Danielle S Castillejo's guest appearances

Danielle S Castillejo

The Arise Podcast

OwlTail

Danielle S

Season 4, Episode 18: An Introduction to a Latinx Therapeutic Lens with Danielle S Castillejo

DanielleGood morning. Welcome to the ARise podcast, conversations on faith, race, justice, agenda and healing. My name is Danielle Castillejo, and I'm coming to you solo today. Uh, it's the year 2023 and I don't know how many of you have actually looked at the date and been like, what happened to the time? I know. As 2023 started and the last year since 2020 arrived, I, I had some trepidation and I still have that trepidation. So stepping into the new year and there are gonna be some guests coming up and some podcasts coming up. But living in the reality of post pandemic life meant that over Christmas break this year, uh, my kids out at Christmas break, there was a lot of sickness that went through our home. We still haven't tested positive for Covid. Um, we didn't test positive for flu, but we were diagnosed with a cough.And that cough actually took out my entire voice for over a week. So I'm just aware that I think during the pandemic, there was this sense, like in the thick of it, in 2020, in 2021, that we were in this state of the world where sickness was alive. It was active and literally physical sickness that would threaten our health. And then the racial disparities and the racial uprising that these were things that were able to come to light. And I think there was a sense of, and I remember talking about it with Maggie and talking about it with other friends, like, actually, we're not in post-trauma right now. This is an ongoing thing that's happening. So, I think one of the things I wondered stepping into 2023 was whether or not I would feel that we were post pandemic and it was interesting to become or get kind of a big illness at the end of 2022.I remember thinking, I wonder what Covid feels like and having some panic around, is my my throat sore because I never had that experience? Or is this cough? Can I breathe? Just the panic around that was still very present and I haven't experienced covid 19, I wasn't infected by it. Um, so I, I think that that was just an interesting response to me. And as 2023 started, I had this feeling that I was just going to move into the year slow. That's what I told myself. And there's no criticism or judgment. A lot of people make words for the year or gain some kind of resolution or goals or setting standards. And I do actually periodically evaluate where I'm at and what I'm doing and things I'm working toward, towards and moving towards.And I just have never been able to write a word down or set up New Year's resolutions. I always feel that if I do that, it will fall shorter. I will fail. So it's kind of a little internal battle with myself, but I, I do think I'm walking into 2023 with a sense of deliberateness and maybe a little bit of fear and a like very keenly aware that there are so many things about a new year that I don't know. I think in the past, like when I was in grad school, pre-grad school, there were just things that seemed for sure, it seemed for sure that the kids would go back to school. It seemed for sure that I would be able to show up to my classes. It seemed for sure that we would have work, and all of those things are in flux.Not that they're shutting down schools anymore, but will we be well enough to do this? Will we feel well enough? Will we feel safe? And I, I do wonder if we're in this transition phase from pandemic to post pandemic, and I still don't know if we're out of some of those mentalities last weekend and had the great honor and privilege of going to the Seattle School and listening to a dear friend, um, Phil Allen Jr. Talk about his book Open Wounds and the Prophetic Lens. He was a keynote speaker and there were so many people I haven't seen in a long time, or maybe I've just seen over Zoom. And so I found myself, you know, people walking up to me wanting to be social, starting a conversation, and we're engaging over just a certain topic. And as they're talking to me, someone else walks up and says Hi.(04:45):And I didn't know the social cues. I didn't know how to relate to the person that was, I was in deep conversation with. And that was in an instant. Hmm. And I didn't know how to switch gears and pay attention to the next person. I'm so outta practice. I mean, I've been getting together with friends and obviously talking with my family, but in a situation where there's many people that I would like to connect with or don't realize that I would like to connect with, I was just like, socially, I felt socially inept. I did not know what I was doing. I was jumping from conversation to conversation. I was a little bit mortified that I was allowing myself to be interrupted when I was having a good conversation with one person. And so I'm just aware that like, I don't know what to do in that situation. I don't have practice at it. I have to reengage somehow. Um, I'm outta practice. So there's just so many