worked with, such as Will Smith and Jeremy Piven. Peter kicks off informally, and the guys randomly get onto the the topic of IMDB and its importance in the industry. Paul explain how he met the founder (Colin Needham) who will be joining us as a guest soon. Sacha jokes that IMDB is great, but his bio is incorrect. The guys then get into the challenges between creative selectivity when choosing a job and the ever-growing practical challenges of life (mortgage, money, family) and how he personally manages that. He then opens up about getting into a role and dealing with repeat takes and the realities of working on set. Sacha talks about the power of 'saying no', trusting your gut, and the importance of having a good creative team that understands choices made for long term success rather than short term financial gain. Sacha then hits us with a GREAT Will Smith story about Will no longer being the number one man in his family when his son Jayden came along. He also gives us some insight into Will's work ethic and what it's like to not only meet, but to work with one of your heroes. Very interesting stuff... We also get a little heavier, taking a look at the loneliness of being on the road. Sacha shares his Hollywood story “when the cameras stop flashing”, going from super fame to not being able to get someone to take his picture within the space of 9 months. Having continuity in an Actor’s life is a big theme of this week's show – an issue which many creatives struggle with. Relationships are built on incremental emotional investment, so moving and changing all the time reduces the likelihood of forming long term bonds. We look at this on a larger scale that could apply to anyone, not just artists. We explore the perception of the famous actor vs the reality and how some actors might be happier not being at the very top and finding greater consistency in the middle echelons. We finish with some more funny stories and then Sacha gets real about the cultural challenges of being a British Indian actor. SHORT BIO: Sacha is an actor from Manchester, with successful careers in television, film and theatre in the UK and USA. He has worked and starred alongside Will Smith, James Corden, Jeremy Piven, Maggie Smith, and Brain Cox to name a few. He was in the original cast of the Broadway hit show The History Boys, and more recently starred in Sherlock with Benedict Cumberbatch as Jimmy, and in Mr Selfridge with Jeremy Piven. He has been close friend with Diapers Off host, Peter, since they were children.

Sacha Dhawan | Episode 66

Best male podcast in the world. www.diapersoff.com

Paul is very good at talking and seeing the the most valuable information from everything he encounters in life and I find no shame admiring his outlook on life.

Beautifully realistic advice

As a 27-year-old guy who is happy but still finding my way, this podcast is fantastic. I check my unplayed feed several times a week to see if there&#39;s a new one. Keep it up, fellas!

One of my favorites

Best male podcast in the world. <a href="http://www.diapersoff.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.diapersoff.com</a>

Diapers Off! (Season One)

In a bit of Podcast Verité the guys break the 4th wall as they launch into a discussion of Why Dates Go Wrong. Meandering, Paul admits to his continued astonishment at being married; he thought of it as something “other people do.” Instead of the marriage stereotypes emblazoned on boardwalk t-shirts - “Game Over” - Paul has found he loves having a playmate to come home to at night. This anticipates a section later in the podcast, in which Paul claims that open communities evaporate by 40; a single, 42-year-old guy has nowhere to go. In their discussion of first date follies, the guys talk about key attributes of a “successful dater”: calm, pragmatic, stoic, not proud, thick-skinned. Paul talks about his days in NYC as a rigid, unyielding dater who reduced “degrees of freedom” to devastating effect. Peter and Paul discuss the perils of the 2nd date and joke that it should be eliminated altogether; more earnestly, they wonder which areas in ourselves we can accept and which we need to improve. Somehow, they get on the topic of frivolous youth and wonder if the iconic billionaires of today have cast a pall over people’s 20’s - a theme we discussed in The Billionaire Bust Up | Episode 14. Later, Pete tells us the #1 Problem in modern dating is too much choice and adds a personal note, joking he’s been the victim of a sympathy date but also that he likes to underperform in the early days to keep expectations in check. Paul is worried about the lack of relationship skills out there among young singletons - one girl Pete knows refuses to date an inexperienced man, saying she doesn’t want him to make his first mistakes on her. Paul understands the Achilles Heel of Mr. Single, dating machine extraordinaire: the inability to properly service a relationship. The transition for Paul was tough, at times, and he finally learned first-hand why IKEA is like kryptonite to single men. Paul pitches his upcoming e-book, On Marriage, and explains his take on the 5 Steps to the Altar: dating, courtship, cohabitation, engagement and marriage. Finally, the guys get nostalgic for youthful spontaneity and Pete worries that logistics will crowd out romance in his future relationships.

