Welcome to Pontifacts; ranking all the Popes from Peter to Francis! In this light-hearted, only slightly blasphemous podcast, Bry and Fry go through the lives of the Pontiffs, and rate them based on our very valid and not subjective at all categories, to determine which Pope was the popiest Pope that ever Poped. In this episode, we introduce our concept, our ranking rounds, and discuss how to become a Pope!

Welcome to Pontifacts; ranking all the Popes from Peter to Francis! In this light-hearted, only slightly blasphemous podcast, Bry and Fry go through the lives of the Pontiffs, and rate them based on our very valid and not subjective at all categories, to determine which Pope was the popiest Pope that ever Poped. In this episode, we introduce our concept, our ranking rounds, and discuss how to become a Pope!

1. On This Rock, I Will Build My Podcast

What is a Pope? What does a Pope do? What is an average day for a Pope? These questions answered, and more, in the second half of our series introduction!

What is a Pope? What does a Pope do? What is an average day for a Pope? These questions answered, and more, in the second half of our series introduction!

2. Look How Big My Hat Is!

Our first Pope, St. Peter, is the rock on which the Catholic Church was built – but was this a wise decision? In this episode, we discuss Peter’s life and death, his habit of being a two-faced douche who wrecks parties, and whether or not we think he can defend his circular friends at the end!

Our first Pope, St. Peter, is the rock on which the Catholic Church was built – but was this a wise decision? In this episode, we discuss Peter’s life and death, his habit of being a two-faced douche who wrecks parties, and whether or not we think he can defend his circular friends at the end!

3. Peter

Our second and lesser known Pope, Linus, had a big act to follow. But he was a talented preacher that drew many converts to the church, and irritated whole cities. In this episode we look at his life, his lips, and ask the question: Is he worthy of a papal bull?

Our second and lesser known Pope, Linus, had a big act to follow. But he was a talented preacher that drew many converts to the church, and irritated whole cities. In this episode we look at his life, his lips, and ask the question: Is he worthy of a papal bull?

4. Linus

Pope Anacletus... or Pope Cletus... or both? Our third pope has contributed quite a lot to the confusion of the early papal orders. In this episode, we'll examine his lasting contributions of the papacy, and decide once and for all if he is one or two people. Side Note: Fry's audio is a bit warbly in this episode; chalk it up to growing pains of the new podcast!

Pope Anacletus... or Pope Cletus... or both? Our third pope has contributed quite a lot to the confusion of the early papal orders. In this episode, we'll examine his lasting contributions of the papacy, and decide once and for all if he is one or two people. Side Note: Fry's audio is a bit warbly in this episode; chalk it up to growing pains of the new podcast!

5. Anacletus

Pope Clement I arguably has one of the most interesting lives of the early popes, and not just because of the fan fiction written about him! In this episode, we tackle his fantastical life story, his dramatic legacy, and how he is still relevant in 2018.

Pope Clement I arguably has one of the most interesting lives of the early popes, and not just because of the fan fiction written about him! In this episode, we tackle his fantastical life story, his dramatic legacy, and how he is still relevant in 2018.

6. Clement

Evaristus 'dat pope guy' suffers from a lack of information and sources, but there is still fun to be had! In this episode, we discuss his intense commitment to church ordinations, his distinctive facial expressions, and whether or not it is better to be nommed, or beheaded.

Evaristus 'dat pope guy' suffers from a lack of information and sources, but there is still fun to be had! In this episode, we discuss his intense commitment to church ordinations, his distinctive facial expressions, and whether or not it is better to be nommed, or beheaded.

7. Evaristus 

Pope Alexander I was the first pope to have connections in the imperial court - and this would have significant impact on the Roman Christian world, especially for Alexander himself. This week we will discuss his early life, the conversions of his papacy, and the debate over where he ended up in the end.

Pope Alexander I was the first pope to have connections in the imperial court - and this would have significant impact on the Roman Christian world, especially for Alexander himself. This week we will discuss his early life, the conversions of his papacy, and the debate over where he ended up in the end.