layers to coming out of a period of isolation. Maybe you weren't someone that went into isolation. Maybe you, you were able to have like a pod or people that you related with. ButI think there's something that still feels in the air to me that feels siloed, that maybe when I walk to the grocery store and I've seen it with other people, like people that know each other, that I know, know each other, and they don't say hi. I'm like, what is going on there? What is happening for us in our individual spaces and the places that we have maintained connection? How have we been able to do that? Is it by miracle? Is it through intentional effort? Um, I don't know. I, I don't know the answer. Been thinking a lot about how the younger parts of ourselves have been both likely activated by those periods of isolation. And how, what do we do with that now? I think, I mean, I think, I mean, just even in those conversations in that group, just feeling very young and very excited and very happy to be with everybody and literally not knowing what to do.And do I spiral into shame and feel like, well, I can't enter another social, so social situation again, no. I mean, I'm gonna do it. Um, but the temptation is to beat myself up a little bit, if I'm honest. So I mean, that is not the most serious of scenarios that have happened, but it is one scenario that has happened and I keep, I keep returning to it. Um, and this new year also brought about, uh, some changes in my family. Uh, we had, uh, a close family member, uh, like a second mother to my husband pass away, and she passed away this week suddenly.(07:51):And I say suddenly, but I, we all knew that she was sick. But there was some, I think, reluctance to engage, uh, the despair that would come if we acknowledged that, that she was close to death. I, I felt it in my own body. I felt it in conversations with my husband and my family. And then when she died, it was like, everything just paused and I felt paralyzed. And I looked at the calendar, actually 2023, and my husband looked at me. He's like, I don't know if 2023 is gonna be okay. Like, I don't know if this is gonna be a good year. And so again, I just returned to that, like living in the unknown. And as the grief has settled in around this dear woman, I have to admit, I haven't really wanted to engage it. I've pushed it away. I've laughed. I'd made jokes, I've gone out to eat, and maybe that is my way of grieving.I think it just didn't fit for me that there would be more grief in this year. I, I, I think I was a little bit like our family. Like we know there's some sickness in the air. We know there's still a lingering tension. We know things aren't well, and yet I didn't wanna touch it. I didn't want to. And I, you know, I've been, as you know, my family is split apart for the moment because, you know, part of family members are in Mexico grieving, and then I'm here, uh, holding down the fort. I just, I think about that. I think about the in between, between spaces. I think about the spaces between life and death and how often those are just these tenuous spaces that can go either way at any moment for a any reason.(09:53):And so, 2023 E even though we're saying, and like, I'm feeling like it's post pandemic, I just, it feels like something shifted in the air a few years ago. And there's going to be a, like a more living into this tension I haven't ever done or recorded my thoughts in a podcast on my own before. And I decided to do it because I really felt like it was important to kick the year off with some, for me, just being honest of where I am and recognizing those limitations and, and limiting that tension, I think forces me to, to acknowledge the limitations and  find, like search for some way to bless them, search for some way to understand them.(10:48):Yeah, the tension between not knowing and knowing between the joy of being able to be together, not knowing how to do it. The tension of there is still going to be death in 2023, and there will still be life. And, and what do I do with those younger places in me that wanna cry? I wanna laugh, wanna, wanna ignore, wanna move on quickly or wanna, or just want to like run around at the park and swing on swings. I don't, I don't know what it is about stepping into a new year, but every year for a while, January has felt long. And I think I'm appreciating that. I'm appreciating it as a time for me to hibernate and also warm up, warm up to a year with my family, warm up to the gift of, of more space to live and to breathe and to be with those that are dying and to be with myself as things die in my own life or come to life too.