Why Dates Go Wrong | Episode 62

This is the Optimization Episode. We start off by reviewing a small piece by David Brooks on the glories of middle age. Brooks makes the claim that middle age is a great departure point for big adventures because, presumably, you’ve done well and accumulated resources. Apparently to many New York Times commenters, a well-resourced midlife cannot be assumed; many have continued to struggle since the Great Recession. This reversal of fortune is interesting, Paul notes, because so many of our popular narratives show the protagonist going from strength-to-strength. There are too few failure stories in our popular imagination, perhaps because they’re uninspiring. But, the truth is many people do not succeed, as the word is commonly understood. One component of wisdom, highlighted in the Brooks article, is compassion - a necessary perspective in a world where not everyone makes it. During the discussion, Pete observes that “knowledge can be read; wisdom has to be lived.” There are plenty of self-help gurus peddling shortcuts to good-living, but Paul remains skeptical. After watching “A Day in the Life of Tim Ferriss” both men have a reaction. Ironically, Pete sounds the more American, explaining “failure as a path to success.” Paul has a cooler response, searching for the old quip that at least “Mussolini made the trains run on time.” Both Peter and Paul agree, however, that “optimization theory” has been hijacked from the corporate world to mixed effect: some things aren’t meant to be productive. It’s particularly disconcerting/hilarious when this type of thinking is applied to relationships, or in the realm of “soft skills.” Pete jests that “The 4-Hour Girlfriend” may not be a best-seller. Paul holds up his family in France who enjoy Parisian life, sail in the South of France and eat exceptional food, all without subscribing to the optimization mania that has gripped the U.S. (and to a lesser degree, England). The guys get serious for a moment discussing contradiction in Hamlet and the themes in Milan Kundera’s Unbearable Lightness of Being (if one travels under tremendous burden, does that make life sweeter?) before returning to their usual convoluted banter. Paul concludes by saying that optimization presupposes an outcome, but from his view many of these so called “gurus” don’t have a credible vision of their future, at least not one he can see.

Episode 49

Yad, dating coach and owner of Daygame.com, comes on the show to offer his views on monogamy, marriage, commitment and what I call “The Nomadic Life.” We discuss commitment to a relationship and what that means, particularly in the context of children. We also explore the origins of monogamy as a means of securely transferring private property. “Social Class” arises as a topic of discussion, both in regards to chasing “high-class” women, and with the observation that most PUA’s have working-class roots, making them natural-born hustlers. Late in the show, we discuss the tension between choices that require commitment and the impulse to lead an unfettered life; Paul makes the case that commitments (just like promises) matter most when we least want to keep them.

Yad, dating coach and owner of <a href="http://Daygame.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Daygame.com</a>, comes on the show to offer his views on monogamy, marriage, commitment and what I call “The Nomadic Life.” We discuss commitment to a relationship and what that means, particularly in the context of children. We also explore the origins of monogamy as a means of securely transferring private property. “Social Class” arises as a topic of discussion, both in regards to chasing “high-class” women, and with the observation that most PUA’s have working-class roots, making them natural-born hustlers. Late in the show, we discuss the tension between choices that require commitment and the impulse to lead an unfettered life; Paul makes the case that commitments (just like promises) matter most when we least want to keep them.

Episode 11

Where do party girls go to die? That’s the lead-off question for this breezy episode from the South of France. Women who bet on their looks may have a hard road ahead as age takes it toll; Peter and Paul see some sad examples on the Promenade de la Croisette. Pete explains that even his grandmother advised, “Now there are girls that men want to go out with, and there are girls that men want to marry.” In Paul’s experience, guys never marry the “hot, attention-seeking babe.” Discussing female behavior, the guys ask, “Is it true and is it fair that society will tolerate flaky, inconsistent and entitled behavior from a hot girl longer than it will tolerate the same behavior from a man?” A lively discussion ensues. Paul posits the idea of “character rehab” as remedy for women addicted to the attention and easy money of the party lifestyle - the “Jimmy Choo drip,” he calls it. In the end, many of these women exhibit an inability to take care of themselves, much less others (such as a husband and children). In the closing minutes, the guys discuss how fame and wealth can create distance from others and how they can have an isolating effect. At the exclusive parties in Cannes, why do we assume that the most interesting conversations will be with A-listers, rather than with the bathroom attendant?

