Patrick Holley's guest appearances

Patrick Holley

Locker Room

Jordan Peterson

Jason Romano

Jennifer Wallace

Dave Willis

Rorke Denver

Tony Evans

Derwin Gray

Chad Pennington

Kurt Braun

Dan Jackson

Austin Kearns

Jason Martinkus

Mike Breaux

Mitch Barnhart

Jon Weece

OwlTail

Scott and Patrick talk about the challenges men and women have in communicating with one another.  Did you grow up in a family where it was encouraged to communicate and share your feelings? Was it ok to cry or did you feel like you were supposed to hide? How was your dad as a communicator? (Overly aggressive or overly passive, failing to engage, etc.) Read Genesis 3:6-11. How is our shame deeply rooted in the original Fall of man? What are the consequences of covering up or shoving down our shame? What is the fear of being naked and vulnerable? How is Paul trying to flip this idea back around in Ephesians 5:25-33? How is he challenging men to be initiators, to be proactive, and to start the conversation? Patrick said this is so tough for men because you are “taking the risk of being seen and being weak”. Is it hard for you to venture into areas where you feel incompetent? When someone shares a problem or concern, do you find yourself dismissing it, going straight to trying to fix it, or seeking to listen and understand first? How can you begin doing these things this week with your wife? With your family? 

Scott and Patrick talk about the challenges men and women have in communicating with one another. <ol> <li>Did you grow up in a family where it was encouraged to communicate and share your feelings? Was it ok to cry or did you feel like you were supposed to hide?</li> <li>How was your dad as a communicator? (Overly aggressive or overly passive, failing to engage, etc.)</li> <li>Read Genesis 3:6-11. How is our shame deeply rooted in the original Fall of man?</li> <li>What are the consequences of covering up or shoving down our shame? What is the fear of being naked and vulnerable?</li> <li>How is Paul trying to flip this idea back around in Ephesians 5:25-33? How is he challenging men to be initiators, to be proactive, and to start the conversation?</li> <li>Patrick said this is so tough for men because you are “taking the risk of being seen and being weak”. Is it hard for you to venture into areas where you feel incompetent?</li> <li>When someone shares a problem or concern, do you find yourself dismissing it, going straight to trying to fix it, or seeking to listen and understand first?</li> <li>How can you begin doing these things this week with your wife? With your family?</li> </ol>

Communication with Patrick Holley

In this episode Scott and Patrick discuss the important distinction between hopes and expectations.   Group Questions:  Talk about a time when you had expectations that ended up in disappointment. Share a funny story if you have one. What is the difference between hope and expectation? Why does that distinction matter? Patrick said, “Expectation is pre-planned disappointment.” Discuss what this means and give a few examples from everyday life. How does hope prevent disappointment? What is the object of our focus when we have expectations? When we have hope? Read Psalm 43:5. Discuss a time in your life when you had to  release a relationship or circumstance into God’s control and place your hope in God. Is there a desired outcome in your life right now that you need to let go of? How does trusting in God’s sovereignty help us when certain expectations are not met in life? What did Patrick say are some common coping strategies men use for dealing with unmet expectations?  Read Habakkuk 3:17-18; John 16:33. What is Habakkuk experiencing here? How does he respond? What did Jesus say about trouble? What is the danger of the prosperity gospel? What might you be trusting in instead of God alone? Read Matthew 7:1-6. As a husband, father, friend, or co-worker, are you focusing more on your own flaws or the flaws of the other person? How should you respond to the flaws of the other person? What does the New Testament teach us about expectations? Patrick said, “It’s okay to receive love, but it’s not okay to require it.“ Discuss an area in your life where you can apply this. 

In this episode Scott and Patrick discuss the important distinction between hopes and expectations. Group Questions: <ol> <li>Talk about a time when you had expectations that ended up in disappointment. Share a funny story if you have one.</li> <li>What is the difference between hope and expectation? Why does that distinction matter?</li> <li>Patrick said, “Expectation is pre-planned disappointment.” Discuss what this means and give a few examples from everyday life. How does hope prevent disappointment? What is the object of our focus when we have expectations? When we have hope?</li> <li>Read Psalm 43:5. Discuss a time in your life when you had to  release a relationship or circumstance into God’s control and place your hope in God. Is there a desired outcome in your life right now that you need to let go of?</li> <li>How does trusting in God’s sovereignty help us when certain expectations are not met in life?</li> <li>What did Patrick say are some common coping strategies men use for dealing with unmet expectations? </li> <li>Read Habakkuk 3:17-18; John 16:33. What is Habakkuk experiencing here? How does he respond? What did Jesus say about trouble? What is the danger of the prosperity gospel? What might you be trusting in instead of God alone?</li> <li>Read Matthew 7:1-6. As a husband, father, friend, or co-worker, are you focusing more on your own flaws or the flaws of the other person? How should you respond to the flaws of the other person?</li> <li>What does the New Testament teach us about expectations? Patrick said, “It’s okay to receive love, but it’s not okay to require it.“ Discuss an area in your life where you can apply this.</li> </ol>

Hope Versus Expectations with Patrick Holley

Scott and Patrick talk specifically about the importance of acknowledging your sexual history. Group Questions:  This episode uncovers some deep and hurtful experiences such as sexual abuse, same-sex attraction, and childhood abuse. If you are in a group setting, be aware that this is sensitive for many people to discuss. Reach out to the Southland staff if someone in your group wants or needs to discuss further. In Patrick’s book ‘Grace and Sexuality’ he says, “To be born into the American culture is to be born into trauma”. Do you agree with his thoughts? Why is there so much shame associated with our sexual history? Why do we want to hide and cover up? How early would you say your first sexual experiences occurred? Were you taught about your sexual desires as a child? Who talked to you about how to express them in a healthy way? If not, where did you learn from? There’s a big difference in these two sayings: “Sex is dirty and let’s not talk about it,” and  “God created sex. He created our bodies this way and he created marriage between and man and a woman. What a great God we serve!” Which view resonates with you? Why? Patrick said, “I am what happened to me, but what choices and decisions do I have now to glorify God?” How could that perspective help us move past our sexual histories? Read 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7. How can your sexual struggles help you put your trust in God rather than being a victim? 