(12:05):So, I don't know if you're li if you listen to this, like where you find yourself today, where, where you're at, if you're in that social awkward space of like, if you've moved past that, if you got it together, if you do find yourself like, hey, I got sick again. Maybe you got covid again. Maybe you got the flu. Maybe you got a cough like my family. Or, or maybe someone did die in your family and, and after everything that survived over the last three years, you're like, damn, why? Now? I think that's what I was thinking and why this good person, why now? Or why this job? Why now something that I've worked for? Or why is this system not working out the way I wanted it to? Or why do I have to return and fight for justice again in 2023? I thought we did that. I thought, I thought we moved something. Hmm. Excuse me. If you find yourself there, you're not alone. If you find yourself asking why or you find yourself repeating or you find yourself on a track and not able to embrace those younger parts of you or to that you find yourself in shame, you're not alone.(13:23):And so I, I wanna I wanna just normalize that. And, and then I wanna, I do wanna encourage you to, to, to find community, to be in community, to reach out to people, to say hi to the person that's making your coffee, to commit to socially awkward moments and laugh about them later. To send an email after you're in a socially awkward moment and say, Hey, I don't know what happened, but I let our conversation get interrupted. And I really do wanna finish a talk with you to allow yourself to cry when one more negative thing happens. Maybe it's a job layoff, maybe it's a death. Maybe it's someone's diagnosed with cancer. Maybe it's long-term covid to allow that one more chance to shed some tears. I don't think that we're out of the grieving process of the pandemic. I don't, I don't think that, I don't think that. And I think it will keep, keep showing up in different ways. Um, those are my thoughts for the beginning of 2023. And in the next week or so, you're going to hear about a town hall that's been organized across ethnic and, uh, diverse communities in my county and the town hall is toBring, bring awareness and advocacy and change into our school system. I, I don't know if we can change things, but we are going to try. And so that's, that's one of the next things you're gonna be hearing, you'll be hearing from more community members and I really look forward to being with you. We're also gonna have a couple podcasts on spiritual abuse and the intersection of that, and racial trauma and sexual trauma. Um, yeah, so I'm excited about this new year in the podcast season and, you know, if you've signed on to listen and you've been so gracious as to download this podcast, I just wanna say thank you. Um, I know Maggie and I have been blown away by the support and the feedback and the, the ways we've engaged our community through, um, making and forming and using a podcast. So, uh, happy New Year and I will catch you in a week or two.          Announcements

DanielleGood morning. Welcome to the ARise podcast, conversations on faith, race, justice, agenda and healing. My name is Danielle Castillejo, and I'm coming to you solo today. Uh, it's the year 2023 and I don't know how many of you have actually looked at the date and been like, what happened to the time? I know. As 2023 started and the last year since 2020 arrived, I, I had some trepidation and I still have that trepidation. So stepping into the new year and there are gonna be some guests coming up and some podcasts coming up. But living in the reality of post pandemic life meant that over Christmas break this year, uh, my kids out at Christmas break, there was a lot of sickness that went through our home. We still haven't tested positive for Covid. Um, we didn't test positive for flu, but we were diagnosed with a cough.And that cough actually took out my entire voice for over a week. So I'm just aware that I think during the pandemic, there was this sense, like in the thick of it, in 2020, in 2021, that we were in this state of the world where sickness was alive. It was active and literally physical sickness that would threaten our health. And then the racial disparities and the racial uprising that these were things that were able to come to light. And I think there was a sense of, and I remember talking about it with Maggie and talking about it with other friends, like, actually, we're not in post-trauma right now. This is an ongoing thing that's happening. So, I think one of the things I wondered stepping into 2023 was whether or not I would feel that we were post pandemic and it was interesting to become or get kind of a big illness at the end of 2022.I remember thinking, I wonder what Covid feels like and having some panic around, is my my throat sore because I never had that experience? Or is this cough? Can I breathe? Just the panic around that was still very present and I haven't experienced covid 19, I wasn't infected by it. Um, so I, I think that that was just an interesting response to me. And as 2023 started, I had this feeling that I was just going to move into the year slow. That's what I told myself. And there's no criticism or judgment. A lot of people make words for the year or gain some kind of resolution or goals or setting standards. And I do actually periodically evaluate where I'm at and what I'm doing and things I'm working toward, towards and moving towards.And I