Episode 40

In this episode, the men discuss sacrifice. Learning how to sacrifice things in your life – how to kill things – is a prerequisite for maturity. Many of us grow up with multiple dreams, lots of friendships, myriad romances and many other distractions. Paul admits that by 40 he had to learn the painful lesson that indulging in every opportunity was costing him purpose and, ultimately, a satisfying life. Pete confesses that though his progress at 31 is acceptable, he wouldn’t be satisfied if his life was in the same place by 40. Standards of behavior and lifestyle need to change as we age; sacrifice is how we get there. The men also discuss the uniquely challenging prospect of a “creative life” since success is determined by “getting it right” and not just by following a predefined protocol, as in most careers. Finally, the guys discuss Steven Spielberg and Pete convinces Paul that Spielberg would have succeeded in any business venture – he just happened to choose film. This is because his “product” is entirely customer-focused, avoiding any personal indulgence that won’t resonate with audiences.

You Will Remain Stuck Until You Learn to Sacrifice | Episode 61

Mark Manson is on to something with his popular post, The Four Stages of Life. The article is here - I recommend you read it before listening to our podcast. I’ve read other “life stage” articles but this one very nicely explains why it’s important to mature and how we can move from one stage to the next. In the beginning, we learn through imitation and we seek approval. By late adolescence, we’ve hopefully moved on and formed our own identity and accepted that we will not always be liked by all people. Stage Two is Self-Discovery. This is where the article got personal for me, and why I had to do an episode on it. We start out by trying all sorts of things - experimenting - but eventually we come up against our limits: what we can and cannot do. Mature folks accept this. They focus on the few. For me, however, it’s taken until 41 to move on, and I’ve paid the price. I explain why in this episode. Part of the reason, as Pete and I discover, is that a creative mind which generates a lot of ideas must also develop a ruthless elimination mechanism: following bad or unsuitable ideas is a huge waste of time. I’ve always had a hard time killing things. My Harvard experience didn’t help, either, as I explain to Pete. Opportunity came knocking, and I was exposed to so much stuff; the sampling of life was intoxicating. Career choices were plentiful - who turns down six figures and glory on Wall Street? - so it took years to definitively eliminate options from my list. And, I had to do this “research” on my own, because I didn’t trust second-hand advice. As a result, I became a Peter Pan and now at 41 I can see that. Marriage has a way of shaking the tree. Peter offers consolation by way of comparison: many of the successful, middle-aged guys he coaches put their heads down at 20 and are only now looking up to realize they’ve got major gaps in their lives, particularly around women and sex. So, there’s a risk in committing too early, as well. In Stage Three, we’re done searching and we commit, and in Stage Four we protect and preserve our legacy. What I found most interesting is the payoff for maturity. Many people defend not growing up, but Mark has made explicit the risks: if we don’t mature we’re destined to be unhappy, at the mercy of others and the vagaries of external events. If we are able to mature, our “happiness becomes based more on internal, controllable values.”