Scott and Patrick talk specifically about the importance of acknowledging your sexual history. Group Questions: <ol> <li>This episode uncovers some deep and hurtful experiences such as sexual abuse, same-sex attraction, and childhood abuse. If you are in a group setting, be aware that this is sensitive for many people to discuss. Reach out to the Southland staff if someone in your group wants or needs to discuss further.</li> <li>In Patrick’s book ‘Grace and Sexuality’ he says, “To be born into the American culture is to be born into trauma”. Do you agree with his thoughts?</li> <li>Why is there so much shame associated with our sexual history? Why do we want to hide and cover up?</li> <li>How early would you say your first sexual experiences occurred?</li> <li>Were you taught about your sexual desires as a child? Who talked to you about how to express them in a healthy way? If not, where did you learn from?</li> <li>There’s a big difference in these two sayings: “Sex is dirty and let’s not talk about it,” and  “God created sex. He created our bodies this way and he created marriage between and man and a woman. What a great God we serve!” Which view resonates with you? Why?</li> <li>Patrick said, “I am what happened to me, but what choices and decisions do I have now to glorify God?” How could that perspective help us move past our sexual histories?</li> <li>Read 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7.</li> <li>How can your sexual struggles help you put your trust in God rather than being a victim?</li> </ol>

Acknowledging Your Sexual History with Patrick Holley

Patrick is a professional counselor and author of the book Grace and Sexuality. Scott and Patrick discuss some of the major challenges men face in the realm of sexuality. Group Questions:  Fire belongs in a fireplace. In the right context sex is a great thing and an awesome gift from God. In the wrong context it has more potential to harm and to damage than probably anything else. Read Ephesians 5:1-17.  Repression model: If you have a desire you have to shut it down and pretend it’s not there. Sex is shameful, dirty and bad. So save it for the one you love. Do whatever feels good. Sex is just a physical act between two consenting adults. Live it up now while you can. Sexuality is good and important. God created sex. God does give us parameters and commands us to flee sexual immorality but it’s always for our benefit.   We all have natural sexual desires, but what are we supposed to do with these desires? Talk through these different teachings: Which of these views were you taught growing up? How has your view changed? Scott talked about how we often go into “sin management mode,” addressing symptoms but not actually treating the root causes. Why is that not the best way to deal with sin? An inherent weakness with men is sharing about our sexual issues. We try to compartmentalize and privatize them.  Have you seen this tendency in your own life? How have you typically tried to overcome sexual temptations? Patrick talked about creating an “airtight plan” for yourself to remove opportunities to look at sexually explicit content.  Discuss with the group what your plan will be. Are you spending your time doing meaningful things (developing relationships, working out, Bible study, time with family, fishing, hunting, reading, etc) or mind-numbing things (video games, scrolling through social media, etc)? Patrick reminds us that “The healing doesn’t start until the last lie is told.” Have you taken ownership of your sexual issues and stopped lying about them? Are you harboring any secrets? It’s very unlikely that you will experience any success in this area unless you bring it out in the open. You will experience God’s grace like you never dreamed of. On the other side of confession is such freedom and relief. All you need is “10 seconds of courage!” 

Patrick is a professional counselor and author of the book Grace and Sexuality. Scott and Patrick discuss some of the major challenges men face in the realm of sexuality. Group Questions: <ol> <li>Fire belongs in a fireplace. In the right context sex is a great thing and an awesome gift from God. In the wrong context it has more potential to harm and to damage than probably anything else. Read Ephesians 5:1-17. <ol> <li>Repression model: If you have a desire you have to shut it down and pretend it’s not there.</li> <li>Sex is shameful, dirty and bad. So save it for the one you love.</li> <li>Do whatever feels good. Sex is just a physical act between two consenting adults. Live it up now while you can.</li> <li>Sexuality is good and important. God created sex. God does give us parameters and commands us to flee sexual immorality but it’s always for our benefit.</li> </ol> </li> <li>We all have natural sexual desires, but what are we supposed to do with these desires? Talk through these different teachings:</li> <li>Which of these views were you taught growing up? How has your view changed?</li> <li>Scott talked about how we often go into “sin management mode,” addressing symptoms but not actually treating the root causes. Why is that not the best way to deal with sin?</li> <li>An inherent weakness with men is sharing about our sexual issues. We try to compartmentalize and privatize them.  Have you seen this tendency in your own life?</li> <li>How have you typically tried to overcome sexual temptations?</li> <li>Patrick talked about creating an “airtight plan” for yourself to remove opportunities to look at sexually explicit content.  Discuss with the group what your plan will be.</li> <li>Are you spending your time doing meaningful things (developing relationships, working out, Bible study, time with family, fishing, hunting, reading, etc) or mind-numbing things (video games, scrolling through social media, etc)?</li> <li>Patrick reminds us that “The healing doesn’t start until the last lie is told.” Have you taken ownership of your sexual issues and stopped lying about them?</li> <li>Are you harboring any secrets? It’s very unlikely that you will experience any success in this area unless you bring it out in the open. You will experience God’s grace like you never dreamed of. On the other side of confession is such freedom and relief. All you need is “10 seconds of courage!”</li> </ol>