just have never been able to write a word down or set up New Year's resolutions. I always feel that if I do that, it will fall shorter. I will fail. So it's kind of a little internal battle with myself, but I, I do think I'm walking into 2023 with a sense of deliberateness and maybe a little bit of fear and a like very keenly aware that there are so many things about a new year that I don't know. I think in the past, like when I was in grad school, pre-grad school, there were just things that seemed for sure, it seemed for sure that the kids would go back to school. It seemed for sure that I would be able to show up to my classes. It seemed for sure that we would have work, and all of those things are in flux.Not that they're shutting down schools anymore, but will we be well enough to do this? Will we feel well enough? Will we feel safe? And I, I do wonder if we're in this transition phase from pandemic to post pandemic, and I still don't know if we're out of some of those mentalities last weekend and had the great honor and privilege of going to the Seattle School and listening to a dear friend, um, Phil Allen Jr. Talk about his book Open Wounds and the Prophetic Lens. He was a keynote speaker and there were so many people I haven't seen in a long time, or maybe I've just seen over Zoom. And so I found myself, you know, people walking up to me wanting to be social, starting a conversation, and we're engaging over just a certain topic. And as they're talking to me, someone else walks up and says Hi.(04:45):And I didn't know the social cues. I didn't know how to relate to the person that was, I was in deep conversation with. And that was in an instant. Hmm. And I didn't know how to switch gears and pay attention to the next person. I'm so outta practice. I mean, I've been getting together with friends and obviously talking with my family, but in a situation where there's many people that I would like to connect with or don't realize that I would like to connect with, I was just like, socially, I felt socially inept. I did not know what I was doing. I was jumping from conversation to conversation. I was a little bit mortified that I was allowing myself to be interrupted when I was having a good conversation with one person. And so I'm just aware that like, I don't know what to do in that situation. I don't have practice at it. I have to reengage somehow. Um, I'm outta practice. So there's just so many layers to coming out of a period of isolation. Maybe you weren't someone that went into isolation. Maybe you, you were able to have like a pod or people that you related with. ButI think there's something that still feels in the air to me that feels siloed, that maybe when I walk to the grocery store and I've seen it with other people, like people that know each other, that I know, know each other, and they don't say hi. I'm like, what is going on there? What is happening for us in our individual spaces and the places that we have maintained connection? How have we been able to do that? Is it by miracle? Is it through intentional effort? Um, I don't know. I, I don't know the answer. Been thinking a lot about how the younger parts of ourselves have been both likely activated by those periods of isolation. And how, what do we do with that now? I think, I mean, I think, I mean, just even in those conversations in that group, just feeling very young and very excited and very happy to be with everybody and literally not knowing what to do.And do I spiral into shame and feel like, well, I can't enter another social, so social situation again, no. I mean, I'm gonna do it. Um, but the temptation is to beat myself up a little bit, if I'm honest. So I mean, that is not the most serious of scenarios that have happened, but it is one scenario that has happened and I keep, I keep returning to it. Um, and this new year also brought about, uh, some changes in my family. Uh, we had, uh, a close family member, uh, like a second mother to my husband pass away, and she passed away this week suddenly.(07:51):And I say suddenly, but I, we all knew that she was sick. But there was some, I think, reluctance to engage, uh, the despair that would come if we acknowledged that, that she was close to death. I, I felt it in my own body. I felt it in conversations with my husband and my family. And then when she died, it was like, everything just paused and I felt paralyzed. And I looked at the calendar, actually 2023, and my husband looked at me. He's like, I don't know if 2023 is gonna be okay. Like, I don't know if this is gonna be a good year. And so again, I just returned to that, like living in the unknown. And as the grief has settled in around this dear woman, I have to admit, I haven't really wanted to engage it. I've pushed it away. I've laughed. I'd made jokes, I've gone out to eat, and maybe that is my way of grieving.I think it just didn't fit for me that there would be more grief in this year. I, I, I think I was a little bit like our family. Like we know there's some sickness in the air. We know there's still a lingering tension. We know things aren't well, and yet I didn't wanna touch it. I didn't want to. And I, you know, I've been, as you know, my family is split apart for the moment because, you know, part of family members are in Mexico grieving, and then I'm here, uh, holding down the fort. I just, I think about that. I think about the in between, between spaces. I think about the spaces between life and death and how often those are just these tenuous spaces that can go either way at any moment for a any reason.