Episode 43

Paul opens this episode contemplating bachelorhood. He saw a 40-year-old Hank Moody type drive by the other day, alone in the car. The guy had a grey t-shirt and stubble, and looked as though he hadn’t a care in the world. Standing on the sidewalk, Paul wondered whether the man was a carefree bachelor or, in fact, a bedraggled husband and father, stealing a few moments of solitude from his family. The weird thing about 40 is that a guy can legitimately be the carefree, exciting bachelor, or the responsible family man; either lifestyle is possible. On that division line there are trade-offs, profound ones. Bachelor life is cool and it’s exciting to be footloose and fancy-free. But, at 40, a single guy may not be part of standard society and he can become marginalised. The other side of the bachelor coin is loneliness and isolation. Peter and Paul then discuss the idea of Intact Families (nuclear family) versus Broken Families (divorced) and why society holds up the enduring nuclear family as the preferred model. Even the word “broken” implies problems, though the statistics make clear that children of divorce are not necessarily disadvantaged, provided the father remains present. We discuss the plight of a friend who “likes getting married, not being married” and has therefore been to the altar five times. He’s a member of the dubious 1/32nd club. Pete makes the case that divorce can benefit women stuck in abusive relationships but that, equally, it allows men to discard older women in favour of pretty young things. Paul asks if marriage is passé. Marriage is still the default destination for heterosexual (and, increasingly, homosexual) couples but it suffers from several problems. Implicit in the marriage arrangement is the notion that a woman is property, an adjunct to the man. In fact, in the old days, a woman who married Mr. John Simpson became Mrs. John Simpson. It was only after hard-won emancipations that women retained their given names in marriage, to become, let’s say, a Mrs. Sue Simpson. Further independence saw women hyphenating to Mrs. Sue Simpson-Lennard and finally, today, some married women retain their maiden names: Mrs. Sue Lennard who is married to Mr. John Simpson. Finally, the men discuss Paul’s father’s dictum that “A bachelor is the most honest type of man.” In other words, a bachelor is not bound by decorum. He can speak his mind and manage his own PR. He’s got nothing at stake, no one to offend. A man in a relationship checks his behaviour because there’s potential fallout from his girlfriend or wife. This reminds Paul of the Vince Vaughn movie, The Break-Up, in which Vaughn begs his friends to side with him in a disagreement. They all abandon him, each fearing the retribution that will later come from their wife or girlfriend. Vaughn is an isolated man. The unspoken price of society is that the individual loses freedoms as he surrounds himself with others. He is restricted, muzzled, compromised. We speak here of freedoms of expression, but there are many others. However, isolation is very painful for the human species. For mere survival, and for the richness which companionship brings, we agree to limit our autonomy. In many of our relationships, truth is less important than harmony.

The Bachelor Life | Episode 57

After a tribute to David Bowie - the ultimate frontman - the guys jump on two topics. First, Pete asks, “Are smart people entitled to success?” He’s learned from life that the rules change after 30; the men he knows who’ve really made it are all very disciplined. The guys debate the high price of focus. Paul mentions those prodigies who get an early start - men like Stevie Cohen, who was fascinated by newsprint stock prices from an early age and went on to make billions with S.A.C. The guys segue into a discussion of the current film, The Big Short. Many of the faceless architects of the financial crisis committed so-called “silent crimes” and Paul wonders how these differ from “violent crimes.” Finally, Paul gets talking about his years as a hedge fund analyst and how the film resonated with him but also reminded him of why he left that world. It’s interesting what you lose when you’re chasing big gains. Loads of money can easily rob a person of simple pleasures, something The Big Short touches upon. In the closing minutes, Pete recounts a trip he took with some finance guys and his creative pals. It seems money managers have a unique way of holidaying…

Episode 28

What’s the hardest thing about growing up? Making changes BEFORE the pain comes… Paul talks about house-hunting 3 years early so he doesn’t end up getting priced-out of London when the rug-rats arrive. He’s seen it before in New York City: thirty-somethings falling off a cliff when they pair up and get pregnant; the unremitting costs of the city drive folks far afield. Peter identifies the fact that duty has become a part of Paul’s life, allowing him to put plans above immediate impulses. Duty drives excellence in many people, Pete observes. Does the AirBnB culture work against commitment? The guys discuss the tradeoffs between footloose living and putting down roots, concluding that a person can’t have his cake and eat it, too. “Own your choices,” Pete advises. Paul mentions Tribal Identity and how it often results from intense shared experience. The guys get sidetracked down the rabbit hole of Scientology. We end on Media of the Week: Paul’s into Nemesis: One Man and the Battle for Rio; Pete just finished watching The Men Who Built America.