8. Alexander I

Sixtus I

Sixtus I, or Xystus has a short episode of shortness, but he still managed to make a few contributions that make for interesting discussion! This week, we'll discuss apostolic letters, no-touchy, and nicknames for bald people. Make sure to note the announcement of the Summer scheduling change!

Sixtus I, or Xystus has a short episode of shortness, but he still managed to make a few contributions that make for interesting discussion! This week, we'll discuss apostolic letters, no-touchy, and nicknames for bald people. Make sure to note the announcement of the Summer scheduling change!

9. Sixtus I

Telesphorus started his life in a very different way than the rest of our earlier popes, but this may have made him the perfect candidate for the time. In this episode, we'll discuss where he might have come from, and why he is the Hallmark Card Pope of the Holidays.

Telesphorus started his life in a very different way than the rest of our earlier popes, but this may have made him the perfect candidate for the time. In this episode, we'll discuss where he might have come from, and why he is the Hallmark Card Pope of the Holidays.

10. Telesphorus

A light hearted, only slightly blasphemous papal history podcast, ranking the Popes from Peter to Francis

Fry and Brea offer a fun, entertaining, and educational history of the Popes. They make obscure theological differences interesting, and their banter (little bean, sports ball, and patron saints) keep the history flowing smoothly. I highly recommend. 

Brian Kane
Cape Cod, Massachusetts, May 2020

Great podcast

Love this show! Bry and Fry are hilarious and knowledgeable (or some mixture of the two!)

Y’all curse the exact right amount

PONTIFACTS

Pope Gregory I, the second pope to earn “the Great” epithet, and like our first Great Pope Leo, he had a prolific career before becoming pope, including holding the highest civic office in Rome and serving as an apocrisiarius in Constantinople. But neither of these were jobs he wanted because he much preferred a monastic life, removed from the world. Imagine his disappointment when he is acclaimed as the next pope! In his episode, we discuss Gregory’s efforts to defend the whole of Italy from Lombard aggression through military strategy and co-opting secular authority, the evangelization of Britain through bad dad puns, more miracles than you can shake a stick at, hot grapes and too many eyes. And thanks to Ben Vanbuskirk of Fukushima Laser Shark for our Gregory Ditty, and Totalus Rankium for Gregory singing!

Pope Gregory I, the second pope to earn “the Great” epithet, and like our first Great Pope Leo, he had a prolific career before becoming pope, including holding the highest civic office in Rome and serving as an apocrisiarius in Constantinople. But neither of these were jobs he wanted because he much preferred a monastic life, removed from the world. Imagine his disappointment when he is acclaimed as the next pope! In his episode, we discuss Gregory’s efforts to defend the whole of Italy from Lombard aggression through military strategy and co-opting secular authority, the evangelization of Britain through bad dad puns, more miracles than you can shake a stick at, hot grapes and too many eyes. And thanks to Ben Vanbuskirk of Fukushima Laser Shark for our Gregory Ditty, and Totalus Rankium for Gregory singing!

66. Gregory I (The Great)

61. Vigilius

Pope Leo I is one of only two popes to officially earn "the Great" epithet, and is by far the most significant church leader in the early church. He had a prolific international career long before his papacy, and he would go on to be an absolute giant of history. In his episode, we discuss the various ways he consolidated papal primacy as a real thing and drove off the major heresies of the day, the christological debates of the 5th century and the major steps towards orthodoxy, and how an old man pope stood up to the fiercest threats that Rome had ever faced. And thanks to Ben Vanbuskirk of Fukushima Laser Shark for our Leo Ditty!

Pope Leo I is one of only two popes to officially earn "the Great" epithet, and is by far the most significant church leader in the early church. He had a prolific international career long before his papacy, and he would go on to be an absolute giant of history. In his episode, we discuss the various ways he consolidated papal primacy as a real thing and drove off the major heresies of the day, the christological debates of the 5th century and the major steps towards orthodoxy, and how an old man pope stood up to the fiercest threats that Rome had ever faced. And thanks to Ben Vanbuskirk of Fukushima Laser Shark for our Leo Ditty!