(09:53):And so, 2023 E even though we're saying, and like, I'm feeling like it's post pandemic, I just, it feels like something shifted in the air a few years ago. And there's going to be a, like a more living into this tension I haven't ever done or recorded my thoughts in a podcast on my own before. And I decided to do it because I really felt like it was important to kick the year off with some, for me, just being honest of where I am and recognizing those limitations and, and limiting that tension, I think forces me to, to acknowledge the limitations and find, like search for some way to bless them, search for some way to understand them.(10:48):Yeah, the tension between not knowing and knowing between the joy of being able to be together, not knowing how to do it. The tension of there is still going to be death in 2023, and there will still be life. And, and what do I do with those younger places in me that wanna cry? I wanna laugh, wanna, wanna ignore, wanna move on quickly or wanna, or just want to like run around at the park and swing on swings. I don't, I don't know what it is about stepping into a new year, but every year for a while, January has felt long. And I think I'm appreciating that. I'm appreciating it as a time for me to hibernate and also warm up, warm up to a year with my family, warm up to the gift of, of more space to live and to breathe and to be with those that are dying and to be with myself as things die in my own life or come to life too.(12:05):So, I don't know if you're li if you listen to this, like where you find yourself today, where, where you're at, if you're in that social awkward space of like, if you've moved past that, if you got it together, if you do find yourself like, hey, I got sick again. Maybe you got covid again. Maybe you got the flu. Maybe you got a cough like my family. Or, or maybe someone did die in your family and, and after everything that survived over the last three years, you're like, damn, why? Now? I think that's what I was thinking and why this good person, why now? Or why this job? Why now something that I've worked for? Or why is this system not working out the way I wanted it to? Or why do I have to return and fight for justice again in 2023? I thought we did that. I thought, I thought we moved something. Hmm. Excuse me. If you find yourself there, you're not alone. If you find yourself asking why or you find yourself repeating or you find yourself on a track and not able to embrace those younger parts of you or to that you find yourself in shame, you're not alone.(13:23):And so I, I wanna I wanna just normalize that. And, and then I wanna, I do wanna encourage you to, to, to find community, to be in community, to reach out to people, to say hi to the person that's making your coffee, to commit to socially awkward moments and laugh about them later. To send an email after you're in a socially awkward moment and say, Hey, I don't know what happened, but I let our conversation get interrupted. And I really do wanna finish a talk with you to allow yourself to cry when one more negative thing happens. Maybe it's a job layoff, maybe it's a death. Maybe it's someone's diagnosed with cancer. Maybe it's long-term covid to allow that one more chance to shed some tears. I don't think that we're out of the grieving process of the pandemic. I don't, I don't think that, I don't think that. And I think it will keep, keep showing up in different ways. Um, those are my thoughts for the beginning of 2023. And in the next week or so, you're going to hear about a town hall that's been organized across ethnic and, uh, diverse communities in my county and the town hall is toBring, bring awareness and advocacy and change into our school system. I, I don't know if we can change things, but we are going to try. And so that's, that's one of the next things you're gonna be hearing, you'll be hearing from more community members and I really look forward to being with you. We're also gonna have a couple podcasts on spiritual abuse and the intersection of that, and racial trauma and sexual trauma. Um, yeah, so I'm excited about this new year in the podcast season and, you know, if you've signed on to listen and you've been so gracious as to download this podcast, I just wanna say thank you. Um, I know Maggie and I have been blown away by the support and the feedback and the, the ways we've engaged our community through, um, making and forming and using a podcast. So, uh, happy New Year and I will catch you in a week or two. Announcements