Episode 12

Appearance versus Reality is the theme of Episode Fifty! Paul takes a stab at the new reality show on Channel 4 called Naked Attraction. The show format involves a clothed contestant and six naked bodies on stage, hidden from view inside frosted glass silos. The glass lifts and fully nude candidates are revealed, close-up genitalia and all. A critic of the show compared it to slaves on the auction block, the main contestant compelled to dismiss bodies based on physical attributes alone. Aside from the shock factor, the show brings up several interesting sociological questions: Can we get to know someone simply by seeing them naked and vulnerable? Pete makes the astute point that “people who get naked quickly often don’t want to reveal themselves (emotionally)…” Paul observes that he knows many men – and was one, himself, once – who assume physical intimacy equates to emotional intimacy. This is nudity masquerading as intimacy. Men in strip clubs who “fall in love” with naked women, or the intensity of a carnal one-night stand – either can fool a man into thinking he “knows” the woman on the other end. In fact, as Naked Attraction reveals in its finale, physical attraction alone is not a reliable basis for compatibility. To wit: many of the couples, previously quite keen on each other, admit after three weeks that there was little actual interest and that they’ve gone their separate ways. It’s an awkward resolution, to say the least. The men segue onto memory lane, and Paul admits that in his single days in New York, he spent time with a lot of women who were NSFR – Not Suitable For a Relationship. The men acknowledge that people mature, and Paul admits that he wasn’t such a catch in those days, either; he had a lot of growing up to do. Finally, the men discuss “dream jobs” in the context of Appearance versus Reality. Upon hearing that a former classmate is now President of movie production company Plan B, Paul’s immediate thought was “Damn it – I should have stayed in Hollywood. Look what I could have become!” The truth is more nuanced, however. Movie producing, though wrapped in the glamour of Hollywood, involves the same frustrations and challenges as any business: logistics, budgeting, personnel. To think it’s all Bentleys and Bodacious Babes in the South of France is foolish – there’s plenty of gruelling, tedious work involved. Recognising that all jobs have drawbacks is a sign of maturity, which is another way of saying an acceptance of Reality.

Episode 50

It’s the acronym episode! Pete and Paul start the show with a discussion of N.P.D. (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), admitting that they and some of their friends have the symptoms discussed. N.P.D. can limit relationships and romance, but there is power in its attitudes and beliefs – a power that propels many to celebrity and business success. Paul discloses how his playboy life in NYC encouraged such narcissism. The guys move on to G.A.F (Global Assessment of Functioning) a scale previously used by psychiatrists and psychologists to evaluate incoming patients. With ten bands that describe levels of personal functioning, the G.A.F. scale provides a sobering reminder of life’s range of outcomes and the scourge of mental illness. We end with a discussion of P.T.S.D. (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), often exacerbated by men’s reluctance to seek help. The male attitude of “self-reliance”, coupled with machismo and certain “alpha” environments (e.g. military) make it hard for men to ask for help and show vulnerability.

Episode 16

For Paul, middle age has brought a sea change. He shares that in his 20’s and 30’s he looked outward at possibility, imaging different lives and dreaming. Now, at 40, recently married, situated in London and coming into his own creatively, he is much more inward-looking. He admits to evaluating the choices he’s already made rather than thinking about what could be. It’s an interesting and inevitable change, but something he hadn’t anticipated. Peter admits he’s not there yet in many ways, but can relate in terms of career: he’s decided to focus only on film and media projects and not get seduced by possibilities farther afield. There is a resignation that comes with accepting one’s choices, and Paul admits so much. The guys move onto the main topic: Processing Loss and Disappointment. Many of us are aware of what we’ve lost when we’re no longer young and Paul enumerates some of those loses - but what do older people have to compensate? The common answer is that older folks have “wisdom” but what does that mean? Paul believes that emotional maturity comes from suffering loss and disappointment. In his words, the realization that “Life hasn't turned out as one may have hoped, nor is it going to…” But whether we end up bitter and angry, threatened by the unbridled optimism of youth, or instead find ourselves measured and thoughtful depends on how well we are able to process the inevitable disappointments that life offers up. The men discuss this idea.