47. Leo I (The Great) 

Pope Urban sat on the papal throne, and all he got was the t-shirt... or some accounts would have you believe! But is this an accurate picture of a pope who has achieved literary immortality? In this episode, we will discuss his ordinations, his connection with Saint Cecilia, incorruptible saints, and whether or not he has been fairly judged by time.

Pope Urban sat on the papal throne, and all he got was the t-shirt... or some accounts would have you believe! But is this an accurate picture of a pope who has achieved literary immortality? In this episode, we will discuss his ordinations, his connection with Saint Cecilia, incorruptible saints, and whether or not he has been fairly judged by time.

19. Urban I

Pope Liberius would rather die than deny his faith or condemn Athanasius. He tells us so at least twice. But Emperor Constantius is ready to call his bluff, with circumstances we haven't seen since Christian toleration. In this episode, we outline the bribery, the threats, the councils, the antipopes, and the alleged scandal that followed! Are you prepared for some co-poping?

Pope Liberius would rather die than deny his faith or condemn Athanasius. He tells us so at least twice. But Emperor Constantius is ready to call his bluff, with circumstances we haven't seen since Christian toleration. In this episode, we outline the bribery, the threats, the councils, the antipopes, and the alleged scandal that followed! Are you prepared for some co-poping?

38. Liberius

Pope Simpl*cius, besides providing excellent inspiration for 00's pop bands, was pope through a series of major turning points for papal history. He would be forced to contend with the FALL OF ROME and the rise of Odoacer, the chaos in the Empire with Zeno and Basiliscus, as well as both the Enkyklikon and the Henotikon! Much nail biting ensues.

Pope Simpl*cius, besides providing excellent inspiration for 00's pop bands, was pope through a series of major turning points for papal history. He would be forced to contend with the FALL OF ROME and the rise of Odoacer, the chaos in the Empire with Zeno and Basiliscus, as well as both the Enkyklikon and the Henotikon! Much nail biting ensues.

49. Simplicius

Julius I

Pope Julius I, the "Defender of Orthodoxy", assumed the papacy while Eusebius of Nicomedia was still stirring an Arian fuss in the East, and Athanasius was in and out of peril. But he was not going to back down! In this episode, we discuss a series of rival councils, Christmas, and cankle necks.

37. Julius I

Boniface I

Ol'Bonny came into the papacy right in the middle of the deep clerical divides caused by Pope Zosimus - which is how you get antipopes. Despite being a perfect (albeit unwilling) candidate, he will have fight to defend his election, and then scramble to fix the problems initiated by his predecessor. Side note: Bry was actively losing her voice throughout the entire recording of this episode, apologies for weirdness.

Ol'Bonny came into the papacy right in the middle of the deep clerical divides caused by Pope Zosimus - which is how you get antipopes. Despite being a perfect (albeit unwilling) candidate, he will have fight to defend his election, and then scramble to fix the problems initiated by his predecessor. Side note: Bry was actively losing her voice throughout the entire recording of this episode, apologies for weirdness.

44. Boniface I

Felix III

Our first "medieval" pope entered the papacy between a steady western kingdom, a chaotic eastern empire, and a sorely persecuted Africa. In his episode, we discuss the official outbreak of the Acacian Schism, the ongoing battle of the Henotikon, and so many diptychs. 

Our first "medieval" pope entered the papacy between a steady western kingdom, a chaotic eastern empire, and a sorely persecuted Africa. In his episode, we discuss the official outbreak of the Acacian Schism, the ongoing battle of the Henotikon, and so many diptychs.

50. Felix III

Pope Caius the Dalmatian was somehow related to one of the most important emperors in Roman history, and also maybe a saint. Also maybe that saint was faced with some incest? And maybe he was REALLY old when he became pope. This is an episode with many mysteries! Show Notes:  Finger-Ring Lore: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/43707/43707-h/43707-h.htm

Pope Caius the Dalmatian was somehow related to one of the most important emperors in Roman history, and also maybe a saint. Also maybe that saint was faced with some incest? And maybe he was REALLY old when he became pope. This is an episode with many mysteries! Show Notes:  Finger-Ring Lore: <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/files/43707/43707-h/43707-h.htm" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://www.gutenberg.org/files/43707/43707-h/43707-h.htm</a>

30. Caius

Pope Sabinian is the anti-Gregory, in every possible way. He had a bad time in Constantinople, and then a worse time in Rome. He replaced monks with clerics in ecclesiastical roles, and made a massive error in judgment that made him one of the most despised popes of the era. But at least he will have one of the strangest papal deaths of all time!