Episode 29

In this episode, Peter and Paul tackle Fatherhood – not their own, but what their fathers gave them – or choose not to. Paul talks about the idea of fatherly “guidance” as both empowering, in that it gives structure and direction, but also limiting, because it carries expectation. Paul shares that his father didn’t take a strong interest in his academic or career development, but at the same time didn’t criticize or minimize his eventual choices. So, Paul was unguided but also liberated. Pete talks about his own father in Manchester, a man of deep scholarship and formidable intellect who invited the young Pete in for discussions of Shakespeare and glimpses of annotated folios of plays, such as Richard the Second. After the commercial break, the guys return for a discussion of choices, particularly how decision fatigue can affect our thinking. Paul mentions The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz and sets up this question: Do we need to make good choices all the time, on a continual basis, or does a successful life hinge on only one or two critical decisions? Peter takes us back to Elizabethan times for the answer!

Episode 23

This week, Paul laments the Death of the Frontman. Years back, a handsome, well-spoken man in a suit could move mountains. He was in demand as the head of a company, the rainmaker at a law firm, a schmoozer in accounts at the Ad Agency – the many Don Drapers that greased the wheels of industry. Are there still roles like that in society? In an increasingly meritocratic and tech-driven economy, it seems substance is rising above style. Witness Lloyd Blankfein of Goldman Sachs or Mark Zuckerberg, the billionaire creator of Facebook. Rare is the showman like Steve Jobs whose charisma and flair can entrance customers, employees and investors. Paul makes the case that the final two bastions of the handsome frontman are Hollywood and the Oval Office. Next, the guys discuss middle-age men getting back in the game, and the difficulty of developing a posse at that age. There are a number of reasons for this, and the men identify the challenges faced by men in such a position. Paul brings up a final point that men who really want to play the game after forty face a ton of social stigmatization (i.e. shaming – something that, in a classic double-standard, rarely affects single, middle-aged women) which affects those most “socially embedded” – an idea first touched upon in Episode 24.

Episode 27

Peter and Paul discuss the unique benefits of immersion in a foreign culture while traveling, dismissing the idea you can really experience a place on a short excursion. Paul examines the Fallacy of Depletion, the belief that an individual has a limited number of creative or business “gems” and therefore must ration them. The guys discuss Single-dom as a Lifestyle, not simply an activity or dating status; really enjoying the single life requires men to honestly evaluate their priorities. We end on a discussion of Johnny Carson and his groundbreaking talk show of the 1960’s, 70’s and 80’s. Johnny defined a genre for a generation of Americans, setting the standard for dozens of late-night hosts that followed. Today, with the democratization of content, we must ask, “Are the days of the universal cultural touchpoint, such as The Tonight Show, really over?”

Episode 5

A recent article in Vanity Fair about the dating app “Tinder” and another piece this week in the New York Times profiling working conditions at Amazon get Peter and Paul talking. First, they discuss the “Cult of Urgency” that is created when customers demand things faster, sooner and cheaper. It’s the “Culture of Now” and it’s creating a society of impatience. More ominously, companies such as Amazon, Tinder and Uber are changing the way that customers relate to the marketplace. In the past, many exchanges where relational, where the power dynamic was shared; today’s apps allow for much of life to become merely transactional. Peter and Paul consider what’s lost as a result. Later in the episode, Peter and Paul consider how the work-life balance is different across the pond and how the “Game of Life” concept is thoroughly American in that winners are celebrated, losers shunned. We end on a discussion of Jeremy Corbyn and the difficulty of aligning one’s ideals with one’s habits. Hypocrisy ensues.

Episode 7

We call this episode Empathy for the Other Sex. What are the frustrations and challenges of living as a woman which men don’t fully appreciate? How come women are blind to the hardships and difficulties that we, as men, face? In this show, we try to step into the other gender’s shoes and look at life from their perspective. Among the ideas explored: attractive women becoming suspicious of duplicitous male motives; the double-edged sword of using one’s looks to gain an advantage in social or professional interactions; the moment in which a woman’s sexual magnetism evaporates; and the fickle nature of male sexual attention. Many of these things contribute to the modern female’s building cynicism towards men and dating. We also explore the profound trade-offs women face between family and career. On the male side, Paul emphasizes the weight of cultural expectations which men carry. Most males of his generation are saddled with post-war ideas about masculinity: that the man must be strong, the breadwinner and head of household. This idea is extremely handicapping. It delays a man’s emotional and relationship development until he is “ready” to commit to a woman. Establishing oneself so that leading a family becomes a viable option has become nearly impossible in many expensive global cities. In this way, both men and women are shortchanged by such outdated ideas about what it is “to be a man.” Unfortunately, women still sexually respond to this archetype, ensuring it will linger. Pete observes his female friend dismiss several effete males in a bar. When a macho guy finally approaches her, she rejoices, “Now, there’s a proper man!”