Pope Sabinian is the anti-Gregory, in every possible way. He had a bad time in Constantinople, and then a worse time in Rome. He replaced monks with clerics in ecclesiastical roles, and made a massive error in judgment that made him one of the most despised popes of the era. But at least he will have one of the strangest papal deaths of all time!

67. Sabinian 

Boniface II

Pope Boniface is the pope who was never supposed to be, and is only accepted on a technicality. In his episode, we discuss the outcomes of popes choosing their own successors, an extremely complicated but short lived antipapacy, and the sexiest of oranges.

Pope Boniface is the pope who was never supposed to be, and is only accepted on a technicality. In his episode, we discuss the outcomes of popes choosing their own successors, an extremely complicated but short lived antipapacy, and the sexiest of oranges.

57. Boniface II

Militiades is our second African Pope, and held the papacy during a massive shift of Christendom in the empire that no one saw coming. In this episode, we will discuss putrefying wormy bodies, shocking edicts, and introduce the founder of the Christianization... Constantine!

34. Militiades

Pope Cornelius assumed the papacy in the midst of an extremely violent persecution, after the longest period of no-pope-ness that we've seen yet. Will he lead the church in a new unifying direction, or will he scramble with a fractured and decimated church? In this episode, we discuss his life, his fanboys, and common sense versus orthodoxy. Show Notes: The Letters of Cornelius: http://www.seanmultimedia.com/Pie_Cornelius_I_Letters.html 

Pope Cornelius assumed the papacy in the midst of an extremely violent persecution, after the longest period of no-pope-ness that we've seen yet. Will he lead the church in a new unifying direction, or will he scramble with a fractured and decimated church? In this episode, we discuss his life, his fanboys, and common sense versus orthodoxy. Show Notes: The Letters of Cornelius: <a href="http://www.seanmultimedia.com/Pie_Cornelius_I_Letters.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">http://www.seanmultimedia.com/Pie_Cornelius_I_Letters.html</a>

23. Cornelius

The Council of Chalcedon in 451, is one of the church's most formative, important, and controversial ecumenical councils - and considering the massive bulk of Pope Leo I's episode, we've set aside an entire episode for Chalcedon. In this episode, we'll discuss the major factions of the Christological debate, the balance between the Tome of Leo and the Anathemas of Cyril, the Robber Synod, and the implications that orthodoxy will have for future popes.

Council Episode: The Council of Chalcedon

Pope Damasus is certainly a giant of the early church. He ensured a lasting legacy by vigorously asserting papal primacy, officially defining orthodoxy and doctrine, and putting his name and terrible poetry on epitaphs everywhere. And thats all without saying anything of the scandals, schisms and murder!

Pope Damasus is certainly a giant of the early church. He ensured a lasting legacy by vigorously asserting papal primacy, officially defining orthodoxy and doctrine, and putting his name and terrible poetry on epitaphs everywhere. And thats all without saying anything of the scandals, schisms and murder!

39. Damasus

 Pope Silverius, son of Pope Hormisdas assumed the papacy in a very unconventional way - and it's not nepotism! In his episode, we discuss King Theodahad's scramble to stave off Emperor Justinian, plots to make the papacy Monophysite friendly, and another seige on Rome. Come for the schemes, stay for the ultimate scandal!

Pope Silverius, son of Pope Hormisdas assumed the papacy in a very unconventional way - and it's not nepotism! In his episode, we discuss King Theodahad's scramble to stave off Emperor Justinian, plots to make the papacy Monophysite friendly, and another seige on Rome. Come for the schemes, stay for the ultimate scandal!

60. Silverius

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