Empathy for the Other Sex | Episode 58

John Lucas is a novelist and stringer for a number of high-profile online magazines. He covers the alternative lifestyle scene and fetish parties in and around London. John joins us for a discussion of his work, his view on sex parties and the true nature of jealousy. We end on a discussion of Pornography versus Erotica. Recently, three UK magistrates were barred from practice when it emerged they had looked at pornography on their computers. Women, however, can publicly consume erotica with impunity (think Fifty Shades of Grey). Why is one punished and the other tolerated, even celebrated? Is it a double standard, or is there something inherently more permissable about arousal by the written word? The men discuss.

Episode 6

In this episode, we explore the idea of communal living. The Kidbutz of Topanga Canyon is a budding experiment in house-sharing with kids. Two single mothers and a single father live together in a rustic two-million-dollar home in a cool Los Angeles enclave. With shared parenting duties and divided housekeeping and cooking responsibilities, this model seems a workable and very flexible alternative to marriage and monogamy. For these only children, the quasi-siblings around them provide constant playmates. And, parents know there’s always an adult present. But, there are pitfalls to communal living: jealousy, money issues and secrecy. Peter mentions The How of Happiness, by Sonja Lyubomirsky, in which families living communally in Denmark advocate the flexibility of such an approach. Whereas, before, single mothers had to cook every night, now they’re only on the hook for 3 or 4 big meals a month. The other nights they can go to yoga or out on a date. Paul brings out the heavy guns with Sex at Dawn and talks about the “origins of monogamy” and “policing the womb,” in a tone of self-satisfaction that rightly irks Pete. Following the thesis from Sex at Dawn that monogamy is a consequence of private property, Paul observes that many married couples become focused on private property – on buying a house, accumulating trappings of success, etc. The men discuss the generalization that single people are defined by what they do, whereas married couples are defined by what they have. What are the reasons for this? Against this backdrop, the kibbutz lifestyle is refreshing. Does a viable alternative to marriage threaten the institution? Pete has some thoughts on the principles of the Catholic Church and the men conclude – a bit tongue in cheek – that 10,000 years ago tribal man had his cake and ate it, too: harmonious parenting without monogamy. Will we ever return to that model?

Does Communal Living Actually Work? | Episode 60

The luxury episode! Peter and Paul discuss a new offering by The Four Seasons hotel group – 24 days of globe-trotting luxury. Pete makes the case that people are the experience and that such fancy trips are price discriminatory and can, in effect, exclude certain friends. One feature of the luxury package is that “the tour accomplishes in 24 days a journey that if you tried to do commercially, might take 90.” Paul asks, “Is efficiency when you’re on holiday really the right approach?” One problem faced by these luxury guests is that they’re whisked from one viewing to the next, with little time to discuss or process. The result, the author claims, is a sight-seeing extravagance thin on genuine impact or meaning. This seems to be a theme of hyper-consumption: a lack of reflection on what we’re doing or what we’re buying. Then, after our first commercial plug, we move onto a more weighty article, Secret Fears of the Super-Rich, by Graeme Wood of The Atlantic. Nearly 200 respondents, each with a net worth in excess of $20 million, confessed their deepest fears and apprehensions. Not surprisingly, spoiling their kids was top of the list. Surprisingly, many wealthy folks admitted that life’s small pleasures were often drained of their enjoyment either through repetition (how many Gordon Ramsey meals can you eat? – Paul has an answer…) or because of expectations (holiday gift-giving is particularly trying…) A recurrent theme is how the two pillars of life – love and work – are easily compromised by lots of money.

Episode 21

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